Cheating after the baby

Kristina - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 228 moms have responded )

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My fiance of 4 yrs cheated on me when me and my 7 month old (at the time) went down to Florida to see my mom. He has text girls before trying to get them to sleep with him when I was pregnant and again to my bestfriend just a few weeks ago. I just found out about him cheating on me back in august because the girl was texting his phone and I picked it up, And she told me everything and answered all my questions. But my fiance wont admit to it, even though she described his tattoo he had on his thigh. But he still is saying no. My thing is I keep taking him back because I love him and I dont want my son to grow up in a broken home. But things get really abusive when I confront him about anything. Part of me wants to leave him and say screw it but a larger part says stay...



Did cheating happen to anyone else? Idk what to do... help :'(

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kacy - posted on 01/04/2010

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Kristina,
I want to appologize for my previous post. It's not that I think what I said was wrong, just how I said it.
It seems alot of us are being hard on you, and I am pretty sure that's not what you need right now.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT
If he's like most abusers, he has made you feel worthless, told you you were ugly or fat, told you you need him, and that no one else would want you. Maybe even blamed you for his hitting you. IT'S ALL LIES DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU FEEL WORTHLESS AND AFRAID, AND IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
Sounds like he has done a pretty good job of isolating you from people who would support your choice to leave.
There are people who can help.
http://www.ndvh.org/get-help/help-in-you (thanks Katherine)
You've heard all the reasons why. Now you just have to make the jump.
You are stronger than you think.
We are all rooting for you.

Kate CP - posted on 01/03/2010

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Wait, he was doing this BEFORE you had the kid and you're surprised he did it again?

Sweetie, he's NOT a good daddy. Good daddies don't cheat on Mommy and don't hit Mommy. Good daddies love Mommy, even if they can't or shouldn't be together, and respect Mommy. You are setting a horrible example for your young son. Show him that women are more than sperm receptacles and punching bags. You have to leave.

Krista - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Kristina:



Quoting Christina:




Quoting Kristina:





Quoting Nita:

Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?
Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all










No thats the thing he is such a great daddy. Russell loves him so much and he seriously waits to go to sleep already till his daddy is there. I dont want that to be gone.












But you also don't want your son to witness your fiance verbally or physically attacking you!!! What would that teach your son?? That attacking women when in an argument is Ok.. And it's NOT Ok. 










No, my son doesnt see him hit me. I make sure of that, usually my son is in the living room and we are in the bed room.





And that might work...while he's 7 months old. What about when he's 4 years old, and toddles into your bedroom because he had a bad dream and sees Daddy hurting Mommy? What about when he's 7 years old, hearing his father smack his mother around, laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling with tears running down his face? What about when he's 12 years old, and his father no longer worries about hiding the abuse and the cheating from him? What about when he's 16 years old, and he grows angry with you because you put up with that crap for so long? What about when he's 18 years old, and the anger turns to contempt for you and he starts to empathize with his father, because he thinks you're pathetic and wants to smack you around too? What about when he's 23, and he's beating his fiancee while your 7-month old grandchild sleeps in the next room? 



Get out. Now.



This man is going to ruin your life and make you very unhappy. He is going to continue to cheat on you, and after awhile, he won't even deny it, and instead will just tell you to mind your own f**king business. And then he'll laugh at you. He'll continue to hit you, and it will only get worse. He might even kill you someday. 



Get out. Now. 



Is he sleeping? Grab your kid, grab your purse, grab the car keys and get the hell out of there. Drive to a woman's shelter. They will help you. That is your first step. The rest will come -- you can take one step at a time and will someday wonder why on earth you put up with that crap. But for now, what you need to do is get out. 



Now. 



 

Sharon - posted on 01/03/2010

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Step 1. Get an AIDS test.

Step 2. Get a complete STD test panel done, and prepare to sue him to hell & back.



Step 3. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE.



My god he was sleeping around while you were pregnant, slept around the minute you were out of sight and he will do it again.



IF you are fortunate enough to test negative for any STDs, how long can you count on luck?



And i don't give a flying fk that he does love his daddy. What about you? Who is going to raise him while you're puking your guts out from the AIDs meds?



I'm sorry. There isn't enough money in this world to make me stay with a nasty bugger going around sticking his wick in anything moist and female. Its just nasty.

