behavior problems in a 2.5 yr old

Angela - posted on 10/10/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello, I wanted to get some feedback about the youngest family member in our household. Now, keep in mind, I am not his Biological mom, but will be his step mom someday. Our family has been together the way it is for 2 years. I am concerned for him. We have 3 other children ages 3, 4, and 8, and I have worked with kids with disabilities for years, so I am not "new" to parenting. Now, Carter is 2 and a half, his birthday was in March. Carter has so many troubles. He was born with a cleft pallete, due to having dropped in the birth canal too soon. He only has one kidney. He has tubes in his ears. He has had many surgeries to correct his ears, pallete, etc. He still does not have a fully formed pallete, even after the doctors sutered it closed. Its open toward the very back, so he cant form his words correctly. He drools a lot, and has a runny nose most of the time too. He barley talks, does not like to try. He can sound out vowels, but absolutely refuses to even TRY to say any consonants. just ignores them. So "dada" is sort of like "naaaaaaa aaa" and he growls alot. He is scared of the happy birthday song, or people singing in groups.He will cry and go into the fetal positon during birthday celebrations, just because of this! He shuts down and ignores people he doesnt want to talk to, he just looks away, covers his face or ignores people. If he is here for a weekend, he may not even talk to me until the 3rd day. He throws tantrums if you give him anything to drink but milk, because that is all his mother gives him, because "he likes it". He likes lining things up, like his cars, blocks, anything. He gets upset if you put him at the table and his food is not in front of him before you sit him down. He sometimes hugs. Not always. He does not cry all the time if he gets hurt, like if he falls, or gets a cut, he just gets stone faced. I don't know. I am worried because he is not acting like any of the other three kids. And i know they are all different. Carter sees a speech therapist once a week, but only at his moms, because she insists on leaving his bio father and myself out of any treatments or concerns. Its hard going to the store as a group, because if his father is with, then Carter absolutely freaks out "sounds like someone is ripping him limb from limb" if anyone pushes the cart but daddy, or if he cant see daddy, (but if its Carter and i at the store without daddy, he is fine) or if there are more then about 5 people, or if someone says hi to him, or, it seems, just for the heck of it. He plays about 50/50 with the other kids, and by himself. I am so lost on how to get him to relax, and to try and talk. He is so cold to most people, and not being able to communicate with his mother (though i try, she refuses) on how we can parent together, makes it even harder. I don't know what to do, I just want to find a way to help our little guy!

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Yes, your SO should take his son to a specialist. I can't see how the child's mother can stop him from taking his own son to a doctor.



She doesn't have to like it.

Amy - posted on 10/13/2011

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If the mother won't let the father be involved why doesn't the father contact the specialist working with his son, and if that's not an option he should find a doctor and take his son to be evaluated.

Katherine - posted on 10/11/2011

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He definitely needs a specialist. I have a 2.5 year old also born in March. Just thought I'd throw that out there lol.


Anyways, is mom taking him to speech therapy or ANYTHING?? Has she had him evaluated? He could even be on the autism spectrum. I'm no doctor though. He really needs to be seen.

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Amanda - posted on 10/17/2011

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It sounds like an autism issue or an auditory processing disorder. I dont see how you cant take him to a specialist, then throw the ex the bill for her to put through her insurance. Why dont you all put insurance on this boy? Im not sure how it works in Usa, but in Canada children can be double insured by parents.

Angela - posted on 10/17/2011

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Amy, I dont have any direct contact with his bio mom, she only talks to his dad and I believe has acknowledged my existance about 3 times in 2 years. So its not my butting in or trying to say things that is an issue. Shes just very hostle. I worry that he wont get the help, yes, but I am also looking for ideas on how to help him when hes here to be more engaged with the other kids, and to get him to try to talk more. I do not belive bribes are the answer, but I am at a loss of new things to try because it seems everything I have attempted has failed. He has absolutely no interest in trying. Any suggestions on that? Thank you.

Amy - posted on 10/13/2011

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Angela I would think that just because she carries insurance on him doesn't mean the father can't take him to the doctor. I would assume that he can ask for the policy information and she would have to give it to him. If she refuses then I'd contact the lawyer who handeled the divorce decree to find out what your options are. The father has a right to be involved whether the mom likes it or not but he should be the one pushing this with mom
and not you. I know you are treating this little boy as your son and I commend you for that but you aren't stepmom yet, this may be playing a part in bio's moms reluctance to involve dad. Good luck I hope that this little boy gets all the help he needs you obviously care for him very much.

Angela - posted on 10/13/2011

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maybe we take him in anyways, and foot the bill if necessary. I mean, if we are wrong and hes fine, well then she can be mad and say I told you so, but if we are right and therese more there, then maybe he gets the help. hes seen specialists in the past, but I don't know how truthful his mom was about how hes doing on day to day things, because in my experiance hes sending up red flags. I am just not sure how to get him to want to try and talk, and to say more than just NO and MOO. Or to get him to be more social and not cringe and run away when grandma and grandpa want to say hi. they see him at least once a week, so they should not be strangers to him.

Angela - posted on 10/13/2011

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There is a divorce agreement, but she carries medical for the kids, so all doctors stuff has to go through her, and she thinks hes "just fine."

Krista - posted on 10/13/2011

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Is there any sort of a formal divorce agreement between the two of them, or were they not married?

Angela - posted on 10/13/2011

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Carter does go to therapy, as I said before. He has a woman go to his moms home once a week to see him. But His mom will not let us be involved, and I do not see any difference in his speech in over a year.

Krista - posted on 10/11/2011

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Aw...poor little dude.

He absolutely needs to be seen and evaluated. There's something going on there that is just not right. And it sounds like the bio-mom won't listen to anything you or your husband say, so that makes it tricky. Are there any other relatives who she WOULD listen to? Maybe they can bring up those concerns. Or, if you know who the speech therapist is, maybe its worth talking to her and seeing if she's noticed those concerns as well, and if she can perhaps suggest having him seen.

If nothing else works, your husband may need to look at his divorce agreement and contact his lawyer and see if there's something that can be done in light of the fact that the child needs special care, and she's not providing it.

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