co-sleeping...I think I made a mistake!!!!

Tiffany - posted on 07/29/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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my son is now 3 months old and has been sleeping with me since the day he was born! i love sleeping with him but he is totally dependent on it now. he wont fall asleep pretty much unless he is on my chest or right next to me. we have a bassinet for him next to our bed but everytime i put him down he wakes right back up soo mad!! and the thing is is that my husband gets up at 330am to go to work so i try to be suppper quiet so he doesnt get woken up. if it was just me i would try much harder to let him cry for a min or pat his back until he calmed down and fell asleep in his own bed but my husband cant afford to be woken up all night. then i was thinking too if i did get him down in his bassinet he will probably wake up more often in the middle of the night because he doesnt feel me. what should i do!!!!!!!??????

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Geralyn - posted on 07/29/2010

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I am not sure what you expected - did you expect him to be independent by 3 months? That may not be realistic. Its not uncommon for a 3-month old to sleep close to his mother. There are some excellent books on there on co-sleeping that would allow you to better understand co-sleeping and baby sleep patterns as well as the benefits of it for both mom and the baby.

Candice - posted on 07/30/2010

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i coslept with my daughter until she started rolling around and kicking me in her sleep. You have a while to go before that phase. When that started, i started putting her in her own bed after she fell asleep, then before she fell asleep. Heck, i rocked her to sleep until she was almost 2. One day she just said "bed". She sleeps fine in her own bed. Don't worry about it...your baby's still very young to worry about "bad habits".

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Beth - posted on 08/01/2010

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The best thing to do is to train your child to sleep on his own...."train" does not mean it will happen over night. To let your husband sleep, I would recommend sleeping in your living room with the bassinet for a week or so while this is going on-it will make everyone happier! Try to get your son to sleep by placing him asleep in the bassinet-if he wakes, try rubbing his head, back, etc, whatever seems to best soothe him. If it doesn't work, just keep repeating. It may be really tough the first couple of nights, but if you keep with it, it will eventually work. Just try to not get frustrated yourself and make sure you are making up for your own lack of sleep during his napttime during the day. I have four kids and two started off cosleeping because they really seemed to need the extra physical touch. Try to give him extra time during the day (front packs are great) so that it may make the transition easier. Good luck!

Tiffany - posted on 07/31/2010

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thanx for your responses! i really love the closeness that me and my son have. i guess just sometimes i feel like i need a lil space in bed but i think im goin to start putting him in his bassinet during nap times and so he gets used to that but have him sleep with me in bed still at night. i feel like he is much safer when i am right next to him. im not breastfeeding anymore and he only wakes up generally once a night for a feeding and usually goes right back to sleep. thanx again!

Katherine - posted on 07/30/2010

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I have to agree with Aura. Cribs are dangerous, hence the millions of recalls. But of course, that is MY opinion.

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Co-sleeping does not create a dependent child. At 3 months, you should be happy that your baby wants you and gets comfort by your presence. Honestly, I had doubts every now and again about co sleeping, but my daughter is a happy and affectionate one year old. It affirms my choices in raising her. I now have her crib, minus one side, pushed up to my bed so that, if she wakes in the night, she knows she is not alone. There have been plenty of times where she crawled over to me without even waking me up and I LOVE IT!!!

Co sleeping is about as dangerous as putting your child in their crib by themselves. I'm really not speaking out of my ass. I stated that I had doubts about co sleeping. I tried to put my daughter in her crib in her own room. That was when I realized that she could stand. She fussed and cried so much she would slip right between the bars and her mattress. She could have broken a leg! Or worse, she could have suffocated. I tend to feel that co sleeping is safer than that, but to each his own.

Jennifer - posted on 07/30/2010

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I feel you. I coslept with my daughter all the time - many reasons - she would not sleep well (so i was always tired and this way I got more sleep), she was the worse teether ever!, she was sick so much, and the only other rooms were way on other end of the house. But now she just turned 2 and still sleeps with us. She seems to be goin through the monster phase right now and doens't stay sleepin long when either me or my husband are not in bed. BUt still she sometimes sleeps through night but is not a good sleeper and is always restles (but on path to gettin her looked at in that regards).
So u'd think I would want my son (4 months) to be more independent in terms of sleep. He sleeps primarily in his swing, sometimes in his crib, but about 50% of the time he sleeps with me on the couch.
I think I just like the closeness. I don't think there is nothin wrong with it - just transistion them when u feel is right. So if u wanna co-sleep do it - is not horrible although so many people think it is. It does make things harder but is jsut up to you - good luck

Christy - posted on 07/30/2010

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I think it just takes time. I co-slept with my children and they did not like it if I woke up before them when they were younger. They needed to feel me by them as well. It is easier when they get older, because they sleep deeper. They are 5 and 7 now and have no problems sleeping in their own beds. Hang in there!

Katherine - posted on 07/30/2010

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I would get some books. I co-sleep/slept with both of my girls and I just don't have that problem. Think of it this way: They're only little once, seriously.

Maybe get a carrier and carry him so he's close to you and that way he's by you, your arms are free, but your husband can still sleep. Normally mine would nap and go down by themselves. I don't know why..... The thing is, now that you've done it you can't just cut him off cold turkey. That could really mess him up.

Just go to the library and get some books. I like Dr. Sears, there is also another one called The Baby Whisperer and she has some good ideas. Not the CIO part. Are you BF ing?

Amanda - posted on 07/30/2010

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Co sleeping does not cause 6 year olds coming into your room, (parents who dont put their foot down causes that), co sleeping is not a bad habit (though a cd player, tv or anything with noise on it is), it is not dangerous when done correctly.

I would pick up some books about co-sleeping and how to transition your child into their own bed. 3 months to me though is a tad young to start this, since your child will be waking many times a night for feedings still, so why not have them right beside you. Switching them to another bed is much easier when they are sleeping more then 5-7 hours in a row without a feeding.

Renae - posted on 07/30/2010

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He is only 3 months old! You chose to co-sleep for a reason so why stop so young? You only have 2 options, continue to co-sleep, or you need to do some sleep training. That does not necessarily mean letting him cry. You can use a gradual behaviour modification method. However you are best to wait until he is in his own room before you do it, or he will transition his dependance from touching you to you being present in the room.

What you do is put him in the bassinet relaxed and sleepy but still awake. Then pat or jiggle him until he is fast asleep. If he cries, pick him up, calm him right down, and start again. You may have to start over up to 5 times. Do this every time he goes to sleep day and night.
Once he is used to going to sleep this way, stop patting just after he goes to sleep, but is not fast asleep. Again, if he cries when you stop, calm him and start again.
When he is used to that, then next you stop patting just after he closes his eyes but is not yet asleep. Then just as he is about to close his eyes.
Then when his eyes are heavy.
Then when his eyes are glassy and not focusing.
At this point you time how long you are patting for and the next step is to reduce the time by 1 minute at a time.
When you get down to patting for 1 minute, put him in the cot and just stand next to him. The final step is to put him in the cot and stand on the other side of the room.
Then when you can put him down and walk out of the room - mission accomplished!

It will take him 3-5 days to get used to each step and he MUST master each step before you move on to the next step. DO NOT TRY TO SKIP A STEP because you think he is doing so well, it will make him go backwards. You can expect the whole process to take 4-6 weeks. And when you are done, he should also sleep through the night.

Louise - posted on 07/30/2010

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I have never co sleeped as it can cause problems later on. For example my firend has two sons aged nearly 6 and 3 that come into there room most nights disturbing there sleep. The kids end up in their bed and they end up in the kids bed! The transition is going to take about a week but it is one that will set you up for the future. I would introduce a special teddy that your son will associate with sleep or a fleecy blanket that he can snuggle and put him into his own crib let him moan it is a big change for him. He will learn to sleep on his own but it will take about three nights. Once he has learnt to sleep in his own bed then take the bed to the nursery. Having good sleeping habits early will pay dividends in the future.

Bree - posted on 07/29/2010

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At 3 months old we transitioned our daughter to a "co-sleeper" next to the bed. I always nursed her to sleep, so would put her into the co-sleeper asleep and when she woke up would give her a pacifier and rub her chest. That did the trick the majority of the time, but it did take about 3 days for her to adjust. She is now 10 months old, and in her own crib and in her own room. We started that transition about two months ago. I think the key is to find what soothes your son best.

Erin - posted on 07/29/2010

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i had the same problem, u jus have 2 keep persisting with him goin in2 his bassinet or cot (easier than it sound lol), i did this with my daughter, it took her about a month or two 2 get used to being in her cot but its so worth it in the end, and now she is in her own bed instead of the cot so its workd out good. goodluck :)

Casey - posted on 07/29/2010

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I've never been a fan of co-sleeping I think it just creates another bad habbit not to mention how dangerous it is, but honestly there is no easy way of getting him out of that bad habbit now that his stuck on it cause he doesn't know any different.
I would have a look around for one of those teddy bears that has a heart beat and put that in bed with him, and maybe take one of his little blankets to bed with you everynight so that he always has a blanket with your smell on it which might help to comfort him. Have you considered putting him in his own room and maybe getting a cheap cd player and playing some soothing lullabies on it during the night to help him stay calm (this has always helped my son sleep).
It's not going to be easy to get him out of this habit but the sooner you start the better off you will all be and unfortunately for hubby his going to have to wear ear plugs to bed for a while lol.

Dianne - posted on 07/29/2010

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hi i had problems getting my lil man to sleep (and still sort of do) but when he was really bad my boyfriend shifted to the spare bedroom a couple nights a week to make sure he got some sleep as the baby was in our room in his bassinette, this only went on for a couple weeks but it made it a lot easier to get along and he had enough energy to give me a break in the morning (or arvo for you)
to start with he will wake up more without you there but if you stick to your plan to get him in his own bed he will learn new sleep cues (which you are at the moment) although its super tough on us as well

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