Krista - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Kristina:



Quoting






i dont have a car im not allowed to drive his truck i dont even have friends who have vehicles. Im stuck I dont have family here or anything.





Take his truck anyway. The man beats you and cheats on you --- you deserve to be able to borrow his truck. Drive it to the police station and ask the cops to drive you to the women's shelter. 



Call a cab -- if you don't have money, the shelter will most likely pay the fare for you. 



F**king hitchhike if you have to. The odds are, you'll be safer with a stranger than you will be with your fiance. 



GO! NOW! It's not going to get better -- it's only going to get much, much, much, much worse, and it's going to ruin your life, and it's going to ruin your beautiful little boy's life. 

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Shawn - posted on 01/06/2010

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Kristina,

I'm sorry you're going though all that, many of us have and still are. Amanda had a great story..as you can see, she was only 5 and remembers all that stuff well into her adult life..so what do you think it will do to your son and his view on life and relationships...you have a chance and a responsibility to change all that now.

Amanda hit the nail on the head,,,No matter what we say, you have to make the final decision to stay or leave. I'll tell you from experience, more than likely, if you allow him to continue down this path, and don't leave now, he will continue with the cheating and for a minute it will appear as though he has stopped but...in reality, he is only learning from that experience how to be more discreet and he will get better at it..and if your lucky, he will start to wind it down when he's about 45 and you look 55 from dealing with his mess. Please, leave now while you still have your youth, your pride,dinity and your son doesn't remember the fighting. Trust me, your son will be much happier being raised by one happy parent verses two unhappy ones. He can still be in the child's life, just not with you. Also, listen to what Heather Thompson is saying, she's absolutely right. You don't want to end up taking care of another woman's children too do you, because you will....Fiance', please...stop fooling yourself...he will throw that title on you just to keep you hanging on to his sorry self. At least your not married, so it makes it that much easier to walk away. And if its the sex that's got your panties in a bunch...again, you'll find someone better in that area too.....trust me. Take care..

Charmaine - posted on 01/06/2010

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I say leave him! Not only do you not want your son growing up seeing you fight all the time, as others here have mentioned. But what if he keeps sleeping with all of these different women, and he catches some nasty STD and brings it home to you AND your baby. Yes, your baby can catch them from him, too. Oral herpes, for example. That is the worst thing that could happen to you and that baby. You'll find another man who will treat you and your son right. But in the meantime, do not settle for this no good SOB.

Briana - posted on 01/06/2010

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THATS JUST SO WRONG. JUST LIKE I TELL MY FRIEND WHO WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION, YOU NEVER WANT YOUR BABY TO SEE YOU FIGHT. ALSO IF HE REALLY LOVED YOU HE WOULDNT EVEN THINK TO TALK TO ANOTHER WOMEN. YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR BABY IN MIND AT ALL TIMES. NO MATTER WHAT GUYS WILL COME AND GO BUT YOUR BABY IS YOURS FOREVER.

Kimberly - posted on 01/06/2010

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My ex husband stated cheating on me after first child was born..used the excuse he felt trapped and scared...15 yrs and 3 kids later I found out he cheated every pregnancy and many times inbetween. and for several years after the last child was born. I tried to forgive and forget lasted 5 more years wiht all the signs and proof of it still going on this last time with many of the skankiest women you'd find. after that and I realized once a lying cheater always a lying cheater. I gave him 20 yrs of my life. he was contracted a lethal desease and I am so very lucky he did not pass it to me..thank God or I would be dying due to him.



men will be men..and some woman do cheat also there are reasons and circumstances around every event but I have to say if you caught it early and he refuses to be honest stand up for yourself and don't play the fool cut and run as far and fast as possible. make a happy life for yourself there are more fish in the sea and not all lie and or cheat.



love is not lies, or disloyalty. you may love him but he only loves himself and is only conserned with how the truth will effect him and what he wants.

Shelly - posted on 01/06/2010

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He will only keep doing it! You need to think of your son, he should be #1 on yourlist! I am sure it will be hard at first but you will get over it and move on. My mother always said " once a cheater, always a cheater "

Amy - posted on 01/06/2010

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do you want your son growing up thinking that it is ok to lie and cheat and treat women like this? Be strong!

