Can you give used baby items at a baby shower?

Marge - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 200 moms have responded )

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I have a friend who has had a late in life baby she is 38. She has nothing as the baby was totally unexpected. Is it proper or OK to give freshly laundered baby clothes, blankets, bibs etc. I have also gotten some new items. Along with a few toys. Or should I give them to her separately?

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I think it depends on your friend and your friendship. I received used clothes from familiy and I've given used clothes to family. Since my friends and I seemed to have our girls all at the same time, there was no exchanging between friends. I gave clean clothes in great shape. The clothes I received were the same. Many of the things I received had previously been through 3 other girls. The reality is, babies go through those infant clothes in no time at all. For me, I was appreciative of them because that meant plenty of clothes for my baby to wear on a daily basis. Perhaps a gesture would be to let your friend know that you have some new things for the baby but also has some gently used things. Ask her if she'd be ok with receiving them at the shower or would prefer them separately. Seems to me anyone would appreciative of the gift whether it is new or not.

Stifler's - posted on 02/20/2012

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I've done a mixture like a few barely used suits that were my sons plus a new toy and some other stuff

Danniele - posted on 02/20/2012

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the good thing about baby showers are you dont have to spend millions of dollars a small teddy or baby wraps it doesnt have to be expensive i spent $50 on one of my friends and it was the best present there just because of how it was wrapped baby showers you cant go wrong with a few little pressies in a basket with celephane wrapping and a bow looks great and makes it look like you spent heaps lol

Danniele - posted on 02/20/2012

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sorry i would also have to ssay even though they would be appreciated i would wrap seperatly and tell her you have some items that she might like to have for bub but new pressie for baby shower

Danniele - posted on 02/20/2012

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i think considering bubby wasnt planed anything would be muchly appreciated i think we all know how hard it is the first time round everything is so new and scary best wishes to your friend

April - posted on 02/20/2012

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I just had my shower a few months ago and got new and used items all around and did not mind one bit. I was great full for everything I received. But if you feel weird about it you can always give them separately.

Susan - posted on 02/20/2012

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Give them separately. When I had my babies it was loads of fun when my sister and friends brought all of their gently used baby clothes (and other items) over. We would have cake and coffee and go through everything together. Growing up we always got hand-me-downs and loved them.

My Grandmother used to come with big boxes full of clothes and my sister and I would try on clothes for hours. There were even purses and shoes.

Your friend will enjoy going through and using the things you're giving her and she will need all of it, too. Have a fun time!

Di - posted on 02/19/2012

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I'd give her something new for the actual shower present and give her the used items afterwards.

Jenni - posted on 02/19/2012

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Didn't realize people still have baby showers lol I had my first when 39 and I accepted my cousins secondhand stuff (her youngset is 15) with open arms. Some people are funny and only want new things for their first so I would just mention if she would like some of your kids stuff and if she says yes give it to her at another time and just give your new items for the shower. It is most likely others not your friend who sould have an issue. Yet you never know just ask. People do waste a lot of money on things that they can get secondhand or a cheaper brand!

Beth - posted on 02/19/2012

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I would give them separately -- like maybe when you visit her. I would even tell her you have some items to "feel her out" on whether she'd welcome these used items (and to give her an idea of what they are so she doesn't buy them). Give the new things at the shower.

Jana - posted on 02/19/2012

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I have, and it didn't feel too strange to me because we were all really young, poor students and that's all I could afford at the time.

Sandy - posted on 02/19/2012

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Baby shower gifts should be new items only. Second hand items should be given separately.



Your friend is lucky that her friends even have anything second hand to give her. I also had my first baby later in life. None of my friends had baby stuff to hand down to me. It was all very expensive for us. Lucky for my friend though that I had things to give to her daughter when she had a child after me. Yeah, one of my oldest, closest friends is a grandmother already. Cray, huh? ;)

Jennifer - posted on 02/19/2012

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Of course it is OK! I guess you will have to be the best judge of how she will view the gift. My friends and I would think- wow, look at all the cool stuff that I won't have to buy, and never think about how new it was. (I am totally into recycling, and try to buy all our stuff second hand before I go for new things.) I agree, though, that I wouldn't pass on stained or ripped things.

Melanie - posted on 02/19/2012

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I don't see why not. It's the thing these days to be green and lots of us shop at thrift stores. So why can't we pass on what we don't need any more. At my last shower (8 years after my then youngest son) I had a friend who laundered all her hand me down items and filed them nicely into a large basket with a big pink ribbon. I loved it.

Lolita - posted on 02/19/2012

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I would say give them separately, not as a baby shower gift. I am sure she will appreciate them just the same.

Melissa - posted on 02/19/2012

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i think if you want to give it to her at the shower, wait until the very end. If she doesn't open her gifts there at the shower, tell her, i have a gift for you in the pile however, i thought you could also use this stuff as well if you would like it! Offer it to her, don't force it to her as you have to take it. That way she isn't felt obliged to take it but it's a kind gesture, she knows it is not your first choice baby gift as well

User - posted on 02/19/2012

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I have to agree with most comments - give separately - my SIL gave me second hand stuff on my baby shower and I was abit gutted!! Would have been ok if it was maybe before or after and maybe a little something new was given as well, but that's all I got and it was so stained I wasn't even able to use it. It doesn't cost that much to buy a little item. Between my other SIL and me we pass clothes between us but the condition of the items has to be good and returned the same way...

Maria - posted on 02/19/2012

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I say yes, but don't put them with the new things. Give it to her separate.

Brenda - posted on 02/19/2012

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I think separately would be great just let her know this gift is items I thought you could use but wait till your home to looks at them.. I did that for a friend and packaged both gifts separately and let me tee you they really appreciated the used items as well!!

Sandy - posted on 02/19/2012

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I think its fine..for my third baby I put ( lightly used baby stuff is welcome) on my baby shower invite. Ask her and see if eyes ok with it?

Chasmodai - posted on 02/19/2012

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I would do it in a respectful manner. I would choose her new gift carefully, taking her feelings and needs into consideration. The new gift would be wrapped and given at the shower. At some point during the shower, I would mention that I have some additional items in my car that she might find useful and that I am no longer in need of them. I would make sure the items are in nice condition. I would ask if she would like to see them, perhaps after the party or at some other time at her convenience. Let her know that she can have any of the items that she wants, no charge, no strings attached. If she isn't interested, or she doesn't take everything offered, don't take offense. She knows what she wants and needs. Under no circumstances would I wrap the used items, or insist that she take them without asking her if she would like to have them first. Some people don't want used things for their baby, and some people love receiving used baby things. If I can't find a home for the items among friends and family, there are charities that can use them.

Reina - posted on 02/19/2012

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Yes why not but make sure all used items are still good and that they are clean. I did that for my friends baby shower, gave her all my daughter's used items and she loved them and that she doesn't need to but a lot anymore. Just let them know they are used and that you have a separate item that is new as well.

Karen - posted on 02/19/2012

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Give items separately. If your friend is enthused about her new baby as I was, she'll want new things in spite of her economic status.

Samantha - posted on 02/19/2012

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I wouldn't care either way if it were my shower, but I think it would be nicer if on top of washing everything and wrapping it nicely, with a lot of thought, and giving it together with new stuff in the package.

Deb - posted on 02/19/2012

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Ask her if she would like some used things. Do not give them at a baby shower...that is for new items.

Christy - posted on 02/19/2012

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It seems that a lot of people are afraid of used items or giving them. I think after high school those things aren't supposed to matter!

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2012

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As long as they are in good condition, freshly washed and divided by size, I think this is a wonderful gift. I would not call attention to the fact that they were used, people will realize that on their own.

Amanda - posted on 02/19/2012

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I would give them to her separately. She will greatly appreciate all items, but it is more appropriate to give the new items at the baby shower.

[deleted account]

i totally think it is ok to give them at the shower! I know we got alot of new and used items (still in great condition) and i was so thankfull at getting the gifts i got! we had nothing so anything was great! To me, it kind of sounds a bit rude people here saying you can only give "new" gifts, if the mother to be has little/nothing why does it matter if what she is recieving is new or second hand?? Anything is a help if you have nothing! From what iv read on here, people are saying its ok to give used items but not at the shower...is that because they think it would be embarressing to open a gift that has been used or because they dont think the gift will be good enough to show others??? i have no idea what the reasoning is...but i see nothing at all wrong with giving a 2nd hand gift at your friends shower!

Dr.shweta - posted on 02/18/2012

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Separately ofcourse !! You can always just give used ones later. It will be wise to not to hurt her feelings in the slightest way.

Angel - posted on 02/18/2012

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Used items not at her baby shower! But give them to her at a later date im sure she will greatly appreciate them.

Tina - posted on 02/18/2012

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I received a bag full of used (stained) clothes at my baby shower from my cousin. I was very cordial to her and made her think that I appreciated them, but was devastated that's what she thought of me. This was my first baby and I didn't have anything and couldn't afford anything new. I would have gone to yard sales myself and picked out better clothes. I would have preferred to get them separately and for her not to even give any gift at the party.



It is nice of you to think of your friend that way, but I suggest giving them to her at a different time.

Carol - posted on 02/18/2012

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I adopted 3 children. The first 2 were 1and 2 y/o boys and had 5 hours to prepare. I was given a welcome to the family party for them by my mom and people were told to bring gifts that they would want to pass to them. Then 5 years later adopted a 2 day old baby girl and had 48 hours to prepare. I had nothing because she was my first newborn and TOTALLY unexpected wonderful supprize. I was heart broken when the day we brought her home my mother in law stated that we did not need a shower because she was being adopted out of foster care right in front of my mother who was older and sick and in shock.. I would have taken anything although new things would have been nice. One of the things to remember is it is also a time to celebrate the excitement of a new life to the family. My sister in law did send a bassanette and some things. But I had to go an hour a way to pick them up. She by the way had had 3 or 4 showers for her daughter who was 6 months older and my husband's wife were given showers for her 1st and second children who were less than two years apart. My mother finally gave me a shower when my daughter was about 6 months old because she knew my heart was broken. It was a very uncomfortable situation for me. By the way my mother in law who was supposed to bring half the food things showed up and hour late with a left over ham. I am posting this because I want to make sure this mother to be's friend and the firends throwing the shower know how much she is probably appreciating the celebration of the new birth whether it is new or good condition used things. I wish someone would have thought that much of me and my daughter. She is a 14 year old beautiful young lady now but the hurt for the lack of excitement for her arrival still surfaces sometime especially when I read these things..

Jill - posted on 02/18/2012

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Give her something new separate, then bring the other stuff to her as well but mention these are some other items to get her started. I was told in an etiquette class in college that it is in bad decorum to give used gifts to a newborn baby at shower... 2nd gift or in addition, but not in place of new item.



Hope that helped some.

Yolonda - posted on 02/18/2012

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NO used items should be given at a baby shower. I suggest giving her the new items. Set up another time to get together with her and offer her all of your used items. If she is like a lot of us, she will appreciate and accept the items. But in my humble opinion, it is in poor taste to give them at a baby shower.

Angela - posted on 02/18/2012

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I would give the older things separately. My Aunt gave me beautiful new basket of mixed new things then she handed me a bag of used items she got for me later on. Which I totally appreciated.

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2012

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I have a 4 month old that I delivered and turned 39 in January, and I feel older than dirt! It's ok, we know we are older ;)

Stephanie - posted on 02/18/2012

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I would give her the new items at the shower, and then privately ask her if she would be interested in the used items later. Some people are open to hand me downs, while others turn their noses up at them. I have encountered both situations.

Molly - posted on 02/18/2012

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Yes - and no. I think a new gift during Ngifts" would be appropriate, and then just give her all the other stuff on the side or afterwords. I'm sure they are greatly appreciated and wanted though!

Sherry - posted on 02/18/2012

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I would give her the new gifts at the baby shower and then give her the used gifts later. I was 40 when I unexpectedly got pregnant, and got mostly everything I needed at my baby shower. What a blessing that was, as we didn't have anything and had to spend all our money getting our home ready for baby.

Irene - posted on 02/18/2012

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I'm actually giving my aesthetician 2 outifits she loved on my son. I'm also expecting in a few months- but since #2 will be born inJune and #1 was born in Dec, I cankt use it- but I would have. But she can use it with her twin boys. Also got her a gift certificate. And really- #1 only wore the outfir for the pics she saw- and the other one wsn't even worn.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2012

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I'd wrap the new, put the others in a gift bag and whisper to her that some are new and some are used. I would appreciate that you found more for less, that takes time. If she needs it, I'm sure she'd be happy.



Either way it is fun to open. I'm a mom of 4 and appreciate receiving deals on items I wouldn't spend $200.00 on.

Nichol - posted on 02/17/2012

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Separately has no negatives to it. Wrap a small new gift and then let her know that you have some stuff that you thought she could use. If you are questioning it that means you think it may not be ok in this situation. If you don't know 100% for sure that she would be ok with it, just give it separately because it is the best bet. Also remember that the person you knew before she was pregnant is now more emotional and self concious due to the mass of hormones. Something that may not have bothered her before the pregnancy could bother her now. It's always best to play it safe.

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