Child Abuse Risk...Please Help!

Katie - posted on 11/11/2010

I agree that you NEED to contact a lawyer. If you can't afford it, try pre-paid legal...you can look it up on-line and it only cost $17.00 per month and you only keep it as long as you need it! Hope all goes well! Do whatever it takes to keep your children safe!!!

Gigi - posted on 11/11/2010

Chrysalis center for women and children might have some insight on this matter for you.

Phyllis - posted on 11/11/2010

I agree with Laura's post and would just like to add that you need to document everything you can as thoroughly as possible, so that you and any legal reps you have can refer to specific incidents complete with the dates they happened, what you witnessed, or were told by your children etc. Good documentation can be a huge help.

Katherine - posted on 11/11/2010

Yes Faith, good for you for not picking up in a year!! I meant to say that earlier.

Laura - posted on 11/11/2010

You will need legal counsel for this matter. Contact a lawyer as soon as you can. Many communities have organizations that offer free or reduced rate legal services if finances are an issue. Check your phone book, the internet, or even try your local library for additional resources.

Unfortunately CPS WILL have an active role in how all of this is dealt with, so they are NOT out of the question. My advice is to try and work WITH them rather than against them. That means worrying about what it is that YOU can control in this situation. What you can control is you: Continue with whatever treatment/counseling you need. Consider, also, going above and beyond what is minimally required. Taking that extra step will show that you have drive and determination to change your behavior. Missing appointments does NOT help you! You need to not only keep every single one (no excuses!) but arrive a few minutes early. Dress like you are going to a job interview as a CEO of some company; how you dress DOES influence opinions and perceptions of you. That will only help you in the long run! As you go through making the changes neccessary for yourself, CPS will be seeing this and that will have an impact on future considerations regarding your kids and you. While I understand that it is frustrating to feel like you have no control over your life, you need to remember that you do control more if your life than you think. Make those good decisions for you and your kids!

What you can't control is your ex, his wife, your kids, or CPS. You need to understand that and let it go for the time being. Be mindful of how you express your concerns to the case manager--simply saying that you "heard" that the restraining order was violated is difficult to prove and sets up a potential "he said-she said" type situation, especially if you start blaming others. No one wins in that case! Use "I" statements when expressing your concerns to the case manager (which I suggest you do) about things you hear that go on at other locations with your kids. An example would be something like "I heard from my daughter that (fill in name here) was at the house the other day. I cannot prove this, but I it makes me feel concerned (scared, nervous, etc) that this might have happened." This approach works! It allows you to express your thoughts and feelings in a non-threating way which will then allow the case manager to be less defensive and more likely to actually listen to your concerns. You also need to understand that there may be nothing that can be done about this situation immediately; however, by conducting yourself calmly and politely you are more likely to get CPS to pay closer attention to the other living arrangements. This approach will allow you to establish a better working relationship with the case manager and CPS. In the long run this will pay off! I hope some of these tips help and the best of luck to you as you work through this difficult time.

Joy - posted on 11/11/2010

First of all, great job getting clean! Keep up the good work and do whatever you have to do to remain clean. Over a year is something to be proud of! About your kids, if you can't afford an attorney, try legal aid in the town/city/county where you live. It definitely sounds like you need the advice of an attorney though. Most of us on here aren't lawyers and don't know the laws specific to the state and county in which you live. Best of luck to you.

Kate CP - posted on 11/11/2010

Oh, yes. Lets just sit on our butts and hope that God and Jesus will take care of all of our problems instead of going out and doing something to protect our children. Yes, I think that's so much more productive than contacting a lawyer or the case manager's supervisor.

Diane - posted on 11/11/2010

You need some divine intervention - pray, pray, and pray some more for wisdom in the bible in the book of James it tells us to ask for wisdom and it will be given - mother of seven - grandmother of fifteen!!!

Katherine - posted on 11/11/2010

You need to get some help for yourself. I think there are woman's shelter's that can help you. Call them and see. Where do you live?

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2010

This is a matter for lawyers.