Kiala - posted on 01/06/2010

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no it didnt happen to me but i do remember my fiance telling me once while i was prego & just not feeling sexy or even havingt the urge for sex "thats why men cheat oin their girls while prego, you hormones are all screwed up but mind aren't!! i still need what i need." I understand how you feel, but i feel like your child knows when you are unhappy & if you stay with your man, & stay unhappy your child will be unhappy. so dont use the baby as your excuse to stay do whats best for you; if that means leave then leave & keep a friendly relationship. Usually if you end a unhealthy relationship b4 it gets UGLY you can still remain good friends, & thats whats best for the baby.

i wish you luck & all the best, because it is a very touchy & sensitive subject.

D'Anne - posted on 01/06/2010

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Well sweetie i was pretty much in ur situation It took me ten years and 2 very unhappy children later to realize i and my kids were better off without him!!! If he's done it more than once he's definately gonna do it again I say leave em and let one of his flings deal with him look out for u and ur child!!!

Ramona - posted on 01/06/2010

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My friend has the same problem but doesn't listen to what anyone tells her. i think it is right to worry about your son growing up in a broken home but it sounds to me that it is already broken. Sometimes it is worse for the lil ones when you stay in the situation rather than walk away. Walking away takes a very strong willed woman and it sounds to me that u are a strong woman who just needs a lil support.

Cassie - posted on 01/06/2010

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Safety first.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. It takes great strength to share such information. Think about safety first, physical and emotional safety. Safety for you and your child. Support is important as well, family, friends or an organization in your area that can help you if needed. Being in a relationship where abuse exsist is very dangerous...you are not alone, 1 in 4 women are affected by domestic violence. It is his fault! He uses abusive and coercive behavior to take power and control away from you. There is a pattern to the abuse, a cycle of violence. There is nothing you can do to warrent anyone hitting you or calling you names or whatever it is that he has done to hurt you. He does it because he was taught to do so and because he chooses to do it. He is not out of control...we all get angry, it is what we do with the anger that is important...not everyone who gets angry abuses. I believe you when you say he is a good father....there is goodness in everyone yet that does not change the fact that his behavior toward you will effect your son.



Here are some ways to look at your situation: only suggestions, you get to make decisions for you...that is your power.



It is up to you to acknoweledge, which you have done here on circle of moms, talking about it breaks the silence...violence only exsist if we (society) stay quiet, feel your feelings...knowing what to do is good yet feeling (emotional) what you want to do is great. Instinct...follow it! Ignore judgement...your own and others. We spend a lot of time putting a "good or bad" on what we have done, what we want to do and what we are doing...Find a way to create a safety plane: one for if you stay and one for how you will leave: think of everything you can do for you and your son to be safe. If you stay do it aware of what is really happening and if you leave prepare yourself for many different outcomes. Violence can get more intense when a person leaves...because the person abusing may feel even more out of control so he may do things to try and regain his sence of control but the only thing we can control is our attitude. Awareness without judgement. Peace and love for you and your family.

Naomi - posted on 01/06/2010

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Quoting Kristina:



Quoting Christina:




Quoting Kristina:





Quoting Nita:

Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?
Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all










No thats the thing he is such a great daddy. Russell loves him so much and he seriously waits to go to sleep already till his daddy is there. I dont want that to be gone.












But you also don't want your son to witness your fiance verbally or physically attacking you!!! What would that teach your son?? That attacking women when in an argument is Ok.. And it's NOT Ok. 










No, my son doesnt see him hit me. I make sure of that, usually my son is in the living room and we are in the bed room.





Your son may not see it now as he is a baby but that will not last very long. He will see or he will hear and he will know. He will not understand and he may be scared or angry.  I feel very sad that you are in this situation. As others have said you probably had a picture of a beautiful family and instead you have a mess. You must look at the facts: He cheated on you and he is abusive. Why do you think that you are not worth more than that? Do you deserve to be treated like that? NO, definatly not!! As hard as it is find someone (friend / family) to support you and leave, for yourself and your son. Teach yourself and your son that you deserve better and what a good family and love really looks like. Love isn't what you have and it is what you deserve. It is hard to be on your own and it takes a lot of guts. I hope and pray that you will find the strength to leave teach your son how to respect and honor himself and women.

