Baby Shower

Heather - posted on 11/13/2011 ( 200 moms have responded )

98

55

3

Did you have a baby shower with your second child? Plus did you throw it? I had a son and my family threw it for me, but I am not sure if I should have another since a lot of people didn't come to my first and this time I am having a girl too.



What I posted on page 3.....

Okay so why a lot of my friends didn't come to my first baby shower with my son which no one knew I was having a boy at the time was. We where still in High school so most of them didn't have jobs, plus my shower was over the summer so they where on vac. or had other plans. I could plan it maybe when they are off on college break I just not sure.



Plus why I want to throw it is since my parents just spend a lot of money on a bed set for my son. So there no way I want to them to have to pay for food and all the other stuff. The only other person that can throw it for me lives a hour away so she to far. My friends wouldn't have money for it and my husband family doesn't live any where near us they are 10 hour drive.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Wendy - posted on 11/13/2011

285

29

59

After reading the responses i was left wondering....lol....im courious that way......this is taken from (Proper baby shower etiquette by Anne Clark) It is perfectly acceptable to host a shower for a second baby. After all, the parents will need a few new items. However, proper etiquette states that only family members and very close friends should be invited to the shower of a second child, although you can invite people who did not attend showers for the first child. hope that helps most of what i was reading agrees with this.....

Sherri - posted on 11/13/2011

9,593

15

387

No sorry but I find it greedy. Did I throw it myself?!?!? Now you want to talk about greedy and completely not appropriate and poor manners.



For people that invite me to any baby shower other than a first I politely decline the invitation and refuse to purchase a gift either.



What could you possibly need differently for a girl other than clothes or bedding anyways. You should already have any big name items you need.

Leea - posted on 11/30/2011

7

26

0

Sherri, I don't know where you're from, but in the US, we have a lot of safety regulations that would advise highly against using such old products. I, myself am pregnant with number four and my oldest is 14. I wouldn't consider using a crib, bassinet, etc. from back then. None of those products I had back then come close to meeting the safety standards set today. In fact, many of the products I used on my 14 year old wouldn't even be taken for donation! Why just this week I tossed the convertible car seat from my almost seven year old as she's been in a booster and it's too old to pass the standards for today. It's not worth the risk to continue using old products so this baby is getting a new one! For the record, I don't expect, nor have I ever received "big ticket" items from friends at a baby shower. Now, my parents and in laws have bought some larger ticket items, but they would have done so whether I had a shower or not. To me, a shower is to get all those little essentials like bottles, teethers, burp clothes, etc. Most of those wear out and wouldn't be good anymore anyway. If they are, then great, I'd use them and not include them on my shower registry.

Brittney - posted on 11/30/2011

1

0

0

I must admit I'm amused at the strong opinions on this topic. To me, the answer is simple. Do you NEED anything? If the answer is "yes", then you NEED a shower. If the answer is "no", and you just want people to get together, then have a "Welcome Baby" luncheon after baby arrives so everyone gets to see her. I had a baby girl 2 years after my son. We had a ladies luncheon-style shower at a French tea room. We noted on the invites that dessert would be provided (which didn't cost us much at all.) People were totally fine with buying their own lunch and thought is was fun having a day out with the girls. Also noted in small print on the invites was "Mommy is in need of girly clothes, shoes & accesories... and DIAPERS of course!"

If there is truly no one willing to help to get it together, then etiquette suggests you just have a little "welcome baby" get together after she arrives (put on the invite: We'd be honored by your presence at the welcoming party for our new addition. No gifts neccesary.)

btw- I should add, that we hope to have a large family, and (now that I have a boy and a girl), I don't intend to have any more showers. There's no need. I'm saving all of the their clothing. Hope that helps! :)

Lori - posted on 11/29/2011

103

21

1

The way I understood it is that you (never thrown by you) have a Baby Shower for your first and a Diaper Shower for your second (if you are having another of the same sex). The Diaper Shower is just so you can have fun and possibly get basics like diapers, wipes and such. I had a girl the 1st time and I just found out today that I am having a boy. I don't think that all that pink would look good on a boy and the only big item I need is another crib mattress since our other one is currently on the toddler bed. I also don't think that a 2nd shower is that bad an idea especially if your 1st was born in say December and your second is due in the middle of summer. Fleece and heavy coats would not be good to use on the summer baby.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

200 Comments

View replies by

Ellen - posted on 12/01/2011

18

0

0

Ok. Yea, things would probably be different for you. No hard feelings. I didnt mean for stating my point to come to hostility or anything. I'm sorry. You all are entitled to your opinion.

