cannot stand perfect mums

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009 ( 445 moms have responded )

85

24

14

OMG - am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok? I read so many posts on "perfect mums" totally hanging it on mums who dont follow their way of parenting and are totally bagged for it!! Well im here to bag out those mums of you who think you have it all together - teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

445 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

There is no such thing as the perfect Mum. You do what you have to do to keep your kids healthy, happy and on the right path to adulthood. The perfect Mum is purely myth.

[deleted account]

Move over ladies! Here comes a workaholic who spends time at the office 11 hours straight; sometimes goes home to feed the 'Zoo' at 9pm - finish eating by 9.30pm. Quick clean up and shower and go back to my office till 12 - 1a.m. I work full days on Saturdays and sneak back to office on some Sunday afternoons. I suck being the homey mom who smothers my 2 kids. Love them yes, the very. But don't believe in pampering in suffocating ways. I agree when kids deserve to be whacked and after 3 warnings, is reasonable. Mine will wait for 2.5 warnings.My kids are independent as I have intended to bring them up as. This is a crazy world we live in, my intention, before you judge me, is to make sure my kids survive this world when I am dead and gone. But we cook together (all 4 of us in the kitchen) and do have close talks. Oh, I fed the juice from the fruits of my chest for less than one month. To the 'perfect ones' - happy for you; to the 'less than perfect ones' as long as you have a fathomless heart to love and want what's best for your kid(s), don't be afraid or ashamed to be YOU.

[deleted account]

Move over ladies! Here comes a workaholic who spends time at the office 11 hours straight; sometimes goes home to feed the 'Zoo' at 9pm - finish eating by 9.30pm. Quick clean up and shower and go back to my office till 12 - 1a.m. I work full days on Saturdays and sneak back to office on some Sunday afternoons. I suck being the homey mom who smothers my 2 kids. Love them yes, the very. But don't believe in pampering in suffocating ways. I agree when kids deserve to be whacked and after 3 warnings, is reasonable. Mine will wait for 2.5 warnings.My kids are independent as I have intended to bring them up as. This is a crazy world we live in, my intention, before you judge me, is to make sure my kids survive this world when I am dead and gone. But we cook together (all 4 of us in the kitchen) and do have close talks. Oh, I fed the juice from the fruits of my chest for less than one month. To the 'perfect ones' - happy for you; to the 'less than perfect ones' as long as you have a fathomless heart to love and want what's best for your kid(s), don't be afraid or ashamed to be YOU.

LaZetta - posted on 06/12/2009

1

13

0

omg my daughter is 2 and she has energy that i have never seen before and it frustrates me that she basically cant not be still 4 more than 10second, i cant get any thing done and it drives me crazy sometimes. and then she take naps anymore or go 2 sleep a descent hour ive tried everything 2 get her 2 nap and she doesnt she is the only 2 yr old i kno that stay up later than most adults what n i do

Marlana - posted on 06/11/2009

16

10

3

Quoting Jennifer:

As far as I am concerned there aren't any perfect moms out there. They may come across like they have it all together but they don't. I have found in experience with my four kids (13,9,8 & 1) that alot of the new stuff doesn't work and I revert to the older methods that my mom, grandma & etc used. My children have all turned out fine. I am lucky enough that I have never had to spank a child. My children did real well with the time out thing. My children were breastfed for a very short (I mean very short) time and I used formula for the rest of their first year. Breastfeeding never worked for me because all of my children had low blood sugar in the hospital from my diabetes and were given bottles which messed everything up. I have offered advice on here to to other moms based on my experiences but I also admit that I am not a perfect mom and they can take what I say and apply it or ignore it. I don't care.I do what I feel is right whether it is considered to be by the book or not. Heck my kids started on rice cereal and other foods earlier than they tell you because they were hungry. Really, imagine drinking milk all day. There comes a point when they need a little more to satisfy them. With my last one as soon as he knew what food was he would cry until he got some of his own. None of them have ever devloped any food allergies either. I am totally with you on this.



Hey Jennifer I so agree with you , I have one daughter who is turning 3yrs old, and yes I tried to breast feed at the hospital but it just did'nt work .. and the nurses were the most  critical.You sound like my mom. I was nervous about giving my baby rice ceral in her bottles, and my said "you try drinking milk all day" she was hungry, so yes I started food really early, but had a much happier baby. You sound well experienced! O I dont have to do the hand spanks any more she know who's boss!!! I'm so in love with my little girl!

Lori - posted on 06/11/2009

6

9

0

Before I had my son I would freek on some of my friends on how they would parent their kids. Now that I have my own I would never ever ever ever criticize any mom!!!!! You do what works best for you and your kids and who cares what other people think! There is no such thing as a perfect mom. I only breast fed my son until he was 4 months old and then I was over it! Formula worked great for him! I use a "binky" all the time, he loves it! He chews on my car keys and I don't sanitize his toys or his bottles every day, soooooo whaaaaatttt! Just enjoy them everyday and relax, they grow up so fast!

