Breaking Curfew

Barb - posted on 07/15/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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What do you think about letting a 17 yr old break curfew to go to a concert?

She is a good kid.. Honor Roll, (28 on ACT), has a job, still helps around the house...

I don't remember if/how often I was allowd to stay out past 11pm

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Barb - posted on 07/18/2009

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The 11pm curfew is a municipal law in our state.

All minors, unless returning from work, are not allowed out after 11pm.

It's not that I don't trust her, I just worry for her safety.

Glenda - posted on 07/18/2009

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If she does all you say then how come she has a curfew. She has showed she is a responsible so where is your trust in her

Samantha - posted on 07/17/2009

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If she is a good kid and she has not given you a reason not to trust her as long as it is not all of the time I think you should let her go just explain to her that this in no way means that she has a new curfew and that you need to know all of the details.

Shauna - posted on 07/17/2009

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I think that if she has shown you that she is trustworthy and responsible, allowing her to break curfew for a concert with the understanding that she comes straight home should be no problem. You could even have her call you right after the concert so you have an idea of how long it might take for her to arrive home.

Tanny - posted on 07/16/2009

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I am the mother of a nineteen year old daughter. I think she sounds pretty responsible. Let her go...she deserves to.

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I would let her. About that age you have to start letting go of the reins, they start to take responsibility for themselves. If you have laid good foundations (and it looks as though you have) then she will understand that she is responsible for her own actions. One of two things will happen, all will be well and you will be proud of her, and she will appreciate your trust OR all will not be well (and she will not be home at the expected time or will get drunk or whatever) and she will have to re-earn your trust, and will have to learn from her mistakes and you will still be proud of her. You will love her either way.

Peg - posted on 07/16/2009

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We don't have a curfew at our home. Each and every time they leave we talk about where they are going, what's going on, who they will be with and what's an appropriate time for them to be home. This is more work for the parents...having a set curfew is easier, no discussions or debates...but a flexible one allows for trust and growth. She sounds like a great kid and one you can trust. I would want to show her that I find her trustworthy....it has worked in most situations. We have 3 kids, all teens or older, and have only been burned a few times. When they loose our trust...they KNOW it's gone and have to work hard to gain it back. I vote for letting her go and letting her know why you're letting her go. Because you trust her.

Lupiemom - posted on 07/16/2009

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In this context, I too think it should be ok for her to get special permission for this event. Just be clear about the transportation details and how much you will extend her curfew by. Also set up a means that you will go get her, no questions asked, if she is uncomfortable in any way and calls you for help. Furthermore, in my home, staying up late the night before does not excuse you from daily chores the next day.

Sharon - posted on 07/16/2009

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Did she lie and break it? Is she asking for permission to extend her curfew that she always followed faithfully?

It depends. If she is asking and you've never had a problem and you are comfortable with the transportation - i say its ok this ONE TIME. She'd better be sure this is THE concert she wants special permission for this year.

Belinda - posted on 07/16/2009

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Well it comes down to how well you trust her, yes she may have broken curfew (what time is curfew and when did she get in). If she is a good kid and it appears that she is, then probably have a discussion with her, i dont think at 17 you could ground her. So I think it comes down to you really. Would you have allowed it on this one occasion had she have told you about it? Personally i was living away from home at 17, so curfews were non existant at that age for me.

Leigh - posted on 07/15/2009

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How come the curfew is not flexible? It's for a special occasion, not like she gets to a concert every night of the week. Pick your battles, if she is doing everything you ask, then be flexible, you know where she will be, with whom & doing. Teach her about having fun because before too long she could be bogged down with 'life'.

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