Can you help me decide if this is worth being upset over?

KAREN - posted on 10/11/2012

I would be very upset! I would be very careful when choosing a babysitter too. If they are not wise enough not to use eyeliner on infant skin can you really trust their discretion with other small parental decisions.... Ummmm no!

Tracie - posted on 10/06/2012

That's crazy rude. How would they like it if you took one of their babies and lightened his hair and called him beaner? It's the same thing. Maybe if you put it to them this way they will understand just how inappropriate their actions are.



Good luck!

Keri - posted on 10/05/2012

That's horrible! I know of a lot of kids of biracial parents that look more like one parent than the other. Both of my parents are white, but we look like our dad (blond hair, blue eyes, oval face, light complection, round eyes). You wouldn't know we were our mother's (brown hair, brown eyes, darker skin, round face, sort of almond-shape eyes). Yes, genetics is a funny thing and your baby could have been born with your complection and your husband's hair and eye color. You need to take a stand on the "gringo" thing too, as that is a rude and offensive nickname. My brother was rather "toe-headed" - more so than me - but his hair darkened more over time to the dark yellow/blond it is now. My husband's hair also went from blond to brown (I've seen pictures of him as a kid) so maybe your son's appearance will change over time and he will start to look more like his dad. But his family is being rude no doubt.

User - posted on 10/03/2012

I think it was immature that they did that to your baby and thoughtless I am Latina with black hair and very dark eyes almost black eyes, he is a baby and should not be draw on unless it's hollowen. I hope this helps you, you have a beautiful baby.

Suzanne - posted on 10/03/2012

I also think it is very mean and imature.Why the h### would you even think about doing that to a baby/child.I dont think they realy like your child because he is lighter then everyone else.i think they probly thought it might have been someone else's baby or something.I say no matter what color he is they should still respect and love him no matter what point bnlank.! i am a white woman and my better half is purito rican and i have 2 boys 8yrs & 3yrs old.my 8yr old looks just like his father and my 3yr old looks like little mini me thats what everyone tells me too.and they are both from the same father.:). so they need to realy get over themselfs.

Sadia - posted on 10/02/2012

Never let them babysit again. How dare they?

Catherine - posted on 10/02/2012

Hi love. I'm sorry to here that his family did that to him. I am in same sort of family situation my youngest son is 10months old and in irish and his dad is black and my son came out white as snow. His family were not impressed and my family were wondering was it my partners son. I was so upset over them all for a good few months but as alex grew he got darker now my family mock him cus he is dark and I have told my family if they think it is funny to joke on an inocent child then we will make sure there is no time to see my family and they have stopped sayin jokes and things are better. Ur best bet is to say it to ur family inlaws hun cus if u don't they can come out with more horible stuff

Atasha - posted on 10/01/2012

It DOES NOT MATTER which side dominates the look of the baby! If baby looks like Mommy then baby looks like Mommy. The family members have NO RIGHT to discriminate against a helpless newborn! If I were you honey I would be damn pissed! As for your 'senseless hubby', he can jump off a bridge with his extremely rude family! No one (especially a baby) deserves the discrimination your husbands family has been dishing out. They have NO RIGHT to call him names or draw on eyebrows to satisfy their immature egos. I feel so bad for you and your child! I fear your child may have some esteem issues as they age seeing as Daddy's family doesn't seem to approve. I am not saying stop your child from seeing them, just would not leave my child unattended in their care for any reason! Good luck honey and I wish only the best for you and your child!

Donna - posted on 10/01/2012

i would be very upset. i, too, was married to a latino man and had two beautiful daughters! one with dark hair, beautiful smokey brown eyes, and olive skin. the other fair like me, blonde, bright gorgeous blue eyes!



i am so happy his family never said or behaved in this manner. that is horrible and NO YOU ARE NOT BEING SENSITIVE BUT MAYBE THEY SHOULD TRY TO!

Jessica - posted on 10/01/2012

I would be extremely offended. My daughter is half Asian but she look more Caucasian like me (light brown hair, very light eye brows you can hardly see them, she's 6 months old and her eyes are still light and not brown). If anyone ever tried to make her look not like herself it would upset me. They are children not all of them are going to be the same, people shouldn't try to change them.