Stifler's - posted on 12/01/2011

15,141

154

597

I live in Australia where drop side cribs, are allowed. I haven't got a notice to say I have to dispose of my cot. All the new cots are exactly the same.

Ellen - posted on 12/01/2011

18

0

0

The Associated Press
WASHINGTON — It's the end of the traditional crib that has cradled millions of babies for generations.

The government outlawed drop-side cribs on Wednesday after the deaths of more than 30 infants and toddlers in the past decade and millions of recalls.


It was a unanimous vote by the Consumer Product Safety Commission to ban the manufacture, sale and resale of the cribs, which have a side rail that moves up and down, allowing parents to more easily lift their child from the crib.

The new standard requiring cribs to have fixed sides would take effect in June. The move by CPSC would also prohibit hotels and childcare centers from using drop-sides, though those facilities would have a year to purchase new cribs.

CPSC Chairman Inez Tenenbaum hailed the new standard for cribs as one of the strongest in the world.

"I believe these new standards will markedly reduce crib-related hazards and help to ensure that young children sleep more safely in their cribs," Tenenbaum said after the vote.

Continue reading

So what I see is that you can fix your dropside crib but it won't be a dropside crib anymore.

Sherri - posted on 12/01/2011

9,593

15

387

Actually Ellen once again not correct as long as you contacted the company and got the correct hardware to correct the problem. Not even daycares need to have them replaced, because with the correction they meet all new standards.

Oh by the way how do I know all this guess what I do for a living I do daycare for infants to toddlers.

Ellen - posted on 12/01/2011

18

0

0

Yea, but no one wants to read that kind of language. This forum is for mothers discussing a topic not women that act like they are in highschool. I was just trying to inform you that dropside cribs are not allowed. Just because you don't agree with that doesn't make me wrong. Heather, I understand that. I mean everyone can do what they want. Some of these women just are rude about it. :)

Teresa - posted on 12/01/2011

709

37

56

My son will be 8 when my next son will be born and we having NOTHING! SO we WILL be having a baby shower/s. No matter how far apart the babies, showers are more a way of celebrating a new baby. You still need new things.

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011

98

55

3

Ellen I am 4'11" too that's why I think my c-section ripped open when I would try to get my son out of his crib.

Ellen - posted on 12/01/2011

18

0

0

Actually you do have to replace them. Nobody is going to come in your house and check but hotels, daycares, etc. Has to replace them. That means basically you shouldn't have them. And Emma, there is no need for that language in this disussion. Take it somewhere else. You bend over and pick up your child. I'm onu 4'11" and I do that so it's doable.

Ellen - posted on 12/01/2011

18

0

0

Actually you do have to replace them. Nobody is going to come in your house and check but hotels, daycares, etc. Has to replace them. That means basically you shouldn't have them. And Emma, there is no need for that language in this disussion. Take it somewhere else. You bend over and pick up your child. I'm onu 4'11" and I do that so it's doable.

Sherri - posted on 12/01/2011

9,593

15

387

My crib is a dropside but #1 it was made with all metal hardware before they switched the parts to plastic which is why they stopped selling dropside cribs just an FYI. It is in prestine condition and is in no way in need of replacement. By the way my bassinet has been used for all my kids the oldest being 14 and is the exact same one that is still sold in the stores today and has not changed even 1 thing, not even the print.

