being attacked on here

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2010

What the heck Tah, first off she didnt need to air any of her family's dirty laundry on here!!



I am a mother of 3, none of my children before age of 3 stay over at anyones homes without me, not my parents home, not the other grandparents homes. Why? Because that is the way I like it, I dont need one reason other than thats how I do things. Just as this mother the only reason she needs for her inlaws, is that is how they do things in their house!!



As for the OP post saying that all a child needs is their parents, I couldnt agree more when it comes to bedtime and nights!! ESP in the first few years, if the grandparents want bonding time they can do it during the day.



And none of those your reasons are an excuse for attacking this woman, nor do you have the right to attack her now.

Jodi - posted on 02/19/2010

Sandra, please do not start a new thread just to complain about the answers you have received in another thread. If you have a complaint about being attacked (and I have read the thread and do not believe you were being "attacked", just that there were others who had strong opinions which did not agree with you), or about rude or threatening messages, you should contact the moderators, admin or CoM offices, not start an entire new thread to complain.



Thank you

Jodi Adams

WtCoM Moderator

Tracey - posted on 02/19/2010

well said, i'm sorry to hear that you were attacked for asking a reasonable question, I too have had the same situation with grandparents. I have two kids and both have only slept at their grandparents under the age of 1, when we had a wedding or a party that we had to go to so i think they only stayed atleast once each under the age of 1. My youngest is 18mths and the oldest is 4 1/2. she now has a sleepover proberly once every 2 months cause she can ask's them. I don't see the need for sleepover's at such an early age but i do see how other mum's don't have a problem with that and that's fine but they shouldn't have attacked you :( You do what you believe is right, your the mum!

Devon - posted on 02/19/2010

See there you are again attacking,.... Why dont you just get off your high horse and try to be helpful... this is a place for moms to support one another not beat each other down!!

Sandra - posted on 02/19/2010

THANK YOU TERRA I am glad someone understands

Devon - posted on 02/19/2010

I posted a reply about your question earlier and I have to say that I dont t hink you needed to expalin any further,,, those people who attacked you should be ashamed... and I support your desicions 100%.. You are a good mother and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise! Honestly I wouldnt even let her spend too much time with the kids let alone spend the night... Good intentions are not always what desicions should be based on... The bad influences that good intentioned people have can still be damaging and it is your responsability to raise a productive functioning member of society... I didnt spend any time with my Grandparents since they lived over 600 miles from us growing up and I still loved them very much!

Terra - posted on 02/19/2010

Well... here is the thing, and this is just my oppinion. She wasn't asking for advice, she was asking for an explanation of why would grandparents want the over nights cause she never had that growing up. She wasn't asking if she should let her daughter spend the night. If that were the case yes she should give explanation behind it but it wasn't

Tah - posted on 02/19/2010

what gets me about people who post on here is that they give half of the story and when people respond according to the info they are given, then the person who ask for advice gets offended and starts saying, "well, you don't know the whole story"..i read your post yesterday and responded, nowhere in your original post did you mention that they were functional alcoholics, that they ignore the nap schedule(grandparents do their own thing anyway and one day is not going to hurt) or that she is trying to rush giving the baby food.



If you had posted that do you really think you would have gotten the responses you got. YOU said on the original post that you never spent the night with your grandparents and therefore didn't understand it and didn't know why grandparents wanted to re-live their parenting days. You also said that you believe children only need thier parents and noone else...That is why mothers responded som strongly to you.



You are like a patient that gives us half the history and expects to get treated for the whole problem, then comes back and says well the swelling went down but not the pain, then you should have mentioned the pain and that would have been considered in the treatment. You can't blame people for responding to the info they were given.



Someone on here said that you shouldn't have to give the whole story....I don't believe that. If you want someone to understand and give good advice, why would you leave out the most important things. then come back and say, "you probably don't know the whole situation".....your right...they don't, and that's on you...

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2010

The attacking is out of control on here, I had one woman completely snap the other day in a private message, about a topic (mind you she couldnt read and totally had no clue what she was talking about). But for somone to personally attack me over picky eatters is insane!!! I dont understand why mothers on here think they have a right to private message a mother not in their circle just to try to tell them off. Maybe COM needs set up the private messages that if they arent in your personal circle they can not message you since grown woman cant be mature enough to not abuse the system.