Lori - posted on 06/11/2009

6

9

0

Before I had my son I would freek on some of my friends on how they would parent their kids. Now that I have my own I would never ever ever ever criticize any mom!!!!! You do what works best for you and your kids and who cares what other people think! There is no such thing as a perfect mom. I only breast fed my son until he was 4 months old and then I was over it! Formula worked great for him! I use a "binky" all the time, he loves it! He chews on my car keys and I don't sanitize his toys or his bottles every day, soooooo whaaaaatttt! Just enjoy them everyday and relax, they grow up so fast!

Mel - posted on 06/11/2009

5,539

58

226

Quoting Guggie:



Quoting Amanda:




Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month







well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.










Actually, formula was originally created for orphans. The World Health Organisation lists formula last on the list of foods for babies. first the mom should try to nurse, then try to pump. then they should try for a wetnurse and if you can't find a wet nurse next you should get donated/bought human milk. if none of those options are available the WHO then recommends formula after checking with a doctor.






 






formula is absolutely not identical or almost identical to human milk. human milk has more than 200 components that scientists can't even identify. they just found out human milk has stem cells to help the baby heal from sickness on top of the antibodies.






if you are a healthy mama you do not need to supplement with vitamin d. that is a marketing ploy because the companies wanted to reach the nursing market to make more money. a bit of sunshine during midday is all you need to get your d levels up. vitamin d is a fat soluble vitamin that comes in several qualities and many formula makers use the lowest quality available.






 






the dha/ara supplements in formulas are not proven safe and in fact are quite gross:






 






*DHA
omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, produced in laboratories and extracted from algae and fungus, into infant formulas. The report presents disturbing research indicating that the new additives placed in infant formula are seriously endangering the health of some formula-fed newborns and toddlers. algal-and fungal-based DHA/ARA have been linked to serious side effects such as virulent diarrhoea and vomiting in infants consuming infant formula.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hexane






anyways i am not arguing or putting you down at all. i hope you look into this as science is really focusing on this issue right now. which is good because what we feed our children is a vital, important issue that we should all learn about so we can make an informed choice.





 



 



OMG - would you get over it alrady. i hate breast feeding nazies. formula is not poison it helps babies meet thier milstones quicker and more important FTT babies would die if it wasnt for formula. formula is more important then you realise do you know how many underweight babies there are out there. theres enough stupid people like you in the world who think breast is always breast so we hear it all the time i dont think we need to read about it in stupid internet stuff that probably isnt even true. who cares what you feed them milk is milk. mine is formula fed all the way has been since 2 weeks old and next will be formula fed to if i chose to express as well it will only be for a week or two to make sure the baby doesnt get constipation from it and to see what agrees with it

Mel - posted on 06/11/2009

2

32

0

Thank you! all these comments have gone some way to restoring my sanity, nice to know that it's not just me that isn't the sterio-typical "perfect" mum. I love this post. I will go back to doing my best now and spending time with my little angel.

Carly - posted on 06/11/2009

223

8

37

I sometimes feed my kids ( 4 and 1) fast food because I am too tired to cook

Stephanie - posted on 06/11/2009

24

4

1

i feel you. i tried and tried to breastfeed for 3 months...only to find out i didnt make enough milk. and now when i whip out the bottle to feed my babes formula, i feel some mothers just give me the stink eye. i think every mama is a good mama in their own way. you are the only one that knows how to handle, love, care and discipline your child....

Stephanie - posted on 06/11/2009

24

4

1

i feel you. i tried and tried to breastfeed for 3 months...only to find out i didnt make enough milk. and now when i whip out the bottle to feed my babes formula, i feel some mothers just give me the stink eye. i think every mama is a good mama in their own way. you are the only one that knows how to handle, love, care and discipline your child....

Melissa - posted on 06/11/2009

85

3

7

Quoting Catherine:

You Know You're a Mom When ......

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your too busy to wash it off.

11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.

12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.

16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.


This was awesome.  Thanks for the laugh.  it is so true.  I have to agree.  I am certainly not a perfect mo.  My house is always messy & my kids watch tv.  I also gave both of my kids formula.  My kids love me so obviously I'm doing a good enough job for them.  I can't stand unsolicited advise from the so-called perfect parents who think their kids are perfect when they are really brats.

Courtney - posted on 06/11/2009

147

18

11

See I'm just the opposite!! I NEVER talk down to people who smack their kids and give formula, though I did breastfeed and don't hit my child, but I get scorned for those things!!! I was told many many times that formula should be given in addition to breastfeeding and how could I NOT be doing it!!?? Then, on the hitting thing, SO many parents tell me how kids NEED to be swatted on the butt, etc and how I am doing my child disservice by not hitting her!!! So, trust me, you aren't the only side getting grief from the other!! I always tell people that this is how I chose to do things with my kids, but thank you for your imput on MY CHILDS life....it is much appreciated and much dissregarded!!