Now my car seats have all been replaced 100% new in the last year and I wouldn't use past a certain age. There are certain things I wouldn't use but some I will. I plan on using the same bottles just replacing the nipples if I need too use them and my youngest is 5 going on 6. I also have all my sons bibs and will be reusing all those as well.

By the way dropside cribs are not outlawed they are simply not sold anymore and you are informed to call the company to get hardware to make it so they are no longer dropside. You do not need to actually replace them, which has already been done with mine.

Heather - posted on 12/01/2011

98

55

3

Leea Shuey DiPentino, Yeah I would never put big ticket items for friends to buy. Our parents and his grandparents help out with that stuff. I would ask from friends diapers and wipes items like that I don't need bottles I saved all the stuff from my son. I got all neutral clothes for 0-3 months and neutral bedding and bottles I had some pink bottles I did used on my son and I will used the blue with my daughter bc they are bottles.

Ellen - posted on 11/30/2011

18

0

0

Leea, I agree. Just this past July, or was it last year? Anyway, in July recently they outlawed drop side cribs which were made all the way up til that time...2010 or 2011. If that was just now outlawed, something from 13 years ago is most likely unsafe these days.

Lori - posted on 11/30/2011

103

21

1

When I had my 1st shower (thrown by my sister) I didn't register for big ticket items. I didn't ask for any. I got hand-me-downs from my sister since her boys had out grown the crib, stroller, car seat, etc. I also got a lot of hand-me-down clothes. The shower gave me a specific time and place to pickup the items and be able to see family and friends all together since we all live states apart. I wasn't in it for the gifts. I had fun with all the games and conversation with everyone. My sister is the one who brought up another shower as soon as I told her I was pregnant again. She is planning it for around my birthday (2 months before my son is due). It will be as good a time as any to be able to get together with family and friends. My family isn't close enough to come visit me when I will be in the hospital (as they weren't last time either). As I said earlier I don't think that my son will look good in pink. My husband won't let me even consider it.

Sherri - posted on 11/30/2011

9,593

15

387

Well I will say Joy I am still using some of the same things that I used for my middle one that is 13yrs old for the baby I am pregnant with now, including the crib and bassinet and anything that I am not I bought myself or family members have bought me some new things. I also never said I was to good to show up to a baby shower. However, I am also pregnant with #4 and never had more than 1 baby shower.

However, it also isn't considered a celebration for a new baby here it is considered a get together for the parents to get big ticket items they wouldn't typically already have. It is only considered a get together to get gifts. Which is why I already stated it is seen differently in different parts of the world which is why it frowned upon here but may not be in other parts of the country or world.

Joy - posted on 11/30/2011

1

2

0

im on my 4th child and I have had a shower for everyone of them 1st my oldest is 13 do you really think i should be using the same things i did 13 years ago you guys and you r thinking no well it must be nice to think that your new child is not a reason to celbrate with friends and family get real and would i put my daughter in boy cloths or use blue bottles for a girl nope I wouldnt and wouldnt expect any one else to for that matter said that you would think your to good to show up to a friend or familymembers for a second child get real this isnt the 1940s anymore live a little

Jill - posted on 11/30/2011

4

10

0

one IMPORTANT fact I'd like to add to my post on page 3 is that a "shower" for us meant having a big party, couples kids, families... EVERYBODY. it was catered, there was beer, wine and liquor. We've done the same thing every year for our LO's b-day and it's just a huge party . So YES we are going to have a party. everyone loves parties. we don't expect gifts. we expect everyone to have a great time and to send us the pictures they take. there were no jordan almonds, baby bottle games and other "old lady" shower activities. not that there is wrong with old ladies or activities, but that is not our style.

Heather - posted on 11/30/2011

98

55

3

@Amie Doolan They will be 3 years and 7 months apart almost going on 8 months.

Marla - posted on 11/30/2011

2

17

0

I see nothing wrong with having another baby shower. My sister threw me a baby shower for all of my children. You could always register and request items that you don't already have. Also, you always need new things for every baby. Every baby is worth celebrating and it is not GREEDY to have a baby shower.