Tracy - posted on 02/19/2010

Regardless of your reasons, you don't feel it's ok to allow your infant to spend the night away. And that's your right. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with that at all. The first night I spent away from my son was when he was 4 years old, and I went into the hospital to have his baby sister. I waited until she was 2 before I filed divorce papers since I knew I'd have to share custody.

You have to do what is right for you, and your family. I wouldn't let my infant stay the night unsupervised with alcoholics. Heck, I wouldn't allow my 8 year old either.... Being a mom is hard enough, this board is meant to support and raise each other up, not tear each other down.

Sorcha - posted on 02/19/2010

hey sandra, im stunned that you been treated so badly. firstly id like to say that without having read your reasons for not wanting your daughter to stay over so young, i think you are absolutely right. my son is four in april and my daughter is 14 months and we had our first night away from them, two weeks ago. i have friends who think im nuts to be so overprotective of my kids. my answer to them is YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO OVER PROTECTIVE OF YOUR KIDS. too be honhest sandra, having read the above i dont think id ever leave your little girl with this completely irresponsible and disrespectful woman.. i think you should be applauded for keeping your daughters best interests at heart, and there should be more moms like you. try not to let these silly womens own insecurties to upset you. keep doing what your doing, and hopefully your husband will support you in your decisions.

i am by no means suggesting that parents shouldnt leave their kids with their family overnight, but that depends on the baby and the family and that decision is different for every family. if the parents are happy with that decision, i really dont think some should give them a hard time either way.

Kathie - posted on 02/19/2010

I am sorry you got attacked. Even if someone doesn't agree with you or your reasoning for something there is NO REASON for them to act like that. Totally wrong and I am sorry you were put on the receiving end of that. No matter what your reasons, you are the mom and your reasons should be respected, especially when your child is an infant.

Mellissa - posted on 02/19/2010

Wow! I am sorry that you have been attacked! The whole explanation about your MIL being a functioning alcoholic does help the view on this. If I were in your shoes, I would react the same way that you and your husband are. I commend you for protecting your baby the way you are! As far as your MIL goes, well her being a functioning alcoholic does make understanding her much more difficult for those of us who see alcoholism for what it really is. I am sure she doesn't understand the danger she poses to your baby and thinks that she is capable of being a good care giver. While you are aware this is untrue, many alcoholics live in a fantasy world caused by their disease. Even if she is aware of what is going on with her she may be trying to prove to you and your husband that she is capable. She may also feel guilty about the lack of parenting she provided for her son (if that was an issue when he was growing up) and may be trying to make up for all of her mistakes. It is wonderful of you to allow her to be around the baby while you are there but I believe that you are right in not allowing her to have the baby alone. I say this no matter what the baby's age is! Just remember, when alcohol is a factor it is much harder to understand the other person's thought process. I hope that this was helpful to you, I know it was helpful to me when a friend of mine explained my in laws this way to me.

Carmela - posted on 02/19/2010

Sorry to hear you were attacked for your question.



Those are all very good reasons not to send your baby to stay the night with ANY well-meaning relative. I don't believe there is a hard and fast rule of when it is appropriate for Grandparents or Aunts&Uncles to keep children overnight. It really has everything to do with the two issues you raised:



1) Does the family share a close bond that would naturally lead Grandma or Auntie to want to spend time with the baby as well as give Mom & Dad a break? If the answer is no, I don't blame you for wanting to postpone those visits to a point-in-time when your child can communicate with you and her Grandparents.



2) Will the care-taking relative respect the eating restrictions, routines, necessary medications and general needs of the baby as determined by the parents and pediatricians, etc. and adhere to them to the best of their ability? If the answer is no to this question, I would not send my helpless baby to stay overnight either.



To answer your question about why Grandparents and Aunts/Uncles would want to keep an infant overnight; I would just say that there are some families where the generations choose to bond together to know and love each family member- regardless of age. My son is 16 now but when he was an infant I knew I could let him spend the night with his Grandparents and Godparents as well as his Aunts and Uncles with full confidence they would attend to his needs appropriately and show him tender loving care, as if he was their own. Though it wasn't something that happened very often, when a relative welcomed him to spend the night I had zero qualms about his wellbeing. I guess we are lucky to have that kind of family. It is sad to me that you don't feel that level of comfort with your MIL but maybe, in time, it will come.



