can people going throu kemo be around preg women ..

Dana - posted on 01/01/2010

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and lock this one down. It's obviously a touchy thread, as it should be, but I see no reason for it to continue. I truly hope the OP reads these and accepts the advice given. Good luck with the up coming baby and have fun at your shower.

Mattee - posted on 01/01/2010

It's the radiation that can be harmful to reproductive aged people, and pregnant woman.

Krista - posted on 01/01/2010

Quoting Kate:

Quoting Toni:

how can she know if she is up to it till the accul day tho sometimes my pop was fine then the next day he was bad and i would understand better if she said on the day she couldnt make it

Really, do you know how self-centered you sound? I've been through this before. First, you get really tired all the time. Then, you start to get nauseated and eventually start puking several times a day. Between running to the doctor, the hospital, the tests, the illness, the fatigue, and all the infections she's prone to because of the chemo, then NO, she WON'T be able to come to your baby shower. It's for HER safety. Just being around other people after a chemo treatment is really dangerous. You have NO immune system at that point and anything can make you sick and possibly kill you. 

Suck it up and be a good friend to her. Why don't you try visiting HER when she's in the hospital? Send her a card? You're pregnant and that's a blessing. She has CANCER and it's a curse. Have a little compassion.

Toni, your friend is also probably trying to be sensitive towards you. She probably knows damn well that if she shows up to your baby shower, she'll inadvertently steal some of the limelight from you, because everybody will be inquiring after her health. As well, she might be worried about being a "downer" on what is supposed to be a happy celebration. 

You might want to take a long look at yourself and ask yourself why you want her to be there. Is it because she's such a good friend that you can't imagine this special day without her? Or are you just annoyed because you invited her to your shindig and  you feel like she's blowing you off? If it's the former, and she IS a good friend, then be a good friend back to her and be supportive of her during this very difficult time. It's hard for her -- you're bringing a new life into the world, and she's scared shitless that her life may be ending. If it's the latter, and you're just annoyed that she's blowing you off, and she's not that great a friend, then why is it that big a deal that she won't come? 

NICOLA - posted on 01/01/2010

Quoting Kate:

Well, I just had a good giggle fit. Apparently, some one has flagged several posts in this thread. None of them are flag worthy and don't violate the posting guidelines. So, I can only assume that the OP has read several of these post and has taken some offense to them. If that is the case, I say...good. You SHOULD take offense because you're being a spoiled brat. If you don't like this woman who has CANCER then don't be her friend. But quit being a selfish little girl. The world does not revolve around you. A woman who is busy DYING is not going to drop everything so she can bring you an extra package of diapers and baby shampoo. Grow up.

Oh yea, and quit flagging things just cause you don't like the answer. It makes me cranky. And really, who wants to see me cranky? I know my husband doesn't. I'm not very nice when I'm cranky.

lol you made me laugh out loud if anyone could of heard me they would have thought i was mad lmao but your right.

Kate CP - posted on 01/01/2010

Well, I just had a good giggle fit. Apparently, some one has flagged several posts in this thread. None of them are flag worthy and don't violate the posting guidelines. So, I can only assume that the OP has read several of these post and has taken some offense to them. If that is the case, I say...good. You SHOULD take offense because you're being a spoiled brat. If you don't like this woman who has CANCER then don't be her friend. But quit being a selfish little girl. The world does not revolve around you. A woman who is busy DYING is not going to drop everything so she can bring you an extra package of diapers and baby shampoo. Grow up.

Oh yea, and quit flagging things just cause you don't like the answer. It makes me cranky. And really, who wants to see me cranky? I know my husband doesn't. I'm not very nice when I'm cranky.

Roxanne - posted on 01/01/2010

ALL I CAN SAY IS U BETTER LEARN TO NOT BE SO SELFISH AND FAST!! WHEN YOUR LITTLE BABY COMES U ARE GOING TO HAVE A VERY HARD TIME IF U REMAIN SO SELFISH..............I WISH OR SO CALLED FRIEND ALL THE BEST WITH HER CHEMO.

Robin - posted on 01/01/2010

Well, all I can say is that I agree with others here. You are being extremely selfish expecting her to risk her health to come to your baby shower. And because she won't, you are saying she is a "so-called" friend? I think you are the one who needs to learn to be a friend here. She could lose her life, and all you care about is that she's not coming to your baby shower. You need to grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around you.

Deb - posted on 01/01/2010

bad girl ! chemo is very hard to go through . been there done that

Deb - posted on 01/01/2010

yes as a 2 year cancer survior raidiation is another story depending on the type you get

NICOLA - posted on 01/01/2010

firstly i am gonna say when you read all your replys your gonna feel like a right prat and wished you never asked this question. some of the other comments are harsh but are so true.



i found a lump in my neck at the start of 2009 and lets just say with a trip to the doc saying it was suspected cancer it was not a very happy time at all. all the waiting and biopsys were a complete nightmare.while i was waiting to see if it was cancer or not 2 of my friends had found out they were pregnant and one had a baby now i am sorry if this seems selfish to you but while i was going through this hell of waiting all i could think of was how my friends were expecting (and of course i was delighted for them as i am sure your friend is for you ) there was the possibility i might have cancer which could lead to me not bein able to see my 2 year old grow up or be able to give him a sis or bro.



thankfully the lump was removed and was not cancer, you say you seen your pop go threw it all as did i with my gran (who died) but it is noting compared to it being you yourself who is going through it.



i didnt even have cancer and didnt even have to go through chemo the whole thought of having it scared the crap out of me, made me depressed i gained loads of weight.



i cannot begin to imagine what your friend must be going through at this moment in time and i wish her all the best and hope everyhting goes ok for her i hope that reading my comment and the rest of the girls makes you see how selfish your being and makes you see sense be there for your friend she is gonna need you.

Kate CP - posted on 01/01/2010

Quoting Toni:

how can she know if she is up to it till the accul day tho sometimes my pop was fine then the next day he was bad and i would understand better if she said on the day she couldnt make it

Really, do you know how self-centered you sound? I've been through this before. First, you get really tired all the time. Then, you start to get nauseated and eventually start puking several times a day. Between running to the doctor, the hospital, the tests, the illness, the fatigue, and all the infections she's prone to because of the chemo, then NO, she WON'T be able to come to your baby shower. It's for HER safety. Just being around other people after a chemo treatment is really dangerous. You have NO immune system at that point and anything can make you sick and possibly kill you. 

Suck it up and be a good friend to her. Why don't you try visiting HER when she's in the hospital? Send her a card? You're pregnant and that's a blessing. She has CANCER and it's a curse. Have a little compassion.

Angel - posted on 01/01/2010

Now knowing the full context of your relationship I would assume that your hurt by things she has done in the past.

She may know that she has an chemo just before and afraid that she won't be up to it. Or maybe she has been told by her medical team to not be in group situations like that.

You are both going thru life changing events right now. Maybe yours is too depressing for her. If that is the case you need to be the bigger person and give her some loving space or kindly talk to her about it.

Heather - posted on 01/01/2010

She shouldnt be at your party!! When someone is going through chemo their immune system sucks, and being in a room full of people is probably a horrible idea. BTW, if that is what you think of her, why invite her at all?

Firebird - posted on 01/01/2010

You're calling her the "so called friend"? Maybe you should look in the mirror. If you've really seen what chemo does to a person one would think you'd know better! Her world is crumbling down around her and all you care about is that she can't come to your baby shower? I am so glad I don't have any friends like you!

Tiffanie - posted on 01/01/2010

my grandmother had leukemia and has to do chemo and her doctors told her that the chemo make your blood counts drop which means if anyone at all has any lil cough they could catch it just like my grand mother has only saw my one monthold son 1 time and that was right after he was born before she started chemo after that the doctors said it is alittle dangerous so just consider your friends feelings about thing like maybe she does want to catch something.

Jeni - posted on 01/01/2010

Quoting Toni:

how can she know if she is up to it till the accul day tho sometimes my pop was fine then the next day he was bad and i would understand better if she said on the day she couldnt make it

Keep in mind parents tend to "hide" how difficult things are for them, he proabably shielded your from what it was really like for him.  Chemo is different for everyone different regimines different strengths.... If there was ever a time for your friend to be "selfish" with her time and energy this would be it. 

Coleen - posted on 01/01/2010

maybe she don't want to come because she is really susceptible to get sick. I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend and we don't even go to church because he is so susceptible to illness. I'm sure if she felt safe to go she would come but give her some space ...she's looking out for her best interests and her health

Jeni - posted on 01/01/2010

I have never been through or known someone who has.... but perhaps she is guarding her strength knowing she has a battle in front of her for her life and does not want to make a commitment even a maybe not knowing how she will feel. Have some mercy on your "so called friend" maybe she is scared of the prospect of having to go through chemo and could use your help and heart instead of seeing how she can benefit you with a present and her presence at your baby shower.

JL - posted on 01/01/2010

The fact that this is even an issue to post about is RIDONKULOUS and does not say much about your level of empathy.

Ilja - posted on 01/01/2010

"It's always one thing after another with this friend"
I seriously doubt she was planning on having cancer to inconvenience you.

I understand your distinction between her telling you right now that she's not gonna show or wait till the day of the shower to let you know if she's up to it but.. Holy crap don't you think that that is completely and utterly trivial right now?!
Let's just chalk this one up to temporary hormonal insanity.
I do hope you have a wonderful baby shower, after which you call your friend to ask if there is anything that you can do for her during this awful time in her life.

Lindsay - posted on 01/01/2010

Of all of the selfish things I've heard, this question takes the cake! The fact that this is even a question to you puts up huge red flags of what type of friend you are. Get over yourself!

Kelly - posted on 01/01/2010

Ditto to what everyone else has said...fighting cancer can involve not only all those awful physical effects, but often involves depression too, soooo many emotions. I'm sorry to say, but your coming miracle just cannot be the center of her world right now, no matter how good of a friend she is. And she could just as easily be asking people why a "so-called" friend would expect her to come to a baby shower, when she is going through the roughest time of her life. I have a feeling you will have some maturing to do as motherhood sinks in.

Dana - posted on 01/01/2010

Wow, I'd say you should re-evaluate the way you're thinking. I'd also assure your friend that in no way should she feel obligated to attend your shower. This is an opportunity for you to change yourself and the way you think and feel. I'm really shocked that anyone would feel the way you do.

Emma - posted on 01/01/2010

Your friend is probably feeling very down at the moment and feels she will be like this when your shower happens. A dear family friend has been going through chemo and cancer surgeries for quite a while and she did warn me that if she wasn't up to it she wouldn't come to my baby shower. Be a friend to her, and try to understand where she is coming from. You are having a celebration of birth, while she is facing death (sorry to be blunt) so she has alot to get used to right now. Put yourself in her shoes, and think how you would feel if your so called friend was the one having the shower.

Sharon - posted on 01/01/2010

Well damn. I guess she just needs a slap upside the head then? WTF was she thinking to get treatment for her cancer in your time of need? Rude witch!

How disgusting. I'm utterly apalled you put the appellation "friend" on a woman who would choose chemotherapy over your babyshower.

Hairloss & puking are just so much fun though, I don't know if I can blame her for choosing the fun thrill of chemo over a babyshower... let me think about it...

Rikki - posted on 01/01/2010

wow not sure what to say, i feel for your friend and wish her a safe and speedy recovery and i think maby you should too,i realise you want her at your baby shower but you are being given the gift of life she mite be losing hers, i think this is one battle you should let go and just be there for her im sure she wishes she could be there for you too.

Mary - posted on 01/01/2010

Wow....just....wow....
Do this girl a favor, and remove yourself from her life. ANYone going through something like she is does NOT need to deal with someone who is so self-centered and self-absorbed. Your "friend" is fighting for her life, and all you can worry about is some friggin party for yourself???? I'm just stunned and appalled and a bit sickened all at once.

Ashley=) - posted on 01/01/2010

FIRST i will not JUDGE but i will say...walk a day in her shoes and i bet you wouldn't be able to get to do and go a lot of places too.Your friend must be very special because your so upset about for not coming &i am very sure she is so excited for you but the thoughts of what she is going through and feeling 100% out way the rest of what life is offering at the moment.just have patients and show some compassion. your wording on your post is not coming across well her head is somewhere else at the moment.i wish you a wonderful baby shower and best of luck on the birth.my wishes are also with your friend.

Danielle - posted on 01/01/2010

you are joking right? her world is falling apart and you want her to be there to celebrate you'rs falling in place. she is probably thinking that she will never get a chance to have what you have (and thats on top of how crap she would be feeling) and you are here being IMHO the worst friend ever because she isnt jumping up and down and making you feel special??

her battle might not be over yet girl if i were you i'd start acting more like a friend and less like a spoilt brat, you might regret it

Renae - posted on 01/01/2010

I lived with MIL while she was going through kemo and saw how it affected her. Just remember that it makes them feel very ill and exhausted pretty much all the time. Getting the energy to do anything can be very difficult for her. Her doctor has probably told her not to expect to be able to do much of anything, let alone attend social functions. Not to mention the emotional turmoil of cancer, her cancer is serious enough to require kemo so its serious enough to be very very scary for her.

Jodi - posted on 01/01/2010

Because she is scared, struggling and has probably already been through a couple of doses and knows she will feel like shit? You have no idea what she is going through. Grow up, it is not all about your baby shower. I know it may be a big day in your life, and an important thing for you, but have you really sat down and tried to understand what your friend may be experiencing?

Jackie - posted on 01/01/2010

Of course there is a reason she can't come to your baby shower. Its the same reason why a week after mine; myself and my premmie were sick with the tummy bug. People carry germs even when they feel well. She might as well be a walking magnet for sickness right now. Why would you want to endanger her well being like that? I understand you are pregnant and emotional but try to put yourself in her shoes. She is fighting for her life and poisoning herself to do it. This is defnately not one of those "one thing or another" things. Your friend may be dying and you want her to put her life at risk to celebrate your childs life. Sounds really selfish to me.

Toni - posted on 01/01/2010

how can she know if she is up to it till the accul day tho sometimes my pop was fine then the next day he was bad and i would understand better if she said on the day she couldnt make it

Jodi - posted on 01/01/2010

I got two words into your post and read "so called friend". Well, is she a friend or isn't she????



I'm sorry, I find your question incredibly selfish. "Its always one thing after another"???? WTF do you think this "friend" is going through?? If she is your friend, then BE her friend and have some level of understanding. If she isn't your friend, then stop trying to pretend to be one, because right now, she needs her friends around her.



Advice from someone who has had a father live with her while going through Chemotherapy, and who has a friend dying of breast cancer, and knows how difficult the days can be......and believes you need to be a better friend.



Fantastic, have your baby shower, but give your "friend" a break. Is there a baby shower term for "bridezilla"?

Susanne - posted on 01/01/2010

Theres no medical reason why she cant unless someone in the shower has something infectious. I will say though that you have absolutely no idea what shes going through watching someone else going through it is nothing like going through it yourself. You should try being a bit more understanding perhaps she just doesnt feel up to it.