Terri Lynn - posted on 10/01/2012

they should never have drawn on your babies face! If they wanted to just joke around they should have used their words! Their actions went too far!!!

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2012

Humor's a funny thing, and it all depends on personality and maturity!! Hearing this as an outsider, makes me think they were just being disrespectful, especially seeing as they handed your son back with the fake eyebrows still on his face. I'm sure they had to know that wasn't going to be funny to mama.

Amy - posted on 10/01/2012

You should really insist that your husband takes this seriously and speaks to his family. Even if he thinks your are overreacting (which you most definitely are not!), then it is upsetting you and you will always harbour these feelings whenever you are around his family if this is not resolved. I know that some families have a very strange sense of humour that not everyone gets, but it isn't funny to you and they need to be made aware of this.

Yuli - posted on 09/30/2012

Well about the "gringo" thing , I think you partner should explain to you that for us Latinos is doesn't meant any harm or trying to offend anybody by saying it, is just they way We basically call everybody who has a light hair and light eyes , probably is not a nice way , but without any bad intention, well, that depends of what country from Latin america is your partner , there is a BIG difference between all the countries and cultures; and about them trying to put make up or color on the babies face THAT IS completely disrespectful in any country and any culture, you simply DON'T DO THAT to a baby period. You have all the right to be upset to them , and set your opinion straight from the beginning, Good Luck.

Sharon - posted on 09/30/2012

If anything you are keeping your cool too much. How dare anyone use makeup on an 8 week old baby. What if he had a reaction to it. How would you explain it to your doctor. Either your inlaws accept your child just the way he is or they shouldn't get to babysit. I would be hopping mad if it was me. Don't accept this behaviour.

Melissa - posted on 09/30/2012

It is possible that your partner's parents were not trying to be offensive. I think you need to talk to them and just tell them you don't like the nickname they gave your son and that you don't appreciate them drawing on your son.



My husband is Hispanic and Native American. Our oldest son has blonde hair, and since neither of us does people always ask how he got blonde hair. Our son was born with black hair and then lost his hair and was bald til age 2 and then it was blonde. I was the same way as a child and now I have brown hair, which our son will also have eventually. As soon as we told people we didn't like the questions, we stopped getting them.



I don't think it was right of your son's grandparents to draw on your son, but, like I said, you need to talk to them.

Jessaca - posted on 09/29/2012

I'd be pissed and with good reason, you don't ever draw on an infant especially if that infant is not yours. I agree with you they should love him just the way he is and without the nickname. I would say something about it otherwise it will stick with u forever and get angry every time you hear them call him that. He is your child and no one should be allowed to call him a name, he is only a baby and no control over how he looks and if they don't like then they don't need to see him until they can treat him propperly.

Rachele - posted on 09/29/2012

I definitely would be super peeved at something like this. They need to respect that the sweet child came out the way he did. And no one can say for sure that he will always have such light hair and most babies have blue eyes, the colour doesn't set permanently until they are 6-9 months old, so he still could be a brown eyed boy. The fact that they would put make up or whatever on a baby to "see what he would look like" as a darker child is super insulting in my eyes and I'd have no qualms letting them know how I felt.

Roxanna - posted on 09/29/2012

Took me a while to read all posts! I am Biracial, Dominican of Spanish, French and Afro descent. My paternal grandmother was white, light brown hair and hazel brown eyes. My paternal grandfather was afro french AND Spanish, being more dark with wooly hair. My Dad was born with red hair and reddish brown eys. My maternal grandmother had brown hair and eyes, even though her mother had blue eys. My maternal grandfather had some afro in him, but his mother was light skinned. I was born with funky dark brown hair and grey eyes, 2 months later my hair turned light brown and eventually went platinim blonde! My eyes were blue until I was three and they changed to a really strange hazel green/yello. (My eyes still change color!) I was also very fair, but olive toned. My sister, three years younger, was dark...period! Dark hair, eyes, skin the color of coffee with creamer. My brother, six years younger than me, was light skinned, red wooly hair and huge brown eyes! Everyone on my Dad's side said that only I was his kid, but I pointed out that my paternal granpa was black and that my daddy had red hair as a child.

