Can a parent be 2 honest with thier kids

Christy - posted on 04/28/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My older 2 kids r at that age where they like the other sex. They r wanting 2 go on dates now. I was very young when I had them I was still in high school. I don't regrat having them, I just don't want them miss out on life, I want them 2 go 2 college, 2 do the things I couldn't. So am I wrong for telling them the truth bout sex & drugs. I just don't want them 2 make the same masteks I did!!!

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Diana - posted on 04/28/2009

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No your right in telling them. Kids need to know whats going on around them that way they can understand the repercussions and the adventures that come with life. Its better to always get the truth from you than to learn some half-truth or, even worse, the wrong thing entirely from someone else. Tell them your experiences, but also tell them what you've learned from those experiences. In the end it all comes down to communication and trust. Without those nothing you do will work.

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I have people telling me I should not be so open about sex with my 11 year old, but there are girls having babies in his 6th grade class. He will either learn it from me or from them. I choose!

Shanna - posted on 04/29/2009

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I dont think so at all if you don't tell them they will ask their friends or someone else.You want to make sure they are getting the correct information even if that means you have to wonder if you gave to much information.I think they learn to make better decisions when they feel like you are there willing to talk about whatever they need to ask,I also had my first child in high school,she is now almost 17 and a wonderful student and athlete,I also have 4 other girls and 1 boy I am very honest and up front with them.

Kathy - posted on 04/29/2009

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Im all for sharing life stories with the kids Christy, but try to emphasise that you want better for them than how yours was. otherwise, they will use it as an excuse to do it. "But YOU did it!" is what teens like to counter back with when they do it. if we as parents glamourize our endeavors they will think its ok for them to do it as well

Christy - posted on 04/29/2009

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Thank u 2 everyone who anwersed me yesterday. U all was very helpfull. I talk 2 my kids about everything. When I was much younger I did drink alot & I also tried drugs. I don't do any of that any more it took 1 time for me 2 get into alot of trouble, & it woke me up 2 see what I was doing 2 my self & the ones who loved me. I talk 2 the kids about every bad thing 2 happened 2 me in them bad times, hoping they learn from what I tell them so they don't make the same bad choses I made. I pray everyday that they have better judgment of people & their surrdings then I did when I was their ages!!!

Chawna - posted on 04/29/2009

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I agree with the others.... I start answering questions with my girls as soon as they start asking! ...around 3! (using real words... but with simple easy to understand language)

Jenifer - posted on 04/29/2009

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There is no such thing as too honest when it comes to sex and drugs, but there is age appropriate. I try to aswer any questions honestly and upfront, but obviously I'm more informative to the older kids than the younger ones. A 9 year old can handle the facts but doesn't need too much detail yet, and a 14 to 21 year old gets a situation relavent talk. It really depends on what questions they're asking, as their mother you know them best and at what maturity level they're at. I have eight children from 21 down to 9 and I've just been as honest as I can be with them, so far so good I don't have any grandchildren. Safe sex is a serious problem and with teenagers should be covered. With all the children regardless which sex I tell them that at the end of the day they are the one's responsible for their actions and not to depend on their boy/girl friends to know what is right or if they are having sex to ensure that no preagnancies come out of any situation. I hope that has been helpful as it's not too specific. I feel lucky that all my children tell me everything and that they rely on me not judging them and giving them good relevant advise. I admit wincing sometimes at least inside, but I just plough on and do my best.

Deborah - posted on 04/28/2009

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i think u should be honest now a days its a big wide world out there and im worried sick when my girls start going out but maybe thats cos im over protective cos one is special needs. when i go out i cant believe the amount of drugs there are about and how young the kids are that r takin them so be honest and good luck

Donnette Denise (Dee) - posted on 04/28/2009

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NEVER...you are their first teacher. Mostly everything they have learned you have taught them. I have two teenagers and I am honestly open and very frank with them. We have discussed sex and drugs and everything in between. JUST SAY NO!

Arwen - posted on 04/28/2009

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If they are developed enough to have kids, and they don't know about the birds and the bees yet, it might be a little late, but don't worry about it. I would be really honest about it, maybe severly technical. Getting them a book on sex that's made for their age would also be great, and they could look at all the information without feeling so embarrassed in front of Mom. ;)



I know a woman, she's 19 now, and she demanded her mother tell her exactly what sex was when she was 8. The technical "what do you do to make a baby" sex talk. She got tired of "when two people really love each other, God takes two parts of them....etc", and she states that knowing exactly what it was at that age made sure she didn't have any illusions about it, and she's still a virgin today.



And don't be afraid to set ground rules. If you don't want your children having sex or doing drugs, tell them. My husband and I have already made one: Our daughter is not allowed to have sex or do drugs while she lives with us. If she moves out, she's grown up enough to take care of herself, she's welcome to do as she pleases. But not under our roof!

Amie - posted on 04/28/2009

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Depending on the situation some parents can be too honest but when it comes to sex and drugs the more information the better prepared they are to handle those situations and decisions.
Even being totally prepared though accidents can happen in regards to sex. My mom has always been upfront with all of us even going so far as to buy us condoms. Kinda weird when they come from your mom but at least she didn't say don't do it she just said be safe when you decide to. Well I was safe but ended up pregnant at 17 anyway. My sister who is now a teenager and the same age as I was when I started having sex (16) has learned from me at least. That no matter the precautions, no matter how much information you have, accidents can happen! She's chosen to remain a virgin until she is old enough to handle anything that might happen. I'm proud of her for her decision.

Kathy - posted on 04/28/2009

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the ages of your kids arent too soon. the earlier the better. Im honest with my girls. sometimes you feel like its gonna backfire on you; like if you talk about sex its giving them the go ahead to do it too..unless youre telling them that you want them to wait..that you want them to be at an age where they will know the difference between love and youthful lust. that you want it to mean something to them. encourage them to be honest with you as well. kids are talking about sex in grade school these days. Id be talking to them so that theyre gettin the right information. Good Luck

Frances - posted on 04/28/2009

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i dont think that being honest about sex and drugs is a bad thing...i do however think that you can phrase it in a way that it dosent seem fun and exciting. if you want to be honest and talk about sex....pointing out the most unattractive things about it could be the best fix! rent a birthing movie, and have them watch the whole thing...i think that is the best birth control for a young person. if its drugs, make them watch an intervention marathon...show them the most possible worst way that things can come out, and then they might think twice about "growing up" to fast!! good luck!

June - posted on 04/28/2009

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It really depends on their age. I had my son when I was still in high school, too. I personally believe that if my mom and/or dad had actually had a serious talk with me about human desire and what not when I was 12 or so I may have not made the choices I had. That's not to say that your children are completely blind to sex or things of that nature, but it might help them knowing that it is a concern of yours and only with for their well being and happiness. Good luck.

Helen - posted on 04/28/2009

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I think your doing just fine in having the sex and drug talks with your kids. I had my first son when I was 17, and my mother never had those talks with me. You can tell them how you missed out on a lot of things and how you want to see them go off to college and stuff. Our kids are never too young or too old to have those talks with them.

[deleted account]

Quoting Malinda:

Honestly you're probably a little late. I knew my peers' version of "the truth" about sex and drugs by 6th grade. It's never *too* late to start these conversations, but don't be shocked by what they already know, and misconceptions they already have.

I do not think a parent can ever be too honest with a child - it's all about framing the message and finding an appropriate way to communicate it given the age/development stage of the child. In your case, the message should be around how lucky you are to have them, but also what a struggle it was and you want them to experience the same joy without as much of a struggle. I think you can, and should, be open with them about your experiences.


I agree with this response

Malinda - posted on 04/28/2009

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Honestly you're probably a little late. I knew my peers' version of "the truth" about sex and drugs by 6th grade. It's never *too* late to start these conversations, but don't be shocked by what they already know, and misconceptions they already have.



I do not think a parent can ever be too honest with a child - it's all about framing the message and finding an appropriate way to communicate it given the age/development stage of the child. In your case, the message should be around how lucky you are to have them, but also what a struggle it was and you want them to experience the same joy without as much of a struggle. I think you can, and should, be open with them about your experiences.

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