Ultimately, that baby's wellbeing is you and your husband's responsibility and if your little internal alarm goes off saying "something is not right" then you have the right and the responsibility to say no. Be strong... don't let people intimidate you. It's our job to protect our children- even from their relatives!

Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2010

So sorry you were judged. That is the problem with these boards sometimes. Good for you for standing up to your MIL and doing what you think is right. I totally understand where you are coming from as my MIL is mentally ill (scizophrenic) and I don't feel comfortable leaving my children with her (and I am not putting that down to offend anyone, but she is on heavy meds and frequently falls asleep.) It puts me in a bit of a precarious situation because I very much trust my Mother who is a registered nurse to take care of them, but at least my husband is on the same page with me concerning his Mom. You need to do what is right for you and be polite, but firm when dealing with her. And please ignore those judgmental idiots, we need more people like you posting on here!

Briena - posted on 02/19/2010

I am very sorry that you were attacked and made to feel like you had to explain yourself! I think it is completely situational, when my son was 1st born we lived with my parents so there were "overnights" per say when I would be away. The most important thing to realize is that you are MOM, no matter what anyone else says or does you are the one person that your child needs and will depend on the most! You should trust your heart & instinct, a mothers intuition is never wrong!!!

Lindsey - posted on 02/19/2010

i know how you feel! except i LIVE with my mil!!! at first she totally went crazy!!! trying to feed him water at like a month to get rid of hiccups, and every little thing i did she questioned, which made the whole household of 4 other people question me being a mother! but dont let it get u down!!! you have to set boundaries with her! i know personally, that you have to let her know what is and isnt ok to do with your baby!!! or else she will walk all over you your WHOLE life with your baby! i am sorry that tis is happening to you, but just stay strong, and stand your ground!!! and i dont think that it would be appropriate for anyone to send you ANY nasty messages! to you women who did: shame on you!!! C.O.M. is a community for moms to ask and answer questions, and to get help when they need it! it is supposed to be a friendly site, and you are making a fool out of it! leave this nice girl alone!!!!!!!

Kathy ("Scully") - posted on 02/19/2010

Wow! Sandra! I'm so sorry to hear how you were beat up. Some people have such strong opinions, they get preachy and mean about things. I have alot of good reasons to not allow my child around my family too. I get alot of flack for it. People act like I'm too overprotective and weird, or that I am holding a grudge. Whatever to all of them. YOU know what is best for your child and I fully commend you for handling some really tough situations really well! You were in awkward and tight spots, and you sensibly did what was right. Go you!
Even if the situation wasn't dangerous (like just take their alcohol problem out of the mix) and I still think you made a healthy decision. Your parenting style needs to be respected. I am an attached parent, and believe crys are communication, not manipulation, and my family does not agree. You made a good decision. Rest assured! and I have a good spot where anyone who attacked you can shove their opinions!
Take care, and keep doing what you do!

Ashley - posted on 02/19/2010

Yea A lot of women that are older ad have raised kids feel they KNOW best.. Baby food.. WOW your baby could have had a reaction.. Although things have changed a lot and most wont hrt them(my aunt drank augar water till age 4 in 1955! lol) it is still not whats best. thats kinda creepy what your MIL but I would at least befriend her .. Wha do I know.. I have been my sons Pychologist for 2years not any other humans!!!

Krystal - posted on 02/19/2010

You shouldn't have to defend yourself to people on here. If you feel that your baby shouldn't spend the night somewhere, anywhere is is 100%your decision and you have the best instincts. I would feel the exact same. There needs to be a positive, SAFE environment and it sounds like there isn't. I would just try and let them know how you are feeling without coming across too judgmental(I come from an alcoholic family also). You have every right to say no to them. As for them not following your schedule's and rules my mom was the same and I flat out told her she is not the mother and it is not her decision how I raise the child. Harsh but my other nicer attempts didn't work.
Just remember you are the mom and you know what works best for you and your baby!!!

Gwendolyn - posted on 02/19/2010

I am so sorry some others attacked you. I hope you will not let those mean moms keep you from connecting with other moms who are positive and really want to encourage each other. As for letting anyone take your baby. NO! NO! NO! if your heart is telling you it is not a good idea. God gave us these crazy mothering instincts for a reason. My mom and I are very close but age and health issues have taken a toll on her—although she does not realize it. It hurts me to have to tell her No.. I can only empathize with you having to tell blood relatives No when they cannot fathom why you would not let them spend time with a baby they love. Stand strong and speak sweet. Be the good mom that you are!

Debra - posted on 02/19/2010

Thanks for posting you reasons. Some grandparents do overstep their boundaries when it comes to others children. I try not to be that way because my daughter and son-in-law are raising them not me. Maybe a 4 month old overnight is too. You know the needs of your child better than anybody else. There is a lack of respect for the mom clearly but there still should be a relationship with the child and grandparent. How about a civil disscusion with everybody involved to come up with some solutions Even a mediator could help.

Faith - posted on 02/19/2010

You know...in a healthy family, where the grandparents are loving and respectful, a person might feel okay letting a child spend the night. (Although I can't see any reason why a 4 month old should not be with his or her mom overnight. If someone wants a 4 month old to spend the night, then I would expect they'd invite the mom to sleep over, as well.) On the other hand, what normal and healthy mother would put an small child with ANYONE who they did not feel could look out for the child's best interests? Or who would violate important choices the parent has made for that child? You are a normal mother if you don't want to let a 4 month old stay out of your sight with people who drink too much, or are otherwise having problems. This isn't a situation of a mother being too possessive, and trying to push the in-laws out of the child's life. I think you should ignore anyone who attacks you on this issue.

Tammy - posted on 02/19/2010

Well said, I agree. People shouldn't judge people on here. But I understand what u mean. My baby boy was 2 months preemie and my MIL begged to keep him overnight all the time and when he was 2 months old I let her only the next day to find out she had been feeding him jars of baby food! Baby food for a 2 month old preemie. At 2 months that was his due date so it was like she was feeding a newborn baby food and this caused an argument and needles to say he has not spent no more nights there b/c even after I told her not to feed him she was still doing it so as a mother I have a duty to protect my child how I see fit. I gave birth to him and nearly bleed to death having him, she did not so I say how my baby is taken care of not her. She tried to argue me down saying she did that with her 2 kids but I'm like, well he is not YOUR kid and your kids were not preemie either. It has been a year and we still don't talk.

Ashley - posted on 02/19/2010

her allowing YOUR BABY to CRY ALL NIGHT IS enought TO NOT allow your child to sleep over there.. ITS cruel when MOMS do it let alone a MIL orsomeone else where th child isnt comfortable. talk about confusion.. I allowed my Son to spend the night out early on with My Mom but he had colic very bad and she is 10 mins from my house and shes my best friend. Why anyone would write you a letter on the side is so immature as its your child and your doing better than half the moms on here that allow their kids to scream All night to "condiion" them.... Laughable..

Angie - posted on 02/19/2010

I agree I've seen some people get real nasty on here, not to me personaly but just through peoples posts. THERE"S NOT NEED TO BE MEAN PEOPLE! We are just all looking for a little, advise and exsperiences. If you don't have anything helpful to say, move on to the next post! Don't attack anyone, you wouldn't like it done to you. And Sandra I wouldn't let any of my kids sleep over at her house if she is a alcholic, what if an emergency happens in the middle of the night and she's to drunk to do anything about it or to respond properly, NO WAY!!! I would ask your husband to tell his mom no she can't watch them over night and be honest tell why. I don't like when my kids are gone over night either, I have a 1 yr ld a 4 yr old and a 8 month old and the 2 youngest just slept over at my MIL and FIL a couple weeks ago. I hate when they are not home, I'm a nervious reck the whole time. I to would rather they just stay home with me. I agree with you keep your baby at home where she is safe! Good Luck!

Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2010

OMG I went and read the responses to your other post when I saw this one, and I was shocked. Although some of the other Moms don't see their responses as mean, doesn't it matter how the person you are saying it to takes it?? People need to realize that your attitude and tone come off different when typing! You do not have to explain WHY you aren't comfortable, the fact that you feel uncomfortable at all says to me that there are probably some issues, NOT that you are greedy! People need to be helpful, not judgemental.