That being said, even within Hispanic families we have our own rascism. I was treated better than my sister and brother by most of the family, yet I gravitated to my darker cousins because I felt closer to them. The irony is that my nickname growing up was "MORENA" which means black girl! My first husband is panamanian black and our daughter looks just like him except she is a bit fairer than he is. My youngest is from a light skinned mexican and she looks like him, too and her family calls her "Guera" which means white girl. I take no offense because that is how I was brought up. We all had nicknames! And in Latin America, what is bad in one country, means nothing in another!

PAINTING MY BABY!!!!!!!!!! Oh no you didn't! And your partner NOT defending you shows where his loyalty lies. Have a frank discussion with him about the comments and "alterring" your babies looks. Unfortunately, we are cannot change someones ignorance, but we can tell them to stop! If your partner does no support you in this.......what else is he NOT going to support you in?

Rebecca - posted on 09/29/2012

O.K. I think everybody is over reacting only looking at the racial aspect. most children on my in-laws side are blond blue eyed so it is not a novelty for them and still they drew eyebrows on a granddaughter to "see what it would look like when they grew in" this was four years ago now and everybody still laughs about it the Mom just rolls her eyes. I understand your concern about the chemicals in makeup and would talk about that with them but from your post it sounds like they are completely happy with a light baby and just haven't gotten over the novelty of it not allowing them to babysit would be extreme

Kimberly - posted on 09/29/2012

My husband and I are both Hispanic with caremel colored skin with dark hair and we have three beautiful children. All three of them are light complected, light colored hair and one has green eyes. My husband's family seems to be very similar to your partner's family. You would be surprised how ignorant people can be. I had so many strangers approach me asking me if the father was Anglo. Obviously, people lack the understanding that most Hispanic people are European descendants and have a spectrum of different skin and hair tones. It is pure ignorance that unfortunately seems to be an issue that has continued throughout generations. I came from an educated family and they seem to understand the complexity of genetics. They have never questioned or commented about the way they look, but only express how beautiful they are. Most of us Latinos are born fair skinned and as we grow older the melanin in our skin allows us to darken throughout time. It's what keeps us looking youthful ;-)



I do believe that you need to set boundaries with your partner's family and let them know that the name calling and their actions are innapropriate and they will not be tolerated. Educate them a bit of where they came from too. I had to do the same thing with my inlaws and it worked. You don't want your little one to develop a complex about himself later on in life. We look the same inside and our skin tone and hair color should not identify who we are as people. I really hope this all works out for you.

Kat - posted on 09/29/2012

I had to go look up about the genetic thing. It seems two blue can produce a brown. I had always heard the opposite. Here's the article I read:

http://genetics.thetech.org/ask/ask101

Knowledge is the key.

Laura - posted on 09/28/2012

I need to add something here.....my dad's family is the most screwed up gene pool ever....my grandmother was Welsh, black hair/black eyes...my grandfather was very fair golden blond hair/sea blue eyes. And they had 8 of the strangest looking kids EVER. Two of the brothers had their dad's coloring, my dad had copper penny red hair/gray eyes, one brother black hair/black eyes, the last brother dark auburn hair/dark brown eyes. One sister was very dark hair/brown eyes, one dark hair/blue eyes and one blond hair/brown eyes. Go figure!

DeeDee - posted on 09/28/2012

Whether or not you are going to get upset is up to you and your feelings. Being upset is a feeling like any other. But to deal with it you can either choose to ignore it or do something about it. Maybe find a way to share with those involved how you feel about it. If you don't think you can get your words out face to face then maybe try writing a friendly, well-worded letter so they can't interrupt or get offensive so you don't get to finish. But most importantly remember that they are family and you want good feelings on both sides so be kind and understanding.

Laura - posted on 09/28/2012

I'd be offended at their lack of sensitivity, but the nickname, while somewhat tactless sounds like its comes from affection....if they were not emotionally invested they wouldn't have babysat for you all day. My mixed race grandson looks remarkably like his caucasian blond blue-eyed mother but with his Chinese dad's coloring...he has enormous brown eyes. As he's gotten older he looks more Asian. Give it time. If your son has blue eyes later on (I suspect they'll be green or hazel), someone in the partner's family got mixed up with the Europeans a few generations ago.