Mary - posted on 01/06/2010

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I grew up in a home where my father used to abuse my mom both emotionally and physically and I can tell you that that is very traumatizing to a child. Please dont put your son thrue that. I can tell you right now that I had some issues that took a while to sort out.
and as far as you and your fiance. I spent 10 whole years of my life waiting on my eldest daughters father to marry me you know, do right by us BUT HE NEVER DID. He cheated on me with friends and strangers but i knew, i always knew. Dont ever ignore your womans intuition either because most of the time it tells us what we already know. needless to say that I left him. I wished I hadnt wasted so much of my time with him. He was a lousy father.
I am happy to tell you that I am 7 years married to the most wonderful man. He loves my eldest daughter as if he were her biological father. So with my story please make up your mind and not waste any time because you will regret it. Dont give up on love either. i am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone even when things look and feel difficult.
Hope this helps.

Kerri - posted on 01/06/2010

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My heart breaks for you! Everyone else is right. It will not get better. It WILL continue. Even if you think he wont do it again he will. It is only a matter of time. He will hide it from you and you will have to play babysitter to try and keep your man in check. Not to mention the absolute hell you will be living in. For your sake and the sake of your child LEAVE! Some people will tell you to do what feels right. Nothing is going to feel right! but trust me when I say you will regret staying!

Bren - posted on 01/06/2010

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Please Leave him...this will not get better with time. Yes, it will be hard with a baby, but a MAN does not cheat, or hit or keep you engaged for 4 years...

Jessica - posted on 01/06/2010

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It will be easier on your child if he doesn't have to see stuff like that. Give him your full attention instead of wonder what your fiance is doing. If he has done that to you he doesn't care if he hurts you.

Kelly - posted on 01/06/2010

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LEAVE NOW!!! if you stay and your son find outs then your just telling him its ok to cheat and fight if he see mommy dealing with it then he will think that his gf will just deal with it also .

Katie - posted on 01/06/2010

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You have to ask yourself what your definition of a "broken family" is.......you and your son away from the abuse, and you find a man you will treat you the way you should be treated or your son visiting his mothers grave while Daddy is in prison......this may sound harsh but truth hurts and this day in age it isn't all that far fetched. I hope that you make the right decision for yourself and your son.

Cheree - posted on 01/06/2010

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coming from parents who went through the same thing i can tell you from the childs perspective. the best thing for that child is for you to walk away. and if they are young enough they may not remember. there is nothing stopping your son from having a relationship with him but things just dont seem to be working out for you two. he clearly doesnt take any of this seriously so for both of you its best. when your son is older he will make his own decisions and in the mean time you can just be there for him. also, if you get involved in another relationship, let it not be for a while so your son has time to adjust otherwise hatred comes in picture and you dont want that. by walking away you show your son to have respect for women and for women to have respect for themselves. hope this helped.

Emma-Louise - posted on 01/06/2010

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Oh hun I am so sorry to hear that, I no it must be hard for you to look ahead at what life will be like without him but I am certain life will be much kinder to you and your son, some so called blokes are not worth waisting your life on and do you really wont your son to wittness abusive behaviour and become his cheating low life father when he becomes a man, you CAN and WILL do better, good luck hun.

Emma-Louise - posted on 01/06/2010

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Oh hun I am so sorry to hear that, I no it must be hard for you to look ahead at what life will be like without him but I am certain life will be much kinder to you and your son, some so called blokes are not worth waisting your life on and do you really wont your son to wittness abusive behaviour and become his cheating low life father when he becomes a man, you CAN and WILL do better, good luck hun.

Michelle - posted on 01/06/2010

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Would you rather your son be safe and happy or be in an abusive family? You need to look after you and your son and to heck with the cheating, lying, S.O.B.

Leslie - posted on 01/06/2010

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Love him all you want from AFAR........He is NOT going to change, LEAVE HIM before getting in any deeper. Do you want your son to grow up with an abusive CHEATER as a role model and possibly ending up just like him?

Heidi - posted on 01/06/2010

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I can't believe just how many of us there out there. Someone should start a group for all of us. Something like...For Moms Who survived being with a Cheater or abuser and is much better off now for there decisions...I don't know just a thought. And if someone does start a group like that make it a closed group...invite only.

Patsy - posted on 01/06/2010

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Think long and hard, if she knows where the tatoo is then, there is your answer. Next are you willing to go thru this and for how long? You deserve to be true to yourself and the precious baby you now have. Let go find someone who wants to be a great part of your life he will lose in the end. Let down your pride, go home to your mother if this be an option. Or find a place that you can afford. He will later will resume relations with the baby. This is the best thing you can do for the both of you! Good Luck, only you know what is in your heart, however that is not always best.

Chenella - posted on 01/06/2010

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LEAVE HIM NO QUESTIONS ASKED. You have got to ask your self do you really love him someone who treats you that way, or is it just attatchment. I mean you have all the proof that he cheated, and he still does not respect you enough to admit his wrong doings. Texting girls to ask them to sleep with them, that is just perverted and I would not want my child around a man that can become abusive, because there is always a chance he can become abusive toward your child. I know it will hard to leave but you wont regret it.

Cara - posted on 01/06/2010

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your child will be more effected by staying in a cheating abusive home then living in a happy home with just you but right now you are teach him that it is ok to cheat and to act like his father and when he grows up he will be the same to his wife and you dont want that

Michelle - posted on 01/06/2010

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Leave leave leave!!! You and your child deserve better! A home that is broken on the inside is worse than a broken home. No amount of abuse is ok for you or for your child! Do you want your child growing up in a home thinking and learning that any of that behavior is ok? I think not, or you would not be posting this question. You deserve respect and understanding and kindness and love, and so does your child. You deserve honesty and integrity! Leave him now! Sorry if this seems harsh, but I was once there...it took me 5 years to leave. I am so happy now and so is my daughter!

Katrina - posted on 01/06/2010

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I understand that you don't want your son to grow up in a broken home. But what you have to consider is this......do you want your son to grow up to be just like his father? How your fiancee treats you is what your son sees, and will continue to see. He will think that it is normal to be disrespectful and he will continue the cycle unless you break it. No one wants their child to grow up in a broken home, but sometimes that is whats in the best interest of the child. Your fiancee is setting a poor example as far as showing what respect is, how to treat people and what type of person to be. And you staying is just allowing his behavior, so you are also putting your life at risk because Lord knows how cautious he is being while he's out "doing his thing". If that man gives you HIV, will a complete home be worth it if you don't get to see your child grow up? I'd seriously evaluate what is truly important, and what can be made better by the change.

Katrina - posted on 01/06/2010

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I understand that you don't want your son to grow up in a broken home. But what you have to consider is this......do you want your son to grow up to be just like his father? How your fiancee treats you is what your son sees, and will continue to see. He will think that it is normal to be disrespectful and he will continue the cycle unless you break it. No one wants their child to grow up in a broken home, but sometimes that is whats in the best interest of the child. Your fiancee is setting a poor example as far as showing what respect is, how to treat people and what type of person to be. And you staying is just allowing his behavior, so you are also putting your life at risk because Lord knows how cautious he is being while he's out "doing his thing". If that man gives you HIV, will a complete home be worth it if you don't get to see your child grow up? I'd seriously evaluate what is truly important, and what can be made better by the change.

Tenisha - posted on 01/06/2010

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Coming from an abusive home, I would rather my mom have left. You have to think about what it will do to your son when he sees the abuse. It is not a good situation for the kid either, its only a matter of time until he starts hitting him too.

Kelly - posted on 01/06/2010

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I had my second daughter in october, and when i was seven months pregnant my husband cheated on me... i started to figure it out with all the obvious signs, and so he finally admitted it to me... it takes a big person to do that... so our situations are a little different...... i have to be honest the only reason why i stayed was yes because i loved him, but more because i was pregnant and scared to be alone with 2 kids.... but now that almost 5 months have past since that i have become very guarded and somewhat emotionally detached. i believe that i let him off the hook to easily... and now that i am in a better state of mind..... i know that i will be ok if i left him... but i am still scared to do it.... IDK is he a good father??... if so at least your son will have both of his parents... not together, but he will have both of you and things will be healthier for everyone..... it will be hard but it seems like that would be the best thing... There is no excuse if it happens more then once ya know!

[deleted account]

OMG! You need to realize that you are too good for this bastard and get the hell out...I raised my daughter alone since she was 1...she is now going to be 15 in a couple of weeks...I am not saying that your fiance will not be in your child's life if you walk away but my sperm donor didn't want to pay child support when I left his ass so he legally gave up parental rights...NICE! And we have been happy ever since :) You have to have faith in yourself and don't be afraid of being alone cause it all works out in the end. What I can tell you with confidence is that you will regret it if you marry him. GET OUT!