I will say though, that I don't agree that children only need their parents. Children need as big of a family as they can get. It helps to know where you come from to know where you're going. Also, if something were to happen to either of you, who would get your children? They should know their families if they are around to be known. My parents got divorced when I was very young, I barely got to see my Dad's side of the family and I really felt awkward around them when I got older and went to weddings and other family get togethers. I have ALWAYS wished I knew them better and that we were closer. Just a thought though...

My in laws also drink in excess, they have a kegerator in the house (I didn't even know what that meant until I saw it.) I never let my daughter stay at their house because they literally drank beer from 10 a.m. until they passed out at night. They bring mini coolers with beer in it just to visit us for an hour!!!!! She does however stay at my mothers and my aunts house all the time! She loves them and is so excited to go there. She has been having sleepovers since she was 2 wks old (I had postpartum AWFUL, so my mom started taking her one night a week so I could relax, not to mention Kiersten never slept, so that one night was the only night I got any sleep). I cried the first time she went but then I realized I needed the time so I could get better. Now she has about one night a month so my husband and I can have date nights : )

Good luck, I'm sorry people can be so hateful.

Jess - posted on 02/19/2010

Hi! I am sorry you got attacked. I agree with you. For reasons I will not name I do not feel comfortable leaving my children overnight with my own parents. My mom was constantly asking me to let her take my kids for an enitre summer without me! Both my children are under two! I finally sat her down and flat out said no. I also explained why that would not be happening and told her that we would talk about summer visits when the boys are much older and I feel comfortable with it. She has not asked me again since then. I know it is much more difficult to deal with your in-laws because well they are not your parents but stand your ground because you are their mom and no one is going to look out for your children like you do.

On another note, next time your father-in-law is driving drunk do not get in the car! You should have called the cops and had him arrested. Perhaps that would have been a wake up call that they both really need.

Lauren - posted on 02/19/2010

My son is almost 2 and he has never stayed the night with anyone! Both sets of grandparents would love to have him over, but its just not necessary! He's your son, you make the decisions - bottom line!

DeAnn - posted on 02/19/2010

I'm sorry you got attacked! No one should be attacking someone that is seeking help for an issue. Raising a child is not easy and they don't come with instructions. If your MIL does not respect the way you want to raise your baby then it is your perrogative as the childs mother to deny her to keep the baby over night. That being said.. she is your husband's mother and you probably don't want to cause problems inside your family. What I would tell her is that you are simply not ready to be separated from your child over night. That is your right it's perfectly understandable not to want to be apart from your baby over night especially at such a young age. I would instead ask her if she would want to spend the night at YOUR home with you and the baby and maybe you can get a night off while knowing that your child is safe and not being held by someone who's a a few to many to be responsible. Of course these are just suggestions and I don't know what your individual situation is, but it is certainly your right as the parent to say no.

Paula - posted on 02/19/2010

Do NOT let her take your baby. Trust in your gut. I know it's hard when there is a family relationship involved, but if anything ever happened on her watch, it would be hard to forgive yourself. And anyone that is posting nasty messages, just ignore them. Your the MOM!!!! Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2010

In the case of your babies Grandparents, your baby shouldn't stay the night with them ever. They can enjoy the time with their Grandchild without her being left alone there.

Shannon - posted on 02/19/2010

Im sorry that happened to you, especially that people sent you nasty personal messages. They were probably from a lot of grandmothers or from people that actually have good MIL's and have never had to deal with a situation like that. I know what you are going through and I've been struggling with people wanting to watch my son overnight also. I don't care what they think but I know whats best for my child so I will do what I think is best... it's NO ONE elses decision. I hope those people that attacked your question don't make you hate this message board... theres a lot of good people on here with good advice. There will always be a select few that only want to cause problems, but their advice doesn't matter. Keep asking questions and ignore the ignorant.

Dana - posted on 02/19/2010

Sandra, I don't get on here very often, but I did this afternoon and read your letter. I am offended FOR you and very sorry for the negative responses you received. Every parent/child/family is different and only YOU and your husband know what is best for your child. This site is not for judgement, people!

Tonya - posted on 02/19/2010

I truely agree with you about not allowing your child to go over there. because what happens if they have been drinking how can they take care of there grandchild while drinking. But maybe you should sit down with them and explain sometimes people dont relize how they look to someone else. maybe you could let them watch your child for a couple of hours during the day but tell them when i come back i smell any kind of alchol on either one of you you will not be watching my child again.just a couple of suggestion! let me know if they help. you are welcome to email me at karatechicky2@yahoo.com

Tanya - posted on 02/19/2010

Well the reason grandparents like there grandchildren to spend the night (I called my mom and dad to get this answer..lol straight to the sorce!) The like for them to spend the night because they want to help you out and because they love their grandbabies and want to spend time with them they want to hold them and care for them they miss there own children because we are all grown up and they miss taking care of a baby so they enjoy doing it and they know it give you a night off to relax and not worry about anything.



Now as for your situation I say you know what is right for you baby and if you have good reason not to let your baby spend the night somewhere then you don't need to explain you are her mother you are the only one that knows what is absolutely best for her.. I am very picky about who watches my kids I hardly ever leave them with anyone even now and my kids are 6, 4 and 1 I only allow my mom and my sister because I trust them and I know they have their best interest in mind 100% of the time. I would allow my husbands mother to watch them if she lived in town because she would take good care of them also but she lives out of town and the baby don't really know her. As for my other in laws or even people in my own family no way. I am there mother I choose what is best.



Sorry that people have attacked you

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2010

I am totally with you on this one. My daughter is 3 and she has yet to spend the night with my mum or her other grandparents without me or her father there. My ex lives with his mum so he does most of the discipline when he has her but I have never let her stay overnight without me. You will always find that the mother-in-laws want t do it the way they did but you must stand your ground and say no, she i your child and you want it done this way. If they don't like it, then she doesn't stay until they understand.

Stephanie - posted on 02/19/2010

I never saw your original post, but our son spent a few weekends away from home. I don't trust my MIL because she is an awful person in my opinion, but my Grandmother in law =) has kept our son. My mom is driving to our place later this afternoon to keep our son for the weekend since she hasn't seen him since Christmas. I guess to me it makes sense that grandparents want their grandkids to spend the night because my in laws live 5 hours away and my family lives 2 hours away. Neither of them see our son too much. Sorry you got yelled at.

Desirae - posted on 02/19/2010

I did not see you previous post but here I agree with you completely. I wouldn't let them take her either. If you put your child in the care of someone you KNOW is a risk, it is child endangerment. This could have been the case with your buzzed ride home from your FIL had he gotten pulled over... (Not attacking you by saying that... just wholeheartedly agreeing with you) Stay strong and stand your ground.

Heather - posted on 02/19/2010

No matter what its your decision! I still haven't allowed my daughter to spend the night ANYWHERE! She is 2 and I trust no one.... Shes my life and people have to understand that! My daughter my decision! Don't listen to everyone talking down to you... Stand up for what you believe and stick to it.... don't let them get to you!!! I totally understand and wouldn't stand for it either!!!!

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2010

i agree its nobody's right to judge its hard to explain your whole situation its a royal piss of and i couldnt agree with you more ppl are to opinionated! and sometimes they need to keep their frickin mouth shut!

Firebird - posted on 02/19/2010

If people are sending you private messages that attack you, do not respond to them, just report them to the COM mods and they'll take care of it.

Lydia - posted on 02/19/2010

Actually think this is a great question - my son didn't spend the night with anyone else except in an emergency [i was hospitalized for 2 1/2 wks w/ pneumonia when he was 3 mo old] until he was over 14 months old ... personally don't see WHY someone would be quite insisting on it .... sounds like an agenda to me ... course, this is all my personal opinion.

My son is now 17 [knows everything & is driving] ... I was advised by my son's ped [at the time pres. of pediatric soc in oh] to FOLLOW MY GUT & HEART! Period. You are MOM ... you are ultimately responsible for this young child to enable them to grow into a fine young man / woman ...

Haven't read the thread but just seeing this makes me question if I really wanted to join if there are some folks that rather than assist try to demean -- too much mean-ness in this world - we need to help others not rip them a new one.

I have dealt with the hard road of having a severe ADHD boy diagnosed at 3 years old by a leading diagnostician on the east coast ... i am my son's advocate, mom, guide, mentor, shoulder, hugger, nuturer, parent, disciplinarian, etc ... what I say - goes.

But - when I ask for an ear, I hope that there are ears out here w/o wax or agenda in them ...

Sandra - hang in there. Follow your heart, your gut & remember - if you don't lose a body part - life is still fixable, good & you CAN laugh at stuff later ... If you don't feel comfortable allowing your child to stay w/ people you don't want ... then, don't. If they get hurt feelings - oh well. Put it up to maternal whatever - to colic - to sneezy or coughing or flu -- whatever. You are mom & should be respected. The doctor's office respects us so should our families!

You can email me anytime for a shoulder ... my son is older but i swear he was only 4 the other day when I took him for his first pre-k class ... honest!

Lydia

Michelle - posted on 02/19/2010

people dont understand that not all familys are perfect my inlaws have no respect for me at all....but i let the kids go there because they love there grand parents.......i on the other hand hate them...i work my life like this if people dont have anything nice to say and say it anyway they better be ready for what i say back.....sorry you had to go through that

September - posted on 02/19/2010

I think that you have the right to make whatever choice is best for your child. It sounds like your MIL's home is unsafe so making the choice to not allow her to spend the night there is a good choice in my opinion. I wanted to answer your question is your original post. "Why do grandparents want to have their grandkids overnight"? When it comes to my MIL she loves having our son spend the night. Our son is 15 months old and has spent the night with her twice. My MIL loves spending time with our son whenever she can! I trust her fully and she would never disrespect my choices as a Mother. Plus it gives my husband and I some much needed one on one time which helps to keep our relationship strong. I think that it's very important although you’re a Mother to still take time for yourself and your partner. I'm very thankful that my MIL provides us with this opportunity, but not all MIL’s are as great as mine :) Best wishes to you!

Linda - posted on 02/19/2010

you are right, i wouldn't let them keep mine either, but as to your main question, a normal mil would only suggest to keep a young granchild overnite if the mother needed a night out with her husband or was extra tired and overworked and it would be a great way to get a parent rested up. but a baby that young needs her/his naps on time and they really need to be home with mommy at bedtime. good luck.

Nikki - posted on 02/19/2010

I am sorry you had such negative responses to your question. I think it completely depends on the grandparent and the mom. I know I am not comfortable leaving my son overnight yet either and he is 4months old. I am just not ok with it, I would be a nervous wreck. Dont get me wrong I have left him for a few hours but overnight to me is a big step. I know I would be more comfortable leaving him with my parents then my husbands, and that is bc I know mine and they see my son a lot more then my husbands parents do. He is much more comfortable with my parents then with his. I honestly just think it is up to the mom. And remember YOUR the mom and it is whatever you think is best.

Good Luck!!

Nikki

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2010

You go girl!!!!! I am a social worker and I have worked for Child Protection Agencies for more than 10 years and you are spot on for protecting you child at ANY cost. We all must understand that parents have rights when it comes to our children and grandparents have PRIVILEDGES that in some families have to be EARNED. You are the mother and if you leave your child with someone (family or otherwise) and your child is harmed/neglected and you knew or "reasonable should have known" that your child would be at risk, you are ultimately responsible, not MIL. My hat goes off to you for all that you do for your baby. When in doubt error on the side of caution and don't worry about folks who are mean spirited and have to attack. It really probably means that they are insecure in their parenting style or some other aspect of their life and they have no outlet. Just try and be kind...they are hurting for some reason.

But YOU MARCH ON...You're doing s GREAT Job girlfriend!!!!

DeShannon - posted on 02/19/2010

Can someone please explain what CIO means? You don't have to explain a darn thing when it comes to your child/children. You are the mother that's one thing that remain constant. You do what is best for your child- no further discussion needed. I am a new mother, and I love my mother, but I will not allow my daughter to sleep over or spend excessive amounts of time with her and anyone. You are the protector and you know what is best for your child. Please don't apologize for being a mother. Good Luck

Aliya - posted on 02/19/2010

I understand anyway about an infant sleeping over with anyone when they are under 2...I feel the same way and I have a very close family... and you didn't have to explain yourself at all, and those who don't like your decisions don't have to read or comment on your post if their reply is not going to help the situation.