Do'Che - posted on 06/11/2009

46

12

2

i used artificial milk, i yell and pop my kids hands when they aggravate me, the sleeping through the night isnt a problem for me i hardly sleep anyways, but nobody is perfect so dont even woryy bc i get put down on how i raise my 3 little ones well the girls atleast

Angela - posted on 06/11/2009

52

16

10

is there such mom i dont know any and that includes myself, we all do the best we can and thats all we can do.

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2009

2,559

3

365

How the hell did a topic on perfect moms turn into yet another Breast Vs Bottle debate?
There is no debate about this topic, I am sure everyone will agree Breast is good and Bottle is good also. No one cares why you choose to breastfeed or why you choose to bottlefeed. I dont understand why mothers need to defend their choice of the method of feeding, as long as you arent feeding your infant a ton of junk food, there shouldnt be a problem. Like I said before everyone parents differently, and none of it is wrong way (unless it is child abuse).

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2009

202

36

5

Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Catherine:




Quoting Guggie:





Quoting Amanda:






Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month











well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.
















Actually, formula was originally created for orphans. The World Health Organisation lists formula last on the list of foods for babies. first the mom should try to nurse, then try to pump. then they should try for a wetnurse and if you can't find a wet nurse next you should get donated/bought human milk. if none of those options are available the WHO then recommends formula after checking with a doctor.













I wanted to point out that World Health Organisation is just that the WORLD! Formula is very dangerous in underdeveloped countries. The water quality in these countries is so poor that using it to mix formula is extremely toxic and deadly. Finding a wet nurse in those circumstances would be far safer. In the western developed world the use of formula has rarely had any negative effects. Formula must of had some impact in reducing the infant mortality rates of developed countries from 500 in 1000 in the 1800's to 7 in 1000 today.








I also have no idea where in rural Cornwall, UK, I would find somewhere selling daily supplies of donated human milk!










WELL I base my posts on north america. I am in canada and we have HIGH standards on abby formula. In fact I only buy formula manufactured by pharmecudicle companies which is why I would never recomend Nestle good start. (same company that makes candy)






As far as wet nurses , milk banks whatever you want to call them. We have 1 in canada it is in BC and it costs about $8/ounce of milk plus shipping and you can only get it if your child is a primee OR has an immune deficency disorder AND you need a prescription from your childs Pediatrician. on top of that they are talking about shutting their doors do to lack of supply and demand.





OMG i agree with you Amanda.......again wow lol. I just have one question for those of you who are so dead set against formula, what do you think they fed baby's back in the day when the mother could'nt breastfeed?????? It certainly was'nt formula i believe it was goats milk that was used quite often back then well thats what my grandmother tells me anyway as she still recommends that i use goats milk with my 2 yr old.....lol how things have changed. I could'nt breastfeed any of mine at all with my first i started lactating at 24 weeks and by the time he was born i had no milk left at all and before someone jumps up and down and tells me that i should have taken something to help my supply keep coming, i did i used breats pumps i took the milk supliments and i even had hot showers and massaged my boobs to help me keep my supply and it just did'nt work and even the doctors were baffled. I tried for the first couple of days because i new that with his sucking it may help but it did'nt so i tried formula and he refused to drink it so i took him to his pediatrician and he gave me the breakdown for cow's milk and told me to try him on this and to put pentavite(vitamins) in his bottles and he should be fine. I was so worried because all of the books say NOT to give them cow's milk at that age so i took him to another pediatrican and he told me the same thing so i did it and he drank it gained weight and was a very happy healthy baby boy. So in saying this if a pediatrician says to use cows milk, then y is it that formula which is as close to a mothers milk as anything man made could be, so bad????????????? I dont understand y it is so bad, if they used goats milk back in the day and i was told by not 1 but 2 pediatricians to use cows milk with pentavite(vitamins) for baby's which are both now days big no no's how is it that something that was made as close as it can possibly be to a mothers milk so frowned upon????? If a mother cant breastfeed like i could'nt then y should'nt she feed her baby formula it's not hurting the baby in any way shape or form and the baby is still getting everything it needs to survive like, food, shleter,warmth and most importantly UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Lori - posted on 06/11/2009

4

6

0

Quoting Jane:

Jennifer Moore - I so agree. With that said, I have tried spanking, smacking, yelling and just general 'freaking out' and it simply just doesn't work. If it worked - I would be all for it. What it does do and tell my child that they are so messed up that I can't handle them. Of all the people and relationships that I value most - my relatonship with my spouse and my children need to be the healthiest.... especially 20-30 years from now.



I have learned some new tricks from a program called Love and Logic. It is amazing. JM said something about meaning what you say when you say it. So I thought I would post this cool little tidbit here:



The only person in the world that we can control is ourselves. God gave us all free will. We are blessed that our children have the ability to use their God given gift of free will. So.... when we tell a child what to do, we are drawing a line in the sand. They have two choices - do it or not do it. If they are strong willed - then they only have one choice - not do it. Love and Logic is not about being a perfect parent. It is about letting our kids make mistakes so they can learn from them when the price is small. EXP - totalling their tri-cycle in the front yard is cheaper than totallying the family car 13 years later.



