Anna - posted on 09/08/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am a Swedish mom who have lived in the US for ten years, and am married to an American man. I joined this community two years ago when our second child was born. I know from experience that there's so many smart, compassionate, down to earth mama's in the US that I hoped to share and learn from and with, in this community.
Now I'm leaving this community because there's to many violent opinions here!
I had never in my wildest imagination guessed how many of you that actually not only hit your kids, but think that it's ok, and even a good thing to do!
I'm shocked and outraged and can't trust anything that comes out of a crowd this violent! All kinds of threads about "spanking in love" (only place for that is, maybe!, in the bedroom between two consenting adults...), tapping babies fingers etc upset me to no end and brought me to this decision.
In Sweden, as well as more than 25 other countries around the world, hitting, spanking, tapping,pushing, all kinds of physical and emotional violence is ILLEGAL and that's for a reason.
Our crime rate here is waaaay below yours and people are more peaceful towards one another. Just look at how obsessed with violence your country is and think about it. It starts with a tap on the hand of a 6-month old and continues with nuclear weapons on an international scale.
We chose to raise our children with love and compassion and don't do things to them that we wouldn't want done to ourselves. We don't use time outs, we find better ways to set boundaries and keep our kids safe. There's no room for discipline in modern and loving child rearing.
When I'm at the end of my rope I simply just leave, take some deep breaths and come back when I'm ready to listen to my child.
The Danish child psychologist Jesper Juul has some very good advice on how to relate in a good, democratic way with our children, still setting boundaries and keeping them safe, but not disciplining them or making them scared or obedient. The book "Your competent child" should be mandatory reading for all parents everywhere.
Just my humble opinion.
Thanks but no thanks to violence and mom's and dad's justifying violence.
we're all better than this!