Changing from father's last name to combined

Anita - posted on 01/24/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I agreed to give my daughter her father's last name with some reservations in my heart because he and I were not married but I was hopeful that things could work out (my parents warned me). In the hospital he was having an emotional meltdown and at the last minute he decided that the first name we agreed on months earlier should change so we spent hours deciding and made a decision seconds before the clerk came in to record the birth certificate- the pressure was intense that I didn't have the energy to rethink the last name issue. Now, he and I aren't together because of SO many issues that he has (mental health issues, unemployed, not offering emotional support). I want to change baby's name to be both mine and his and his family is in an uproar. Not sure how to keep the peace so hard feelings are minimal in the future.

I have all the paperwork and am hoping for a signature from him today...

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Jodi - posted on 01/24/2013

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Really, Ashley, really? Tell him the baby is someone else's? Are you really that morally corrupt? Grow up, honey.

Anita, if your ex has agreed to both names, I'd just go with that. There is no point battling over this. Later in life, if your child chooses to take one or the other name, she can.

Now that you are no longer together, make sure you also file for custody and child support and make arrangements for visitation. You need to ensure that is all locked away with the courts in the best interests of your baby.

Grace - posted on 01/25/2013

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I totally understand wehre you are coming from. My daughter's dad said that he didn't care what we named our daughter - he just wanted a healthy baby. I practically chose the name and he gave me a simple "okay"... now that we aren't together though, I have second thoughts about giving my daughter just his last name. I too thought about hyphenating her last name or simply making my last name her middle name...

Regardless of all the drama caused by his family, at the end of the day it is what you want to do. If you feel that changing your daughters last name is worth it, then do it. Just make sure you do things properly with proper paperwork.

I myself decided that it isn't necessary for me to change her last name because she is and always will be a part of me... although at times I feel like I need to or I should because she'd be identified better as my daughter besides her looking like me - like when I called to set up a doctor's appointment for us, I have to point out that we don't have the same last name... I just don't want to hassle with paperwork (maybe because I don't have it that bad?).

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Anita - posted on 02/03/2013

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Since the last names are unhyphenated she can use both or either in every day life- she can decide as she grows up... and if daddy can't get it together I will happily refer to her using my last name only!

Anita - posted on 02/03/2013

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The name change is all done. Once the paperwork was submitted it only took a couple days to get approval. Picking up the order on Monday! and feeling a lot of relief :-)

Deanna - posted on 01/25/2013

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About hyphenated names. Both my children have hyphenated names. My husband and I are married. When we had our daughter we weren't and I wanted to keep my father's name. So we hyphenated. After we married, we kept it the way it was and then hyphenated our son when he was born. I agree with everything Jodi said.

Anita - posted on 01/24/2013

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Jodi you are so right. I am just waiting to get his name on the dotted line this afternoon. He's paranoid and emotional so I feel like after this name change I almost have to pace myself about the custody issues...he brings his family into a lot.

Anita - posted on 01/24/2013

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Thanks Ashely- I know he won't agree to just my last name so to prevent the court battle... I figure if I make it unhyphenated she can just use my last name in every day life if she wants.

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