Cheating after the baby

Kristina - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 228 moms have responded )

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My fiance of 4 yrs cheated on me when me and my 7 month old (at the time) went down to Florida to see my mom. He has text girls before trying to get them to sleep with him when I was pregnant and again to my bestfriend just a few weeks ago. I just found out about him cheating on me back in august because the girl was texting his phone and I picked it up, And she told me everything and answered all my questions. But my fiance wont admit to it, even though she described his tattoo he had on his thigh. But he still is saying no. My thing is I keep taking him back because I love him and I dont want my son to grow up in a broken home. But things get really abusive when I confront him about anything. Part of me wants to leave him and say screw it but a larger part says stay...



Did cheating happen to anyone else? Idk what to do... help :'(

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DeAnna - posted on 01/03/2010

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cheating happened to me wen mi daughter hit about 4 months. i left because it wasnt about me and my feelings anymore. it was about mi baby, and if i wasnt happy, that stress was gonna rub off onto my daughter. even when you hav a child with someone, you can still move on.

Cristine - posted on 01/03/2010

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It's not worth it to yourself or your son to stay with him. It won't do your son any favors to grow up watching you two fighting verbally or physically.

[deleted account]

Things can be put back together sometimes when a partner cheats-but only if there is honesty and both parties are willing to put in the work to get past it, and your fiance doesn't seem to be willing to do that. It's also disconcerting that you say it gets "really abusive" when you talk to him about it. If it were me, he wouldn't be my fiance anymore.

Kristina - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Christina:



Quoting Kristina:




Quoting Nita:

Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?
Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all








No thats the thing he is such a great daddy. Russell loves him so much and he seriously waits to go to sleep already till his daddy is there. I dont want that to be gone.









But you also don't want your son to witness your fiance verbally or physically attacking you!!! What would that teach your son?? That attacking women when in an argument is Ok.. And it's NOT Ok. 






No, my son doesnt see him hit me. I make sure of that, usually my son is in the living room and we are in the bed room.

Heather - posted on 01/03/2010

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Honey, I just came out of a 14 year marriage. My x husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our daughter and I found out later that he actually had a kid with her. I took him back for the same reasons you did and guess what.....At the end of my divorce...after being married to him for 14 years, had 3 stepchildren by 3 different women, mind you I was with him since he was 17....now how do you go out in public and explain how long youve been married yet all your stepkids are younger than your own in the marriage....! Got to hard and to many more kids...As they say, once a cheater always a cheater! I am so much happier and my kids are too, as they don't have the stress of mom and dad fighting all the time! It's a different kind of stress but a less stressful stress!!! Do your own thing, it will be worth it for you, your self esteem and most important, your children!!

Marika - posted on 01/03/2010

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what a barstard sorry but thats how i fell he should have more respect for the mother of his child the way i see it and sorry but once a cheater he will do it again ask yourself a ? do you always want to be living your life looking in the rivision mirror look forward and not back and put the shoes on the other foot what would he do if you did it to him

Cristina - posted on 01/03/2010

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It seems hard to do but you have yo go ahead and leave him right now, my closest friend had that happen to her all throughout her pregnancy then later after her baby was born, she was hard headed and decided to stay with him well let me tell you that 10 years later she has become a bitter balding woman, a person who I don't know any more, she finally left him and wasted ten years next to a man who did not deserve her at all from the get go, it seem hard to do having a child and all but go ahead and leave, God will provide for you both, he always does. You deserve to be happy, and if he tell you he wont do it again, it's a bull faced lie they always do it again, that shows no respect in his part for you.

Amber - posted on 01/03/2010

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No your worth, do you want your daughter to grow up knowing thats how a man should treat a women? Do you want your son to think thats how he should treat his wife? You talk about staying together for your child? Think of all the harm you'd cause them if you stay. You deserve to be treated better Plus if you always take him back why would he stop? I know it's easier said than done. good luck

Margaret - posted on 01/03/2010

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I know you love him and he's the father but you need to love yourself more and know that you and your son deserve better. A broken home is better than an abusive one.

Sharon - posted on 01/03/2010

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HHMM



Step 1. Get an AIDS test.

Step 2. Get a complete STD test panel done, and prepare to sue him to hell & back.



Step 3. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE.



My god he was sleeping around while you were pregnant, slept around the minute you were out of sight and he will do it again.



IF you are fortunate enough to test negative for any STDs, how long can you count on luck?



And i don't give a flying fk that he does love his daddy. What about you? Who is going to raise him while you're puking your guts out from the AIDs meds?



I'm sorry. There isn't enough money in this world to make me stay with a nasty bugger going around sticking his wick in anything moist and female. Its just nasty.

April - posted on 01/03/2010

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People can tel you leave until they are blue in the face ! Bottom line is you need to have enough dignity and care for you and your son to say enough. It never gets better it only gets worse. Your other half should have been so consumed with your new child that screwing around would be the last thing on your mind. In my thoughts you do not need advice - you need support, you need friends, family etc... to support you in you choice to u=end this unhealthy relationship. I think you are scared because you had a picture of what it would be like and it did not come to pass - but pictures can change and there can be great times to come with out him, and eventually someone new - some one right. I wish you only the best and you have my email I would love to talk to you more and I will be here just to talk !

[deleted account]

so its ok if ur miserable then?? its not at all. and yeah now dad may be fun and this and that.. but not a good role model at all. and u already mentioned abuse on you .. if daddy is a great daddy then he can do that without being with you

C. - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Kristina:



Quoting Nita:

Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?
Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all






No thats the thing he is such a great daddy. Russell loves him so much and he seriously waits to go to sleep already till his daddy is there. I dont want that to be gone.





