birth certificate

Margaret - posted on 11/21/2012 ( 54 moms have responded )

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My son has a 2 year old daughter with his ex girlfreind and he has

paid her child maintenence since she was born but she would not

name him on birth certificate. He saw his liitle girl regurlarly until

a couple of months ago now she refuses to let him see her and hes

devastated what can he do?

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Michelle - posted on 11/21/2012

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Exactly what Amy said. He needs to go to court. He may required to prove his paternity so a DNA test may be ordered.



It would also be wise of him to keep up the child support payments as if he stops then he will be required to pay again if paternity is confirmed. He will also have to pay the amount he missed.

Monica - posted on 11/25/2012

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He needs to get advice from a solicitor who deals with family law and get advice to start proceedings against his ex so he can see his daughter on a personal note this happend to a friend of mine and now he regularly see his daughter

Raquel - posted on 11/27/2012

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He can go to court, have a DNA test done, and sue for custody. He might even get primary custody given her behavior. He should get himself a lawyer and move quickly, for at least 2 reasons: To show the judge that he's serious and because his daughter will forget him if too much time passes.

Christy - posted on 11/25/2012

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He should speak to legal aid in his state. I think that, unless he has given her full custody, he still has legal right to see her. Unless she could prove that he had harmed or threatened to harm his daughter. I would ask a licensed attorney about this. As a daughter from a split family, I say, don't EVER give up the fight to see her. A girl's daddy is extremely important in her life.

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Brandi - posted on 12/31/2012

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Get an attorney and take her to court. He will have to prove paternity, but if he wants rights to his child, it will be worth it. The judge will set an amount for court ordered child support and visitation...then there is nothing his ex girlfriend can do.

Alexis - posted on 12/28/2012

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child suport is only required if there is already a custody agreement, as my husbands ex just found out in court. after the agreement if he doesnt get full custody he will have to pay child suport as long as she allows him to see his child.

Ashley - posted on 12/28/2012

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request a paternity test. hire a lawyer. does he have any proof that he has been paying and seeing his child? that will help him tremendously. if he goes to the local child support office, they might be able to help him get a dna test done sooner. if he is the father, he will most likely have to pay for the test, but im sure he wouldnt mind, if that means getting to be able to see his daughter again. once proven he is the father, he can be added to the birth certificate.

Eden - posted on 12/26/2012

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he has to get a paternity test to prove he is the dad first, get his name on the birth certificate and then he can fight for visitation or custody of her

Ashley - posted on 12/24/2012

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he takes her to court. A paternity test will be done granted she shows up. Different states have different rules but im sure he can file for joint custody for her.

Echo - posted on 12/22/2012

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I went through this same thing, first of all, you need a lawyer. Because they were not married, he will have to do a DNA test to prove he is the father to the court. Then, after that comes back, it does depend on what state you're in: example, if you live in Alabama I know the birth certificate will be updated by the state to reflect he is the father, but if you live in Georgia you will have to go to court to put his name on it (also called amending the birth certificate). I hope he has kept receipts of payments made to her because after he is proved the father, they will implement child support, and with the receipts he will be credited for the past two years instead of owing back child support. Also, if y'all have kept a record of getting her, or just had a schedule of getting her in the past it will help you in court. It will help because in our case my husband had his daughter two weeks of every month, and then they just stopped, in court the judge asked what was their reason/problem with him getting her now. It made them look bad for suddenly keeping her from us when there was no reason for it. If you can get a lawyer, he can make it where she has to take the DNA test by a certain date, and then y'all reappear in court on a date, and with the DNA report, the receipts, the fact they she has been regularly visiting her dad, the lawyer should be able to have the birth certificate amended, his rights set as her father (with access to medical records, school records, etc.) and also, a visitation schedule. All of that was done for us (the DNA test had been done previously) but he was a back wood lawyer and we did get kind of screwed, but if he did that for us, then y'all should have at least the same luck. Sorry it's so long, but maybe it will help y'all.

Crystal - posted on 12/05/2012

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My suggestion would be to get tested to prove that he is the father and then take her to court for at least joint custody so that he can have visitation. It looks and sounds like that might be his only option. I'm sure he has tried talking to her and that has done him no good. Get your test done honey, then go get your daughter. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you you get everything you deserve.

