can my ex come and take my son even though she has been in and out of his life?

Rob - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I need help! i have been taking care of my son with his mom in and out of his life, its been about two months since she has seen him. But now she is demanding i bring him to her and saying she wants him for good. And she is not clear when i will be able to see him or take him. I am worried she will try to come and take him by force, can she?

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Michelle - posted on 01/18/2013

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Unless there is a court order in place no you do not have to let her have him, and if you have been his primary caregiver up until now a court will most likely rule in your favor as far as primary custody goes. Look into legal aide if you can't afford a lawyer

Naida - posted on 01/19/2013

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Hello Rob, I will tell you straight out, i rarely give advice. The main reason is because people like to complain about their about their problem, and then wait for a person to respond with an answer they like the best.
I cant be bothered with that. So I will give you good, proper, action advice. If you truly want your son, and to keep him safe, then listen.
First, you must answer a few questions. Do you have any legal documentation of custody for this child? Does the mother?
The documentation and its rulings come first.
If there is none. Then do nothing, do not allow the mother to take the child at this time. Sadly children are treated as any other possession. And possession is 9/10th s of the law. and that is a fact. The person with the child has the best chance of having the child. Period.

Now, if she wants to see him, you must tell her to go to the court house and file. It is not you being mean to her or denying her access. It is protecting the child from an unstable environment.If you would like her to see the child, and know she cant be bothered with the whole ""court" thing, then go down to the court house. BELIEVE me, it is not in my best interest to tell you this, but when it comes to straight custody. You do NOT need a lawyer right away. Go to the court house, tell them you have your child who was abandoned by his mother 3 months ago and has come back and wants to take him. You FEAR for his safety. You dont know what she has been up to, and who she spends time with. They will help you file a temporary emergency custody order. No one likes to share this dirty little secret, but the people at the court house willl help you. Lawyers do not like people to know this. After the emergency order is in place you can start working towards a regular custody order. Now if you do not follow this advice, and follow it right away. You risk losing your son to an unstable, unreliable mother, and may never get him back. I have seen it a dozen times. And because this is the weekend. DO NOT allow her too come and take him! Monday morning take him to school if he goes, and go straight to the court house. Tell the school that you are going to court and his mother may NOT pick him up without a court order. That is my advice to you. Take it or dont. Your call, I wish you all the best, I really do.

Dove - posted on 01/18/2013

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Get a lawyer and go to court. You need a custody/visitation order in place. If you hand over your son without that... you may never see him again (at least that would be my fear with an in and out parent). If you do not have a court order... she can't just come and take him from you. A lawyer can help you get this all settled legally. You want to make sure the court knows that you don't want to keep your son from his mother, but with her being such an in and out parent you want a court order in place to protect your son and his best interest.

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Jessica - posted on 01/20/2013

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If there are no custody orders either parent can legally take the child. From school, the park, wherever. As long as the other parent is not carrying them, holding their hand, ect. I'm in Australia, my brother raised his 2 autistic children alone after his wife left them, 2 years later she appeared and took the 3 year old from her daycare & attempted to take the 5 year old from his school. My brothers solicitor told him this information. I was with him.
Good luck with everything.

Rob - posted on 01/19/2013

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Wow thanks a bunch i didn't know that I will do that on Monday for sure. And yes I have his social and birth certificate, and I don't think his mom does.. Thank you so much. I love my son with all my heart I almost gave him to her this weekend cause i feel like they should see each other but she is still up to no good and I have changed my mind.. again. I can't thank you enough for this information, God bless you! :)

Christine - posted on 01/19/2013

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You need to get a good lawyer and figure this out. Are you married? Who has custody of the child? If she has custody, yes, she can take him. But if she is not a fit mother, the lawyer should be able to help. You should have specific parenting plans set up with a lawyer.

Rob - posted on 01/18/2013

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thank you. I am just having trouble scraping the money together to get a lawyer. So i keep putting it off. Can she come and take him? will I have to give him up if she calls the cops or something?

Rob - posted on 01/18/2013

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I tried to work things out with her and but the day i was suppose to take him to her she went out and is ignoring my calls and texts. She is even threatening me saying "i will be sorry." i dont know what to do right now.

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