cannot stand perfect mums

Heather - posted on 06/10/2009

I think that we are better because we understand that our kids act out sometimes and we do something about it! Imperfect mothers are the ones who will allow their children to be children, but not disrespectful brats. I am also sick of people telling me how to raise my child. Especially since most of the ones telling you how to do it don't even have kids! When they start paying for my childcare, clothing, food, and shelter, maybe I will listen to what they have to say.

Heather - posted on 06/10/2009

I think that we are better because we understand that our kids act out sometimes and we do something about it! Imperfect mothers are the ones who will allow their children to be children, but not disrespectful brats. I am also sick of people telling me how to raise my child. Especially since most of the ones telling you how to do it don't even have kids! When they start paying for my childcare, clothing, food, and shelter, maybe I will listen to what they have to say.

Nicole - posted on 06/10/2009

Agreed! :)

Sandy - posted on 06/10/2009

I let my son play video games, sometimes encourage it just a little, it's a few minutes of him entertaining himself so I can breath.

Jessica - posted on 06/10/2009

Hi everyone... my name is Jessica and im 25 yrs old. I have a 8 yr old lil girl. I am new to this. But yes I can not stand "perfect moms" As you can guess from my childs age and mine.. I had her young. I was 16 when I got prego and had her at 17. The father was a dead beat.. his excuse was I am young still so I wanna have fun... like I didnt? lol Anyways so yea for yrs I was a single mom living with my mom. Believe it or not being with my mom was not great at all! She is a drunk so yea after 6 it was RUN! :P anyways.... there is something else I can not stand... I hope I am not alone in this. But I hate male or females... who dont have kids and try to judge ur kid... or say when they have kids they are raise them better! Has anyone ever had that problem??? lol I had a friend who even had the nerve to talk crap about my daughters socks when she was like 2... cuz they were not perfect white cuz I use to let her walk around in her socks... ggrr lol

Myriam - posted on 06/10/2009

my baby is healthy and loves me. I don't care if i am not "perfect" according to some!

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Nicola:

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month

well breast is the best and formula is the next best. formula is not poison and if it were not for formula many babies would have died of starvation so that is why it is made. Originally for mothers who could not breast feed. And I dont mean trying it a couple times and giving up but going at it for weeks or a couple months. Now people have the idea that formula is just as good as breast milk and often make  decisions for a variety of reasons as to why they choose formula, most reasons are valid reasons for not breast feeding , not feeling confidant that baby will get enough, wanting to go back to work ect. other reasons are selfish (wont breast feed because you want to be out drinking instead) formula has come along way and I know I am going to get some comments from breast nazi's but whatever, formula now has come to a point where it is almost identical to breast milk with the exception of the antibotties that are natrually passed on by the mother and the colostrum. formula now has omega 3/6 fatty acids and many of the higher end formulas carry immunotides which help support the development in a healthy immune system. Plus formula has vitamin D so you will not need to give baby a suplement as you would when you breast feed.

Kass - posted on 06/10/2009

well,i agree with all you have said,and you know what,there are no perfect mums,and if there are mums that think they are perfect good luck to them cause thats what they need,i am not perect,but im sure we all do the best we can

Nicole - posted on 06/10/2009

oh yeah, phoebe drinks out of the cat dish too.

Chantel - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Nicole:

Though I am a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby food making mother my house is a wreck, laundry is unfolded still in the basket in the living room, and my legs look like chewbacca. My baby eats grass and flowers fairly often- I find it funny. I enjoy getting a rise out of the germ-o-phobes. I walk around with giant milk circles on my shirt and sometimes a boob flopping out in public. My kitchen is extra messy from the busy blender. Baby food is an epic mess. Rather than clean all day, Phoebe and I play and enjoy ourselves. So even us crazy hippy natural mommas are a hot mess most of the time. Anyone who pretends they aren't happen to be full of shit. As far as I'm concerned an overly tidy baby house shows signs of neglect :)

Lol. My daughter eats grass and flowers too!! And everything else!! Everyone's always saying "No, no Breanna don't put that in your mouth its dirty!!" She does it all the time, it's not going to hurt her. (This comment is actually usually about the dog toy she takes from the dog and puts into her mouth)

Nicole - posted on 06/10/2009

Though I am a co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby food making mother my house is a wreck, laundry is unfolded still in the basket in the living room, and my legs look like chewbacca. My baby eats grass and flowers fairly often- I find it funny. I enjoy getting a rise out of the germ-o-phobes. I walk around with giant milk circles on my shirt and sometimes a boob flopping out in public. My kitchen is extra messy from the busy blender. Baby food is an epic mess. Rather than clean all day, Phoebe and I play and enjoy ourselves. So even us crazy hippy natural mommas are a hot mess most of the time. Anyone who pretends they aren't happen to be full of shit. As far as I'm concerned an overly tidy baby house shows signs of neglect :)

Barbie - posted on 06/10/2009

OMG! I totally have to get into this group! I am so sick of everyone around me telling me what I should do with my son. He is almost 24 months and is in perfect health, very intelligent, and is a charmer; I'm pretty sure I haven't screwed him up, so why do they keep bugging me with lectures of what I could be doing better? I work full time and so does my husband, we spend as much time with our son as we can. He knows how much he is loved and we work with him on educational things and real life things all the time. Just because my house is a mess, he doesn't have a bath EVERY night, and I feed him cucumbers (heaven forbid he may choke), I'm like the worst parent! Glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Thanks for bringing this up!

Lisa - posted on 06/10/2009

i dnt class my self as a perfect mum but im just as perfect as the people who think they do better ... and all mums should think that and never doubt their selfs ..

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

By far you are not the only one out there. I had to stop breastfeeding 2 weeks after. I had an allergic reaction to the stitches I had from the labor. Also, I get frustrated and I have to go back to work with my daughter only 5 and a half months. Nobody is perfect.

Lisa - posted on 06/10/2009

all mums are perfect we all have different ways of handling things i have 4 children the youngest 10mths .. who cares if your child is breast feed or on formula my other children i only breast feed for a week my 10mth old i breast feed her till she was 7mnth does that mean im a bad person... somedays i could pull my hair out the way my children are kids are kids so let them be it and mums you can only try and do the best .

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Hi Mindi Dahl, I dont think that she is one of them "perfect moms". I bet her kids isnt very happy at all. to me I think that if there was a perfect mom it would be someone that would be a good person and lead by example not someone that shows her kids that if someone isnt the same has them that they arent has good. I had a friend whos mother was like that and she want very happy at all. No one is perfect.

Mindi - posted on 06/10/2009

I met a "perfect mom" last September. I decided to co-lead my daughter's Girl Scout troop. The other leader stopped at my house to drop some papers off. We had our camper parked in the driveway as we were preparing it for winter storage. She just gave it a funny look. She came back a few weeks later when the camper was gone. But we had just bought a new boat, which took up the 2-stall side of our garage. We have an antique car parked in the 3rd single stall, so I had to park my van in the driveway. The garage doors were closed so she couldn't see inside. In a snotty tone she said, "If you ever clean out your garage and actually park your vehicles inside, I won't be able to find your house because your driveway will be empty."



Another time we were trying to arrange weekly Girl Scout leader meetings. I suggested we meet somewhere outside our homes so none of us would have to worry about having their house cleaned and ready each week. Again, she snottily said, "Oh, that's not a problem for me." All year long I felt like she looked down her nose at me because I didn't live in a neighborhood like hers.



Truth is, I actually feel sorry for her because I don't think she is a very happy person, and I am totally happy with my life just as it is!

Janie - posted on 06/10/2009

There are no perfect moms. I breastfed all three of my children. My choice but it is not for everybody. I gave my three little smacks on the behind when they were naughty and I brought them to bed with us when they couldn't sleep. I know have a teacher working towards her master's and happy. A nurse also back in school and happy and a child just off to college happy and well rounded. Am I perfect no, but I really am proud of how it all turned out.

Janie - posted on 06/10/2009

There are no perfect moms. I breastfed all three of my children. My choice but it is not for everybody. I gave my three little smacks on the behind when they were naughty and I brought them to bed with us when they couldn't sleep. I know have a teacher working towards her master's and happy. A nurse also back in school and happy and a child just off to college happy and well rounded. Am I perfect no, but I really am proud of how it all turned out.

?? - posted on 06/10/2009

I agree 99.9% with what Betsy is saying. I would like to add though; I don't think these women are putting anyone in the category of "perfect mom" just because they can't do the whole load that someone like Amanda, or like Betsy takes on.


I don't think it has to do with insecurities for everyone - I think it has to do with the tones of posts, the way things are said, the implications and the undermining tidbits, the condescending demeanor of the majority of the posts that are made that makes some moms, like Bec, sit back and ask the question she did... "am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok?"


I think what she was trying to do was let all the moms out there know, that despite a few women on here who have the tendency to post those posts with the negative undertones - there are other women out there who don't need to be so aggressive in their wording in order to give advice and share their parenting style too, so if you ask a question and you get a reply that implies your a bad mom if you don't do as they do, just remember that there are other moms out there that aren't going to post that way.


With that said, I think the way Bec worded her post comes off wrong to the women who are proud of everything they do, and they do A LOT.


In Amanda's case, in this thread specifically - she came into this thread with a confrontational tone/post - her initial post had a tone that screamed "Im better than you so listen." Whether that was her intention or not, only she knows. And I'm sure that tone came from reading the last line of Bec's post and possibly other thread as well - "teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!" I see that in a sarcastic note, a joking tone which i think the initial posters took it as too....... but for some it could be taken with personal offence to it, because they are proud and strong - which makes it seem to others as though they feel as though they are "that perfect mom" that is here to "teach us all the error of our ways". Which I believe Amanda took it as. (Correct me if I'm wrong, please. I just confused the hell out of myself so I'm sorry if I confused you too.) (I am LMAO at myself right now - good way to show that anything can come off on here the wrong way or in a bad way when it's intended to be nice or even humorous.)


Sorry Amanda, for calling you out on this one again, but as an observer - I can see why you got attacked or "ganged up on" in this thread - as pety as that is, to be ganged up on - I think your initial post opened yourself up to it. My post was taken in the completely wrong light earlier by someone who is a "loyal friend" of yours. Everyone's words can be taken in different context on here, unless they are very well worded, as Betsy's posts have been.


Anyways... yappity yap... a mom is a mom is a mom. Good job to everyone who has a happy healthy baby, obviously we're all doing SOMETHING right if our kiddos are still alive, happily throwing toys at their siblings or our heads and then laughing about it and even if we can't get the crayon off the wall we won't stop finding the best way to get chewing gum out of the dogs hair without having to shave that piece. Kudo's to all mommas.

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Quoting Amanda-Lynn:

Quoting Amanda:

I am so sick of all YOU PEOPLE ganging up on me. Had you even read any of my posts explaining why I do things the way I do? why I went back to school?  why I clean my house? (hevan forbid someone cleans their house, oh no)I was not shoving anything down anyones throats. I guess you didnt read my reasoning behind my actions.  I did not say anyone was a BAD mom, someone just tossed that word around. I said a few things mothers do are lazy and there is no excuse for it. I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I dont hink it is fair that you guys think you are being judged but than you sit there and judge me and a few others. No one has said they are perfect.  I work my fucking ass off 18 hours a day taking care of kids, running 2 buisnesses, going to school, working out and maintaining my home and when people look down on that there is a problem. I am so sorry that I have the ability to multi task and get shit done and I am sorry that some mothers cant get shit  done. I had never shoved that in anyones face so I dont know why everyone is getting so bitchy. Lots of people agree with what I have to say and my No nonsense aproach to things and I actually get alot of private messeges from people saying that they liked my posts, very informative and sorry people treat you like that ect ect ect the list goes on. You know why they private messege me? because they dont want to be ganged up on by people like you and a few others, I say what many people are thinking but are to scared to because they dont want the back lash.

I think I will just leave circle of moms because it just seems like such a time waster, I cant stand reading people stupidities any more.

I love you Amanda, though you and I have very different opinons on a few things, I love that you stand up for what you believe in, and stand behide it 100%. Yes sometimes you can be right up in someones face, but that is what makes you great! I dont care if anyone "gangs up" on me, because like you, I feel with 11 years of attach parenting under my belt, 3 children under my tit,  many hours spent reading as well as learning and 32 years of life experances, my ways work in my house! With that being said, it also sounds like you got your shit together! You do what is best for your family, and that makes you a "perfect" mother! Stand proud girl, and any other "perfect" mother stand proud. Yes we all make mistakes, and if you learn from those mistakes you are a "perfect" mother, if you do what is best for your family, then you are the "perfect" mother. So instead of insulting "perfect" mothers, stand tall and yell out to the world, you are a "perfect" mother, and you dont care what anyone else has to say about it!

Thank you! thats all I have been saying. I dont think I am better than the next person but I sure work my ass off 100% at everything I do.  and your right, when I have a belief or view point I stand by it. Does not mean I think I am better. it is my opinion. Just because I cant be influenced on many things doesnt mean I am a mean my way or the highway bitch.(although I must admit I was totally against co sleeping at one point but have come around to the idea of having baby sleep in a bassinet beside moms bed) Some people may do things diferent and as long as their child is well cared for and they put 100% of their effort into everything they do for their kids than they are a good mom. If someone admitts to not giving a damn if their kids live in a scummy house (more than clutter and a few dishes, i mean really dirty) and they Yell, call names and hit their kids on a regular basis I am going to say something, well I have heard others say they would mind their own buisness I think that is bull shit. Stand up for the kids because they are the ones that matter.

thats great that you could breast feed 3 kids! I had problems with both of mine. Pumped for 3.5 months with number one because she refused despite giving it a try every day and seeking help from the breast feeding center.

With baby 2 she enjoyed it but it turned out I had no milk.

thanks for your coment. you have reasured me!

Thanks about the breastfeeding but you did the harder job, pumping for 3.5 months. I could never handle that, nor could I handle washing bottles figuring out how to make formula, I would totally be lost if I couldnt produce milk. Ha and Yes i know your stands on Co-sleeping way different then mine. LOL! But thats ok, cause like I said, we all do what works for us.

Nicola - posted on 06/10/2009

if breast feeding was best and they advise not to give artiffical milk why make it.... altho i do not belive in smacking but a tap on the hand or the bottom as a child is still fragile no body is the perfect mum no one in the world not even the experts cos even tjhey come up with different stuff like when i had my daughter it was ok to feed them jars at 3 mnth but now its 6 month

Betsy - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Betsy I love what you wrote especially about raising daughters I know myself as I was preggers I didn't feel great I worked at bank seen people every day and always felt below them and I stopped dressing as nice and actually turned into being that women who hates pretty or well dressed ladies I realized what was going on and I changed it I made sure to compliment these ladies for looking nice and take ideas in to make myself look bettter. I think that did benefit my daughter in just my mood alone and I was no longer being negative, and teaching our kids to be petty and mean to people they may grow to be just as mean spirited as some ladies I see here and make a thread to bash someone they dislike. I would not tolerate that. I would be disappointed in myself as well for her even thinking that could solve anything, but would in turn only cause trouble. I agree about the thread also it is ridiculous. Just a petty way to make fun of people and say things you would not say to there face.. Thanks for your post Betsy as always I enjoyed it.

Thank you Melissa. As for dressing, I love being put together, but I think the rule is to dress to make yourself feel great, and not ever for someone else (unless for hubby for a special little gift to him once in a while lol).

Betsy - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Bec:

cannot stand perfect mums

OMG - am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok? I read so many posts on "perfect mums" totally hanging it on mums who dont follow their way of parenting and are totally bagged for it!! Well im here to bag out those mums of you who think you have it all together - teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!

Yes, every mom gets frustrated, but it is all about how you deal with it, and getting creative and having a sense of humor can go a long way. Ever deal with a 16 yr old who thought they were an adult, knowing more than you as parents could ever know, feeling he has more life experience, although he hasn't a clue but is willing to fight you tooth and nail? When our oldest was 16, that was the argument because he was finding his identity, really felt he knew it all and would argue any thing under the sun. We could have fought back, gone to his level on problem-solving and been ready to rip our hair out with frustration. Instead we added up all our bills, including mortgage, medical ins, utilities, everything and divided it by 3. If he was going to be the third adult in the house, then he should pay his third, which would buy him that month of freedom and input in all decisions. Then the next month, he could make the payment for that same freedom, which comes with responsibilities. He decided he was still a kid in under 5 minutes lol. That worked much better (and was more enjoyable to all) than a screaming match trying to rationalize in a screaming way to a 16 yr old, and I find lots of different ways to go about it with my kids of all ages, with firmness and sense of humor.

We all have different personalities. All parenting comes with frustrations, but people deal with frustrations and trying times differently. Some are more tense, some more calm based on personality type. Some handle it one way, while another will handle it another, and a third has their own personality style. I have never spanked in 20 yrs raising my kids and haven't found the need to, ending up with very behaved kids, but that doesn't mean there was never frustration. Come on, with 5 kids? A large family of kids could stress out a Zen Monk at times. It's all about using creativity and your personal strengths to deal with the daily frustrations. What works for my personality type successfully might not be your best way, and our level for getting stressed out may be very different, but all each can do is look at themselves and figure how to get the desired results, which also included minimalizing tension and frustration, which never helps a situation.

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2009

Betsy I love what you wrote especially about raising daughters I know myself as I was preggers I didn't feel great I worked at bank seen people every day and always felt below them and I stopped dressing as nice and actually turned into being that women who hates pretty or well dressed ladies I realized what was going on and I changed it I made sure to compliment these ladies for looking nice and take ideas in to make myself look bettter. I think that did benefit my daughter in just my mood alone and I was no longer being negative, and teaching our kids to be petty and mean to people they may grow to be just as mean spirited as some ladies I see here and make a thread to bash someone they dislike. I would not tolerate that. I would be disappointed in myself as well for her even thinking that could solve anything, but would in turn only cause trouble. I agree about the thread also it is ridiculous. Just a petty way to make fun of people and say things you would not say to there face.. Thanks for your post Betsy as always I enjoyed it.

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2009

Betsy I love what you wrote especially about raising daughters I know myself as I was preggers I didn't feel great I worked at bank seen people every day and always felt below them and I stopped dressing as nice and actually turned into being that women who hates pretty or well dressed ladies I realized what was going on and I changed it I made sure to compliment these ladies for looking nice and take ideas in to make myself look bettter. I think that did benefit my daughter in just my mood alone and I was no longer being negative, and teaching our kids to be petty and mean to people they may grow to be just as mean spirited as some ladies I see here and make a thread to bash someone they dislike. I would not tolerate that. I would be disappointed in myself as well for her even thinking that could solve anything, but would in turn only cause trouble. I agree about the thread also it is ridiculous. Just a petty way to make fun of people and say things you would not say to there face.. Thanks for your post Betsy as always I enjoyed it.

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Betsy:

Quoting Melissa:

Not moms, do not always lie. I am proud of my child no matter when they walk my sex like is not back to normal I honestly just dont want it right now. My kids do not sleep through the night and honestly I enjoy that cuddle time,Every labour is differant and everyones pain tolerance is differant.I could go on and on but not all moms are competitve I am just happy there happy and health and there own little people, with there own ides, minds. I would rather share honest moments then false why take the time to speak and lie if your gonna lie about your kids just shut up! Then go sit down and think of why you have to lie why do you think they are not good enough? To me Charmaine negativity towards life in general just makes thing much harder

As for sex life, while loss of libido can result from hormone levels after giving birth and a true medical reason, it can also be attitude. You can have a great sex life after kids. I have so many friends who become moms and think of it as a chore or think it has to diminish after kids. Our sex life is at it's best with 5 kids. We make it a prtority in our lives, as other important things are. With a college student, tween and 3 toddlers in diapers, I see it as my reward after a long day. It's a great stress reliever and much healthier than Valium lol ;-P

 

Honestly I think this thread is immature. The term "perfect" comes from those calling others that, not the so-called "perfect moms." It is the same mentality when girls see a beautiful girl, and get nasty calling her "perfect" or "stuck-up" out of insecurity, trying to knock her down because of what they perceive, while in truth, she may be a very self-confident girl who doesn't dwell on her flaws, but she sees her nose is a bit crooked or a bit of cellulite. Rather than put the focus on bashing those YOU PERCEIVE as perfect, time would be better spent in being condifent and happy with your choices, improving things within yourself you maybe want to be better, etc., because you don't earn respect by xelebrating your own flaws while insulting another's good points. Plus having that reaction is not a healthy one, especially when raising daughters, who should have the example of appreciating another's successes and skills, while also appreciating their own. They shouldn't be taught to see effort and working towards success in any area as something to bash.  That isn't healthy for any child, but young girls seem to be more senstive to it, with negative results. As moms, it is our job to set a better example in those situations. This way just makes people look petty and jealous, and those are not the character traits we should hope to pass on to our daughters.

No mom has their first and is comfortable with everything on day one. Some find it more natural than others and some truly love it all, including the trying times, like everything else in life. I would classify myself in that category or I wouldn't still be having kids! Some are unsure, but soon get into their groove and figure it all out. Also with everything else we learn in life, we become more capable and confident in our skills the more we do anything, so no one can even expect a new mom with a 2 mo old to feel as confident with parenting as the experienced mom with 8 kids from age 3-30 or the grandma to 4, who already raised her 3 kids, who has actually lived it, but we all started out as that new mom. All here are in so many varying stages in their lives and in their inner growth and self-confidence, whether numeric age, life experience or emotional age (many factors determine each individual current stage in life), so this topic is honestly ridiculous.

This is a wonderful post. I love what you have said about having daughters.  I really enjoyed reading this post, it was well written.

It is so true the example you gave about looking down at pretty girls, my mom is like that and I just dont understand it.

Anne - posted on 06/10/2009

I believe its ok to swat a childs bottom,,,,,,,There is a differ between a beating and a swat....Tme out doesnt work ..sending them to their room doesnt work because look at everything in there rooms......I didnt breast feed,,,and mine are fine,,,,,I have a 4 year old she has maybe 10 times in 4 years slept all night,,,,,,Doctors want to drug her...No there has to be a way for her to sleep all night....

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2009

amanda passmore....are you still with us? want to hear something really ironic...? i just read your post re your daughter who you want to have assessed for autism....two of mine have it! just goes to show, sometimes we all have more in common than we think. it is soooo hard, don't feel bad for being at a loss to know what to do....and don't be too hard on yourself. bit of a backflip, i know...but in my experience flexibility is a big tool when dealing with these kids....the food textures thing made me laugh.....the home daycare thing....its a hard one....you should have a look on the mums of kids with aspergers community, i have found it to be really helpful and if nothing else a good laugh when you need it!

Anne - posted on 06/10/2009

I believe its ok to swat a childs bottom,,,,,,,There is a differ between a beating and a swat....Tme out doesnt work ..sending them to their room doesnt work because look at everything in there rooms......I didnt breast feed,,,and mine are fine,,,,,I have a 4 year old she has maybe 10 times in 4 years slept all night,,,,,,Doctors want to drug her...No there has to be a way for her to sleep all night....

Thomasine - posted on 06/10/2009

There are no such thing as a perfect mum, so don't beat youreslf up.

Thomasine - posted on 06/10/2009

There are no such thing as a perfect mum, so don't beat youreslf up.

Betsy - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Not moms, do not always lie. I am proud of my child no matter when they walk my sex like is not back to normal I honestly just dont want it right now. My kids do not sleep through the night and honestly I enjoy that cuddle time,Every labour is differant and everyones pain tolerance is differant.I could go on and on but not all moms are competitve I am just happy there happy and health and there own little people, with there own ides, minds. I would rather share honest moments then false why take the time to speak and lie if your gonna lie about your kids just shut up! Then go sit down and think of why you have to lie why do you think they are not good enough? To me Charmaine negativity towards life in general just makes thing much harder

As for sex life, while loss of libido can result from hormone levels after giving birth and a true medical reason, it can also be attitude. You can have a great sex life after kids. I have so many friends who become moms and think of it as a chore or think it has to diminish after kids. Our sex life is at it's best with 5 kids. We make it a prtority in our lives, as other important things are. With a college student, tween and 3 toddlers in diapers, I see it as my reward after a long day. It's a great stress reliever and much healthier than Valium lol ;-P

Honestly I think this thread is immature. The term "perfect" comes from those calling others that, not the so-called "perfect moms." It is the same mentality when girls see a beautiful girl, and get nasty calling her "perfect" or "stuck-up" out of insecurity, trying to knock her down because of what they perceive, while in truth, she may be a very self-confident girl who doesn't dwell on her flaws, but she sees her nose is a bit crooked or a bit of cellulite. Rather than put the focus on bashing those YOU PERCEIVE as perfect, time would be better spent in being condifent and happy with your choices, improving things within yourself you maybe want to be better, etc., because you don't earn respect by xelebrating your own flaws while insulting another's good points. Plus having that reaction is not a healthy one, especially when raising daughters, who should have the example of appreciating another's successes and skills, while also appreciating their own. They shouldn't be taught to see effort and working towards success in any area as something to bash.  That isn't healthy for any child, but young girls seem to be more senstive to it, with negative results. As moms, it is our job to set a better example in those situations. This way just makes people look petty and jealous, and those are not the character traits we should hope to pass on to our daughters.

No mom has their first and is comfortable with everything on day one. Some find it more natural than others and some truly love it all, including the trying times, like everything else in life. I would classify myself in that category or I wouldn't still be having kids! Some are unsure, but soon get into their groove and figure it all out. Also with everything else we learn in life, we become more capable and confident in our skills the more we do anything, so no one can even expect a new mom with a 2 mo old to feel as confident with parenting as the experienced mom with 8 kids from age 3-30 or the grandma to 4, who already raised her 3 kids, who has actually lived it, but we all started out as that new mom. All here are in so many varying stages in their lives and in their inner growth and self-confidence, whether numeric age, life experience or emotional age (many factors determine each individual current stage in life), so this topic is honestly ridiculous.

Coury - posted on 06/10/2009

i believe whatever works for you as a parent. i cant stand people who dont discipline their children!! they are not helping them in any way!! it is so hard to be a parent let alone a "perfect" one. what in world defines perfect anyway. to each his own as long as it is within reason.

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Amanda-Lynn:

Quoting Amanda:

I am so sick of all YOU PEOPLE ganging up on me. Had you even read any of my posts explaining why I do things the way I do? why I went back to school?  why I clean my house? (hevan forbid someone cleans their house, oh no)I was not shoving anything down anyones throats. I guess you didnt read my reasoning behind my actions.  I did not say anyone was a BAD mom, someone just tossed that word around. I said a few things mothers do are lazy and there is no excuse for it. I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I dont hink it is fair that you guys think you are being judged but than you sit there and judge me and a few others. No one has said they are perfect.  I work my fucking ass off 18 hours a day taking care of kids, running 2 buisnesses, going to school, working out and maintaining my home and when people look down on that there is a problem. I am so sorry that I have the ability to multi task and get shit done and I am sorry that some mothers cant get shit  done. I had never shoved that in anyones face so I dont know why everyone is getting so bitchy. Lots of people agree with what I have to say and my No nonsense aproach to things and I actually get alot of private messeges from people saying that they liked my posts, very informative and sorry people treat you like that ect ect ect the list goes on. You know why they private messege me? because they dont want to be ganged up on by people like you and a few others, I say what many people are thinking but are to scared to because they dont want the back lash.

I think I will just leave circle of moms because it just seems like such a time waster, I cant stand reading people stupidities any more.

I love you Amanda, though you and I have very different opinons on a few things, I love that you stand up for what you believe in, and stand behide it 100%. Yes sometimes you can be right up in someones face, but that is what makes you great! I dont care if anyone "gangs up" on me, because like you, I feel with 11 years of attach parenting under my belt, 3 children under my tit,  many hours spent reading as well as learning and 32 years of life experances, my ways work in my house! With that being said, it also sounds like you got your shit together! You do what is best for your family, and that makes you a "perfect" mother! Stand proud girl, and any other "perfect" mother stand proud. Yes we all make mistakes, and if you learn from those mistakes you are a "perfect" mother, if you do what is best for your family, then you are the "perfect" mother. So instead of insulting "perfect" mothers, stand tall and yell out to the world, you are a "perfect" mother, and you dont care what anyone else has to say about it!

Thank you! thats all I have been saying. I dont think I am better than the next person but I sure work my ass off 100% at everything I do.  and your right, when I have a belief or view point I stand by it. Does not mean I think I am better. it is my opinion. Just because I cant be influenced on many things doesnt mean I am a mean my way or the highway bitch.(although I must admit I was totally against co sleeping at one point but have come around to the idea of having baby sleep in a bassinet beside moms bed) Some people may do things diferent and as long as their child is well cared for and they put 100% of their effort into everything they do for their kids than they are a good mom. If someone admitts to not giving a damn if their kids live in a scummy house (more than clutter and a few dishes, i mean really dirty) and they Yell, call names and hit their kids on a regular basis I am going to say something, well I have heard others say they would mind their own buisness I think that is bull shit. Stand up for the kids because they are the ones that matter.

thats great that you could breast feed 3 kids! I had problems with both of mine. Pumped for 3.5 months with number one because she refused despite giving it a try every day and seeking help from the breast feeding center.

With baby 2 she enjoyed it but it turned out I had no milk.

thanks for your coment. you have reasured me!

Toni - posted on 06/10/2009

LOL, as a mother of an 18 yr old boy and an 11 yr old boy, I can say, there is NO perfect mother out there. There are mothers who think they know it all...But trust me, the perfect mother does not exist...... I breastfed my children and gave them formula. I have yelled, screamed and yes swatted my children. I have attended every ballgame, PTA meeting and school performance. I have pulled out my hair to stop myself from knocking a teenager out...Am I the perfect parent, NO. But my children are healthy, they are loved, they are safe...As a parent I don't think I could ask for more. So for the mothers out there who believe they are doing the absolute best for their children by breastfeeding, staying calm and psychoanalyzing every moment and especially no spankings GREAT, but that is your way of parenting....Not necessary the right or wrong way, just your way. Love your children, be understanding, be reasonable, feed them when they are hungry, keep them safe, keep them clean, teach them right from wrong and I think you will be okay.

Toni - posted on 06/10/2009

LOL, as a mother of an 18 yr old boy and an 11 yr old boy, I can say, there is NO perfect mother out there. There are mothers who think they know it all...But trust me, the perfect mother does not exist...... I breastfed my children and gave them formula. I have yelled, screamed and yes swatted my children. I have attended every ballgame, PTA meeting and school performance. I have pulled out my hair to stop myself from knocking a teenager out...Am I the perfect parent, NO. But my children are healthy, they are loved, they are safe...As a parent I don't think I could ask for more. So for the mothers out there who believe they are doing the absolute best for their children by breastfeeding, staying calm and psychoanalyzing every moment and especially no spankings GREAT, but that is your way of parenting....Not necessary the right or wrong way, just your way. Love your children, be understanding, be reasonable, feed them when they are hungry, keep them safe, keep them clean, teach them right from wrong and I think you will be okay.

Toni - posted on 06/10/2009

LOL, as a mother of an 18 yr old boy and an 11 yr old boy, I can say, there is NO perfect mother out there. There are mothers who think they know it all...But trust me, the perfect mother does not exist...... I breastfed my children and gave them formula. I have yelled, screamed and yes swatted my children. I have attended every ballgame, PTA meeting and school performance. I have pulled out my hair to stop myself from knocking a teenager out...Am I the perfect parent, NO. But my children are healthy, they are loved, they are safe...As a parent I don't think I could ask for more. So for the mothers out there who believe they are doing the absolute best for their children by breastfeeding, staying calm and psychoanalyzing every moment and especially no spankings GREAT, but that is your way of parenting....Not necessary the right or wrong way, just your way. Love your children, be understanding, be reasonable, feed them when they are hungry, keep them safe, keep them clean, teach them right from wrong and I think you will be okay.

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2009

i know exactly how you feel one of my friends is like that shes like "oh i go on websites where moms are just like me they believe in organic feeding and breast feeding and they dont believe in circumcision" and its like making me feel like shit cuz i formula feed and play things by ear and do what i feel is best. and i totally agree with you about teaching your kids not to act certain ways we cant just let our children run around and act like brats i believe in discipline i mean of course to a point but i would definitely spank my child if need be!! so dont feel bad because there are definitely moms out there like us and if some moms are thinking they are the shit then thats on them everyone has their different style of parenting and no one should feel bad raising their kids the way they feel is best but i feel they should definitely not talk about it like everyone else is wrong because no one is!!!

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Im not perfect by no means but I do read the books because I was doing this with no help from anyone and the people that did help told me diffrent things and I did breast feed for 11 and hafe months but In no way I'm perfect I still get mad my house isnt allways clean my daughter loves TV Im not the best cook so we dont always eat the best of foods, but she is happy heathy and she know that I love her more then anything in this word. everyone has diffrent ways of partenting I might do things that you dont like and you might do things that I dont like. I dont agree with hitting at all but sometimes i don get mad and think about hitting but I stop and think about it, my mom did it to me and I always said that I would never do it to my kids, But with some kids you just have to. I think of myself has a good mother but not prefect. I see parents do thing sometimes that I think is crazy but Im sure they can say the same about me. I think that if it dont hert the kid how cares if it is the right ways to do it. I just dont like seeing parents smoking or doing durgs around kids that just not good parenting at all but with feeding your kids and how clean your house is and if you lose your temper now and again, and how much tv they watch it dosent matter has log has they are happy and healthy.

Laurie - posted on 06/10/2009

my house is almost ALWAYS messy. I formula fed my youngest because honestly, I HATED nursing. He is almost 5 now and perfect in every way. :)

Lyndsay - posted on 06/10/2009

I really don't think that anybody is a perfect parent. I'm sure that a lot of people (probably more than are willing to say so on here) get really frustrated with their kids. Myself, I fed my son with formula because I was unable to breastfeed and when he is bad I smack him on his butt. Regardless of what any other parent says to me about this, I know that I love my son and I'm doing everything within my power to make his life comfortable and enjoyable while teaching him new things and appropriate behaviours. I think that as long as you can honestly say that, you're a good parent.

Eugenia - posted on 06/10/2009

dont wrorry i get frustrated all the time i am just glad my grandma and unlce will babysit for me when its gets to me real bad i didnt breast feed either of my 2 boys and they are just fine

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Edit I should read my posts before I hit enter!



So instead of EVERYONE insulting "perfect" moms, stand tall and yell out to the world, you are a "perfect" mother, and you dont care what anyone else has to say about it!

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Amanda:

I am so sick of all YOU PEOPLE ganging up on me. Had you even read any of my posts explaining why I do things the way I do? why I went back to school?  why I clean my house? (hevan forbid someone cleans their house, oh no)I was not shoving anything down anyones throats. I guess you didnt read my reasoning behind my actions.  I did not say anyone was a BAD mom, someone just tossed that word around. I said a few things mothers do are lazy and there is no excuse for it. I am not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be. I dont hink it is fair that you guys think you are being judged but than you sit there and judge me and a few others. No one has said they are perfect.  I work my fucking ass off 18 hours a day taking care of kids, running 2 buisnesses, going to school, working out and maintaining my home and when people look down on that there is a problem. I am so sorry that I have the ability to multi task and get shit done and I am sorry that some mothers cant get shit  done. I had never shoved that in anyones face so I dont know why everyone is getting so bitchy. Lots of people agree with what I have to say and my No nonsense aproach to things and I actually get alot of private messeges from people saying that they liked my posts, very informative and sorry people treat you like that ect ect ect the list goes on. You know why they private messege me? because they dont want to be ganged up on by people like you and a few others, I say what many people are thinking but are to scared to because they dont want the back lash.

I think I will just leave circle of moms because it just seems like such a time waster, I cant stand reading people stupidities any more.

I love you Amanda, though you and I have very different opinons on a few things, I love that you stand up for what you believe in, and stand behide it 100%. Yes sometimes you can be right up in someones face, but that is what makes you great! I dont care if anyone "gangs up" on me, because like you, I feel with 11 years of attach parenting under my belt, 3 children under my tit,  many hours spent reading as well as learning and 32 years of life experances, my ways work in my house! With that being said, it also sounds like you got your shit together! You do what is best for your family, and that makes you a "perfect" mother! Stand proud girl, and any other "perfect" mother stand proud. Yes we all make mistakes, and if you learn from those mistakes you are a "perfect" mother, if you do what is best for your family, then you are the "perfect" mother. So instead of insulting "perfect" mothers, stand tall and yell out to the world, you are a "perfect" mother, and you dont care what anyone else has to say about it!

Sarah - posted on 06/10/2009

Hello, don't worry about what other people think, just trust your own instincts. All children have their times in life to cause their parents heart ache maybe those perfect mums will realise this one day. Just surround yourself with people that support you and stand by your beliefs to the insecure women that don't.

All the best.x

Francesca - posted on 06/10/2009

personally i think there's NO SUCH THING AS A PERFRCT MUM but we all do are best for our children, i do feel smacking a child is wrong, there are plenty of other ways to discipline a child., but hey thats my opinon. i think bottle feeding is fine i would not bash anyone for the choice of feeding a baby. i do not have my own children yet but have 2 stepsons, and yes my house is a little untidy when there not here but i make sure its clean and tidy for when they come over.

there is a lot of nasty back and forths going on and i feel the mums who think certain mums are "perfect" are the worse to critisise.

Amanda - posted on 06/10/2009

There is no such thing as a perfect mother just ask my 13 year old..lol

Claire - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Bec:

cannot stand perfect mums

OMG - am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok? I read so many posts on "perfect mums" totally hanging it on mums who dont follow their way of parenting and are totally bagged for it!! Well im here to bag out those mums of you who think you have it all together - teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!

Claire - posted on 06/10/2009

Quoting Bec:

cannot stand perfect mums

OMG - am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok? I read so many posts on "perfect mums" totally hanging it on mums who dont follow their way of parenting and are totally bagged for it!! Well im here to bag out those mums of you who think you have it all together - teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!