Christy - posted on 11/27/2012

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He desperately needs to document EVERY interaction with her, good or bad. If he can photo her keying his vehicle etc. it would be way better for him.

Margaret - posted on 11/26/2012

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The problem is shes is unstable and unpredictable and im sad to say hes afraid of her he is desperate to see his daughter again and loves her to bits but hes afraid what his ex will do

a few years ago when they were together she keyed his car because she thought he looked at another girl shes completely off her head and wants to ruin his life.She thinks the best way of

making his life a misery at the moment is to stop him seeing his daughter.

Mary - posted on 11/26/2012

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If the court says he can see.the little girl his ex has no choice. It sounds likebshe has another guy and is trying to please him. Also, mske sure she cannot leave the state without his.permission.

Rhonda - posted on 11/26/2012

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Hopefully he kept all of his receipts for the support he has given.he should take

Her to court for his rights. Get a DNA if he needs to. My son will be a dad in a few months.

I told him if he has any doubts get a DNA & get a court order to protect himself.

It may be expensive but it saves heartache & headache in the long run.

Rhonda - posted on 11/26/2012

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Hopefully he kept all of his receipts for the support he has given.he should take

Her to court for his rights. Get a DNA if he needs to. My son will be a dad in a few months.

I told him if he has any doubts get a DNA & get a court order to protect himself.

It may be expensive but it saves heartache & headache in the long run.

Sarah - posted on 11/26/2012

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The only advice that I could give is to document everything. Keep a journal of what's been happening with dates & times. And if he does talk to her on the phone, record it. And if he goes to her house for any reason at all, bring some witnesses, that way it makes it more difficult for her to make things up. Plus it will show how dedicated he is to getting his baby back in his life.I don't know if this all will actually help, I've never been in a situation like this. I have 2 little girls with a wonderful man. We decided after our 1st was born, that if anything ever happened between us, if we eended up splitting up, that we would never not let the other not see the girls, unless it were an abuse issue or something. I think its really horrendous what this person is doing to not only your son, but his family and the baby girl too! I think that you should pat yourself on the back. You raised a son into a father who really & truely cares for his daughter. Not all men do. I know this situation is horrible, but I think it will all work out for you & your son...she sounds like a real piece of work & your son sounds like he's the way better choice for that baby girl. Good luck to you both, and God bless.

Pamela - posted on 11/25/2012

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Seek legal advice and offer a sperm sample for DNA testing. Ask the court to require a test of the baby to see if it is his. If it is not he has no responsibility other than what he may choose!



If, out of his love for this child, he chooses to remain in the life of the child, but is not the biological father, then he must make an agreement with the mother of the child for visitation arrangements!



The highest and best to all concerned!

Mary - posted on 11/25/2012

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where do you live go to your local friend of the court. did he all the receipt what he paid out. sound like he need to get a lawyer. find out his rights does you court house have a libary to to do research or go to your local library to find out his rights. he might to paid for DNA test

Lisa - posted on 11/25/2012

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If he know for sure that he is the father, he can go to the department of Vital statics and have his name put on the birth certificate. Make sure through a paternity test that he is the father before he does this.

Dawn - posted on 11/25/2012

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Get a solicitor....asap. I agree he needs to keep paying the child support if it was court ordered and to keep records of every dime he has paid out, IF it is not court ordered then that money should go into a savings fund and records of it kept so that he will be able to pay when the courts order him to do so.. In addition I highly recommend your son keep a journal of all interactions with the baby's mother. Days she refused visitations, and phone conversations they had. All of it. So when he finally does get his day in court to get a visitation schedule and his name on that child's birth certificate..which is a reasonable request most judges will grant on the spot with confirmation from a DNA paternity test. With a journal in place he will have a better chance to fend off any accusations she may make about him in court, and will go a long way in helping his convince a judge about how his daughter is a priority in his life. Good luck to your family and you!

Brooke - posted on 11/25/2012

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He'll have to take her to court. Make sure he always writes a check so he has proof of paying child support.

