cannot stand perfect mums

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009 ( 445 moms have responded )

85

24

14

OMG - am i the only mum out there that gets frustrated at her kids when they are naughty, or talk back at you, or dont sleep through the night? Am I the only mum who has fed their baby "artificial milk" yes, formula and not been able to breastfeed, and still believes that a smack to a naughty child is ok? I read so many posts on "perfect mums" totally hanging it on mums who dont follow their way of parenting and are totally bagged for it!! Well im here to bag out those mums of you who think you have it all together - teach us all the error of our ways - please - we are just not as good as you!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

445 Comments

View replies by

Becki - posted on 06/07/2009

189

15

50

Quoting Gemma:

well im a teen mum yes i had my little girl at 16 and i dont care what people think i didnt breastfeed iver, and im not the perfect mum but i see my self as a good mum as i do everything a can for my little girl and no your not the only 1 who get stressed with everything your kid does wrong im the same but i dont take it out on my little girl i run off to the bathroom to carm down my partners the same same things our little girl does really gets to him like when she dont sleep or wont eat but i think every mum and dad are like that and if they say they dont do that they are lieing but it hasnt stopped me and my partner having another baby, i get really fed up with people judging teen mums im not saying all teen mums are great coz they aint but i dont see what im doing wrong my partner works 6 days a week so we can be a happy family but people look at us and think oh they dont work and judge you and i dont think its right at all so your not alone on this?



i graduated from highschool three months pregnant. i do not condone children raising children, i think everyone should wait until they have an education and a decent job. but i do not think being young automatically makes you a bad parent. you sound like you are doing a good job! you and your partner are working together to raise your child. one works hard outside the home to pay the bills. the other works hard at home taking care of your child.....congrats you are doing the best you can :) keep it up......best of luck!

Devon - posted on 06/07/2009

280

15

77

we as people are not perfect, exspecially if your a mother. there is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect child and for those people that think that they are or there children are, then they need help and need to pull there head out of there butt's!!! I know that i'm not perfect as a person or as a mother and i know that my kids aren't perfect either. it really frustrates me as well with people like that.

[deleted account]

In all fairness all mothers feel inadequacy to an extent. I think it's part of our instinct. I think some people on here vent by judging others, some by winging that everyone is judging them, some of us by posting on this thread and laughing about it and some of us do all of the above (I might be one of this group. ha ha).

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

68

5

0

Quoting Sarah:

Darlin, don't you know that the only perfect mothers are the mothers with no children....I have 3 sons and I am exactly like you. I smack them when they are bad...and I also use time out if I am too mad. I fed all 3 of my sons formula . And you know what??? I get complements on how well behaved my children are.I get the most on my 3 year old, because unlike my ex husband my husband now believes the same way that I do. If you coddle a child and do not teach them right from wrong and give instant punishment(ie spanking or slapping) they will mostly be unruly...who is in charge, you or your child? I think you are great keep it up and your kids will thank you for it....Oh and for all of those text book parents??? Your parents probably read text books too and it told them to spank your bottom when you were naughty...so Ha!


Have you seen how whiny some of the textbook children are? These are the children that cry when they get the least bit dirty and often fear ridculous things.  The perfect mothers have a long track record of infecting their children with their paranoias, you've seen the women that carry hand sanitizer everywhere, constantly applying and reapplying after everything their child touches!  All these kids are going to be whimpy germaphobes!

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

68

5

0

Quoting Sarah:

Darlin, don't you know that the only perfect mothers are the mothers with no children....I have 3 sons and I am exactly like you. I smack them when they are bad...and I also use time out if I am too mad. I fed all 3 of my sons formula . And you know what??? I get complements on how well behaved my children are.I get the most on my 3 year old, because unlike my ex husband my husband now believes the same way that I do. If you coddle a child and do not teach them right from wrong and give instant punishment(ie spanking or slapping) they will mostly be unruly...who is in charge, you or your child? I think you are great keep it up and your kids will thank you for it....Oh and for all of those text book parents??? Your parents probably read text books too and it told them to spank your bottom when you were naughty...so Ha!


Have you seen how whiny some of the textbook children are? These are the children that cry when they get the least bit dirty and often fear ridculous things.  The perfect mothers have a long track record of infecting their children with their paranoias, you've seen the women that carry hand sanitizer everywhere, constantly applying and reapplying after everything their child touches!  All these kids are going to be whimpy germaphobes!

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

68

5

0

Quoting Alison:



Quoting Emma-Lee:

I bet there not perfect behind closed doors, if someone can show me how be a 'text book mum' and make it stick then they are worth their weight in gold. Perfect mum huh never seen one. We all just do our best.
Im with you, i think im a good mum but not perfect.
If someone thinks they are a perfect mum then they are ignoring something,





 I couldn't resist comming back on here to see if anyone had posted since me. That is so true. I remember venting to my mom about some of the stuff people said on Circle of Mums and she said has it ever occured to you that some people lie? Yes I think people lie on this site and in society at large. I know this because I remember a friend of mine spanking her kid. A few months later she was in a conversation with someone else saying that she didn't approve of spanking as a form of discipline. To hear her you would think she never laid a finger on her child, but I know the truth. lol






Exactly!!! The perfect mothers a really just a bunch of skilled liars!! The things that happen when no one is looking get omitted when they start preaching to the other mothers. These lies are a cover for the inadequacy they feel.

Amy - posted on 06/07/2009

1

24

0

We are all "perfect mums" in our own way! We manage to take care of everything in the world while fulfilling every role for our kids, spouses, family, friends, etc. If your child(ren) are well fed, clothed, safe, and sheltered with some morals and values to help them become a participant/contributor in our society, then I think you are doing great! No one is perfect, but moms do come pretty close...they do have eyes in the back of their heads, after all :)

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

68

5

0

The perfect mother is a myth! No such person exists, I agree with you that it is ok to swat a naughty child on the bottom, or bottle feed your baby if you so choose (and without constant scrutinity from those that breast feed behaving as though you are abusing your child, ridiculous!!). The so called "perfect mothers" always posting nasty things to others do so to inflate their egos. They too have moments of frustration, and possibly sheer insanity! The secret of their game is that the perfection is a facsade, if one looked in to it I'm sure they all claim to be perfect wives too. These women are exhausted and only punishing them selves by turning motherhood into a competion! Motherhood is an absolutely wonderful thing, no two mothers should be pitted against one another to see which is better. Instead each of us should find our own style of mothering that we individualy are comfortable with, and not allow it to be open for judgement from the other mothers. And do not bow down to the "perfect moms" they are not better mothers than us, if the needs of your children are met and they are happy and healthy then you are a great mother!!

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2009

61

63

2

Wendy, that is the coolest thing ever, we got my son on juice mixed with his formula, and going to be starting him on rice cereal soon with his before bed bottle. but man the look my side of the family gave me was priceless, good to know there are other people out there who do it to and get looks for it, I didn't notice the recommended age on the box... didn't know there was one! and the tv thing, oh man, me and my son have our own tv time where we sit on the couch and watch 3 shows a day (he falls asleep after #3... I guess thats his nap time lol)

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2009

29

14

1

Darlin, don't you know that the only perfect mothers are the mothers with no children....I have 3 sons and I am exactly like you. I smack them when they are bad...and I also use time out if I am too mad. I fed all 3 of my sons formula . And you know what??? I get complements on how well behaved my children are.I get the most on my 3 year old, because unlike my ex husband my husband now believes the same way that I do. If you coddle a child and do not teach them right from wrong and give instant punishment(ie spanking or slapping) they will mostly be unruly...who is in charge, you or your child? I think you are great keep it up and your kids will thank you for it....Oh and for all of those text book parents??? Your parents probably read text books too and it told them to spank your bottom when you were naughty...so Ha!

Tamara - posted on 06/07/2009

1,192

11

104

I'm not perfect, I get upset, sleep deprived, confused and frustrated with my child but I do my best to roll with it.

Wendy - posted on 06/07/2009

74

9

8

Yes Michelle, I know you aren't supposed to but all three of my kids started on a little bit of baby rice mixed with their formula, yes formula not breast milk at around the ten week mark. It was their "supper". By the time they were all around 4-5 months they were having breakfast, dinner, tea and supper AND it was all from jars AND they still had lots of formula as their "meals" were obviously tiny to begin with. A lot of the mums on this website go crazy when they find out about terrible mothers giving solids before the recommended age and in fact I got into a slinging match a couple of days ago with someone on here over it! Well, we've just eaten dinner and now I'm gonna plonk the kids in front of the TV so I can have a shower ;-)

Kylez - posted on 06/07/2009

7

20

1

I have 2 beautiful (and very advanced) little girls I attempted to breatfeed my first we literally did it for about 90 seconds she latched started to suck I got it in my head that NO WAY is that my kind of thing and then she was asleep and I asked for a bottle. I was glared at by nurses and alot of other mothers would ask if I expressed when I said no they wouldn't talk to me or they'd feel the need to tell me that I'm killing my baby. When number 2 arrived half way through my ELECTIVE c-section my doctor asked if I was going to breast feed I said no he got me stuff to dry it up.

I am in no way a perfect Mum but my kids love me I smack and I think that most parents should some kids don't respond to it others do so I guess it depends on the child and the parent.

[deleted account]

Quoting Emma-Lee:

I bet there not perfect behind closed doors, if someone can show me how be a 'text book mum' and make it stick then they are worth their weight in gold. Perfect mum huh never seen one. We all just do our best.
Im with you, i think im a good mum but not perfect.
If someone thinks they are a perfect mum then they are ignoring something,


 I couldn't resist comming back on here to see if anyone had posted since me. That is so true. I remember venting to my mom about some of the stuff people said on Circle of Mums and she said has it ever occured to you that some people lie? Yes I think people lie on this site and in society at large. I know this because I remember a friend of mine spanking her kid. A few months later she was in a conversation with someone else saying that she didn't approve of spanking as a form of discipline. To hear her you would think she never laid a finger on her child, but I know the truth. lol

Teri-Lyn - posted on 06/07/2009

121

74

13

my son watches t.v, has been eating jarred baby food since he was bout 3 months, i was only breast feeding for the 1st month cuz i wasnt able to after that, i let him fuss when we're out instead of jumping right away to try and quiet him (n o the looks i get for that, you'd think i beat him). and even through all that my doctor still tells me he's one of the healthiest children he's seen, n every day i get comments on how happy he is, i'd say not going 'by the book' has been my best choice so far, im happy to say my sons not a robot :p lol

Emma - posted on 06/07/2009

41

69

2

I bet there not perfect behind closed doors, if someone can show me how be a 'text book mum' and make it stick then they are worth their weight in gold. Perfect mum huh never seen one. We all just do our best.

Im with you, i think im a good mum but not perfect.

If someone thinks they are a perfect mum then they are ignoring something,

Mel - posted on 06/07/2009

5,539

58

226

ooo just read some of the other posts makes me realise some of the things that others consider bad parenting are so petty. the early solids, giving them jar food, giving them tastes of chocolate and ice cream. omg we bought out girl an ice cream today with chocolate sauce and sprinkles she loved it and she needs the fat :) every bubba is different so really no one has the right to judge on what someone does with their child because some children have different needs to others. mc donalds practically saved my baby she refused to eat anything but chips, nuggets and cheese burgers when she was about 8-12 months old. oh and one yogurt and custards all day but would not touch anything else especially vegies. her dietitian said if thats what shes going to eat go for it!

[deleted account]

I meant to say 'if' they judge me and not 'when'. I don't think all perfect moms are judgemental or feel the need to push their views on others.

[deleted account]

I'm not a perfect mom and it annoys me when people try to make out your a bad mom just because you don't share their opinion.



I have nothing against moms who live up to the perfect mom thing. I don't think anyone should be slated for doing what they think is best for their kids and if the 'By the Book', thing works for them then I respect that. The only time they bother me is when they judge me for not doing the same things.

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2009

61

63

2

Quoting Wendy:

Hiya, I'm a 34 year old mum of three kids aged 7, 4 and 21 months and I certainly aint perfect! All three of my kids are telly addicts, they have been known to have crisps or biscuits for breakfast, they go to bed late (which means they get up late), my house always looks like a bomb site and I chose to bottle feed all three of them. The worst of my crimes? Giving them solids around the ten week mark. My goodness do people go mental over that one! However, on the plus side my kids are all clean and healthy and we have tons of fun together. At the end of the day kids remember how much fun they have with you rather than how clean your house was or that you only fed them organic food. I'm enjoying my kids right now but I'm looking forward to the future of an ALWAYS spick and span organised home x


you can give a baby solids at 10 weeks? I started my son on juices mixed in with his formula (yes formula) mainly cuz he's constipated, its usually prune juice... I started him on thst at 4 weeks cuz I don't know what a "supositiory" is, I just know what it does hahahaha... but my house is a disaster and I'm dealing with PPD but I still manage to get off my ass, hide it as best I can and get on with my day. and Bec, I am 100% with you that a naughty child diserves a smack, depending on what they have done, thats how my mom raised me and my sisters. But the way I see it, as long as we try our best to be good parents and raise our kids how we feel is right then thats all that should matter.

[deleted account]

Talking about perfect mothers ... I'm on here while my three older kids are being babysat by the telly!! oops! (and don't tell but my house is untidy too.)

Lydia - posted on 06/07/2009

1,723

21

164

I dont believe there is any such thing as a 'perfect' mum because (unless Im mistaken) we are all human and humans make mistakes! Some people might just hide it (or fool themselves) better than others. My house is a mess, I put her in front of the TV to stop her fussing, I often respond to her cries too early or too late, I have cooked one dinner a month since the morning sickness kicked in and she has (gasp!) jarred food because I cant find the motivationto make it at home. I also rarely find the enthusiasm to apply makeup and my hair has been cut to a style that means I dont even have to brush it in the morning.



I also spend almost every one of her wakingmoments trying to make sure that she has everything that she needs - food, washing, clothes, playtime, cuddles etc. As long as you love them and do your best who could possibly ask for more?

Jessica - posted on 06/07/2009

382

24

78

We may not be perfect mothers in societys eyes, but we are perfect in our childrens eyes and thats all that matters

Charmaine - posted on 06/07/2009

224

21

19

I agree with you 100%! I also find it with people around me and it is so frustrating to look at them without wanting to tell them where to go! My daughter started crawling at 8mths, I didn't see anything wrong with that but to those around me their children were quicker and my child was a late developer! You know the ones, they fell pregnant straight away without any problems, and had the perfect pregnancy...and the perfect children. No one is a perfect parent and I can't stand people who make you feel inadequate as a mother. I try to keep my distance from those people nowadays because it became upsetting and I hated doubting myself as a Mother.

Mel - posted on 06/07/2009

5,539

58

226

oh and yeah my house is a pig sty too every night until her nap time and i clean like hell the next day haha. toys everywhere dirty washing our alcohol bottles empty of course all over the longue room , baby bottles and cups, dirty pram and high chair, dirty dishes unmade beds yep im normal haha

Mel - posted on 06/07/2009

5,539

58

226

im soo with you. some of the morons on here act like they are so perfect and post this crap on how good of a mother they are because this is their routine and they never let their baby CIO and take alll this time out to tell us how they dress thier baby when they take them for walks etc. i reckon these are the ones you have to worry about. dont worry most of us are all with you especially mothers of more then one child. i formula fed, i would be angry if my little one woke up over night, i would get frustrated and smack my child if they talked back and yes alot of us good mothers who know about discipline get bagged on here. so dont worry about it! ignore them , nobody is a perfect mother!

Wendy - posted on 06/07/2009

74

9

8

Hiya, I'm a 34 year old mum of three kids aged 7, 4 and 21 months and I certainly aint perfect! All three of my kids are telly addicts, they have been known to have crisps or biscuits for breakfast, they go to bed late (which means they get up late), my house always looks like a bomb site and I chose to bottle feed all three of them. The worst of my crimes? Giving them solids around the ten week mark. My goodness do people go mental over that one! However, on the plus side my kids are all clean and healthy and we have tons of fun together. At the end of the day kids remember how much fun they have with you rather than how clean your house was or that you only fed them organic food. I'm enjoying my kids right now but I'm looking forward to the future of an ALWAYS spick and span organised home x

Alex - posted on 06/07/2009

36

13

4

Wow Gemma I wouldn't have picked up you're a teen mum. I'm 27 and I can tell you, I didn't have your maturity when I was your age. Good on you, and good on your partner for doing what he can :D

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009

85

24

14

Quoting Gemma:

well im a teen mum yes i had my little girl at 16 and i dont care what people think i didnt breastfeed iver, and im not the perfect mum but i see my self as a good mum as i do everything a can for my little girl and no your not the only 1 who get stressed with everything your kid does wrong im the same but i dont take it out on my little girl i run off to the bathroom to carm down my partners the same same things our little girl does really gets to him like when she dont sleep or wont eat but i think every mum and dad are like that and if they say they dont do that they are lieing but it hasnt stopped me and my partner having another baby, i get really fed up with people judging teen mums im not saying all teen mums are great coz they aint but i dont see what im doing wrong my partner works 6 days a week so we can be a happy family but people look at us and think oh they dont work and judge you and i dont think its right at all so your not alone on this?


Hey Gemma - im 34 and i used to run a youth group for teens yrs ago. One of those girls got pregnant and had a little baby girl and she is a fantastic mum. I think teens who have babies are amazing! She comes round often and i often wonder how she does it. It would be hard to manage all the things that go with being a teenager then suddenly having to shift ur mindset and grow up to look after a child - good on ya!! And ur right, as long as you dont take out ur frustration on them, its ok to feel that way - it doesnt make us bad mums - just human!



 



 

Alex - posted on 06/07/2009

36

13

4

You've done well to have three - I have my hands full with one!!!!

To add to my less than perfectness, I've become quite competitive (which I was hoping not to do). Nothing really worse than a mother constantly boasting about how fantastic their kid is. However since I've admitted it - vote for my little Lucy in a NZ comp - if she wins she gets on the cover of a magazine (would do my ego a world of good!!!! :D)



http://www.coverbaby.co.nz/ViewEntries.a...



(you won't get any unsolicited emails by voting :D)



What a great thread - it actually feels really good to get out all the things you're not quite proud of :D

Gemma - posted on 06/07/2009

277

44

43

well im a teen mum yes i had my little girl at 16 and i dont care what people think i didnt breastfeed iver, and im not the perfect mum but i see my self as a good mum as i do everything a can for my little girl and no your not the only 1 who get stressed with everything your kid does wrong im the same but i dont take it out on my little girl i run off to the bathroom to carm down my partners the same same things our little girl does really gets to him like when she dont sleep or wont eat but i think every mum and dad are like that and if they say they dont do that they are lieing but it hasnt stopped me and my partner having another baby, i get really fed up with people judging teen mums im not saying all teen mums are great coz they aint but i dont see what im doing wrong my partner works 6 days a week so we can be a happy family but people look at us and think oh they dont work and judge you and i dont think its right at all so your not alone on this?

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009

85

24

14

haha - well ladies, u have made me feel better about myself - there are other people out there like me!!!! I love my kids (3 boys) to bits and im not perfect, i make mistakes and i get things wrong - that why iv had 3 kids!! iv gotten a little better each time!

Alex - posted on 06/07/2009

36

13

4

So true - how can too much tv be bad when she's only 8 months old. It stops her grizzling when I'm getting her bottle, and nothing else will do it. It's so funny to hear her chuckling at the tv - but then I feel terrible because everyone says tv is evil....



Bec at least your kids don't spend too much time on the pc as you're obviously monopolising it (hahahaha :D)

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2009

5,465

31

331

Quoting Bec:

oh and my kids are hyped up on sugar and watch too much tv too!! Man i think i failed the good mother of the year award. I dont suppose any of the perfect mums will post on here though, they probably dont sit at the computer because they are too attentive to their kids every movement - oops failed again!


hahahahahaha *pauses to inhale* hahahahahahaha!!!



fair play! it's great to know that there are other mum's out there like me!! :)

Jodie - posted on 06/07/2009

1

21

0

I was just thinking the same thing the other day - but to me everyone is a perfect mother - all those that try their hardest - no matter how they bring up their children - do a good job - I personally am surprised my neighbours don't come by on a regular basis to check my bubba :)

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009

85

24

14

oh and my kids are hyped up on sugar and watch too much tv too!! Man i think i failed the good mother of the year award. I dont suppose any of the perfect mums will post on here though, they probably dont sit at the computer because they are too attentive to their kids every movement - oops failed again!

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2009

5,465

31

331

Quoting Alex:

Oh my house is messy pretty much all the time - doesn't help that my little one hates the vacuum (excellent excuse really). I only tidy it up when I know someone's coming over - the suprise visits really catch me out!!! :D


phew!! glad i'm not the only one!! hahahaha!! those surprise visits are a pain!! haha!! :)

Alex - posted on 06/07/2009

36

13

4

Oh my house is messy pretty much all the time - doesn't help that my little one hates the vacuum (excellent excuse really). I only tidy it up when I know someone's coming over - the suprise visits really catch me out!!! :D

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2009

5,465

31

331

ssshhhhhh, don't tell anyone, but sometimes, my house is messy too!! ;)

Bec - posted on 06/07/2009

85

24

14

thank you ladies you have restored my faith in humanity!!! Its nice to know that we are all just human and not altogether perfect -as long as we love our kids, then the way in which we raise them is up to us!

Alex - posted on 06/07/2009

36

13

4

I'm definately not a perfect mum - my daughter gets formula as my supply ran out when she was 4 months old - yes I got the guilts, but not anymore. I get fustrated, although she's not old enough to be naughty enough to be smacked (she's only 8 months).



Completely believe that we are all human and just doing the best we can :D

Tracey - posted on 06/07/2009

6

14

0

I agree with u......totally. Altho i did breast feed for as long as i could....not till the child entered school but when she turned 1. I had a house to paint. Perfect mothers--- I give u 3---I had a mate harangued by her partner's sisters and mother about walking out onto the footpath outside there home instead of losing control and possibly killing her child after 3 days of hell with no assistance from these people or her partner!

  1. 1
  2. ...
  3. 4
  4. 5
  5. 6
  6. 7
  7. 8
  8. 9

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms