Can you give used baby items at a baby shower?

Marge - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 200 moms have responded )

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I have a friend who has had a late in life baby she is 38. She has nothing as the baby was totally unexpected. Is it proper or OK to give freshly laundered baby clothes, blankets, bibs etc. I have also gotten some new items. Along with a few toys. Or should I give them to her separately?

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Marika - posted on 02/16/2012

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Wow honestly. People shouldn't expect anything from anyone yes baby showers are great and awsome for when having a new baby but I gotta say anything is helpful and anything should be appreciated. ! There is no ettiquette for baby showers ! Its a time to celebrate the upcoming of your babies life ! Not. Who can get the most expensive and best present ! I am on baby number three and have gotten hand me downs from most of the people who came and I thought it was great ! But you know I'm the typew to buy my childrens clothes at second hand stores anyway ! So if you feel comfortable giving her the items as a gift with the new items than go ahead ! There is no problem with that ! Have fun ! And enjoy the baby shower !

Tam - posted on 02/16/2012

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It think it depends on your friend. I'm going to have my babies within the next few weeks, and wasn't expecting a baby shower. But when a friend approached me and asked if I'd mind if she threw one, I let her know that it'd be fine, but I didn't want people to go out of their way - so she tailored things down in the invitations. Used items that were in good shape, diapers, lanolin, breast pads, etc. All the necessities and disposable stuff that comes with childrearing, basically.



Ask your friend, is what I would do. I know that personally, I prefer to receive used items that I need rather than sparkly new things that I could likely either do without or I know went at some sort of expense to the person giving the gift.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/16/2012

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Sorry, but I think giving it as a gift at a baby shower is totally tacky. Giving it to her after....and alone saying "here are somethings I thought you could use" would be nice.

Laurie - posted on 02/16/2012

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Why is a nice used item (s) not good enough for baby shower gift regardless of the mothers age! I personally don't think an item (s) must be new to be given at shower!

Mary - posted on 02/16/2012

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I think it's totally fine. You've gotten her some new items - wrap them as your gift. Bring your hand-me-downs, and set them aside for her to take home.



I had a friend who was the exact same age, and had a "surprise" baby a year after my daughter was born. Everyone knew that finances were tight for her. I bought a regular shower gift, wrapped that, and put it in the pile of presents. I had already told her that I would be passing over a ton of baby stuff I no longer needed (an infant car seat, bouncer, swing, and all of her clothes) so that she could remove those items from her registry. I did bring all of those items to the shower, since I knew she would have help in transporting all of that crap home, and she would be in the "mode" of categorizing and putting stuff away at that time.



She was eternally grateful, and it wasn't even remotely awkward or socially inappropriate.

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Miriam - posted on 02/28/2012

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I never ask for showers (the people that throw them for me is because they want to) therefore I never ask for gifts, (if I cant afford to buy myself and my child what we need, than I should not get pregnant!) so if someone wants to give me a gift, it should be new (unless we discussed it prior) I am not a snob, but I believe that if I cant afford to take care of my children than I have no business getting pregnant!!!

Elisabeth - posted on 02/28/2012

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I got several hand-me-downs and secondhand items at my shower, and I was glad to, I would definitely give some used things to others, too. Most of the clothes my son has ever had have been given to me, bought at garage sales, or bought from second hand stores. I think that it's better cause you can give your friend more stuff without having to spend a bunch of money.

Christy - posted on 02/28/2012

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Thankyou for that post! I feel all these posts are highschoolish, yours was refreshing!(medic mommy)

Medic - posted on 02/28/2012

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I recieved used and bought second hand baby stuff at my shower and I loved it all. I am not snobby enough to expect people to go out and spend money. I think it is rude and selfish to expect to only recieve new things at your baby shower.

Darcy - posted on 02/28/2012

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I'm sure she'd love any thing you have to help her with. In the past, I've given the new gifts (or heirlooms) at the shower and hand-me-downs afterward.

Ginger - posted on 02/28/2012

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I received several "used" receiving blankets as a shower gift and loved the fact that they were already broken-in and super soft. The lady who gave them to me couldnt afford to give anything else and they were greatly appreciated!

Robyn - posted on 02/28/2012

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yes you can give uses clothes and what any other things you have to give a baby

Joyce - posted on 02/28/2012

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Just don't give away your last baby items. You don't want to jinx yourself!!! LOL!!!

Joyce - posted on 02/28/2012

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Ask her first if she would like them, and only give them if they're in good condition.

Joyce - posted on 02/28/2012

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Certainly not as a gift! Give the baby something new, even if you make it yourself. If you want to give the mom some things you don't need any more, do so in private!

Kitty - posted on 02/28/2012

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For the last, I dont know how many, baby showers in my closest group of friend we did huge gift baskets as a group with a mixture of new and used things but mostly used. Often items return to someone with when the second or third child is born. In our core group we are roughly 15 or so and we do showers for every single child and usually the new mother is set on all vital things after them. But these are usually private showers (just us, no other friends or family) and they are not always the only shower. This has just become one of our traditions like our white and silver birthday tree which is an old, fake, small yuletide tree that we tie little trinkets to, small handmade items or home made foodstuffs and coupons for silly things and with each birthday it gets passed along.



So my answer would be ask around in your group of friends to get a feel for what is ok in your group.

Ms. - posted on 02/28/2012

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I would love to help you out Where do you live? how could I reach you? I am in St. Louis. My name is Ms. Tina and that is what I love to do is help out others!!!!!

Dannetta - posted on 02/28/2012

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I am in the same position now except I am 38 having my second child and I still would think its tacky to give used items at a shower. I have several people wishing for me to have a girl so they can give me their things but I know for a fact that I would received those items as soon as I told them it was a girl. It's all about class, not being better than some one else, or trying to make people think you have it when you really don't. Most grateful people would be happy with a person just coming and being there for the happy occasion. I have been to a couple of baby showers where I couldnt afford a gift but I was there for the support. Again I am not saying I would not take them or feel unappreciated because the more i receive before the less I would have to worry about buying. Like I said before you dont have to give anything at a shower it's really about support and congratulating the expecting parents. I am so looking forward to getting my hand me downs for either a boy or girl.

Parthenia - posted on 02/28/2012

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Giver her the new itemas at the shower and give the used items to her afterwards. She will appreciate tham and the gesture. I would:)

Celeste - posted on 02/27/2012

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It's best to give your friend new gifts or the ones that you haven't used if they still have the tags on them. You can give her the used items separately.

Kim - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think that if you have these items you might give them to her separate the baby shower....Just give her the new stuff at the baby shower... However if you couldn't afford to get her new stuff then it would be alright to regift as I call giving somebody stuff you can't use or don't need.....

Marlena - posted on 02/27/2012

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It is perfectly ok. I am sure she will be pleased with anything you give her!!! My best friend gave me her baby's outgrown items and new items as well!!! Talk about excited and happy. I would not have had these items otherwise. She did not wrap those items, but did the new ones. I would recommend this way, that way she knows. Both are VERY thoughtful!!

Monique - posted on 02/27/2012

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I would give them seperately for the first time baby if it was a shower for a baby that was 5-10 yrs later I would not think the parent would mind getting used items. I don't mind hand me downs we get them for my son from my nephew who is 7 mos older but wanted new things for my first one, but I did buy things on consignment shops even for my first one as we were broke. My SIL was a young single mom when we had my nephew's baby shower. Her cousins were also young and did not have alot of money so gave her hand me downs. She did not mind, however, they looked embarssed when she wanted to go thru them bc they were the only ones who did not bring a new present. I kinda felt bad for them. It really didn't matter to her or anyone else I didn't think, I know it did not bother me. It was what they could give and they gave what they had. I think its up the the mother. I always give hand me downs seperately. However, I did recently give a baby gift (coudln't make it to the shower bc we move dand weren't in town that weekend.) i tol dher afterwards a couple of the onesies wer emy sons he got them as a gift when he was first born and hardly worn them. She said they were in good shape and he'd already worn them. She did not seem to mind. I don't think she would of even have known if I had not told her, but I was not embarassed they were not stained, holes or anything. I also got her new items too so I thought it was fine.People should be grateful for whatever they get. Some people don't even get a baby shower and if you don't have the money hand me downs should definately appreciate it. if people are above hand me downs they can buy it all themselves in my opinion!

Bonnie - posted on 02/27/2012

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I didn't mind receiving hand me downs for my babies, as long as they were still in good condition and laundered. I see no problem with wrapping them up in nice packaging either, to give a mum to be at a shower. If it's a fancy baby shower, meaning you know the people attending are more likely to give expensive gifts, I would wrap a new gift and send her home with the other items seperately.

Since I've never attended that kind of baby shower, I have never had a problem with sharing newly laundered, stain free, items.

I agree with many other mums commenting about how great it is to get anything, whether new or hand me downs, as a mum to a new babe. It really is appreciated. Just go with how you feel, for the situation/gathering. Have fun.

Rowena - posted on 02/27/2012

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I would give new stuff for baby shower as its her first you could give her the other stuff afterwards if she needs it

Marianik - posted on 02/27/2012

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Depends on the person. I personnally don't mind at all. Especially since the economy is not so good I'm all about trades and recycling gently used item.

Mari

Eleanor - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think that used clothes should be given separately. I got used clothes and its appropriate before or after the shower but not during the shower. In regards to her having a baby late in life, I had my children early in life. I got married young. To me children after 35 is a no,no (for me) but everyone is different. Children are blessings at any age! Hope this helps!

W. Megan - posted on 02/27/2012

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i like the combination - especially if they're from your child, you can bill them as "gently loved," and then the gesture is a gift as much as the thing. i think it's very thoughtful - and ECO!

Angela - posted on 02/27/2012

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No The fact that u are helping is great i'm 38 n in the same situation n i would not mind at all. A gift is a gift! Real friends don't care what anyone says are feels because it between friends!

Dawn - posted on 02/27/2012

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I would give them to her separately. I would still give them to her at the shower just pull her to the side towards the end and give her the bag/basket of hand me downs. So she can go home with all the things for the baby to see what she still needs for the baby .

JoAnn - posted on 02/27/2012

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I would give the used items now or after and give her the new items at the shower

Debbie - posted on 02/27/2012

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if she is a good friend doesnt matter where u give them to her she will be over the moon just give her one of your new things you have she should love the thought of you thinking about them

Della - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think so. Giving a box of gently used items would be a blessing. So many baby things get used for such a short time; they don't wear out. I would give the new box at the shower and the used box. Telleng her if she can't use them please pass them along to someone who could.

badartworld.com

Pattie - posted on 02/27/2012

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I would give the used items at a different time. Being a mother of twins I loved hand be downs but just think a different setting would be better.

Stephanie - posted on 02/27/2012

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I think that is lovely. I had my first child just before I turned 38 (11 days to be exact) and I really appreciated the hand-me-downs as things that people had loved from their own childrens 'size group' and had kept because they were still nice enough to pass on. Most people did buy something 'new' but the things I loved most were things like cards (and booties) that people had made me. That things came to me with love was the most important thing.

Debbie - posted on 02/27/2012

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i would if shes a good friend she would be greatfull for anything hun you no your friend just buy something new like a teddy or smellies

Karen - posted on 02/27/2012

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Not at the shower, it's'not the right time or place. Give her a call & pop around with them at any other time. Most people are more than happy for any used\unused items.

Karen - posted on 02/27/2012

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Not at the shower, it's'not the right time or place. Give her a call & pop around with them at any other time. Most people are more than happy for any used\unused items.

Jody - posted on 02/27/2012

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Would you give a used item as a wedding or birthday gift? Same thing. I would definitely buy a new gift within your budget and give the pre-loved items later on.

Maggie - posted on 02/26/2012

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If mom to be is not snooty, I would gift used things, because I was single and pregnant with nothing. I was grateful for anything that was useable and in good condition.

Linda - posted on 02/26/2012

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WOW, so negative! When you don't have money, you make do with what you have , and get from others who are willing to help in anyway. Anything given is a blessing.

Linda - posted on 02/26/2012

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No, it is not tacky if you ask first and they agree that it is ok. I really appreciated everything I recieved. It is all a blessing.

Linda - posted on 02/26/2012

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I recently did that for my friends daughter, but I asked first if it was ok, plus I packed it all nice and gave some new items also. She was very happy with it all.

Parul - posted on 02/26/2012

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give it to her separately ,not as a part of the baby shower .maybe a day after the baby is born & she feels she needs these things ,,,u can offer these items . the best would be to ask her if she would'nt mind taking these things so that she does'nt need to buy new ones immediately .

Karen - posted on 02/26/2012

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I think I would give them to her separately, or have a time when you and other Moms you know, that also know her, get together and have a gently used clothing exchange. Please have a shower, but the clothing exchange would be a way for other Moms to share clothes that are too small with other Moms and it doesn't seem like you're getting all used stuff. This way other Moms get their needs met too with most everyone getting something to fit their child for awhile until the next exchange.

ANNA - posted on 02/26/2012

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Ask her how she would like to receive them and do that. I actually ASKED for used items and some brought them and I know not everyone would feel great about it.

Rachel - posted on 02/26/2012

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I have had 3 children and I guess I feel very grateful anytime anyone helps out. I think it is perfectly acceptable to give them to her at the shower. However, If you are not 100% comfortable with it for one reason or another, you could give her the new items as a gift at the shower and bring the used items in a separate bag and give them to her before or after the shower. Regardless, I don't doubt she will be extremely grateful as it is very thoughtful of you and you are a great friend.

Katina - posted on 02/26/2012

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new items in a gift bag on table and opened with all other gifts, before you leave go back to car and get big giftbag with used items and give to her in her hand and tell her about them.

Michelle - posted on 02/26/2012

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If youre afraid that they will be judged as innapropriate by others as the comments to this post have proven, why not get creative? Diaper cakes/wreaths and figures have untagged items on them. I'd get a bag of diapers (or none- you could do it completely out of the used items) and make them into the cutest gift of all!! ;) Best wishes. Any gift given from the heart rather new or old should be appreciated for just waht it is- a gift of love for a new life on his/her way. If you feel like it won't be, maybe you're giving to the wrong person. JMO, but I feel like "what's proper" is seriously getting in the way of creativity, love and plain old GIVING these days!

Sarah - posted on 02/26/2012

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Absolutely! If you are concerned let her know what is used and that she can pick and choose what she wants. Then wrap the new stuff in a pretty bag or paper.

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