Silvia - posted on 11/30/2011

2

52

0

I did have one with my second child, my first was a girl and shower was thrown by my 2 best friends, with my second one we knew we were having a boy and my sister in law and my mum threw me that one. I think it is okay to have a baby shower for every child, its a celebration of that child coming into the world and it should be celebrated. I'm now pregnant with my third child, we've been told its a girl, and even though i still have a lot of the things i can use from my daughter, i would still love to do not so much a shower but a get together with all my friends and catch up.

Konni - posted on 11/29/2011

65

0

3

Oh please, a baby shower is just an excuse for a get together with your friends and family to celebrate the upcoming birth of your child!! Yes it's called a baby shower but that to most people doesn't actually mean come over and 'shower me with gifts' It's usually come over for a catch up, some food and silly games to celebrate the happy occassion. If you throw one yourself that's also fine, as you'd be paying for all the food & drinks for your guests it's hardly greedy!! If I had a baby shower and people didn't come becasue they thought I was being greedy that's fine because they are obiviously not friends of mine anyway!! It's a small gift, you don't have to break the bank to attend a baby shower and share in the happiness of an upcoming birth!!

Tina - posted on 11/29/2011

4

26

0

Yes I had baby showers for all 3 of my boys! I think every baby on the way is special and should be celebrated, I don't think there is anything wrong with having multiple baby showers. It doesn't make you greedy, it's a celebration for your new baby on the way. I didn't throw any of my baby showers, family threw mine for all 3 of my boys. In my opinion I don't think there is anything wrong with throwing yourself a baby shower. You said that a lot of people didn't come to your first baby shower, you can either invite them again for a friendly invite or just invite close family & friends.

Ellen - posted on 11/29/2011

18

0

0

It's not greedy. That's all I can say. We all have our opinions, but to call someone greedy AND tacky for having more than one baby shower is in poor taste, I think. I get your point that if people come to see the baby and bring a gift why have a baby shower? But, if it's poor taste to go to a shower thrown for you why would you accept gifts anyway? That confuses me. Anyway, I just disagree and that's ok.

Sherri - posted on 11/29/2011

9,593

15

387

Why do you actually need a shower when most of your family and friends when they come to see the new one in the hospital will typically bring a gift or ask if you need anything anyways and you can get them then?

I find any shower other than the first greedy and highly tacky whether it be a baby shower or the new fangled diaper shower.

Although that is the social norm here and I do realize that in other parts of the country and world things are different and it is socially acceptable to have more than one. However, it is pretty frowned upon here and I already stated this but if someone anyone family or the dearest of friends had more than one (and I do know two people who did) I would politely decline and would never attend because of how tacky and greedy it is.

Ellen - posted on 11/29/2011

18

0

0

How is a diaper shower tacky? That doesn't make sense. There is nothing tacky about celebrating a child while getting some diapers and wipes which you will very badly need. People aren't so greedy that a $10 pack of diapers will be too much for them. If they don't like it, I'm also sure no one would be offended if someone came without anything.

Karen - posted on 11/29/2011

1

0

0

For my second baby a few of my very close friends got together to surprise me with what we call a "Sprinkle." We all look at it as a chance to celebrate with the new mom and help a little. If the second baby is the same sex then the gifts are usually diapers and wipes and if it is opposite then dome appropriate gifts and still diapers and wipes (as we all know you can never have enough). It's a great way to honor to situation without focusing on the "getting". which can be tacky if a full shower were to be thrown.

Sherri - posted on 11/29/2011

9,593

15

387

Emma it is really a pretty new concept and seems to caught on like wildfire in the last 10yrs or so. Although I honestly feel the same way about them as I do about having more than one baby shower.

Lori - posted on 11/29/2011

103

21

1

A Diaper Shower is Baby Shower lite when you are having another baby of the same sex. It is just so you can see your family and friends to celebrate the new baby and if you get gifts it is just basics that you might need like diapers, wipes and such. A Diaper Shower probably has many different names. It just happens to be what I know it as.

Holly - posted on 11/28/2011

6

3

1

if you want a baby shower have one, ask one of your friends or family members to throw it for you. if you pay for the food etc and maybe hold it at your house. i had one for my first(son) and my sister threw me one for my second( didnt find out what we were having) but i am pregnant now with my third and won;t be having one this time :)

Raelene - posted on 11/28/2011

3

20

0

I don't c nothing wrong with it every pregnancy deserves a celebration weather the baby is born or not I was unable to have showers as all 3 of my bubs were prem and arrived befor the shower but I would have had for all 3 I don't think its greedy as the people that would come would be close to you n know what you need and its not about the gifts its about celebrating the upcoming birth which is a gift in its self

Jeana - posted on 11/28/2011

9

26

0

Yes I just had my shower for my second child and I to had a boy the first and now am having a girl. I had this same question when my friend offered to host one for me. Every person I asked if it was greedy or tacky to have one for your second they all said "what are you crazy, no , it is great?" No I wouldn't throw one for yourself, but you could always ask your family to help you throw one. You never know who might attend this time, so give it a shot. I helped my two friends throw my shower and even had the shower at my house.

Jamie - posted on 11/28/2011

56

36

2

I tried to have a second shower, with ten years between my kids, I had nothing left over, but my son came the day before the shower. Lots of friends still got things for him, but I was still missing the big 'party', so I threw a first birthday open house for him, I mean me. lol

Elisha - posted on 11/28/2011

29

3

0

My sister in law is just about due with number 2, and she didn't have another shower. We found out early it was a girl, the same as her first, and since she had them so close together she has all big ticket items, except for the carseat of course. When the baby is born, we'll drop into her house and make sure she's got food, clean up for her a little bit, and of course bring a small present for the baby - diapers, clothing, etc. She was right not to expect another one, I think the first shower is a celebration of a new mother and everybody chipping in to make sure the bank isn't broken just trying to set yourself up. By the time you have your second, you should be well established. If it's a different gender, I swear all the same stuff will work even if it IS pink, and people will be thrilled to give you some cute outfits without having to ask for them. I take the same stance with having babies as I do with raising babies...you provide the necessities for your child. If not even a single person ever gives them a gift in their entire lives, it's your job to make sure they have everything they need, and you work to give them a few things they really want. That way, when people give my daughter gifts, it's purely for her and their enjoyment. Nobody feels they have to clothe my kid, or pay for her education, so nobody's sore about having to shell out because they don't feel obligated to. When people can't afford gifts, don't think to give them, or avoid them for whatever reason, I feel good about respecting that and keeping my hands in my own pockets.

Charity - posted on 11/28/2011

11

18

2

Absolutely nothing wrong with having a shower for a second, third, or fourth, etc baby. You are celebrating a new life. It's not only about the presents. I had showers for both my kids, and they were 10 years apart. But that's not the point. I don't know if I would throw a "shower" if someone else didn't throw one for me but I definitely would want to show off the new baby and so I would at least have a meet and greet...no presents required. Unless you have a grudge against the parents to be I don't know why you would decline a baby shower invite just because it's a second child.

Amy - posted on 11/28/2011

37

30

0

It is improper to throw your own shower. That is how the etiquette goes. Your sister, Mom, best friend, these are the people who throw the shower. If the babies are close together and the same gender, there is no need for a 2nd shower. If they are different genders, a smaller shower can be had with diapers and gender specific clothing for gifts. Most folks keep large baby items like crib, swing, etc. If your 2nd is more than 4 years after the 1st then by all means you should have another shower. You may have passed out all the baby gear by then. If someone throws you a shower, go register at 1 or 2 stores and only put what you need on the list in the way of baby gear. After several years, a new car seat/carrier is in order since they do expire!

Andrea - posted on 11/28/2011

99

8

2

we had a second shower only because my husband had just switched jobs and moved us to a different state and the women in our new church wanted to have one. Only church members and family (since we had moved back to my home state) were invited. I was having a girl after having a boy. I objected saying I still had the stuff I needed (I consider showers helping a couple get the "big" things they need for a baby.) since my son is only 15 months older than my girl. They insisted because they did not know us when we had him and they wanted to have a shower as they were excited because she would be the first baby born in the church in 4 yrs. Whenever anyone asked what we needed I just said diapers - knowing full well they would buy clothes whether I said I wanted them or not :)

I consider anyone throwing a shower for themselves just wnating to get stuff and it is rude. Showers are to be thrown by someone wanting to bless the couple and help them out with their new baby not by a mom wanting to get new things.



If you want to celebrate the birth or coming of your little girl then don't call it a "shower" which would imply giving gifts. you can have a welcome to the world party or something like that if you just want to have friends and family celebrate the baby but don't ask for gifts again - that is tacky and if someone really wants to get you something they will do it on thier own or ask you if you need anything.

Susan - posted on 11/28/2011

8

0

0

I wouldn't throw a baby shower for myself either. But, my family gave me a second shower because we knew that we were having a girl after 3 boys. Also, the last boy is 7 years older than the girl. If people are willing to bless you materially, be it. God bless their hearts. But, I wouldn't ask it myself.

Angela - posted on 11/28/2011

12

33

0

I am pregnant with my second and due in June. I don't yet know what I am having but my first will be 9 in June and I am sure my Mom will be throwing a shower as I have long since given everything away! But if your children are close in age then that is a hard call...Definitely don't throw it yourself as that is not appropriate ever even for a first child! If you are having a girl this time then I think it would be nice for a friend or family to throw you a shower maybe after the baby is born so that everyone has the chance to meet the new little one! Good Luck!!!

Cherryl - posted on 11/28/2011

4

5

0

Of course you should have a baby shower for a second child. They are as blessed and special as the first child. It doesn't matter who threw it. You must be very special to your family, so enjoy the attention, enjoy your baby and to all those who did attend... their loss

Caitlin - posted on 11/28/2011

12

16

0

I had a very small baby shower with my second child, but it was because they were 6 years apart and the latest was with my second husband, so it was his first child and I had no baby items from the previous marriage. It was very small, planned by my aunt, and held at a nearby nice restaurant. It was my mom, grandmother, step grandmother, aunt and one of my stepsisters. Other people did send me some gifts when our baby was born, and then she received presents for her baptism when she was 5 weeks old. In general, people aren't supposed to have 2 baby showers especially if they are with the same husband and within 5 years of the same age. Hope this helps!

Renee - posted on 11/28/2011

3

21

0

as all my close friends lived in another city, I organised my own baby shower with only a few family and friends (mostly from work) attending. If you have a close circle of friends it would be a bit dodgy to host your own. In my case, I had no one to organise it and after 10 years of TTC and going through IVF I didnt want to miss out on what might be a once-off experience.

Dael - posted on 11/27/2011

1

0

0

any excuse to get a bunch of women together is a good one. Do you not know a family member or a friend well enough to suggest you would like a B. Shower?

Mia - posted on 11/27/2011

161

9

9

it's a difficult one but sorry if you've had one, i'm not coming or contributing to another! for those who weren't having anymore & gave their stuff away i sometimes give in & go but if you're having another just because you're having a different sex to the first or just because, then i think it's a bit greedy. Really you will have most of the big stuff & can reuse some stuff no matter what colour it is. Sorry don't think it's cool to have a second shower!

Marilyn - posted on 11/27/2011

8

1

1

Did you not just answer your own question? No, definitely not appropriate to have a 2nd Shower.

Ashley - posted on 11/27/2011

910

45

83

I think ALL babies should be celebrated. What is wrong with wanting to play games and eat yummy food while discussing babies? Gifts at any shower first or other is not mandatory anyway. Maybe you could only ask for the things that are essentials to raising a baby and the things you cannot reuse. For my second I was supposed to have a shower but my baby threatened to come that day. This pergnancy my third christmas is like my shower lol. I do not expect my family to get me presents but I do hope to get diapers and recieving blankets and bathing stuff.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms