Calling unborn children "IT"

Charlie - posted on 04/21/2010

The OP has not returned to her thread to reply so we are locking this thread , thank you for your participation .

Erin - posted on 04/21/2010

My nephew became "the bean" - and I still call him that as a nickname now. Irks my bro in law, but everyone in our family had nicknames so it's not a big deal to sis and I.

Mandi - posted on 04/21/2010

I started using "it" in reference to my baby because answering the plethora of questions my 8 year old has saying, "When he or she gets to be this old, this is what is happening with him or her" got old REALLY fast. I am very excited to find out the sex of this little lima bean so we can start using "him" or "her" accordingly....also because we have great names picked for either and I'd like to start refering to the baby by his/her name rather than strictly pronouns.

Audrey - posted on 04/21/2010

HEHE.. I USE TO CALL MY KIDS IT AT FIRST BEFORE I FOUND OUT THE GENDER.. BUT IT ONLY BOTHERS ME WHEN THEY ARE CALLED IT AFTER THEY WERE ALREADY BORN...

Lexi - posted on 04/21/2010

i no how u feel! from the first month of my pregnancy i thought i was having a boy so i called him a him and made everyone else do it to if they were referring to my baby or at least say "the baby." turns out i was right (YAY!!!) and "it" became even less acceptable.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

I started calling my children a sex the moment I found out I was pregnant. I don't know why, but from 3 weeks pregnant I always called my little boy "he". At 5 weeks pregnant I called my little girl a "she". And that was how it was. I decorated the nursery before we found out sexes too. I guess I got lucky :) but I never referred to them as "it" and couldn't imagine doing so. I even call my friends babies "he" or "she" from the time they find out. Even if they want it to be a different sex than I think it is. Sometimes it drives them crazy because of that though.

Kacee - posted on 04/21/2010

Really what are you supposed to say? "Hows the baby doing?" "He/she is doing well. He/she constantly kicks me at night and he/she always seems to have the hiccups..." Get the picture? It's not people trying to be rude or uncaring... it's just easier and you don't sound as stupid or repetitive. Besides, no one wants to call YOUR unborn child by a gender. If someone had called my unborn a "he" before we knew what it was, I would've hormonally beat them to death with their assumptions

Krista - posted on 04/21/2010

Oh my land, is this discussion still going on?



People, sometimes you have to use pronouns! Pronouns are your friends! You cannot always say "the baby" or "the bean" or "ninja warrior".



I'll use Tracey's example below (not an attack on you, Tracey, I'm just using the nicknames you mentioned as an example):



So, let's say I'm pregnant, and someone comes up to me and asks me how the baby's doing.



Which paragraph sounds least awkward?



1. The Bean is doing just great, thanks! We had our 32-week checkup and The Bean is growing well and gaining weight. We're very excited about decorating The Bean's room -- we almost have The Bean's crib all set up and The Bean's big brother is very excited. I'm guessing that The Bean has turned, though, and I'm not very comfortable, because The Bean keeps sticking The Bean's foot up in my ribs."



2. The Bean is doing just great, thanks! We had our 32-week checkup and he or she is growing well and gaining weight. We're very excited about decorating his or her room -- we almost have his or her crib all set up and his or her big brother is very excited. I'm guessing that he or she has turned, though, and I'm not very comfortable, because he or she keeps sticking his or her foot up in my ribs."



3. The Bean is doing just great, thanks! We had our 32-week checkup and it's growing well and gaining weight. We're very excited about decorating its room -- we almost have its crib all set up and its big brother is very excited. I'm guessing that The Bean has turned, though, and I'm not very comfortable, because it keeps sticking its foot up in my ribs."



Like Kathy said, "it" is the proper personal pronoun to use when referring to someone of unknown gender. It doesn't mean that you're dehumanizing your baby. It doesn't mean that you don't have an attachment to your baby. It certainly doesn't mean that you're pro-abortion.



All it means is that you're using proper grammar.



If you DON'T want to use "it", then that's totally your choice. But it's absolutely inane to think that anybody who DOES use "it" is doing some terrible thing to their child.

Tracey - posted on 04/21/2010

we used random words depending on our mood at the time, peanut, donut, football, ninja warrior (when kicking a lot), sir bounce a lot, jelly bean, gizmo, and buttman (when they stretched and we could see the bottom pushing out of the bump).

Kathy - posted on 04/21/2010

Tina, "it" does not necessarily refer to an inanimate object.

This is from" http://www.esldesk.com/vocabulary/pronou...
"It - The third-person singular personal pronoun used to refer to a human entity of unknown sex or gender.

e.g She took the baby and held it in her arms."

Tina - posted on 04/21/2010

Because referring to a "Baby" in the womb is a baby not an "it" & "it" would b something not living. MO! & yes I do refer to my kids or my children just depends on what I am referring to... Totally different scenario....

Rebecca - posted on 04/21/2010

I didn't like it when a man/doctor called my baby a foetus even though he was over 25-30 weeks gestation and should be considered a baby. It didn't bother me before that time because it wouldn't survive before 20 weeks. It also made me feel that they didn't see my baby as a human being but as a parasite.

Joanne - posted on 04/21/2010

yes, no matter what is the sex of the baby, he or she must not refer as IT. when alexia is 3 months and didnt know her gender, i used to call her MY PUMPKIN but the others call her ANGEL.

Susan - posted on 04/20/2010

One more response. They do even say in the hospital after the baby is born they say...IT'S a boy or "IT'S a girl so they take that "IT" and change the name right there. They don't say you have a girl/boy they say "IT'S a boy/girl.

Susan - posted on 04/20/2010

Kathy that is such a cute name Buddha...I will have to let my pregnant friends know that name...It is so so cute!!!!

Susan - posted on 04/20/2010

Just read all the comments and after reading them I think people are being bothered by a two letter word "it"..Being a mom of 4 if I worried and was bothered by anyone saying "it" everytime I would probaby lose my mind. Don't worry about the situation. There are bigger things to be bothered or worried about. Don't stress yourself out over the word "it". Just correct them in a nice way and leave it at that.

Angie - posted on 04/20/2010

I don't let what's none of my business bother me. What they call their child is their business, not mine. We never knew the sex of our children so we called our children, "the baby". I have too many things to do to waste my time worrying what anyone else is calling their child.

Susan - posted on 04/20/2010

Most people who call the baby it is because they do not know the sex of the baby. Also, when the baby is born and you are at the store or something and they call the baby it is also because they are confused about the gender. I have found out that they would rather say it then to call her a he or to call a he a she. My daughter's name is Chance and when I am on the phone with someone or making an appointment for her (when they have never met her) I always have to correct them because they are always calling her a him. I wouldn't take it personally. I would just politely tell them the gender when you are having the conversation. Hope this helps you....

Carol - posted on 04/20/2010

In the old days children did not always survive, so the habit of calling an unborn child it, and not knowing what gender seamed natural and not uncommon.

People did not have showers until the baby was close to being born.

Today we know the sex almost as soon as we know we are expecting. Just tell them your unborn child is a boy or girl.

And try to understand why some people have a hard time asking the sex..

Carol Shriner( Gram-mother)

Danielle - posted on 04/20/2010

I personally think its ridiculous to get upset about such things. How is calling the unborn CHILD "The baby" any better than referring to him or her as "IT"...
Do you call your children "KIDS" or do you refer to them as "children" They're not baby goats are they?

Tina - posted on 04/20/2010

LOL. Thats funny!!

Loni - posted on 04/20/2010

This bothers me a lot. If you know the sex of the baby call them by their names or say he/she or boy/girl anything but "IT".

Erin - posted on 04/20/2010

I'm with you!!! If someone does not know the gender of their baby, they can just choose one. Call the fetus "he," or "she," or just any old name until you do know what the appropriate term should be. But for goodness sake, he/she is not an IT!!!

Ashley - posted on 04/19/2010

It drives me crazy! All the "It's a boy and It's a girl" is just silly. Say baby boy/girl. I don't understand it either.

Lisa - posted on 04/19/2010

I completely agree. Even if you don't know the sex of the child you're carrying or you don't want to know until the day the baby arrives. When you are expecting, you are not expecting IT! You are expecting a bundle of joy, a baby, a little girl/boy, and it would bother me if they didn't treat my child humanlike & call him an IT. If you are expecting, you should tell your friends, family, or whoever is calling your child an it that it bothers you! I didn't tell anyone for 3 months when I was pregnant, not even our parents...we called him baby Weber when we finally told our family...using baby as first name and then our last name before we knew the sex of the baby.

Leah - posted on 04/19/2010

Yeah, I don't like that either. I just called mine "him" before I found out. Turns out it was a boy anyhow, but I would do the same with future babies. It's technically proper English to do so.

Phyllis - posted on 04/19/2010

Made me insane. I said he or she depending on my mood.

Theresa - posted on 04/19/2010

It does bother me too! I can understand if yhou don't know the sex, but I agree that they could call 'it' the baby, or bub. My fiance's nephew had the habit of calling our daughter 'it' even after she was born... Should've heard me go off at him! We also made up nicknames for the baby ie, the 1st one was 'Bubble' and the 2nd one (due in just over 3 weeks) was 'Dot'. As soon as we knew the sex we started calling them by their names though which some people don't like.

Karen - posted on 04/19/2010

one more reason to find out the sex of the baby if you can. My friends called theirs "peanut" or a pretend name

Shannon - posted on 04/19/2010

LOL Oh yes, Stephen Kings IT, scary movie till the end. : D

Krista - posted on 04/19/2010

That's hilarious, Shannon. I was wondering for a few seconds, "how on earth does she get CLOWNS from the word 'it'?"

And then I remembered...Stephen King. Right. :)

Shannon - posted on 04/19/2010

I couldn't stand it, I know IT as being a clown and I hate clowns.

Amy - posted on 04/19/2010

I HATE when people refer to an unborn baby as IT. It just seems disrespectful to me. We referred to this baby as he/she or the baby until we found out what we were having. Since then he has been a him or been called by the name we picked out for him.

Nicole - posted on 04/19/2010

Yes, it drives me nuts. I didn't know what my baby was until SHE was born. I referred to her as Peanut before she was born and since she was early, and justover three pounds, it stuck :D My sister in law still calls her baby "it" and she is almost three. I hate that!!!
Nicole

Tiffany - posted on 04/19/2010

My friend ended up calling hers baby honker, so cute.

Tina - posted on 04/19/2010

& that it true.... I don't mind baby so much or he or she until the child is born & then after that the child has a name so people should use it & have respect for the parents & the child..

Laura - posted on 04/19/2010

yes it annoys me too. all the way through my pregnancy mine was called junior by all my family.

Krista - posted on 04/19/2010

I used to refer to my baby as "Spawn of Elliott".

Honestly, it is up to the parents as to how they want to refer to their own kid. If a mother asks you to not refer to her baby as "it", then respect that. But if the mother herself refers to the child as "it" and obviously is fine doing so, then that's totally her prerogative.

Danielle - posted on 04/19/2010

Not really because I didn't find out the gender of my son before he was born, nor do I plan to with this baby. I notice women refer to my belly as "the baby" and men commonly refer to the baby as "it." Doesn't bother me.

Wendy - posted on 04/19/2010

I called my first one "Slug" because that what it looked like on my first ultra sound.. Maybe it was the hormonal changes in my body at that point in time that gave me the feeling that it was ok as my own personal term of endearment.. That was 27 years ago. Dont let the "it" word drive you nuts.. Its only a word after all. Dont attach some sort of meaning to it that irritates you. Enjoy your pregnancy.. and then you will hold your beautiful baby ..I wish you all the best

Lisa - posted on 04/19/2010

Yes, it drives me nuts!

Emily - posted on 04/19/2010

It's lazy to use the word 'it' correctly?

Rebekah - posted on 04/19/2010

Yes- annoys me... and I'm more easily annoyed when pregnant. I will say "they" as in someone whose name you don't, but then people always think it's twins... that annoys me too. I hate people jumping to conclusions. So Ihaven't realy found a satisfactory way to refer to them...other than awkwardly inserting "the baby" where it doesn't really fit.

Shannon - posted on 04/19/2010

I don't love it. But I realize that we all have a tendency to speak in a lazy way. Myself included. It would bug me less if everyone could use other ways of addressing the baby inerchangably (he or she; the baby.; it) than "it" wouldn't stand out so much.

Tina - posted on 04/19/2010

well, in that case I guess I can understand,but when you know the sex & the child has a name she is a human before she is even born treat her like one..... I just don't understand people...

Kathleen - posted on 04/19/2010

I agree! We are expecting in a week and have optd not to find out the sex. We have chosen to call our Baby "Little Person" when speaking in context of "He or She" :-) Works well for us.

Tina - posted on 04/19/2010

yes, it also drives me mad... My inlaws used to do that with my last 3 kids... Not the first that I remember... I have had so many words with them over that... My second daughter couldn't even be called by her name for the first 1yr of her life cause they didn't like her name that would refer to her as baby... People are just so immature & childish it makes me ill.

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2010

A friend of mine called her's "Gremlin" because she didn't want to call the baby (we now know is a boy!) "it". She said it was a term of endearment.
I didn't like saying "it" so I just said "baby" until we found out at 25 weeks he was a boy.

Stacey - posted on 04/19/2010

Btw-I called each of mine a parasite....doesn't mean I loved them any less!

Stacey - posted on 04/19/2010

I think it is fine as long as it is still in your belly...once it comes out though, he, she, or baby would be expected. Sure it is great to have little pet names for the baby, but do you really want to be speaking to someone and say "Goober is very active today, the doctor said Goober is measuring ahead", ect. thats kinda weird. Also-there is a post at the beginning from Krista Elliot and it shows a sentence using baby instead of it - "I went to the doctor today, and he said that the baby is well within the baby's normal range for the baby's growth. As well, he said that the baby seems really active, which I could have already told him, because the baby is constantly sticking the baby's foot under my ribs every time the baby moves around." You have to admit, If I were speaking like that to someone that would be very annoying