Dona Eileen - posted on 11/25/2012

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You need to go to the court house and you can file for a court date with out an attorney. Stating that you would like to prove paternity and establish custody agreement for the child. Make sure you file for joint custody and make a reasonable visitation schedule one that will work with your sons work schedule. Tell him to find any documentation he has showing that he was paying support. The court can serve the mother. And make sure he gets his name on the birth certificate

Terri - posted on 11/25/2012

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Margaret first and foremost my heart hurts for you not being able to see your grandchild...the easiest way for him to get his info at no cost is to contact his local 'Friend of the Court' office which can be found in the phone book...if he explains to them that he has been paying support that is traceable through his banking account for a child and that he would like to continue paying support for this child but would like visitation they will guide him through the system and order a DNA test...also in his area there should be a local 'Legal Aide' office where based on income he may be able to obtain an attorney for minimal charges if not free should he need one...the attorneys the 'Legal Aide Office uses do pro-bono (free of charge) cases that they are required to do in order to keep their licenses current..I've been through this same situation with my son just 3 months ago...if he's not able to obtain an attorney through the Legal Aide Office he can always go to his local Courthouse and ask them for the paperwork he needs to fill out to obtain visitation with his daughter and he can represent himself which happens alot these days with this economy...my son did his all by himself and everything worked out great...the main thing I encourage him to do is to continue paying her something for his daughter...I'm in Michigan by the way and so is my Son...all States have Friend of the Court Offices and Legal Aide Offices dear...the best of luck to you and your son ...sincerely...Terri

Jen - posted on 11/25/2012

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My dads ex and him have a 5yr old together (I was 19 when she was born) they broke up and she started saying shit...he fought for 2 years in court to get my sister..her mother said my dad wasn't the father so a DNA test was done and was proven my dad was so they started saying other stuff like my dad is abusive, tried to kill his ex all sorts of stuff and they were all lies...in the end he won and has full custiody..your son should get a lawyer and take her to court..do the DNA test and like others said keep paying child support...don't bacck down..remember she has to prove everything! If he is shown he is not the father I would try to sue her for all the child support he has paid..women leave the fathers names off the Birth Certificate to pull shit like this..next she will be saying or probably is telling her friends he wants nother to do with the child...best of luck

Beth - posted on 11/25/2012

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tell him to stop paying support cause none of it will count if it's not paid in to the child support office. I would have him go to the court house and ask who to see and get it done so he can get a court date ASAP so he can start seeing his baby. If he can't do it on his own he may need a lawyer to get through the court stuff and then if she refuses visitation any other time he can call the lawyer and take her back right away

Ellen - posted on 11/25/2012

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He shouldn't pay her child support!! He has every right to see the child if he pays and if there is something in the court system. He must establish paternity and then custody If he wants to see her. Personally,, I wouldn't pay her a cent and then see what she does! Have her pay for the paternity!!! Make her then take the first step to court. Let it be on her dime. The baby might not be his. She's playing games.

Jessica - posted on 11/25/2012

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My brother was in the same situation now he has joint custody. He did have to go to court and do a paternity test which she had to pay for cause he is the father.

Jessica - posted on 11/25/2012

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She can refuse it does need to go through the courts. It might evem get paid for due to the situation. First things first get a lawyer asap

Jen - posted on 11/25/2012

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Take her to court. She has no right to deny him visitation when he is paying child support.

Celia - posted on 11/25/2012

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take her to court. He has the right to see his child since He is paying child support.

i dont know where you are from . I am in California i understand every state has diferent laws.

Good luck.

Patrice - posted on 11/25/2012

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Here in MI if the father has stepped in to pay support on his own, it will be recognized by the courts as long as he has "proof" its best to keep everything written down; her behavior, his payments, and the times she allows him to visit the child.

Patrice - posted on 11/25/2012

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His rights are better established if he goes to court because "legally" he is not the father until paternity is established. Had he signed the B.C. it would be a different story because he would have every right "equally" (legally) to his daughter. Child support is set up "legally" when the courts become involved. It will be in his favor if he has stepped up to do it on his own. As well as every state having their own laws pertaining to Custody.

Lisa - posted on 11/25/2012

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How was the maintenance decided? Did they go to court? Who enforces if he doesn't pay? If it was just a "gentleman's agreement" between him & her then the payments won't hold much weight unfortunatly. My husband's ex snowed him into believeing that they could just pay on the side & everything would be okay because she didn't want to go to court due to previous warrants for her arrest. Little did he know that she could pull the same thing you're describing without having a legal court visitation order. Have him obtain good legal counsel; never pay anything without having it go through the court system first & have them establish a payment system!! IE: he pays the courts and the courts disperse the funds to her. That way there's no question, otherwise he may find out that he owes tons of $$ in arrears!



When a DNA test is ordered through the court usually both parties will split the cost of the test, they're really not too pricey and she will be court ordered to comply. In my husband's case he turned out to not be the father so the judge ordered her to pay for the test, if the child would have been his then they would have split it.

Leslie - posted on 11/25/2012

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to pay child support they would have to establish paternity first, I thought? And since he didn't sign the birth certificate, wouldn't he have no rights until he took her to court?

Patrice - posted on 11/25/2012

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http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/l...



If you look at this site it will give you state specific information. Both parents have rights. Although some individuals seem to think that things will go in their favor if they deliberately deny a father rights to his child. Fortunately it doesn't work that way. I don't know what state or country you are in but he can go to the courts or call legal aide for legal advice.

Lisa - posted on 11/25/2012

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You should look into a lawyer/legal advocate. If there's no custody order in place he has rights to see her as often as he'd like. If the ex won't let your son see the child, he should stop paying child support until there is a court order. If he wants 50/50 custody he won't have to pay her a dime.

Michelle Moore - posted on 11/25/2012

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I dont know what state you live in but in Missouri child support and visitation are two separete issues. He has rights even if he doesn't pay. As for him being named on the certifacate if she was awarded support it sound be mandatory. He need to get an attorney. He sounds like a very responsable and loving dad.

Dove - posted on 11/25/2012

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Your granddaughter's mother can say anything she wants, but if she doesn't have any proof to back it up.... the judge isn't going to care. Judges don't tend to like or listen to the 'he said/she said' nonsense. They go on facts and the facts so far are that your son has been paying child support, HAD been able to see the child, suspects that he's the father, and is being denied visitation now simply because the mother 'can' deny it. A lawyer and a court order for a dna test are all your son needs and he will be back to seeing his daughter soon.

Monica - posted on 11/25/2012

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She cannot do that they will make sure his son has his visitation rights and when she does not comply she will have to go back to court and your son has no need to be afraid he's got as much right to see his daughter

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2012

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He has paid her by direct debit every month except one when he paid her by cheque. She wanted my son to pay her cash obviously so there would be no record of it. At the time she was born there was a question of wether my son was the father or another man the other man had a dna

test which proved negative so my son didnt have one. I wish now he did especially when she wounldnt put his name on birth certificate. The little girl is the spitting image of him so I have no

doubt whasoever that a test will prove hes her dad. The problem is she is an absolute nut case

so will make up all sorts of lies to prevent him having visitation rights.

Mom - posted on 11/25/2012

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I have 3 adult children. My advise is for your son to take her back to probate court and demand that he has visitation rights and make sure that he brings proof of all those payments he's made to her for his daughter. Good luck. I do not believe he needs a lawyer to do this.

Dove - posted on 11/25/2012

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If he goes through the court and she still tries to stop him... he can take her back to court and eventually she will go to jail for violating a court order. As long as HE isn't doing anything wrong and she can't prove anything against him... there is no reason for him to be scared of her.

Monica - posted on 11/25/2012

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Once it's gone through the courts she will have to Let your son see his daughter and she would be breaching the order giving by the judge

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2012

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Thank you thats comforting only problem is shes a nasty piece of work and think she will do anything to stop him seeing her I wouldnt put anything past her my son is actully quite scared of her and what she will do or say about him.

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2012

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Can she refuse to have the paternity test done? I have no doubt whatsoever that my son

is the little girls dad she is the spitting image of him. I dont mind helping him with the costs

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/25/2012

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It doesn't matter how much it will cost. Call a lawyer and they can work out the details. If he wants rights to his daughter, he needs to do it. He needs to bring her to court and prove paternity. He definitely needs to keep paying, or that will look bad on him. The rest will make her look bad on her own. Money is tight everywhere, but if he wants to be able to see his daughter, he will have to come up with the money.

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2012

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Also does anyone know how much a paternity test would cost through the court and could the mother refuse to have the paternity test done?

Margaret - posted on 11/25/2012

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Thank you for the advice. His ex has now changed her phone number so he cant contact her.

Would he need to see a solicitor to sort this out for him?

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