To turn our words into gold, we need to stop telling our children what to do (hang on - I know it sounds stupid). Instead, we want to tell them what we will do or what we will allow. Examples:



"I give treats to children who take good care of their teeth."

"Feel free to go outside and play when your room is cleaned (or homework is done, etc...)"

"Feel free to play/watch your favorite game/show when you are dressed, have eaten and your teeth are clean."

"Sweetie, this is sad. Listenting to you and your brother bicker in the car used up the energy that I needed to take you to pool. Try me again sometime when I have enough energy."



The program gives you soooo many ideas and my husband & I are don't get frustrated anymore!!!



A few weeks ago, my younger son asked to be spanked as an alternative to our love and logic approach.... (we had to giggle a bit) Then we told him, "Ohhh sweetie - we don't do that anymore. We're sorry and feel free to go play when you have replaced our energy by cleaning the bathroom."



Everyone on here is right - there is no such thing as a perfect mum.... Coming from one imperfect mum - I'm been enjoying being a 'calmer' mum. You can google love and logic.



And yes - my house is still messy - but the bathroom did get cleaned a few weeks ago.. LOL


This love and logic stuff sounds excellent!!! I teach secondary school and that is exactly the approach you have to take with teenagers. I'd like to know more about it.



 

Lisa - posted on 06/11/2009

92

30

14

just one thing to add, i haven't read all the posts because i really don't have time...i'm too busy being a perfect mum. maybe not perfect by many peoples standards, but i am to those that count. i am the perfect mum as far as my children are concerned, i am perfect because i am their's...

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2009

202

36

5

Quoting Jo:

I agree 99.9% with what Betsy is saying. I would like to add though; I don't think these women are putting anyone in the category of "perfect mom" just because they can't do the whole load that someone like Amanda, or like Betsy takes on.

I don't think it has to do with insecurities for everyone - I think it has to do with the tones of posts, the way things are said, the implications and the undermining tidbits, the condescending demeanor of the majority of the posts that are made that makes some moms, like Bec, sit back and ask the question she did... "am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok?"

I think what she was trying to do was let all the moms out there know, that despite a few women on here who have the tendency to post those posts with the negative undertones - there are other women out there who don't need to be so aggressive in their wording in order to give advice and share their parenting style too, so if you ask a question and you get a reply that implies your a bad mom if you don't do as they do, just remember that there are other moms out there that aren't going to post that way.

With that said, I think the way Bec worded her post comes off wrong to the women who are proud of everything they do, and they do A LOT.

In Amanda's case, in this thread specifically - she came into this thread with a confrontational tone/post - her initial post had a tone that screamed "Im better than you so listen." Whether that was her intention or not, only she knows. And I'm sure that tone came from reading the last line of Bec's post and possibly other thread as well - "teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!" I see that in a sarcastic note, a joking tone which i think the initial posters took it as too....... but for some it could be taken with personal offence to it, because they are proud and strong - which makes it seem to others as though they feel as though they are "that perfect mom" that is here to "teach us all the error of our ways". Which I believe Amanda took it as. (Correct me if I'm wrong, please. I just confused the hell out of myself so I'm sorry if I confused you too.) (I am LMAO at myself right now - good way to show that anything can come off on here the wrong way or in a bad way when it's intended to be nice or even humorous.)

Sorry Amanda, for calling you out on this one again, but as an observer - I can see why you got attacked or "ganged up on" in this thread - as pety as that is, to be ganged up on - I think your initial post opened yourself up to it. My post was taken in the completely wrong light earlier by someone who is a "loyal friend" of yours. Everyone's words can be taken in different context on here, unless they are very well worded, as Betsy's posts have been.

Anyways... yappity yap... a mom is a mom is a mom. Good job to everyone who has a happy healthy baby, obviously we're all doing SOMETHING right if our kiddos are still alive, happily throwing toys at their siblings or our heads and then laughing about it and even if we can't get the crayon off the wall we won't stop finding the best way to get chewing gum out of the dogs hair without having to shave that piece. Kudo's to all mommas.


This is a very well written post, thank you. If only more people could understand that we all percieve things differently and take things in different ways life would be a little easier.

Lori - posted on 06/11/2009

4

6

0

Don't worry! Nobody is perfect even if they may try to appear that way. I also think that it doesn't do any harm to give a naughty child a smack on the rear end once in a while. It certainly is the only way that my toddler will even take me seriously sometimes. I don't do it often but I'm not afraid to if I think it is necessary. I also had difficulty producing enough milk and had to top up in the evenings just so that I could get enough sleep to produce enough milk for the next day. I finished breastfeeding after 5.5 months because I was selfish and wanted my body back! I don't feel ashamed at all. At least I gave it a go and gave him a good start in life. He is happy and healthy!