Georgetta - posted on 09/28/2012

No, you are not overreacting. That is your child and you have every right to decide how, who and when. It might seem immature, but I bet these people would not like it if you started calling them a name they did not like. I had a similar situation with a family memember about a name my brother was calling my daughter. I had asked him to stop, but he thought it was funny. I just turned the tables and started calling him names. It soon stopped.

Tina - posted on 09/28/2012

I am sorry that they don't accept him for who he is with the blond features being especially noticeable. Why don't you tell them your own features at birth and let them know that he takes after you in that case. So please don't draw on him . You should have emphasied his actual name and repeat that until they have it clear that is his name and that his skin color is what God intended it to be and let it go at that.

Chelsea - posted on 09/28/2012

Completely inappropriate an rude! Lay down the law with your partner and Inlaws! To alter a baby to suit your wants is not acceptable! I'd hit the roof if someone did that to my child- like I'd probably belt them upside the head and call them a superficial idiot for it! You are not being over sensitive!

Make it clear to your partner that this is not right by you or your baby and if they continue to act this way make sure they aren't allowed to be alone with the baby and have the chance to alter him! And calling him gringo? Excuse me?!? But when is it ever acceptable to verbally label a baby? My Inlaws used to call my daughter a lil s*#t! Until I snapped the s*#ts and told them that even though they use that language in an affectionate manner it is not cool and if it continues they'll never see us again.

Stand your ground! Give your child a voice and defend his right to just be him! He's perfect and doesn't need to be altered to suit them!

Adriane - posted on 09/28/2012

It's natural for family members to be a little fascinated with a new baby, and probably more so when the baby looks so different than expected. I think I would have to be honest though. Let them know how "gringo" makes you feel, and get your partner's support on this. You want to nip that in the bud before they get used to it so your child doesn't have to grow up with that nickname. Your partner and his family need to understand that you see that nickname negatively, and you don't think it's cute at all. That *should* be enough reason to stop. The eyebrow thing? A little weird in my opinion, but hopefully, that curiosity has now passed. Seems a bit immature too. Not to mention, baby's skin can be very sensitive. As far as genetics, it may not be the usual outcome but it does happen! I had a Latina friend in college. She had the family name, spoke fluent Spanish... and had very fair skin and naturally platinum blonde hair. So my advice is, nip that "gringo" stuff in the bud, and focus on how special that baby is.

Candice - posted on 09/28/2012

People are making comments because, genetically speaking, your baby should look like your partner. Does your partner have a parent or grandparent that is also lighter? This would explain the possibility of how your baby is able to be so light.

Sylvia - posted on 09/28/2012

THEY DREW ON HIS FACE. I think that says it all. Not okay.



The nickname could be affectionately meant ... but you don't DRAW ON A BABY'S FACE. Sheesh.

Janessa - posted on 09/28/2012

Taking offense is never a good idea, because most of the time it is all misunderstandings. Gringo isn't necessarily a bad thing a lot of them hope to have a gringo looking baby,drawing on the baby is a little immature but if you want a stable relationship you've got to let some things slide. If they were cruel to your child that would be a whole other ball game, they probably love him though, they just show it differently. Getting mad. Only complicates things, you can however talk to them nicely and explain how it makes you feel, they probably have no idea, it's a different culture.

Rose - posted on 09/28/2012

Genetics are funny.I would set down with the family with my spouse and ask them what they are meaning when they call him gringo-- I can call my best friend a BITCH and to me is means Babe In Total Control of Herself. There fore ppl that know me know that if I call them a "Bitch" it is not mean but a compliant to them.. Find out why-- tell them that you are hurt and would really rather not draw on the baby and not call him a gringo. BUT have his daddy present, and since you already know how he thinks does he know exactly how YOU think with out going around in circles.. BUT yes I would be pretty upset, but after I cooled off I would talk..

Good Luck

Margie - posted on 09/28/2012

Ok that's so wrong on many levels ! They would not be babysitting again.