[deleted account]

I was in a realtionship for 5 years with a guy that would cheat with anything with a heartbeat. He always had an excuse, the girl wasn't telling the truth, people were just jealous, people were just trying to break us up...the excuses were a mile long.



Finally I woke up one day, I was just done, and there was nothing he could say or do this time to get me back. I sat down with him many months later & asked him why if he loved me so much did he cheat for so often & so long. The words that he told me have rung in my head for years "I ALWAYS KNEW I HAD SOMETHING TO COME BACK TO" & he did. He told me it wasn't a big deal when he cheated because he always knew he could come back to me & I was basically a type of safety net for him.



Your babys daddy knows that he will always have something to come back to, so he is never going to stop. I wish you the best of luck & the strength to get up and leave him when your ready. There is nothing you can do & no amount of love you can show this man to make him stop.

Candace - posted on 01/06/2010

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If you're unwilling to leave this worthless waste of oxygen, give your child up. Put your child in foster care where he will stand a chance at having a decent life. And then get a tubal ligation so you're not bringing any more children into this world with this idiot.
YOU are the mother, YOU have to make the difficult choices. That's part of being an adult and a parent. If you're willing to stay and be humiliated and beaten, that's your choice, but the very least you can do is get your child out of this abusive situation. Do it now before someone who gives a damn about your child calls DHS, and he's taken from you forcibly. People are telling you this is not your fault that he is cheating and abusing you. But take some responsibility, own up to your part of it. You are allowing this to continue by staying there. Don't cry about no money, no car, blah blah blah. Call the police, they will come get you. They will take you to the hospital/shelter where you can get on with your life. I'm betting you came from a home with an absent parent and that is what you are using as an "excuse" of not wanting your child in a broken home. I have seen too many women like you cry and wring your hands about how horrible your situation is, asking for all this sympathy, but then what do you do? YOU STAY! And stay, and stay. It WILL be hard to leave and start again. Get off your butt and do it anyway.

Carrie - posted on 01/06/2010

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u dont want ur son growin up thinkin this the right way to treat the one u love, & ull only be stressed & always thinkin of what/who is he doin now instead of concentratin on ur son & how hes doin........plz leave him

Tania - posted on 01/06/2010

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Been there and lived with that .. now I have moved on and yes my kids come from a broken home .. but it is a better home now than it ever was before! Leave the bastard .. you can't love someone who doesn't lvoe you back!

Taneshia - posted on 01/06/2010

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I feel your pain... I'm going through the exact same thing. Our daughter is 16 months old. He's been cheating most of our relationship. As of today we are not together be I constantly took him back over and over again and encouraged his actions. I'm tired and you'll know when you're tired.

Lydia - posted on 01/06/2010

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Kritstina,

You have your son to think about and what you want for him. "ONCE A CHEATER AWAYS A CHEATER" and that is NEVER going to change. Your fiance can tell you or paint you a beautiful picture of how he's going to change, and all the future plans he has for you and your son. LIES!!! Have you ever heard this "Actions speak louder than WORDS?" He can tell you "I didn't do nothing" but, his expressions are telling you different. What it all comes down to is you fiance GOT CAUGHT!!!. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life and be miserable? That is not good for you or your baby son. DUMP YOUR FIANCE!!! The same thing happened to me and I had a son too and I was married. I moved on, remarried and I had three beautiful daughters. As for my ex he married, cheated and had more kids, divorced again. The pattern keeps going and going... You'll do just fine along with your baby boy. Remember! Do what is right for your son. Now after all these years this chapter of my life, (with the ex) is dead and buried. You won't be thinking about: where is he?, who is he with?,

why does he keep lying to me?, How could he do this to me? and it keeps going and going.. Before the ex got caught, he would accuse me of cheating on him or he heard from someone that they saw me with another guy. and so on. That's their guilt!!! Take that first step and walk away, keep your chin up!!! I know how you feel, but you'll be ok. Trust me!!! I wish you and your son the very best...It's the beginning of a New Year and start a New LIFE for you and your son!!! God bless you both always...

Nicole - posted on 01/06/2010

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Honestly it is time to leave and as they say "Once a cheater always a cheater." If he is abusive when you confront him, you must leave because who's to say it won't get worse and happen when he is having a bad day. It is not healthy for your child if you stay with him just because he is the father. You will do more damage than good. It is better to have a "broken home" then for your child to grow up in a home where he will see how a man treats a woman and think that its okay, because it's not. Even though we don't know each other, I would give my sisters and close friends the same advice.....leave. You can do it, be strong and believe in yourself and in whats best for your child....good luck.