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2009

645

33

14

Quoting Catherine:



Quoting Guggie:




Quoting Amanda:





Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month









well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.













Actually, formula was originally created for orphans. The World Health Organisation lists formula last on the list of foods for babies. first the mom should try to nurse, then try to pump. then they should try for a wetnurse and if you can't find a wet nurse next you should get donated/bought human milk. if none of those options are available the WHO then recommends formula after checking with a doctor.










I wanted to point out that World Health Organisation is just that the WORLD! Formula is very dangerous in underdeveloped countries. The water quality in these countries is so poor that using it to mix formula is extremely toxic and deadly. Finding a wet nurse in those circumstances would be far safer. In the western developed world the use of formula has rarely had any negative effects. Formula must of had some impact in reducing the infant mortality rates of developed countries from 500 in 1000 in the 1800's to 7 in 1000 today.






I also have no idea where in rural Cornwall, UK, I would find somewhere selling daily supplies of donated human milk!






WELL I base my posts on north america. I am in canada and we have HIGH standards on abby formula. In fact I only buy formula manufactured by pharmecudicle companies which is why I would never recomend Nestle good start. (same company that makes candy)



As far as wet nurses , milk banks whatever you want to call them. We have 1 in canada it is in BC and it costs about $8/ounce of milk plus shipping and you can only get it if your child is a primee OR has an immune deficency disorder AND you need a prescription from your childs Pediatrician. on top of that they are talking about shutting their doors do to lack of supply and demand.

Jane - posted on 06/11/2009

2

0

0

Jennifer Moore - I so agree. With that said, I have tried spanking, smacking, yelling and just general 'freaking out' and it simply just doesn't work. If it worked - I would be all for it. What it does do and tell my child that they are so messed up that I can't handle them. Of all the people and relationships that I value most - my relatonship with my spouse and my children need to be the healthiest.... especially 20-30 years from now.





I have learned some new tricks from a program called Love and Logic. It is amazing. JM said something about meaning what you say when you say it. So I thought I would post this cool little tidbit here:





The only person in the world that we can control is ourselves. God gave us all free will. We are blessed that our children have the ability to use their God given gift of free will. So.... when we tell a child what to do, we are drawing a line in the sand. They have two choices - do it or not do it. If they are strong willed - then they only have one choice - not do it. Love and Logic is not about being a perfect parent. It is about letting our kids make mistakes so they can learn from them when the price is small. EXP - totalling their tri-cycle in the front yard is cheaper than totallying the family car 13 years later.





To turn our words into gold, we need to stop telling our children what to do (hang on - I know it sounds stupid). Instead, we want to tell them what we will do or what we will allow. Examples:





"I give treats to children who take good care of their teeth."


"Feel free to go outside and play when your room is cleaned (or homework is done, etc...)"


"Feel free to play/watch your favorite game/show when you are dressed, have eaten and your teeth are clean."


"Sweetie, this is sad. Listenting to you and your brother bicker in the car used up the energy that I needed to take you to pool. Try me again sometime when I have enough energy."





The program gives you soooo many ideas and my husband & I are don't get frustrated anymore!!!





A few weeks ago, my younger son asked to be spanked as an alternative to our love and logic approach.... (we had to giggle a bit) Then we told him, "Ohhh sweetie - we don't do that anymore. We're sorry and feel free to go play when you have replaced our energy by cleaning the bathroom."





Everyone on here is right - there is no such thing as a perfect mum.... Coming from one imperfect mum - I'm been enjoying being a 'calmer' mum. You can google love and logic.





And yes - my house is still messy - but the bathroom did get cleaned a few weeks ago.. LOL

Hope - posted on 06/11/2009

17

0

12

I say the so called perfect moms who like to sit and critize other moms..need to mind their own freaking business and worry about their own kids. As long as the kid is not being abused or neglected in any way or the parent isn't a drunk or doing drugs around their kid..then there is no cause for concern.

[deleted account]

oh yes oh yes. put me in the bad mommy jail. lol. they watch too many movies/t.v. addicted to spongebob squarepants. I never breastfed..my choice and who gives any crap what i choose? i chose it! lol. I also believe in spanking but also explaining why spanked. not abusing. sometimes i yell. but i'm yelling..."get back in your room for that timeout!!" my house is a mess i never seem to get it all done but i also work so for that i guess i am a horrible mom! my 3 year old was on a chocolate pudding kick and had it breakfast lunch and dinner for a week. lmao doc said it was fine as long as i snuck other healthy-ish things in! lol. now she wants mashed potatoes for breakfast! lol. as long as shes eating and healthy i guess i dont care what she has for breakfast!!! i'm a horrible mom!! lol

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2009

99

9

4

OH yeah.. i forgot.. I smack my daughters hand when i need to and PLAN on spanking later...

Tiffany - posted on 06/11/2009

99

9

4

I had a c-section and PLAN to have repeats with future children

My daughter started rice cereal from a spoon at 2 months

Solids at 4 months

Bite size things at 6 months as well as juice

and worst of all WHOLE MILK at 9 months

throw me in jail for this one.. sometimes we let her "cry it out" to get herself to sleep

I put her in the playpen so i can shower



This is my question.. for all of those "perfect moms" that have time to get on here and critisize everything that everyone does.. where are there kids then?

Nan Mary Ann - posted on 06/11/2009

4

24

0

I don't KNOW any perfect moms...maybe some moms who THINK they are perfect...and ew, who can stand them!!??

Nan Mary Ann - posted on 06/11/2009

4

24

0

I don't KNOW any perfect moms...maybe some moms who THINK they are perfect...and ew, who can stand them!!??

Tabatha - posted on 06/11/2009

4

16

0

just as children are different so are mothers. i have three and each have their own special way of pushing my buttons!! I tell my daughter all of the time my goal is for her to be "weird". that means she is her own person. why should we all try to be the same when we want our kids to be themselves. Do what is best for your child and you are perfect. If they never see you mad, how will they know how to deal with their own anger. so be "perfectly unique"...and remind youerself of it the next time you see all those other ones that seem to have it all it nice neat little boxes!!! ;>

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2009

2,559

3

365

Quoting Nicole:

Though I am a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby food making mother my house is a wreck, laundry is unfolded still in the basket in the living room, and my legs look like chewbacca. My baby eats grass and flowers fairly often- I find it funny. I enjoy getting a rise out of the germ-o-phobes. I walk around with giant milk circles on my shirt and sometimes a boob flopping out in public. My kitchen is extra messy from the busy blender. Baby food is an epic mess. Rather than clean all day, Phoebe and I play and enjoy ourselves. So even us crazy hippy natural mommas are a hot mess most of the time. Anyone who pretends they aren't happen to be full of shit. As far as I'm concerned an overly tidy baby house shows signs of neglect :)



WHAT! Flowers and grass are not a part of a toddler/baby's diet? Not even on the Canadian Food Guide? Oh for the love of god, my poor girl! :0)



The best ever I had my sister inlaw watch my baby while my hubby and I went out for dinner, on my way out she says, "You arent really going to go to the resturant like that are you?" I asked her what was wrong with my outfit, she responded with "You have leaked on your top" I looked down and said "Oh I see, well thank god it isnt baby shit!"

Alisha - posted on 06/11/2009

2

12

0

I am NOT perfect. My children only get three hours of tv, all on saturday morning so I can laze in bed. I love those lunch mate things! Thankfully so do my kids lol. I make them do chores! Nobody does chores anymore, tl least according to my boys (7&9). I yell, a lot. And about once a year when absolutly nothing else works, they get spanked.

You know, I give them a "pat" on the bum harder when playing than when they get spanked, I think it's just the fact that they got spanked at all that gets them.

Did I mention that I have a potty mouth?

Nope not perfect. Oh, on the potty mouth, when I yell, I never swear at my kids when yelling or otherwise, it's more of a cuss when I stub my toe, or burn dinner.

Nope, not perfect, but we are happy.

I'd rather be happy than perfect.

Alisha - posted on 06/11/2009

2

12

0

I am NOT perfect. My children only get three hours of tv, all on saturday morning so I can laze in bed. I love those lunch mate things! Thankfully so do my kids lol. I make them do chores! Nobody does chores anymore, tl least according to my boys (7&9). I yell, a lot. And about once a year when absolutly nothing else works, they get spanked.

You know, I give them a "pat" on the bum harder when playing than when they get spanked, I think it's just the fact that they got spanked at all that gets them.

Did I mention that I have a potty mouth?

Nope not perfect. Oh, on the potty mouth, when I yell, I never swear at my kids when yelling or otherwise, it's more of a cuss when I stub my toe, or burn dinner.

Nope, not perfect, but we are happy.

I'd rather be happy than perfect.

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2009

49

53

3

I heard once that they had a recall on baby Formula because there was something in it that wasnt good for baby's. my daughter had formuls once and she didnt like it so I breast feed for 11 and half months because it was the best for me and her and Im happy that I did but there was times that I wanted to give it up because she was eating every 3 hours but I keeped it up untill she started bitting. I will do it again when I have another one, but its not for everyone I have a friend that only breast feed for 2 weeks and then stoped because she wanted to party and drink I might not agree with and I think that its very selfesh to stop breast feeding so you can party it but its her baby and she can do what she wants she sill loves him and she is still an good mother to her 2 kids.

Krystl - posted on 06/11/2009

8

26

0

WoW! You guys rock! I'm a first time mommy (Stay at home) and have been feeling fulling insufficient with my mothering abilities. I've been comparing myself to my mother in-law and sisters in-law whom I consider to be Supermoms! Not taking into account that both SIL have 3 kids and my MIL had 4. I still feel like I'm not good enough sometimes, but then I look at Aubrey (6 months) and I realize that I've done a great job! No, my house isn't always perfectly clean (rarely actually) and laundry's never done, but my baby's so happy and gets so much attention that it's worth it! I'm far far far from perfect, but I'm still pretty damn good, as I'm sure are all of you!

Elizabeth - posted on 06/11/2009

1

9

0

We are better- cos at least we tell the truth about ourselves and our kids!! Good on you Bec for having the guts to tell it like it really is!!

Nikki - posted on 06/11/2009

1

2

0

i agree with you..as long as you try your hardest to be a good mum..then don't listen to what other people say..you know you're doing the best you can and YES we all get frustrated at our kids and anyone who says they don't is a liar. :)

Chantel - posted on 06/11/2009

415

13

34

Quoting Melissa:

oh just a quick question the OP is greyed out now, does that mean she left COMs?



i wondered that too!! I wasn't sure if it was just my computer or not!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Guggie:



Quoting Amanda:




Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month







well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.










Actually, formula was originally created for orphans. The World Health Organisation lists formula last on the list of foods for babies. first the mom should try to nurse, then try to pump. then they should try for a wetnurse and if you can't find a wet nurse next you should get donated/bought human milk. if none of those options are available the WHO then recommends formula after checking with a doctor.






I wanted to point out that World Health Organisation is just that the WORLD! Formula is very dangerous in underdeveloped countries. The water quality in these countries is so poor that using it to mix formula is extremely toxic and deadly. Finding a wet nurse in those circumstances would be far safer. In the western developed world the use of formula has rarely had any negative effects. Formula must of had some impact in reducing the infant mortality rates of developed countries from 500 in 1000 in the 1800's to 7 in 1000 today.



I also have no idea where in rural Cornwall, UK, I would find somewhere selling daily supplies of donated human milk!

Mel - posted on 06/10/2009

5,539

58

226

oh just a quick question the OP is greyed out now, does that mean she left COMs?

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2009

956

132

51

I think you sound like a fine mom the only thing I would ever disagree with is the pinching. You sound like a caring mom however why would you say you are not a perfect mom other then the fact they do not exist?

Mel - posted on 06/10/2009

5,539

58

226

Quoting Melissa:



Quoting Guggie:

well i don't know about a smack...maybe a pinch. and i've definitely got a redheaded temper. i would use formula if my child's life depended on it and human milk wasn't available. no mom is perfect, did you ever think that maybe a better looking/acting/seeming mom simply traveled the road earlier than you? we are all on a learning experience. sometimes i go without a shower and clean laundry. my house is a mess right now...we moved 2 weeks ago and are only 50% unpacked.

i really look up to the moms who can do sooo much. i know moms who have 6, 7, 10, 12, even 14 kids and they are all homeschooled and she makes healthy food from scratch and has her nails done...meanwhile i get a shower every couple days and eat fast food and i only have one baby lol.






UGHH I am in the process of moving right now.. I look up to moms who do a lot too and I try to learn from it so I can better my kids I like to think I grow as a mom everyday.  There are a few people who the poster and others think are the 'perfect moms' and I admit they are amazing women and amazing moms but no one is perfect. The only people using the title are people who got angry over a debate... If you can't win a debate or feel comfortable enough with your choices for the debate to not matter and just be happy you are doing your best apparently you just go start a thread about moms who are amazing.






 






I swear if I read one more comment saying kids are b ratty or bad unless you spank ..... I am really going to want to go through my lap top and slap the twit. Kids are not stupid actually they are great and wonderful why hit, if there is another option.





 



even though i agree with spanking, i have to say i agree with your last comment you dont "have" to hit a child for them to turn out good and for them to behalve. my MIL never hit her kids and now her son who is my fiance has turned out wonderful, caring, committed and devoted to his family, his sister has done a double degree at uni and is very very mature for her age and has never smoked or drank alcohol. infact alot of kids they get hit to much where it is border line abuse end up quite screwed up from what i have seen. i dont know how im going to act when my daughter and future other children grow up but i can say knowing my personality they will go thru their childhood resenting me for the way i discipline them, doesnt me im wrong in what i do but im not perfect either. no mum is and you only do the best you can

Guggie - posted on 06/10/2009

454

3

21

Quoting Melissa:



Quoting Guggie:

well i don't know about a smack...maybe a pinch. and i've definitely got a redheaded temper. i would use formula if my child's life depended on it and human milk wasn't available. no mom is perfect, did you ever think that maybe a better looking/acting/seeming mom simply traveled the road earlier than you? we are all on a learning experience. sometimes i go without a shower and clean laundry. my house is a mess right now...we moved 2 weeks ago and are only 50% unpacked.

i really look up to the moms who can do sooo much. i know moms who have 6, 7, 10, 12, even 14 kids and they are all homeschooled and she makes healthy food from scratch and has her nails done...meanwhile i get a shower every couple days and eat fast food and i only have one baby lol.






UGHH I am in the process of moving right now.. I look up to moms who do a lot too and I try to learn from it so I can better my kids I like to think I grow as a mom everyday.  There are a few people who the poster and others think are the 'perfect moms' and I admit they are amazing women and amazing moms but no one is perfect. The only people using the title are people who got angry over a debate... If you can't win a debate or feel comfortable enough with your choices for the debate to not matter and just be happy you are doing your best apparently you just go start a thread about moms who are amazing.






 






I swear if I read one more comment saying kids are b ratty or bad unless you spank ..... I am really going to want to go through my lap top and slap the twit. Kids are not stupid actually they are great and wonderful why hit, if there is another option.






yes i imagine i won't be a perfect mum in that respect but i do hope to use the gentle discipline method. dd is very verbal and cues in quickly so i think it will work for her. but i have to admit, i watched my brother grow up and you could have lit into him w/ a frying pan and he would have laughed at you...some kids have more spunk than others lol.

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2009

956

132

51

Quoting Guggie:

well i don't know about a smack...maybe a pinch. and i've definitely got a redheaded temper. i would use formula if my child's life depended on it and human milk wasn't available. no mom is perfect, did you ever think that maybe a better looking/acting/seeming mom simply traveled the road earlier than you? we are all on a learning experience. sometimes i go without a shower and clean laundry. my house is a mess right now...we moved 2 weeks ago and are only 50% unpacked.

i really look up to the moms who can do sooo much. i know moms who have 6, 7, 10, 12, even 14 kids and they are all homeschooled and she makes healthy food from scratch and has her nails done...meanwhile i get a shower every couple days and eat fast food and i only have one baby lol.



UGHH I am in the process of moving right now.. I look up to moms who do a lot too and I try to learn from it so I can better my kids I like to think I grow as a mom everyday.  There are a few people who the poster and others think are the 'perfect moms' and I admit they are amazing women and amazing moms but no one is perfect. The only people using the title are people who got angry over a debate... If you can't win a debate or feel comfortable enough with your choices for the debate to not matter and just be happy you are doing your best apparently you just go start a thread about moms who are amazing.



 



I swear if I read one more comment saying kids are b ratty or bad unless you spank ..... I am really going to want to go through my lap top and slap the twit. Kids are not stupid actually they are great and wonderful why hit, if there is another option.

Guggie - posted on 06/10/2009

454

3

21

Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month





well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.






Actually, formula was originally created for orphans. The World Health Organisation lists formula last on the list of foods for babies. first the mom should try to nurse, then try to pump. then they should try for a wetnurse and if you can't find a wet nurse next you should get donated/bought human milk. if none of those options are available the WHO then recommends formula after checking with a doctor.



 



formula is absolutely not identical or almost identical to human milk. human milk has more than 200 components that scientists can't even identify. they just found out human milk has stem cells to help the baby heal from sickness on top of the antibodies.



if you are a healthy mama you do not need to supplement with vitamin d. that is a marketing ploy because the companies wanted to reach the nursing market to make more money. a bit of sunshine during midday is all you need to get your d levels up. vitamin d is a fat soluble vitamin that comes in several qualities and many formula makers use the lowest quality available.



 



the dha/ara supplements in formulas are not proven safe and in fact are quite gross:



 



*DHA
omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, produced in laboratories and extracted from algae and fungus, into infant formulas. The report presents disturbing research indicating that the new additives placed in infant formula are seriously endangering the health of some formula-fed newborns and toddlers. algal-and fungal-based DHA/ARA have been linked to serious side effects such as virulent diarrhoea and vomiting in infants consuming infant formula.
ki/Hexane



anyways i am not arguing or putting you down at all. i hope you look into this as science is really focusing on this issue right now. which is good because what we feed our children is a vital, important issue that we should all learn about so we can make an informed choice.

Guggie - posted on 06/10/2009

454

3

21

well i don't know about a smack...maybe a pinch. and i've definitely got a redheaded temper. i would use formula if my child's life depended on it and human milk wasn't available. no mom is perfect, did you ever think that maybe a better looking/acting/seeming mom simply traveled the road earlier than you? we are all on a learning experience. sometimes i go without a shower and clean laundry. my house is a mess right now...we moved 2 weeks ago and are only 50% unpacked.



i really look up to the moms who can do sooo much. i know moms who have 6, 7, 10, 12, even 14 kids and they are all homeschooled and she makes healthy food from scratch and has her nails done...meanwhile i get a shower every couple days and eat fast food and i only have one baby lol.

REYNA - posted on 06/10/2009

2

2

0

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MOM. USUALLY THOSE ARE THE ONES WHERE THEIR KIDS ARE RUNNING AROUND LIKE CRAZY BUT THEY DON'T BELEIVE IN AN OLD FASHIONED SPANKING.

REYNA - posted on 06/10/2009

2

2

0

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MOM. USUALLY THOSE ARE THE ONES WHERE THEIR KIDS ARE RUNNING AROUND LIKE CRAZY BUT THEY DON'T BELEIVE IN AN OLD FASHIONED SPANKING.

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. ...
  8. 9

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms