Baby too attached to mom?

Cara - posted on 12/03/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Hi there,

I have a 6 month old son, and am a stay at home mom. I have actually never left him with anybody, including his dad, for more than 40 min since he was born.My son is very attached to me, and I was wondering if anybody knew any good ways to make him a little more independant. He is almost to the point now where he won't nap unless Im laying with him, he sleeps in bed with us and Im basically always holding/sitting and playing with him. Even when daddy's home and I leave him with dad while I shower, he cries and screams until I come back. I would like to be able to put him down and do laundry, cook food, etc without a screaming match. Do I let him cry it out? Any advice will help, thanks!!

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Jacqueline - posted on 03/16/2013

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I am going through the same thing, I have a 8 month old who only wants to be with mommy because he only spends time with mommy! He barely sees his daddy, because he gets home late from work. My advise to you is ENJOY IT NOW. Your LO has been inside you for 9 months, and is new to this world we live in, I love hanging with my son, try to get daddy more involved in story time, singing, caressing, one on one, little by little your LO will learn to let go, remember attachment parenting has been proven to help your child ease in his/her independence when they get older. You won't have them after you all your life, one day they won't be able to wait to get out with their friends!!!

Ries - posted on 12/03/2009

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these are definately learned behaviours... (maybe ours? lol) I have had to put my children down to tend to the others... and kids get comfort the way you teach them... our 15 month old carries on like this for my husband... the moment he is home , all he can do is carry her around and say to me... "she wont let me put her down!" or I can't help because...." but if I did that all day, it would be anarchy! so I get pretty annoyed at him and tell him to "JUST PUT HER DOWN!... she survives all day without you, she can survive 5 mins while you change the baby!"... what I have found is he has a short tolerance for crying and whinging, and so does whatever it takes to appease her and his own need...There are many cultures that carry their children a lot, so it is a legitimate need, but your baby seems overly attached to mom. I suggest 2 things... start with small bursts... like change him on a towel on the floor, and after nappy changes, leave him there for a bit... and do not make too many soothing noises when you do pick him up again...laugh adn sing instead.. maybe talk to him from across the room while you are folding etc... do this in many SHORT bursts through the day, and leave a crawler toys within his grasp to distract him between you and him... maybe tummy play so he is not constantly looking around the room for you, and lastly... get a good sling! one that faces outwards...they are invaluable for getting things done around the house... vaccuming, dishes washing etc...and he will get to watch... I have photo's of our 5 year old at 5 months watching daddy drill a door... (yes both were wearing safety equipment!). when he is more interested in life, than in you... you will have more freedom... right now though, "he is you ... and you are him" in his world, so when you are gone, it is very distressing... stay happy and calm when you have put him down too... this will reassure him... GOOD LUCK!

Jennifer - posted on 12/03/2009

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you might want try putting the bouncer or walker in front of the tv.my daughter loved mickey mouse clubhouse!!! it was the best thing. Or turn the radio on. Interact with him/her while you are doing chores.Don't just sit them and go about your business. Talk to them while your doing it.Joke around,laugh and semi play with them,while you are walking from room to room.

Cara - posted on 12/05/2009

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thanks for all the advice..Im starting to be at wits end here. I love my little guy but I would love to have a few minutes to myself. Im going to try the CIO method I guess, I hate to do it but I think it will be better for everyone in the long run. I also need to try and get him to sleep in his own crib. Good luck to you guys who are in the same situation as me!! let me know how it goes!!

Katherine - posted on 12/03/2009

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Holy Moly!!! It is EXACTLY the same with my 8mo!!! I'm not a fan of CIO, they throw up, they do the little hiccup head shake. I would slowly do it, 10 min at a time if you have to. I don't know what I'm going to do.

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Valerie - posted on 03/01/2014

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Hi Cara,

I feel your pain. My son is three months and recently started napping on or beside me in bed and whenever I put him in his bassinet or crib he awakes minutes later. I have to put him in his carseat when I shower because if I am out if his sight he starts crying. I have a sling, but have not used it yet and now will have to so that I can clean my house. I love cuddling with him, but I want some personal space too.
Tired and Needing to Clean this house

Ambur - posted on 11/07/2013

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Honestly, that is completely normal. Try carrying him in a sling as you do your chores. Some (most) babies are like velcro. All baby knows is that he is helpless and his sense of security left him somewhere.

Your little one will become more independent as he gets more Mobile. Don't worry. This will pass. It's just a phase. Baby will be more independent when it is developmentally appropriate for him.

Anna - posted on 02/10/2012

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Hello,

I have a three year old girl and ever since she was born she has been attached to my by the hip, when I am around. She does a lot of things on her own and stays with other people which is great. But my problem is getting her to bond with daddy...they bond but not like she bonded with me. She wont sleep in her own bed and when we put her there after she is asleep she wakes up and comes to our room. I usually have to lay down with her in order for her to fall asleep. The other night it was time to go to sleep and she only wanted me and was very persistent, and my husband was a bit hurt because she only wanted me after he kept asking my daughter to lay down with him. I know all kids are different and by this age my oldest daughter was sleeping in her own bed and room. I am not sure what else to do. help....

Anita - posted on 12/06/2009

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I have had the same problem, my daughter is not 2 1/2 yrs old. We still have our times when she only wants mommy, but I just had her over to daddy. Then we have some days were she only wants daddy to help her. Most of the things she does by herself already, but am always there for her just incase. You just have to be patient and take time for yourself. If may get a little stressful for you sometimes, but daddy has to be able to take care of them as well. No babysitter/daycare here, just us working opposite shifts, so we completely understand. Good luck

Quatavious - posted on 12/05/2009

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I have a 2 year old that is the same way, but I was attending school when I had him so he has always been left with someone else. He's okay when he is with other people but when I am around he whiny and clingy. He even has to fall asleep holding my hand.

Mika - posted on 12/03/2009

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bless ya, that must be a nightmare! my son is almost 7 weeks old and he has been staying at my aunties twice a week since he was 2 weeks old, she is a child minder anyway and has loads of experience so i never worry while he is in her care, i miss him loads when he is not with me but i know he is happy when he is at her house, the reason i did this from him being a young age was because i wanted him to become independant and get him used to family members. He sometimes cries at home when his dad has him but as soon as he sees me (or smells me) he stops. i know it seems nasty to let him cry it out but maybe it is going to be best in the long run! if you have a family member or a friend who is very patient then i would deffo reccomend you asking them to take baby out for a couple of hours while you do what you need to do! Good luck with everything, all the best

Melanie - posted on 12/03/2009

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I wished i could help you out but my daughter is almost 2 and is still like that . i can't go to the restroom without her right there . Iam about to go back to work part time I know it will be hard for the both of us but i thinking it will do us both good . but i do let her cry it out and when i come back in she is sucked to me like a glue .good luck

Hayley - posted on 12/03/2009

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hi ya
its hard but you got to let him cry it out, reasure him that you love him but mummys got other things to do its torture but once his cried and cried he will no that when he cries you wont come running and he will love, you all the same just pop your head behind the door every now and then
goodluck xx let me know how it goes

Danielle - posted on 12/03/2009

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My son was the same way also wanting me and clingy with me. I did nothing and didn't let him cry and once he became a year and older(he is now 20 months) he wanted to be more dependent. Which was fine because he needs to learn. It is a comfort thing and a secerity thing. I don't believ in letting a child cry and would never do it. I raised to older ones just like that also (10 & 8) and never had a problem. I can only say has a mother you can get as much advise as you want but it is really up to you to know what is best.

Chrissy - posted on 12/03/2009

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Hi
im having the same problem with my 8 month old girl. I do leave her with my dad while i work. I hold her but not like everyone says i do. I need help to get her to stay down. I've tried her bouncer shes good a half hour but then she wants me. I can barely cook or clean.

Jennifer - posted on 12/03/2009

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You will have to let him cry it out. Try letting dad play with him and feed him while you are in the room ( where he can see you) But don't interupt,even if he starts crying. He will have to learn to adjust and soothe himself.It wont be fun,but you dont want him like that when he is much older!

Christi - posted on 12/03/2009

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I had the same problem with my son who is now almost a year old and I ended up having to leave him with a family member for a couple of hours a few times a week and it has really helped. He still gets clingy every now and then but I can at least go out of the room without him throwing a fit. And you will have to let him cry it out. It will not hurt him and just reassure him from whatever part of the house you are in that you are still there and he will be ok.



Hope this helps and good luck to you!

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