Lauren - posted on 09/28/2012

@Sheri - Love it...perfect way to help them understand how it feels. If they're the kind of childish people who drew on an 8-week-old's eyebrows in the first place, they may continue being childish, but at least Angela will have made her point!

Sheri - posted on 09/28/2012

Ask them if you can dye their child's hair blonde.... and color his eyebrows now that they did it to yours! Turn the tables. They call him Gringo - find a term that would upset them. And say politely "See, it hurts. Now please stop and just love him for the beautiful and wonderful child he is"

Lauren - posted on 09/28/2012

@Dove - A brown-eyed baby CAN come from two blue-eyed parents--and a blonde baby can come from a Latino parent. I think we were all taught the same big B, little b thing--the same genetic square thing--but genetics are not even remotely that simple. I am a product of two blue-eyed parents with brown eyes, and my doctor informed us it was a mutation in my genes, which I explained to my anthropology teacher when she told me I was adopted. And all of my other features prove I am absolutely my parents' daughter. Not to get into crazy details here, but my parents were each other's first intimate partners, and I was conceived the first time they had sex. My dad actually went to propose to my mom the night she told him she was pregnant--I'm happy knowing they loved each other so much even before knowing I was conceived.



Like most of the other posts, I completely agree that you are not over-reacting. I would set clear boundaries (and make sure your partner agrees beforehand) and set limits. If they don't stop calling your child nicknames and drawing in eyebrows, then they won't be welcome around your child alone. Your child; if you're caring for him and loving him as you should, you are in charge of how others can treat him. Good luck!

Julianne - posted on 09/28/2012

I would be upset. My sister's partner is half black half native american. Her baby is blonde haired blue eyed light skinned. His whole side questions if he's family. Its offensive because of the implication of unfaithfulness for one. Two, its kind of racist to make a big deal out of skintone.

Alexandra - posted on 09/28/2012

yes, i would be upset too.

You must set your rules very clearly. And do not take your baby over there if things continue like this. One of these days something more serious can happen "just because they want to see". Oh boy.

Good for you to trust your instincts.

Jarna - posted on 09/28/2012

If you find their comments rude or insulting then tell them. They either respect you or they don't and if they don't then why would they respect your child? Especially a BABY who may look different from their norm. Every child should be surrounded by unconditional love from their family and not be a point of teasing or even riddicule based on looks. This child has been brought into this world because of the love between you and your partner.

This is YOUR child. You get to set the boundaries and if ppl don't like it then that is their choice not to be involved.



As for the darkened eyebrows, who would put make up on a baby? It can cause allergies and reactions in children because their skin is no where near as tough as an adults. Not to mention the carcinogens they are probably loaded with. What would have happened if bubs had a reaction? They sound like ppl who might have just stood there and watched. Great caretakers there. Very mature and obviously have Your sons best interests at heart! Are you sure you want to leave him with them?

My mum is so anti chemical that it's nearly obsessive however she still had no problem putting nail polish on my daughter at 2 and 3. And my daughter would then chew it off. Thanks for the carcinogen boost mum! Then there was the lipstick and eyeshadow to match. To be honest I lost it at my mum and becuse she didnt respect my boundaries she didn't see my daughter for nearly 2 months. She now acknowledges that these are my children and I set the boundaries.



I wish you all the best and I hope you have your feelings respected by your partner and his family.

Amie - posted on 09/28/2012

# long run

Amie - posted on 09/28/2012

Yeah I'd be pretty peeved. Mainly because it seems as if it may go futher in the long wrong and to me, that's a huge no no! No child should be "teased" by family members as it will literally scar him for life. My brother in law is half Indian and half Caucasian and he is so dark but his brother is soooooooo white .... Blonde hair and all. My sister is Caucasian and they have three children together, two being pasty white, blonde hair and blue eyes and one being complete opposite and is dark brown, brown eyes and hair - with her Indian grandparents absoloutley doting over her! People always assume the worst but our genetics are crazy things. The only concern would be if your next one resembles more of what they are "after" and then they could favour....... Which is terrible. Don't stress too much, there is nothing wrong with your little guy. Just be more wary of their behaviour and influences and step up if they continue being pathetic. Remember..... It's your baby, your the parent, you know what's best. Congrats on your bubs. X

Kathy - posted on 09/27/2012

I am Hispanic and my husband is white my dad calls him quedo which means light completed or light skinned but he calls him that in a good way nothing mean. The whole eyebrow thing I would find offensive and I'd let them know that that is the first and last time they do that. Oh and tell them gringo which means white man or person isn't the best nickname and maybe come up with a cuter one. Hope that helps

Kimberly - posted on 09/27/2012

It was way out of line and in bad taste. I have no idea what your situation is so I can only speak as to what I would do. I can assure you it would be the last time I would leave my child with them. Q

Penny - posted on 09/27/2012

My friends have a mother with a dark complection and a very pale father. One sister is a pale red-head and her sister is as dark as her mother. No one ever believes they are sisters without seing the parents too, but there you have it!

As for the eyebrows - I wouldn't ask them to sit again, but I wouldn't get that upset over a bit of makeup. My inlaws drove me crazy with stuff like that when my first was little (I'm also in a mixed marriage), but I'm not so worried about it these days. Still don't like it, but they just don't see the problem, so it's easier for me to be weary and avoid those situations than it is to get them to stop! Sad as it is...

Melinda - posted on 09/27/2012

I think its kinda selfish on their part. I agree with you, they should love that baby just as he is. I would never think to draw on a babys face to "see what he looks like". I think you have every right to be pissed.

Nicole - posted on 09/27/2012

Angela,

I think you are blessed beyond belief with this beautiful baby! It was extremely inappropraite for that to happen. If they really were just "seeing what he would look like", they would have removed it before you came to pick him up! Although, I too agree that it shouldn't have been done in the first place. My sister has a child with a latino man, and my nephew was born quite light skinned, with blue eyes. My sister however, has deep dark brown eyes, and so does the baby's dad. He did get darker after about 6 to 9 months, and yes, his family questioned if it were really his baby. He is 2 now, and brown (lol), but eyes are still bright blue. His family is really awesome with him and loves him so much. I say love that baby, cherish him, make sure he knows how much he is wanted! Also, have a nice, quiet, but serious talk with the family member. Let her know how much it bothered you, joke or not, and that you would really appreciate if comments or experiments like that were not done to or around your baby. You could say that you know they care about him and that they take great care of him and you are so happy he has a safe place to go where people love him, but that it would be great if they took your feelings into consideration. Angela, it is a hard time right after giving birth to a baby, post partum depression can set in very suddenly and with out much notice. Unfortunately, things like this can send a person into that. It also creates resentment and ill feelings toward your boyfriend's family, that could last a lifetime, because let's face it, as mothers we protect our offspring with animal like instincts! :) I think you are a wonderful mother with a great sense of who you are and who you want to be as a mother. I say: GO YOU!

And congrats on the beautiful baby boy!!

Lori - posted on 09/27/2012

I'd be pretty pissed! Babysitting would be out of the question! Like someone else said, what are they saying about you and him behind your back! Certainly not looking out for how the child feels, even tough he is too young now, just wait a few more years! As for genetics, hair can change. All 3 of my kids were born with auburn/red hair, it fell out and all had very light blonde hair grow in. My oldest (now 6), has light brown hair. It probably wouldn't, but his hair could change colour. I would have a serious heart to heart with daddy and tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe once he sees how it makes you feel, you can both talk to the others. Best of luck, and congrats on a beautiful baby!

Linda - posted on 09/27/2012

Hi

I would be very upset, annoyed, pisssed off whatever else you want to be. How dare they.

No respect for you or your baby. Wrong to do what they did. Very stupid and immature bit racist too. I would not be letting them babysit again, if ever who knows what they may do to him in the future. You are quite within your rights to be pissed off. Stuff them. I am sure he's gorgeous. They need to get over themselves.

Crystal - posted on 09/27/2012

Well if it was me I would have told them off cause its not even my child and I wanna punch them for that. I have 3 kids with very fair complection. Also it could be that your genes are a lot stronger than his. I would suggest to you ask them nicely not to draw on your baby and if they laugh you could say i'm serious I did not find it funny and it is disrespectful. If they don't like what you are asking then maybe don't let them babysit again till he can fend for himself. Also you can tell them that is a type of child abuse.