Biting back

Theresa - posted on 06/16/2011

One thing that I have heard a few mom's do is to make the child bite themselves as hard as they bit the other person. They have said that they do this, because it gives the child a realistic view of how their biting makes other's feel. I have not had to deal with it, but if I did, I do not know how I would react. I doubt that I would bite them. but I will not say 100% because it is not something I have had to deal with yet.

Kasie - posted on 06/16/2011

i'm going to say honestly, I think biting them back might only work to a certain point. If I bit one of my parents and they bit back, it would seem like a game to me even if it hurt. that's just my pov, but if it works for other kids than awesome.

Kasie - posted on 06/16/2011

that's a good question. my son's almost a year and i used to bite back and play with him but now that he has more than one tooth and he bites HARD I don't let him do it anymore. I tap his mouth and tell him no biting and I stick with it. It's hard cause it's really cute, I think :D, but I don't want him biting other people/kids. It's hard with family cause they always say ahh and play with him when he does it so I have to remind them that I'm not allowing that anymore.

Theresa - posted on 06/16/2011

Why in the world would you bite your child? That is ABUSE because you klnow right from wrong, your child does not. It is your responsibility to teach him/her. For goodness sakes have some patience. What does biting them back teach them other than their mom (the person they look up to, the person they love and adore) is HURTING them? Put them in tme out. Say "no" firmly and mean it. Sometimes its takes a few times. We are talking about little children here, it takes time for things to sink in to their growing brains. they need consistancy. Please moms, do not bite your kids :)

Gina - posted on 06/16/2011

@ Trudi. My three old son started biting at 18 months and all it took was me biting back once hard. Then he started it back up about 6 to 9 months ago..and again all it took was for me to bite his finger HARD. Good Luck biting is not a fun thing

Trudi - posted on 06/16/2011

My 3 yr old son has just started biting - i think he likes the feeling of biting things. We tried time outs. Didnt work, My husband bit him back the other day but he still bites. He bit me after being at the playground for 3 mins so I packed him up and took him (and my screaming 1 yr old who didnt want to leave) straight home. That may have got the message across but I dont think so. Any other suggestions?

Sadie - posted on 06/16/2011

I would say it depends on the age of the child and whether there is a reason for the biting. Under 3, saying NO firmly and then remove. I have done the bite back with one of my children and would have done it with the others if it kept going, but the other 2 were short lived. My daughter, I had to do it once, not too hard but enough to let her know how it felt and that was the last time she bit. You have to follow your own instincts. You know your own child the best and you know what discipline they respond to the best. Good luck.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2011

@Lynn I beg to differ I bit back and with two of them they got it instantly that it friggin hurt and guess what they never ever bit again. So if it taught them it was okay they would have continued the cycle. Plus getting yelled at and getting a taste of their own medicine, pretty certain they didn't think it was okay to repeat.

Gina - posted on 06/16/2011

All it took for my son. was me biting him back one time. never tried to bite ever again with anyone.

Patricia - posted on 06/16/2011

My youngest daughter was about 16 months old when she took a HUGE bite out of my leg. I picked her up and gave her a good spanking (no, I did NOT injure her but she cried a LOT afterward) and she NEVER bit me again, nor have I ever had any of my other children bite me (I have 4 children currently ages 14-20)
Hope this helps ♥
God Bless ♥

Erin - posted on 06/16/2011

I always gently popped mine in the mouth. It didn't hurt them physically, just hurt their feelings.

Lynn - posted on 06/16/2011

biting back just teaches that this is okay. I always told my kids that biting was for animals. People don't bite. Time out---not a 'dog fight'

Debbie - posted on 06/16/2011

I don't know why anyone would ever want to spank or put their child in timeout either but I am pretty sure that most parents do when a child needs to learn proper behaviour and social skills.

Ariesgirl - posted on 06/16/2011

Let me explain why I said that. When my son started biting, we took him out of the situations, told him no, did timeouts, and nothing worked; he continued to bite the other kids (no one was initiating it).

Debbie - posted on 06/16/2011

You bite back and you bite back hard. I believe a child bites because they do not understand that it HURTS. If you bite them back and it HURTS, they will grasp the understanding and will not bite again. My son bit me ONE time when he was about 18 months old and I bit him back, HARD. He NEVER bit ANYONE ever again.

Jeanie - posted on 06/16/2011

Back in the late 60's and early 70's, I bit back with my two kids - one time with each of them at about 18 months.. Now, that is probably considered wrong, but it worked. Neither of them ever bit anyone again. They're both my friends and amazing parents:-) Parenting is often a snap decision and nothing is "right". Just love them mama!!

Cambie - posted on 06/16/2011

With my son he used to bite so hard and draw blood... and one day i had enough, nothing else was working. So I bit him back... He hasn't bit anyone again.With my dughter on the other hand, she constantly bites as well, nothing has worked for her, i tried to bite her back, and she just laughs, she has an extremely high pain tolerance. So it didn't work for her.

Kim - posted on 06/16/2011

When my dd was younger, I would bite back. I felt that if she felt what it was to receive the bite herself that she would stop.

Darby - posted on 06/16/2011

I recently watched an episode of the Doctors where one doctor suggested moving the child's arm in front of their mouth when they are about to bite so they bite themselves. Not saying it works, not saying it doesn't, just something I heard and thought I'd share.

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2011

When you have used positive reinforcement, time out etc and it doesn't work - I was at wits end. His PEDIATRICIAN told me to and it only took one time and he stopped. When you are scarred up from your child biting you would get the idea. He was 4 years old at the time and he is now 7.

Jessica - posted on 06/16/2011

When my son was little, there was biter in his daycare, the daycare teacher had tried everything possible and was desperately trying to get one of the kids to bite him back to teach him a lesson. My son refused, because he didn't want to hurt him. I agree that it depends on the temperment of the child. But responding to violence with violence is not a lesson that I want to pass along to my kids.

Courtney - posted on 06/16/2011

Actually My son's behavior therapist told me that at his age(he's 3) that's it completely acceptable to bite them back just til the point of OW or some other response or to make him bite himself so that it registers that this hurts and not do it again.

LindaJo - posted on 06/16/2011

I could nvr bite back,How old is your kid?

Emma - posted on 06/16/2011

Ive read things like this in magazines before too, i definatly disagree with biting your child back, for 1 they are learning you are the adult ad need to teach them right from wrong and biting them back isnt going to teach them anything , cause biting isnt only wrong cause it hurts its just wrong, and secondly how could anyone bit theyre lil baba weather they bit them or not? Soo not nice and very immature id say, just my opinion x

Jane - posted on 06/16/2011

My son is ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), among other diagnoses. He started biting when he was two. We went through the whole remove him from the situation bit, the redirection bit, the time out bit, the "No! It hurts!" bit, the no TV bit, and on and on. He was pleased to know it hurt, and he enjoyed doing it so much that nothing was going to stop him.

The last time he bit me he was 7 years old. I was tired of not getting through to him, so I bit him back and told him every time he bit from now on I would bite him back. He stopped.

OTOH my daughter bit once, I pretended to burst into tears and said "Owie!" She immediately said she was sorry and hugged me and never bit anyone ever again.

Different children require different solutions.

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2011

I have had to leave a store while shopping with my son because he bit me so hard I was bleeding down the front of my shirt. He caught my collar bone and the next time he bit like that I bit back. We have gone 3 years without a problem. Oh and he was using his words when he did it. He was throwing a fit because he wanted a toy and I chose to ignore the bad behavior. Walking out a lady was yelling for someone to call the cops "look at that baby he is bleeding" I pulled the neck of my shirt out and calmly explained that I was the one bleeding thank you so very much.

Marie - posted on 06/16/2011

My youngest sister is 8 years younger than me and when she was 3 that was the only way she learned was when i got tired of being bit and bit her back didn't leave a mark but showed her how it felt and she never bit again. I have done the same with my 3 kids and it worked when telling them no didn't as then the understood why we said no because it hurt. There are children out there that nothing will work with my cousins lil girl would not stop no matter what and she tried everything from redirecting to time out, biting back and taking things away and she was a stubborn little girl and just stopped in her own time after driving her mamma crazy forever it seemed like so every child is different and what works for one wont always for for them all. I don't judge others as I have not walked in there shoes for a day and all those cute innocent smiles are sometimes just a front and I will be the first to admit mine are no angels but they can put on a pretty good front. LOL... But I love them and couldn't live without them.

Debbie - posted on 06/16/2011

My daughter was a biter. I think the best thing to do is try to figure out when it occurs and remove them BEFORE it happens. Probably not always possible but my daughter only did it when she was cornered by another child or being hit or something. She was very verbal and expressive and I could see when it was about to happen after the first couple of times. Not that I could always get there in time. If I couldn't get there to prevent it, I used time out from situation and a firm "NO BITING". My mom told me to bite her back but I just couldn't. Biting is hard. I secretly hoped another child would bite her so she'd know what it felt like.

Cori - posted on 06/16/2011

my daughter will be 2 next month. she has only bite me twice, not one right after each other, but when she was excited and once she seen my reaction and it spooked her she didnt do it again. so i guess my suggestion would be to tell them that it hurts and not to do it again. but if they do keep it up to bite them back and they should figure it out...

Shannon - posted on 06/16/2011

i would never bite my child back that to me is doing two wrongs and to wrongs dont make a right. my grandmother bit my daughter back after my daughter bit her and i never let my grandmother near for over a year because of it

Jennifer - posted on 06/16/2011

My son bit me and I bit him back but not to leave a mark. It has work because he has never bitten me back or any other children.

Deb - posted on 06/16/2011

You say NO very loudly...and put him in time out. If he is older (like 3 or 3.5 +), I would explain that biting hurts, and he is not allowed to hurt people. And, if he/she does it again, you will put something they like in time out (tv, playdate, toy, etc).

Jill - posted on 06/16/2011

I bite back--and a 3 year old DOES know that biting isn't ok. My 3 year old is actually very sweet-tempered, but he went through a biting phase (at 2 years) where he bit when he was playing, not because he was mad. He was just trying it out, I guess. He didn't understand at the time that it hurt someone else, so he'd be shocked and start crying when the other kid started crying. Didn't stop him from doing it again though, until I finally bit him. Not hard enough to leave a bruise, but just hard enough to hurt a little bit. He never bit again. It was the same with my older son. Some kids just don't understand why they should stop doing something just because you tell them "No"! :) If your child DOES get it, good for him/her--that's an easy kid!! You don't have to be abusive to teach a lesson, and a small bite back isn't going to make your child mistrust or hate you.

Melinda - posted on 06/16/2011

My daughter is 14 months and has sixteen teeth! She bites when she gets excited. I always tap her nose and say firmly "No Biting!". If she bites again I "ignore" her for about 3-5 minutes. That is a lifetime for a baby! She then says" No Bite?" and doesn't bite anymore!

Raynae - posted on 06/16/2011

My daughter (2 1/2 years) does not usually bite, but for some reason bit my mother on the arm the other day while she was sitting with her. My mom just jumped up, walked away, and stood on the other side of the room. I think that shocked my daughter and seemed to hurt her a little. Thinking that was a good tactic! I have heard of people saying bite them back, but that is not me.

Krystal - posted on 06/16/2011

No one can say matter of factly NOT to do it. It really does depend on the child. Now, I've babysat for hundreds of children and obviously u can't bite back nor would I want a sitter biting my child....but I had a set of demon children where I literally had to hold them in time out or carry them to their bedroom and lock the door for that type of behavior. They were lacking any form of discipline.. and since children at a young age DO learn based on "this isn't good for me" rather than empathy , for my own child...I most certainly did bite back after i'd had enough + she never did it again. My child would think that rolling around pretend crying was funny as well and would do it more like it was a game. If I had another child, he or she may react differently...it really depends..but your child is not gonna die because u bit him or her...and most parents are not gonna sink their teeth all the way in either....just hard enough to get the message across.

Laura - posted on 06/16/2011

Since I'm not a 3 year old, I don't bite back ;) One of mine was a little bit of a biter. I learned to watch for her cues and be vigilant about removing her from the situation before it could escalate. She mostly bit me, so that made it easier to catch & stop.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2011

I bite back and pretty hard too. It got the point across pretty darn quick. They didn't like it one bit, well neither did I.

Jenni - posted on 06/16/2011

Oh, as Ink pointed out the "yelping", "crying" etc. may work for some children but some might actually enjoy that reaction or find humour in it. :S You never know how your child may react to it, if they do enjoy your display you may just be encouraging their biting.

Jenni - posted on 06/16/2011

Oh there's two threads on this! I'll just ctrl-v my other reply on the other thread, hope you don't mind!



My mom told me to bite him back just to show him what it felt like. Ummm, no thanks... I prefer the other white meat, chicken! lol



I highly doubt a toddler who bites can understand the relationship with their biting to parent reacting by bitting them back. Other than, If I bite, mommy will hurt me and that biting is socially acceptable.



My son bit a few times when he was teething (usually the root of the biting). I tried to give as little reaction as possible and would just put him down. I did the same thing with my daughter when she started slapping faces at around 6 months. Just put them down without a reaction on the floor. That way they learn when they bite (cause) the effect will be the person putting them down which is a rather undesirable effect for a baby/toddler. If your not holding them you can walk out of the room, another undesired effect especially if the biting is being used to get your attention. Both my children only exhibited these behaviours for about a month or so.



I believe if you take this approach it will merely be a phase instead of developing into a problem biter/slapper.

I don't recommend 'yelping' or any other reaction that a child may desire to cause again. Ignore the behaviour and limit reactions to it. You want the child to associate the bitting with an undesired effect.

Ink - posted on 06/16/2011

I just can't understand how hurting someone is going to teach them not to hurt people...that just goes beyond my comprehension.
I never bit my son back...instead I worked on teaching him empathy. When he bit me I would cry, yell, roll around in the floor and scream like a two year old. His Daddy came to me and 'babied' me...trying to make me feel better from my new boo-boo bite. I was bitten about three times before he figured out..."hay, that's making Mama CRY...I better not do that again." It wasn't that big of a deal, really, I have spent MORE time trying to keep him from touching buttons on the TV than I have spent teaching him not to bite others.

Katherine - posted on 06/16/2011

Funny, I just don't think my daughter would get that. If I bit her, she would STILL bite me.....just a feeling. Very stubborn little girl.

Sam - posted on 06/16/2011

I tried explaining why we don't bite and time out and the last time she bit her sister I bit her back and she never did it again because she knew how it felt now and because she knew if she ever did it again she herself would get bit again, but like I said I only had to do it once. Don't get me wrong I felt bad doing it but it only took one time.

Valerie - posted on 06/16/2011

It depends on why the biting occurred. I will admit that I have bit my son back before but that was because he was biting me thinking it was fun. Once he got bit back he realized it is not so much fun after all and has not bit hard since. We do let him do play biting where it is very soft nibbles but there is a difference between play biting and hard biting. One of my friends little girls was going around and biting her great grand mother and she would not stop. They would tell her no biting and remove her from the situation and it never helped and they tried this for weeks. I finally told my friend Sarah to bite her the next time she done it and it stopped. It just depends on the child and the situation on how it is handled. No one can say one way is better than the other as both ways do work, child depending.

Ella - posted on 06/16/2011

yea bite back.Shows them it hurts and teaches them not to do it again

Amy - posted on 06/16/2011

My oldest never bit, who knows if my daughter will but I wouldn't bite back. I honestly know I couldn't knowingly inflict pain on my child and therefore if I did "bite back" it would be completely ineffective.

KAZ - posted on 06/15/2011

katherine yeah. normally there is a reason - like teething haha. No serious you are right. I did the bite back and after explaining that he must know it hurts I asked him what the real problem was.He then rubbed his gums (i was lucky that was the only prob).

KAZ - posted on 06/15/2011

yip. i bit back. works like a charm

Jane - posted on 06/15/2011

When the child is only two or three you do NOT bite back. You say no, remind them to use their words, and remove the child from the situation. However, if the child is 5 and still biting you bite them . My son kept biting until he was 7, at which point we gave in and bit him. He never bit anyone again.

Katherine - posted on 06/15/2011

Mine is 2 also. I posted this n DM and I was saying how she bit me so hard she left a quarter sized bruise on my arm. Even though I was in tears, I ignored it.