But you also don't want your son to witness your fiance verbally or physically attacking you!!! What would that teach your son?? That attacking women when in an argument is Ok.. And it's NOT Ok. 

Jenna - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Justine:

you have to think about your son at this point. is it going to be worse for him to grow up in a "broken home" with a mother who loves him and cares for him, or a home where his parents fight all the time, where his father has no respect for his mother? how will he learn to respect women when the only model he has is a father who cheats on his mother?



I'm sure you love your son more than anything else in this world.  Keep in mind that he's the most important thing and it's not fair to live in an abusive relationship with his father just because you don't want to have a "broken home".  You also need to consider the fact that your fiance is putting you at a health risk every time you are intimate with him because of the other girls he is with.  Do you want to contract something deadly from him because he's cheating on you?  How would it be if you did and then both of your babies parents would be damaged?  Please be very careful and be strong.  If you say you love him fine, but if he loved you back darling he would never cheat...  There are better men out there and your son will always have a father, just maybe not one he lives with all the time.  Look not just in your heart for your answers, you've got to use your head too.  It's abusive now, how will it be 10 years from now?  I wish you the best!

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2010

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id be more worried about the abusive part.... my mom left my real father (abusive) and now i have the best step dad anyone could ask for personally i think its a mistake to stay together for the baby its not worth it get out while you still can

Tah - posted on 01/03/2010

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im not exactly sure what you are staying for..people only do what you let them..if you want your son to grow up angry and abusive towards women, emotionally and otherwise then by all means stay...but come on chica..your best friend, the tattoo on his thigh..you know what do..i know its easier said than done but you already know what to do...but your call...make the best decision for your son, you know i know for sure, when you get the junk out of your life you make room for the man God has for you and honey no matter how bad you want it to e him..its not....pray about it...wish you the best

Kristina - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting Nita:

Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?
Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all



No thats the thing he is such a great daddy. Russell loves him so much and he seriously waits to go to sleep already till his daddy is there. I dont want that to be gone.

Mandi - posted on 01/03/2010

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its way better for a child to come from a broken home being raised by one good parent then have an abusive parent. you don't want your kids to grow up thinking that it is ok to treat others like that or that it is ok for others to treat them like that

Michelle - posted on 01/03/2010

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I think there are some larger issues - and the long-term future. If he's really a cheater, and he's cheated (or attempted cheating) THAT many times, I can't see how that's going to change anytime soon.

And, remember, this man is going to be the father figure for your son. You might want to consider what kind of influence his behavior will have on your son, and how he grows up, and perhaps how he views his relationships and how he treats women in his own future. Your fiance's morals and ethics will be shared with your son.

I can't tell you what to do - we've never even met - but if it were me, I would probably leave sooner rather than later. I don't know what your relationship is with your mom, but I would move back with my mom, and take some serious time to consider if this is the sort of environment you really want to raise your son in.

I hope this gets better for you and your family.

C. - posted on 01/03/2010

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LEAVE!!!! I don't care if it's verbal abuse or physical.. LEAVE!!!! You may not have the chance to if you wait too long. You need to think about your son. Yes, it would be sad to have him grow up in a broken home, but if would be even sadder if he were to grow up with an abusive dad. Verbal, physical.. It doesn't matter, it's all abuse and you need to get you and your son out of there before it turns real ugly. Good luck to you! I hope that you can finally gather the courage and strength to leave that man.. It would be a shame if something ended up happening to you two.

[deleted account]

yah my brother has been in a horrible marriage for over 13yrs.. two kids, boy and girl i think they are like 12 and 9 .. the woman is crazy, nicest word i can use.. he stays only for the kids.. which i dont understand that really.. with all the documentation he has he could keep those kids.. anyways all im getting at is you deserve better.. like my brother does.. your child will never know a good relationship if you stay with him

Nita - posted on 01/03/2010

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Kristina, I'm sorry to hear that your fiance wasn't there to support you. I can't help but ask though, if things get abusive and if he can't be honest with you, is this the kind of man you want around your baby as a roll model?

Relationships are always tough but when you have children they are tougher because you want to do the right thing. Does this man pay attention to their child when you are out or is he neglectful and too busy trying to get some elsewhere. This is where you need to ask yourself the hard questions and put your baby's needs, safety and care first.



I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the strength to do whats best for all

Corrine - posted on 01/03/2010

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get out now!!! You are wasting your life on some one that is not going to change. And he can still be a dad if he wants. but your child will be happier without the fighting

Marcie - posted on 01/03/2010

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I just worry that you used the word abusive. It will not be better for him to have an abusive father than to not have one at all. You have got to think of both of your safety at this point.

Justine - posted on 01/03/2010

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you have to think about your son at this point. is it going to be worse for him to grow up in a "broken home" with a mother who loves him and cares for him, or a home where his parents fight all the time, where his father has no respect for his mother? how will he learn to respect women when the only model he has is a father who cheats on his mother?

Christy - posted on 01/03/2010

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Quoting laura:

eww leave the bastard.. yuck, not a good person at all.. take ur kid and leave.. NOW..


i agree!

Christy - posted on 01/03/2010

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girl i would leave him .

hes just going to keep doing it and doing it!

and i bet you dont want your son seeing you guys fight.

do whats right for you nd yor son!

think about him first.

always fallow your heart. i hope this helps!

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