Calling all moms!

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Ok, so for a while I have been reading all the comments on different punishments, styles of disipline ect. I have caught on that most of you moms on here are AGAINST spanking and thats fine, its how you do things. Anyway, I have been trying some of your non spanking disipline methods for argument sake, you cant argue what you dont know right :) My two year old is extremely whinny, how/why I dont know but it seems like it has been getting worse the last few weeks. She is fiesty and ornery as all hell. So like I said I have been trying some of your methods (not spanking) and I gotta tell you all, I have NEVER in all my parenting years to date been told no, hit, slapped as much as I have been this last week. So I want to hear some feed back, from spankers and non spankers, am I doin it wrong? Lol, what gives. And please if your just going to be rude then dont bother adding anything :)

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Emily - posted on 06/23/2011

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When you're trying something new, things usually get worse before they get better. She's testing you. You just need to be firm in your consequences. EVERY time she hits or slaps you, she needs to go right to a time out (or whatever consequence you're using). Don't get emotional about it, just put her in time out. Do it every time, and tell her "we don't hit, hitting hurts." Ignore when she tells you no or gets whiny. She's looking for a reaction from you. Don't give it to her. If you are consistent with the consequences and praise the hell out of her when she's having a better day, things will really improve. I can't emphasize enough being consistent and unemotional when disciplining or responding to her attempts to irk you. If you are not consistent and don't follow through with what you say you're going to do, she will see right through that and will know she can get away with whatever she wants.

It takes time for kids to adjust to a new set of expectations. Like I said, she is testing you. This will pass, you are doing great.

Jenni - posted on 06/24/2011

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Are you talking about tantrums and ignoring them?

Ok I had to go find and dig up this article for you on systematic ignoring. Here is a very important quote from the article:

"But be prepared – behaviour that is ignored often gets worse before it gets better. You should consider this when deciding whether to use systematic ignoring as a behaviour tool."

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/s...



Now what this basically means is when you first start ignoring the behaviour she is going to pull out all the stops. Some children can tantrum much, much longer than others (those strong-willed bunch). But the goal is that she will eventually learn 'whinning, yelling, hitting' or other negative behaviours will not give her any desired effect.



When to ignore? when she tantrums. You can address the undesirable behaviour first: "You are mad right now, when you calm down I will help or talk." Then ignore.



IF her tantrum turns into hitting, kicking, biting, throwing toys immediately remove her to a 'cool off zone' or safe place where she can't harm others, you, property. Say calmly but firmly: "We don't (hit, kick, throw toys etc.) Calm yourself down."

Now here is where all the work starts; it may take 100x of picking her up and placing her back in time out zone until she stays there. It literally took my son 6 months before he would sit in time out without getting up and leaving time out. But the goal of positive parenting is to do all the work when they're young and when they're older you reap the fruit of your labour.

At the end of time out you have a discussion about her behaviour: "I know you're mad but we don't (hit, throw toys) when we're mad, we use our words and say "I'm really mad".



Positive parenting involves modelling behaviours, role playing appropriate behaviour through play, passive discipline, discussions, natural and logical consequences, systematic ignoring, praising positive behaviour understanding our child's developmental age and more. It isn't just using time outs and ignoring negative behaviour and praising positive behaviour.



The goal of positive parenting is to teach our children how to make positive decisions for themselves without fear of punishment. If you're looking for a form of discipline that nips behaviours in the bud overnight. It's not the form of discipline for you. It's a form of discipline that boasts long term results rather than short term results.

It takes a lot of work, time, patience and consistancy (frustration as well) before you start reaping the benefits. But some of those benefits are; an emotionally fit, independent child who doesn't need parental assistance to make positive choices for themselves. When I speak to pos discipline parents of older children they can boast that the only discipline they really need anymore for their children is discussions, role playing, maybe the occassional logical consequence.



My own children (almost 3) and (almost 4) now put themselves in timeout to cool off when they experience runaway emotions (which leads to tantruming). They no longer hit, kick or throw toys and haven't in 6 months. We talk after they cool off and I praise them for dealing with their anger/frustration appropriately and then talk and help them to arrive at a conclusion to feel better or solve the problem.



I am not their boss, I am their mediator and referee. I don't expect blind obedience. I expect my children to understand why they shouldn't engage in a forbidden behaviour through natural and logical consequences.



I expect them not to respect and fear me as their parent simply because I'm their parent, but because I earned that respect and trust.



I expect my children to treat everyone with the same level of respect by showing them how people in the 'real world' would react to their behaviours. Ignore a yeller, not respond to someone making a request impolitely.



You have to model the behaviour yourself too or it WILL NOT work. Actions speak louder than words. If you tell her not to yell when she's angry and then you yell when you're angry, you will be practicing do as I say and not as I do.

Put yourself in time out when you're angry. Tell her, mommy needs to go take a time out now because she's angry and needs to calm down.



Anyways, if you genuinely are interested in learning more you can join our community for help and tips. I've still got a lot to learn myself!



http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...



You don't have to give up spanking as a last resort. There are plenty of parents who spank who also use all these positive behaviour strategies foremost.

Corinne - posted on 06/23/2011

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We were having issues with our daughter (at the time she was about 4 yrs old) and I even went to see my doctor to get us an appointment with a psychiatrist and she (my regular GP) suggested I rent the video/DVD called "123 Magic". I did. It changed our lives here. No, she is not perfect but wow, so much better. The DVD suggest different ways on handling things and both my husband and I tried the different ways until we found one that worked. I highly recommend the video to anyone. There is also another video called "More 123 Magic" for the pre-teen/teen group. Its also very good. We rented it from our local library. Good Luck.

Jessica - posted on 07/13/2011

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i personally use both. ive even picked up some things on the nanny shows and they dont work on every child! when i spank (of course its more shock than anything else) i get better results so now i remind her, tell her no or youll get a spankn and she stops now. my daughter is turnign 2 in august and b/c i give one reminder, one warning and then disipline that way,regardless of where i am and what people think, i have a well behaved child who doesnt throw tantrums in the stores and is well behaved when eating out. now if i could just get her to stop trying to eat ice cream with her index finger that would be great!!! lol

Michelle - posted on 06/28/2011

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Well as a parent of older children, I have used alot of methods. I am not really a spanker, but, if its something serious or dangerous, I spanked. I used the time out method, the sitting method, the talking method. I had a child that is grown now, but was severely ADHD, he surely pushed every button I had. I resorted to every known punishment. grounding, removal of everything you name it I tried it. Nothing worked. But when he did raise his hand to me I spanked his but and good! You have to decide as a parent what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. Then you have to decide the appropriate punishment for the crime. Just remember not to do double punishment, if they commit one infraction they only get one punishment. And NEVER spank when your angry. I know this might not help but, its a hard choice to make about spankings.

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Kimberly - posted on 07/20/2011

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Ok, your child is two. Definitely testing you. Time out is the best, because it gets to them when they don't get your full attention. That's why the yelling and hitting... to get your attention. Stick to it. I put my daughter, at two, in a buckled time out chair. Now at 5 she sits quietly in her time outs and she understands.

Bec - posted on 07/19/2011

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Lies lies we all loose it!!! smacking its not good esspecially with literal thinkers but we do!!! I do!!1 we all have enough is enough and enough of making this person feel like crap. not it is not idel we all know that but if you can cool down first pertend your cranky and if have to smack then after say why you smaked and how you felt and then role play where they are you and you are them then ask what would you prefer doemonstrate right and wrong way first do an acting game. as this is visual and how we all learn through lok and learn but make it basic and age appropritate. if all else fails break the bubbly and cherish your relationship with your child my son and I had a shit day we jumped in the bath i had a champ and juce he had a juce heaps of bubbles!!! LOL stay sane create memories it's the small things you remember when shit hits the fan!!! he or she won't remember the day mum went mad or the detail but the funny bath lol!!!

Sara - posted on 07/18/2011

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be patient. when she hits stop her get down to her level ( nobody listens when they are being talked down at. i know i wouldnt) and tell her i dont like when you do that to me, it hurts please stop. and when she tells you no have her look at you and tell her, its not ok for you to tell me no. you need to be a good listener. and if she keeps doing it while u are trying to talk to her then tell her that you arent talking to her untill she is listening and wait it out. usually takes a minute for them to decide they want you to talk to them. reverse psycology, if you tell them no they want to do it and if you tell them you arent talking to them while they are acting that way they will stop so you will talk to them bc if u arent talking to them they will want you to. lol. and keep on it. sometimes it takes a few weeks. and its so hard. but it does pay off. just takes a while. and remember if ur yelling she's gonna yell and if u hit she's gonna hit. ive been working on it for 3 weeks with my middle one and he's driving me crazy but i know from experience it works and will pay off.

Kati - posted on 07/18/2011

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I make my 22 month old sit in his "time out chair" and the longer he cries the longer he sits...even if you think he doesn't understand you when you say this...say it...he/she will catch on...he calms down within 5 minutes...I do not condone slapping the hand (lightly) just to get his attention...not enough to leave a mark or hurt but just to get their attention.

Chloe - posted on 07/18/2011

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sounds like my lil monkey... now i dont belt my daughter but i do believe a smack on the bottom or two finger slap on the hand (what ever is apropriate at the time) doesnt hurt... i was smacked as a kid if needed and I BELIEVE I TURNED OUT BETTER THAN ALOT OF KIDS I KNEW who wernt punished as well as they should have been... every child is different and calls for different parrenting skills. my child is always warned a couple times before i act upon anything and sometimes all she needs is to be sent to her room but there is alot of times that she hurts others or even herself (thats what started me smacking her... she would pull at her hair or hit her own self... as soon as the bottom smacking started from me it all stopped). i say only YOU know whats RIGHT for YOUR child, and so long as their not being brused or mentally scarred then a smack when needed DOES WONDERS... do what works for you, as you probably know children act differently towards different people and no one else knows what goes on at home so they cant understand.

Charleen - posted on 07/17/2011

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Chelsea that is exactly why my daughter acts the way she does. I never spanked her until she was about 4 and didnt realize that I wouldnt be arressted for doing that. I was 19 when I had my daughter and fought off post partum because I was afraid to tell the doctor I had bad thoughts in fear that she would have called cps. So I battled depression then when she was older NV decided to come with a law you can spank your children just dont leave a red mark so I thought hmmmm how can you spank a child without leaving a mark you cant so I just didnt spank although she is getting better now that she is turning 6 and getting spanked for doing bad bad things she is getting better now that I know that I can discipline and not get thrown in jail so all is going well. But I agree with you that if you dont discpline young then they will be unruly the rest of adolecence

Jess - posted on 07/17/2011

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No one's got it right, remember that we are all parents who should have signs with 'work in progress' on our foreheads!! Lol. so here's my long piece of advice...i hope it helps.

My parents smacked me the odd time right up til the age of 10, sometimes with the wooden spoon. However, I found that I soon blamed my mum for her lack of ability and found ways of pushing the boundaries. I was never too rebellious just cunning. Anyway I feel no smacking would have been better as i would have respected my mum more i suppose.
However not only do we have our own experiences but I am now a mum myself trying my best for my girls with support from my hubby.

I am now a mum of a 3yr old and a 1 half year old and a primary school teacher. Smacking is against the law in the uk therefore it is encouraging to see so many alternatives especially supper nanny. I have therefore used a fancy chart for the 7 days of the week using a washable marker (which is wipeable) . I have listed approx 10 targets for each day and if my eldest gets 5 targets then she gets a reward from the treat box. (it's full of party things eg mini bubbles, mini colour books, balloon pack, some cheese crackers or even sweets etc).
Although, i wasn't keen on the term 'naughty' but i ended up using the naughty chair.
At first she was constantly on the 'naughty chair', then i thought this isn't working so I also adopted the other super nanny idea which is to remove a favourite toy (everytime she was put on the chair) and put it into a box. This worked but at times it seemed to get very full. The odd time i felt quite frustrated and even tapped her hand but i realised that is my anger being put on her. I should be the role model and focus on praising the good behaviour. Shouting and smacking just gives her the wrong type of attention.
Anyway, after being strict with these rules and consistent she soon got it and definately by 4 weeks later toys were rarely in the box and i started to tell her that because she's being so sensible and saying sorry straight away i don't need to take toys away.

I work full time so our nanny had to continue this method and this has worked. Initially i would come home and things were negative as the box was full but after advising her to be more laid back and say 'go to the toilet for me, or after you go to the toilet i'll get out the play dough...instead of putting pressure on her and saying i'm cross, we soon found this worked! also a good tip id the 3 second rule. give an instruction and count to 3. If your child has not done as you asked after a slow count then you must follow through with the rules eg naughty chair ask to say sorry etc.

Every day I now come home to a wall chart full of stars and she is covered in stickers and tells me with pride that she has been a good girl. This has been over the past 6 months that i have tried all of this out. Now i'm just waiting for my youngest to catch up, and go though it all again hopefully a little quicker! Lol

Every child is different but as soon as you explain why you do something and appreciate their very amazing abilities to understand and be wonderful little gems, life can be more fun and rewarding.
I also found that the bond we have and love for each other saw us through as we enjoyed different activities together and she felt very sad if I said 'we can't go swimming this weekend as you haven't got enough of your stars this week'. (don't give in to the tears or embarrassment, if you know it works in the home be consistenet in public, other mums admire your strength and skills).

I hope this helps and i'm sorry if i've waffled a bit but I truly believe if at first you don't suceed, try, try again!

Charleen - posted on 07/16/2011

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When my daughter started doing that at the same age (now shes 5 and still attempts to hit me and does sometimes) I did not spank her hence why she thinks she can still get away with it today. I have spanked her butt many of times it wasnt until bare butt and really made it sting that I learned how to get her attention she cut back on the talking back and hitting me she threw chairs at me and made me bust my arm open becuase i blocked it at 4 she cut the dogs nose with kitchen shears she was that bad. Now she love pokemon cards and this is what we use as punishment unless she is starting a fit up again then she not only loses the cards but she loses the right to be in the play room and goes to her room until she calms down and yes she throws things in her room but she stays until she is done and calm. Then when she is good for a week she gets a new set of cards. But I would start punishing her with what works if the other things you have tried havent worked after a couple weeks of consistent trying of one method then switch to another until you find something that works it took us 5 years but we found something

Gail - posted on 07/15/2011

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Hi Brandi I am sorry for taking so long with my post. I understand you and I commend you for asking for help. Do not feel bad if you have to give your kid a love tap to warn him about bad behavior, some kids do not understand time outs and use your words. I have spanked my daughter at around the same age, because she would fall out in the middle of the super market floor and scream. She also hit me in the face once. I waited til we got home and I smacked her on the butt. And now all I have to do is give her a look and she knows she doesn't want the bottom to be spanked so she stops. Kids need to be disciplined and they need to know Mommy means it when she says it. This is half the reason we have adults that act up for know reason because as a child they did it and got away with it.

Katelyn - posted on 07/15/2011

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I have been hit by my daughter one time. Obviously it was the last time. I have been told no, and I tell her " thats fine, you tell me no, then next time u want this or that I'll tell you no" we have a mutual respect for eachother. Yes I do give my mom voice every now and again but for the most part I like to say she knows what to do and what not to do.

Linda - posted on 07/15/2011

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Hi Brandi; 2 is a tough age...they are trying to strike up their identity in this jungle of life. Yes, if testing is the word, testing it is and it takes a lot of patience from mom and daddy. Ear plugs work. My 3 Bianca; did the same thing. Time out worked for me. I called it attitude adjustment. It was amazing; she would be whiny and crying and I would scoop her up put her in her crib, walk away...shut the door behind me. I waited by the door....waiting for the typical reaction every time...big loud outburst..screaming...yelling..1 minute 2...3... 4.... ah quiet silent, give her 1 more minute shes talking to herself giggling...time to walk in...pick her up give her a big hug...

The more constitent you can be with follow through, the less the reaction will be each time. At 3 when she starts her whining I just point to her room she says no. Then puts a smile on her face and goes to play with something esle.

The more you can be the guiding light, the more you help her understand her identity in your family circle; also you help her deal with her anger and emotions.

You're awesome Mom and you know it! Sweet mommies that care to ask for help!

Amber - posted on 07/14/2011

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I dont really know which way to go and I certainly dont judge either way... but i have a play pen set up away from everything and everyone and when they hit or yell or anything that is rude or mean.... they go in! They arent happy with me at all but i have had alot of sucess with that. I spank too but its mostly if they do something dangerous (like one of my boys loves to climb on the table) but i think people should do what works best for them in their situation! I hope that helps a little.... I do both spanking and non spanking and for me I think that its just a matter of the situation that your in and what your child has done to deserve the right kind of punishment in your eyes!

Michelle - posted on 07/14/2011

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Spanking or no spanking...I tend more on the some spanking side and use it to get their attention. I think just being consistent with whatever punishment you decide will ultimately get you to the goal you are achieving. Now I have two extremes in my children. One is very independent and it is hard to get through his way of thinking. Time outs have to be immediate. Action taken right away helps as well. I have noticed my trying to reason with one that is still learning right from wrong is NOT going to work till he realizes what is right in the first place. So for my experience and it has taken a couple of years and we are still working with him and his independence (LOL). He is kind, just makes many wrong choices. I try the positives with him. And I search for one when he starts his day off wrong. Otherwise it would be a very negative behavior. He tests me to my wits end, but I show no emotion to it, if my emotions flair and I yell. He will keep at the bad stuff the rest of the day. Just from my own experience. So stick with the plan you decide. I pray this is an encouragement. :)

Krystal - posted on 07/13/2011

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My daughter can be very whinny. I've tried getting down to her level and telling her she needs to use her words or mommy can't help her, I always end up getting slapped or something. So whenever she gets whinny or really fussy, I just tell her "Addie, use your words please", then I just continue with what I am doing. She does continue to whinny but once she uses her words, that's when I acknowlege her. After that, she just tells me what she wants. So my best advice is to tell her to use her words, and then don't talk to her till she does. I know it sounds mean, but it encourages her to learn her words and prevents you from being hit. Hope that helps

Amy - posted on 07/13/2011

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My DH & I VERY rarely spanked my son, he only hit maybe once or twice & we corrected him without spanking for this reason...If you are teaching your child that hitting is wrong & "naughty" how does spanking *which is a form of hitting* help them with learning that? When they grow up they need to have learned from us the ability to problem solve without hitting. Just a thought :)

Wendy - posted on 07/13/2011

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I have to disagree with the last post - at the age of 2 most children know that smacking mummy or daddy is wrong, so to say they don't understand I personally don't feel is right. My son is 18months old and as soon as he smacks me he gives me a kiss and cuddle because he knows what he has done is wrong but he does it out of anger that he can't tell me what he wants so I accept the kiss and cuddle then go through a long list until we get to what he wants!! I had to smack him to get him to realise that what he was doing to me wasn't nice and that it hurt he realised this quite quickly so after that whenever he smacked me I made him give me a kiss and cuddle and said to him that he had hurt mummy and he musn't do it again, he's cut down alot to what it was and once he can talk properly I think it will stop all together

Christine - posted on 07/13/2011

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i have an excellent well behaved bot yes he is naughty a lot but the usual he is two and four weeks what i do is one of two things if he wants my attention i only give it to him when he is good and when his naughty wanting attention i ignore him until he stops then i cuddle him shows him that when he stops i like and he receives if he is being naughty just outright naughty i take him to his room for 2 minutes he comes out does it again he goes straight back in its time consuming but pays off in the long run if you smack them at that age even though it shocks them it is hard to explane why and even when you try to they dont understand at that age why you just did that because technically until they know what they are doing they didnt do anything wrong and you just smacked them for no reason i do smack him on the hand if he is reaching for things he should not and disobeys no 3 times . thats the advise i have to offer :) good luck and every child is different :)

Chelsea - posted on 07/13/2011

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I believe in spanking to a certain extent (this is what I believe in and I am entitled to my beliefs). I am the mother of a 7 year old girl and 2 month old twins, but my 7 year old has never hit me, told me no, said she hates me, etc. She knows I am boss and she needs to respect me and her father and therefore after the age of 3 I honestly dont even remember the last time she needed a spanking. And from what I have personally witnessed from friends, family, etc the parents who are against spanking are the ones who have the most unruley children, and get hit by their children constantly, their children throw temper tantrums everywhere, say they hate them etc. So that is my opinion on the matter, and it doesnt surprise me what you wrote above on how your daughter will behave without spanking.

Melissa - posted on 07/12/2011

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first of all, in my opinion you should never let your child get away with hitting of yelling at you. i do a mix of both spanking and other forms of punishment. i only spank for things that are truly naughty, like hitting mommy or daddy. one thing that helps me is to calm her down then simply ask her how she would feel if someone did the naughty thing she did to her, or if it was something that could get her hurt i explain it in worst case scenario. like going on the road i tell her she can get run over by a big car and not be able to move her body or worse die. for the yelling thing you could calmly ask her if she would rather you yell at her in return. a friend of mine told me when their child acts up with the hitting and yelling they say "should we take you back to the baby store and get a new baby that will not be so mean to mommy and daddy?" i am not so much for that but it sure stops the hitting and screaming. my daughter's dad read online from a child psychologist that when a child is being whinny or crying a lot it is a call for attention and the child should be 100% ignored until they stop crying. that tells them the crying and whining does not get them the attention they want. i have tried this with my child and i will tell you this, it takes a lot of patience. my daughter will go on fits for an hour or so because of her whining or screaming for attention. and i do agree that giving attention to them when they want it and go about it in that way is wrong, it teaches them that they can get anything they want by acting that way. good luck and i hope you can find some help

Janessa - posted on 06/30/2011

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I have to admit, I am a non-spanker, but I have spanked my second child more than once, it was an almost natural thing to do, but I did feel bad and have vowed not to do it again. With him it seemed like the only thing I could do to get his attention, but I have prayed for better ways. What I am now doing is ignoring him and if he gets violent I put him in a room by himself until he calms down. When he does calm down we talk and he is usually very apologetic and sweet. Ignoring him works a lot of the time, but when it doesn't I have also taken special things away, or told him I would if he didn't stop. I have found also because I have 4 small children sometimes he especially is vying for more of my attention, and so when bad behavior increases after we correct it of course I make a special effort to give him more one on one attention, and that also helps. Whining we don't even listen to with any of our children, we completely ignore it. We'll tell them once that they are not going to get what they want by doing that, and if they don't correct it we just ignore them. Consistency is what works with this. It doesn't take them long at all to stop now. Anyways, hope that helps.

Cassandra - posted on 06/29/2011

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You sweet son is whining because he's not getting the physical attention that he needs. That is why, not any jealousy. Include him in all the cuddling with your daughter and let him sit beside you so that he feels included. Then he will regain his balanced self.

Kylie - posted on 06/29/2011

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my son (2 yrs) has taken on being really whinny since my daughtr (now 8 weeks) was born. I have been trying to ignore this behaviour, and when he talks to me in his whinny voice i tell him i won't listen til lhe uses he proper voice. it's a slow process but it's starting to work. I'd liket o add that generally we don't spnk, and use the naught corner, however if he is doing something really dangerous like trying to touch the stove, or (like last night) trying to get out of his car seat he gets a smack on his bottom.

Janie - posted on 06/29/2011

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Don't give up! If you have used the hand spank and saying no before she may only be modeling only what she knows. Time out in the same spot with consistent application will work! The thing is you have to be consistent with what your using time out for. By the way, once you have put them in the time out spot walk away... if they get out, put them back. until they have sat the set time. Once you have both been trained properly it will get easier for both of you. One minute per year is the accepted time limit for time out. Hope this helps! Been there!

Barbara - posted on 06/28/2011

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when i went to school they put you in a corner for depending on what you done etc 1-4 hours and let me tell you they'll do what ever it takes to get out of that corner (away from tv)

Sara - posted on 06/28/2011

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I believe in spanking 100%..they need to know who is boss, what is right and what is wrong, there is a HUGEEE difference between spanking and beating your child, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little tap.

April - posted on 06/28/2011

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Wow what a hot topic.
Well I have a 2 yr old high spirited little girl. Sometimes when i tell her "no" she throws herself down on the ground and throws a huge fit. When she does that I just walk away. Within the last week the fits are on a steady decline bc she knows it doesn't help and she's not going to get what she wants.
Now if she is doing something she shouldn't be doing or doing something dangerous to her, I spank her. I've spanked her maybe 5 times and she has learned that she doesn't like to be spanked so now I tell her once, then the second time I threaten a spanking and I haven't had to spank her in months. So for us spanking worked and so does ignoring in certain situations. But that's just me :) good luck.

Brittany - posted on 06/28/2011

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Do a supernanny! It's the only way!! It will take a few days or even a couple of weeks to get used to but once you do it properly she will understand that mummy rules the roost! It's not a quick fix like spanking is but it earns life long respect when its done properly!
When she is naughty give her a warning " mummy wants you to stop that, its bad behavior. If you don't, you'll sit on your naughty chair for 2 minutes"... If she persists follow through with the punishment and further explanation and ask for an apology after the 2 minutes.
Terrible twos suck!! Good luck xxxxxxx

RACHEL - posted on 06/28/2011

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Woo girl I har your cry lol. Let me advise this to you, EVERY child is different and you have to discipline according to what will work best for you. Im a spanker and I was raised when whipping was allowed. From my perspective we have more respect, discipline and where a lot tougher than our children that the world is raising now. And yes I said the world. You know your child better than anyone you know what she hates to lose, be without and etc. One o my daughters I only had to how how disappointe I was in her behavior and she hated disappointing me so much that I began to use it as a fom of discipline. So my advice is raise her into a respectful strong woman ont be afraid of your judgement dont forget how you were disciplined a keep in mind what the world considers new discipline. If she continue to whin then tret her like a baby and tell her babie dont get to o big girl things an as long as she continues to whin she shall go without all the things approiate for children of that age. Good luck

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2011

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The one thing I truly believe you need to think about with spanking is what it is potentially teaching your child...It's ok (for bigger people) to hit (smaller people) when they aren't doing what they want them to?!

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2011

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my two year old is the exact same way!! You just need to do your best to stay calm and be firm. I sometimes need to take a time-out myself, take a few deep breaths and come back to try calmly and respectfully talk to her. And yes she is only two but the understand a great deal you tell them. One great thing I have learned is 'less is more'! when trying to explain something to them the less you say the more impact it will have. So don't cave with the whiny. Just calmly say, when you can ask nicely you can have whatever it is she wants. i have also learnt (after four children) that if they want to whine and throw a tantrum, let them. They have every right to be upset if they can't have what they think they really want. However, they eventually learn that mom/dad isn't going to cave just because i am screaming and hollering and rolling around on the floor. And the one wonderful rule we have had since day one in our home is 'you hit, you sit'. It may seem impossible but its amazing how fast a two year CAN understand what that means. You hit, you sit in timeout-in this case 2 minutes!

Kenya - posted on 06/27/2011

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Honestly, different things work for different kids. Whatever discipline method you use you will simply have to commit to and not levitate from it. Things will get worse because shell try you, and once she realizes you're serious, they will get better. She could be emotional because she's gone from only child to sharing mommy. And it's terrible 2's season for you. Stay strong and stern. I read that a lower deeper voice has more authority I'n it than yelling and higher pitches. Ive personally found this to be true.

Bernadette - posted on 06/27/2011

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Different things work for different personalities. Some children just simply do not respond to these other types of punishment, and sometimes a smack is all that will work. If it means the difference between having a feral child who knows no boundaries, or a child who will behave because he realises that there are consequences to his actions, then maybe a light smack on the back of the hand or thigh is what's necessary? Of course, it has to be used within reason and usually as a last resort - I use it as a last resort sometimes, when reasoning, time-out, warnings, etc, have all failed. The final warning is "do you want a smack?" If it still fails to work, the smack needs to be given or the child will learn that you are bluffing and can continue to get away with bad behaviour. I don't believe it's ok to hand them out every time a child does something that you think is wrong - the child needs to be given the chance to rectify their behaviour with verbal warnings first and if this fails, then the smack is given as a last resort. And if you use this punishment fairly (only given when truly deserved) then your child will soon learn and you won't have to do it again.

Natasha - posted on 06/27/2011

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I am not a spanker! I consider it just another way of hitting a child, whether people say its not ...my mind is set hitting a child is not the way to resolve anything... after all i wouldn't want someone to hit me to teach me something. I would rebell. My son used to scratch pintch bite kick scream ect. ect. but i would get down to his level (on my knee) and hold his arms so he wouldnt hurt me and calmly say to him he should (hit ect.) because it hurts me. and i would ignore tantrums completely..wouldn't even look at him and give all my praise and attention to the good things; whether it's playing quietly or taking a first step. we shape our children into who they will be in their first three years of life then we ever will. If things don't get better while using these methods, then perhaps you should see a berhavioural specialist.

Gail - posted on 06/27/2011

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I agree with a lot of the other ladies, and sometimes spanking kids is another form of violence. Its all in then they way you do and when you discipline your child. Every child is different and what works for one may not work for another. I have seen women put their children in the corner and tell them not to move, and keep putting them there every time the kid gets up, and I have seen children get a small spank on the butt. I have used both methods and I now all I have to do is look at my child and she knows she doesn't want to go through the consequences.

Janet - posted on 06/27/2011

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i must say ur comments made me laugh - do what feels right for u and whatever works

Traci - posted on 06/27/2011

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Im not sure what you're trying or what you tried before but i can't see how spanking how spanking would ever result in something good. Although she may think "i wont do that again ause i got hit" the next time someone does something she doesn't like she'll hit them. We're struggling to find the right way to discipline out daughter because she's 2 and becoming so independent but still can't always communicate clearly why she's upset, she's testing everything and is quite the drama queen but if i pick her up because she's not coming when i ask or im taking her for a time out i can honestly say she never slaps or hits me, and we have never done it to her, Its possible the methods you are trying just dont work for your child. My daughter is very emotional so i find if she's getting upset in a social setting (with sharing or other kids taking toys from her) if i remove her from the situation for 10 min or she can come down and things usually improve when we go back.

Susan - posted on 06/27/2011

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I too am struggling with a head strong two year old and it's a challenge but I'll never raise a hand no matter how tempting in the moment it is. I did get a book called How to talk to your child so your child will listen and listen so your child will talk and it has very useful suggestions re. communication. It may be skewed for slightly older kids but it does give me ideas about how to more effectively communicate with my daughter...
Susan
www.thesusie.blogspot.com

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2011

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I am agreement with you. I have a step granddaughter that, before she started spending time with her father, my daughter and our family, she had never been told no, or even disciplined. She swung a purse full of toys at me one day, and I tapped her on the arm, told her that was not the way we behave, and made her put the purse up. She has never done this again.



I truly believe that if a warning is not enough to stop a behavior, then spanking is called for. My kids learned early that they don't push me around, and I will not tolerate bad behavior.

Angie - posted on 06/27/2011

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I want to start by saying I am a spanking mom--but only so much as to cause a little pain to the bask of my daughter's hands. She too is a whiny/temper tantrum baby at 16 months. What has worked for me has been to recognize her moods, especially when she gets frustrated by NOT getting her way, and repeating that NO means NO.She likes being with me, so often I have to put her in a "time-out" chair (in the same room) until she calms down. This baby is a grandchild who was already 14 months old when we got her, so in a couple of months she has come to recognize that I can't be manipulated like she does her grandfather. I have had to provide the structure and discipline because I do not react negatively (giving in) to her regular melt-downs. I see improvement in her disposition every day, so for her I believe I'm on the right track.

Donna - posted on 06/27/2011

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My children are grown and yes,I did spank them but I tempered it with other forms of punishment. And notice I said spank,not beat.M y kids were not aggressive and they were well behaved.And they will tell you they only got punished when they needed it.So,no I do not think spanking is harmful. I do believe there is an age where it is no longer affective and you have to adjust your punishment to what works for each child.

Christy - posted on 06/27/2011

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Been through all that! But time outs worked! You have to just keep trying and putting them back in a chair if they get out. 1 min. for yr. of child. It calms them down and you also. Also, don't talk to them in time out, leave them alone (hard to not yell at them when in time out), go in a different room if have to, but it does work. Pretty soon, just the threat of a time out and they think differently of what they are doing or saying. Good luck, good behavior doesn't happen overnight. Maybe the child is just bored too, find some games to play or good old playdough.

Jae - posted on 06/27/2011

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Well for starters, she is two LOL. When my daughter was two I used to tell people,"You cant scare me, I have a two year old". Jealousy can also play a big factor even if she doesnt always show her jealousy. My daughter was the same age when my neice was born and we were watching my neice for my sister alot. We also live with my mom and up until my neice was born, my daughter was Grandma's baby. I saw my daughter do many things out of jealousy toward her cousin just as much as they loved each other and played with each other. At this age there really is no clear way other than whatever method you choose, do it consistently. Consistency is the key to any disciplinary method.

Adrianne - posted on 06/27/2011

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I was a spanker, two year olds only do what 2 year olds know how to do. Channel her energy in another direction is good sometimes. But if you don't discipline things at home you will be in for a great surprise outdoors. Things such as hitting you, slapping you is a no no. At home where she sit would be tender. I would paddle that tissue back there until she can fully understand that what she is doing is wrong. If you tell the child don't touch the oven bc its hot, and they keep touching the cool over, one day it will be hot and it could be fatal. So if spanking that hand before they touch the really hot oven will definitely safe their life. (Spare the rod, spoil the child)

Sunelle - posted on 06/27/2011

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I am a single mother, which means I must be mommy & daddy to my kids, as their father does not really feature in their lives. My son (now 5) was a very easy child and I didn't really have major discipline issues with him, but my daughter has entered the terrible two's with a vengeance! Time out doesn't work, because she just refuses to go stand in the corner and she throws a tantrum over just about everything. Finally, I lost my patience with her about two weeks ago and gave her the hiding of her life. Lo and behold, she suddenly turned into the sweetest little girl! I have a leather strap, in the shape of a hand that I use, called Sakabula. Whenever they are naughty, the mere mention of Sakabula is enough to get them listening to me. I don't abuse my children and we have plenty of great times, playing or singing together, but I have to make sure that they understand I am the leader of our household. I believe a spanking can work wonders and I know some mothers would crucify me for that. I love my children and don't want to raise them to be brats. I do use alternative methods of discipline, such as withholding treats or time out, but will spank as a last resort.

Jacquie - posted on 06/27/2011

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Firstly as a parent who has also tried both. (one day my son told me what a waste smacking him was as it did nothing!)... A behavour chart is a great idea to reward the good behavour. Everytime she smacks etc take a toy away and place in a box for her to "earn" back. I find my 12 and 8 yr old respond better to rewarding good reather than punishing the bad. Good luck, and remember you are not alone.

[deleted account]

Falicity, thank you for sharing about bringing harmony into the home. I notice that it helps with my family as well. I have a 16 yr old strong willed son and a 13 yr old sweet gifted daughter who has Aspergers, a form of Autism. Providing a calm atmosphere in the home, including areas to relax, to play, for parents only unless kids invited, helps to create a peaceful atmosphere where it soothes the senses. So many children are overstimulated that they do not know how to relax so they get strung out, acting out because they do not know how to handle over stimulation. When my strong will son, 16, is having a rough day if I sing to him it soothes his soul and he sweetens, my 13, with Aspergers, she loves a quiet area to either read or listen to music. Find out ways to sooth the senses in your home and you may notice a change of behavior in everyone, maybe to include no loud talking in the house... The home should be a place to live, laugh, love, rest, and heal...

Katie - posted on 06/27/2011

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I am not against spanking, but I also feel that it should be used only when necessary and not just when you are so frustrated it's what you feel you have to do to feel better. Does that make sense? lol. If she is already hittting, then spanking her is only going to reenforce her belief that hitting is okay, ya know?
I am a huge believer in the Super Nanny and have two of her books, both in which I know have some great information.
I know that you've probably done this, but I guess if it were me, I'd start consistently putting her in another room, on a step, or in her bed every time she displays inappropriate behavior. The thing is, is that you have to be completely consistent with it, which is sometimes hard to do...
I also agree that she could very well be displaying some jealous behavior due to having the little one to "compete" with.
Good luck! I hope that you can figure out something that works for you....and remember, leave her in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes if you need to! Every mommy needs a "time-out" here and there. :)

Jillian - posted on 06/27/2011

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When using a behavior change technique, behaviours almost ALWAYS get worse before better. You have to stay consistent through the rough patch. The child will increase the behaviour to try and get you to take notice and engage in your old patterns. Stick with whatever you've been trying wether it be planned ignoring, time outs, natural consequences etc.

Falicity - posted on 06/27/2011

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I was having similar issues with my 1 and a half year old and was very frustrated. I decided to talk to my pediatition because I noticed that the more I tried to battle my two year old the more I was loosing. He seemed to have the bigger will. Lol. Which was causing my 8 year old to act out. I don't know if it was because of the tension in the house or the fact that he figure if a 1 and a half year old can get the better of mom so can I. But I was loosing control. So their doctor told me to get a book called raising happiness. I found it to be amazing. He talks about finding happiness yourself so that you can be a model for your children and then being patient and consistent. That if you can create a happy atmospher it is easier to maintain that calm and it helps lower the amount of confrontation. It is extrememly frustrating because I am still learning myself but I can feel the difference in my family. I hope things get easier for you. They are definitely right when they say being a parent is one of the most challenging endevors you will ever take but one of the most rewarding. Good luck.

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