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2010

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My first advice to you is DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! If you do, wether you decide to stay or leave, he will own half of you: YOUR SON! I do not know what state you are in, but you have more rights to your child now than if you two marry. I hate to put it that way, but it has been six years since my ex and I seperated then divorced and he and I constantly fight with each other over our daughter.



Look, you are wondering what to do because some-where in your gut this does not feel right. Well girlfriend this is NOT RIGHT. There have been others that say to get tested and that is the next thing you should do. He has put your life and your son's life and future on the line. Did you hear that YOUR SON and your life! He can love you and your son, but he must love you two more than he loves himself. You cannot change him, he must want to change on his own. The truth is staring you in the face. I know how you feel, Ive been there. So at some point you have tell yourself, " I deserve better than this, and my son deserve better than this!"



Now Im sure your wondering how, because we all can say "leave" but that does not answer the question that your really asking. So here is the best advice I can give: Save, save your money and resources. Make a plan, where you will live, how you will survive. If you fear for yourself there are programs, and there are even Legal Aid programs that will help with restraining orders and custody matters for free. Yes, you have to trust the system but learn to protect yourself. Carry some form of protection e.g: knife, pepper spray, or a slide out baton. Like I said, I have been there. You want to believe it will be ok, but it just worse as the days go by. He will continue to do this until he sees he needs to change. He may, or he may not. Where do you want to be!



Your son deserves a better role model...and he is out there.

Amanda

Amy - posted on 01/06/2010

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When I was pregnant with my second child, it was a rough pregnancy. I had five hospital stays in a 7 week period. My EX husband didn't even stay one night with me. Not even the night our son was born. After coming home I was getting some laundry caught up and found two pairs of womens underwear in our dirty clothes. I know they weren't mine. Needless to say I confronted him and of course he denied everything. My advice is to get out now. Especially if it gets abusive. But things will only get worse. I had two kids with him and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had not worked in five years. But when the truth was in my face so bluntly, I went out got a job and took my kids and left with nothing but my clothes and the kids belongings. Friends and family helped me gets things like towels, kitchen stuff, and a friend sold me there car that they took payments on. But you know what my kids are way more happier then they ever were. Even if they aren't with there biological dad. I am happier and that makes my relationship with them that much better. I have more time to focus on them and our time together. Instead of always wondering where their dad is and who he is with or what he is doing. Best of luck to you!!!!! Just remember you are strong and you can do anything you put your mind to. Do you really want to suffer a lifetime of unhappiness. That very well could roll over to your childs life. They watch, they learn, and they do what they see. Rather it is becoming a cheater them selves or learning its okay to be treated that way.

Esther - posted on 01/06/2010

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I just wanted to add to my previous post (and all other posts) that cheating is really the least of your problems. That's just a symptom of his lack of respect for you. If you focus on that part, you're missing the point. The problem that is front & center here is him abusing you. Please get out. For yourself and your son.

Amanda - posted on 01/06/2010

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You may need some counselling to deal with this situation contact your local abuse women shelter and they can best support you in whatever decision you make but you need help. Outside of your friends and family everyone can give advice but these women deal with this on a daily basis and they won't judge you. Trust me your son is smarter then you give him credit for they are sponges and they absorb feeling. Let the feeling he absorbs be NOT one of fear, intimidation, manipulation. Let him absorb respect and love alone. And please do not marry him until you have talked to a counsellor honestly about your situation.

Emilie - posted on 01/06/2010

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why dont you have a heart to heart talk with your fiance? then if he did not change after that, then leave him. at least he knows why you leave him.... but seek first guidance from GOD. this will help you a lot....

Terri - posted on 01/06/2010

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It makes me sad to hear things like this. I know it must be very hard for you, love is a powerful thing. But love has to come from both sides. How much can he love you if he's willing to cheat or be abusive toward you.

I don't know if God is apart of your life or not but I think you should pray for God to help you with this matter. I want you to know that Im praying for you and your baby.

I really don't think you should stay in this marriage just for you son.

You already know he's not telling you the true even when you have all the proof.

I really hope things get better for you.

If your close to your mom I think you should ask her for advice if you haven't already.

Take care.

God Bless.

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