9 month old controlled crying/ CIO, what are you experiences?

Anne - posted on 09/01/2009

Good Night Sleep Tight- is a great book.

Mallory - posted on 08/31/2009

I have utilized the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Weisbluth. He is an advocate for CIO and explains why (better than I can). We have had to do this a couple times with my 7.5 month old. He will be in pain from teething or a growth spurt and we get in the habit of night waking and consoling again. My ultimate rule though is to know he is fed, no poop in diaper and not sick or teething. When we have done CIO in the past (at bedtime) I ensured he was sleepy, did our bedtime routine, put him in bed and shut the door. It only made my son more upset if I went in and rubbed his back. He stands up in his bed now, but after about three nights at bedtime and during the night we were back to an easy bedtime routine and sleeping through the night. My other advice for controlled crying with your 9 month old is consistency.

Kathi - posted on 08/31/2009

If you want to try it, I really recommend a book by Kim West called "Good Night, Sleep Tight". You can read more about her at www.sleeplady.com. While there may be some tears involved, it is more gentle than CIO or controlled crying. The reason it works, is that her method teaches the child to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep without sleep crutches such as patting or rubbing. My daughter was BF and refused to sleep through the night or fall asleep without nursing. At 16 months of minimal sleep, we had all had enough. After using this method, she was sleeping 11+ hours straight through and taking a 2+hour nap during the day and all within 8 -10 days of starting the program. We have been though illnesses, teething, enviromental changes etc. without disruption to her sleep. She will be 2 later this month and is sleeping wonderfully and often times will actually tell us "sleepy..go to bed please." She also likes to "pick" who gets to put her to bed. So it's nice for everyone in the family (sometimes her 11 year old big brother gets "picked" and puts her to bed with supervision). Please, please.. check out the book.

Marcie - posted on 08/31/2009

The role of a parent is a most challenging one, and one which every parent must make crutial decisions. No parent is perfect and does everything 'just right'. If there were only one method to help babies sleep well this discussion would not have started. I think that it needs to be prefaced that the cry it out methods should not be initiated before the child has reached a more mature sleep pattern which begins to shape at about 4 months of age. Before this shift in sleep cycles to a more mature pattern the cry it out methods do no justice. The cry it out methods as outlined by Dr Marc Weisbleuth are based on the fact that sleep patterns and problems change with age. Each age range has its own set of difficulties. During REM sleep the brain and body experience the most growth and development. These stages are not reached if the child is allowed to fall asleep in a parent's arms or while in motion (i.e. in a stroller, car, or baby swing). Dr Weissbleuth considers the baby's temperment as a crutial part of understanding how to help an individual child develop healthy sleep habits. He says that if your child is nursed to sleep, and/or needs singing and rocking by all means use what methods that you have available to you to calm your baby in preparation for sleep. His focus is more for babies that lack a wealth of resources to calm in preparation for sleep. He does not strictly tell parents that they must chose his method over that of another. He simply states that cry it out may be an option for parents with difficult children especially, who have difficult temperments. Sleep strategies recommended are based upon the parent's impression of their child's temperment. He stresses regularity of sleep patterns (night time routines, etc) to help the child develop helathy sleep and thus positively affecting physical and mental development. Another point is that well rested children develop better, and that we as parents must help them to develop in this way just as we would not allow them to run into the street or eat an unhealthy diet. I found the book (Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child) helpful, but if would have been easier to read before my daughter was born as it is lengthy and covers sleep of newborns to adolescents. It describes the sleep cycles and how they mature over time.
Thank you Jamie for providing articles which to read. They are informative, but also need to be considered scientifically as to their overall relevance. It is that one must remember that correlation of two events do not always mean that one even causes the other (if we are scientists). Also when considering human psychological studies any scientist may do his or her best to control all of the variables in the situation, but is unable to exclude all potential things that may additionally influence the behavior that is being studied (sleep). The first study where the Gusii moms were appalled at the response time of the mothers as observed on video tapes would also probably be appalled at the fact that many people put their children in day care in Westernized cultures. It is just that a cultural difference. Culture can change over time, so Westernized culture could move back to 100% on demand parenting and the family bed (co-sleeping) for all children into early adolescence (which I do not think is popular in most Westernized culture to have 12year olds sleeping with their parents), but to say that not immediately responding to your child is appalling based on mothers of a different culture is a strange way of evaluating sleep methods. This speaks more to the cultural standards than anything else.
In the second referred article one must dig a little deeper for children who do not fit into the category for which sleep comes easily. Though Dr. Sears advocates a 'natural parenting' method which works for many families, one must consider that in this method co-sleeping is highly recommended; co-sleeping is not necessary to allow the baby to breastfeed when they want to. I breast feed on demand and do not currently co-sleep. I tried co-sleeping which did not allow my husband to sleep deeply as he was afraid of rolling onto our daughter and hurting her. Since he is a doctor and has seen infants injured and even killed by parents rolling onto them in the night he felt opposed to co-sleeping. I tried co-sleeping in another bed with our daughter and also found that I didn't sleep soundly, which didn't help in the problem of helping our daughter sleep either, and left me exhausted. Aside from the overall issue of whether co-sleeping works for individual parents what I felt was missing from this theory of sleep and parenting is consideration of the child's temperment and age different sleep patterns of children. Some children are happy to co-sleep and some do not mind sleeping in their own bed, so it appears to depend on the child. We must remember that at intervals the brain sleep cycles change and mature into more 'adult like patterns' over time (between about 4 months and 6 months, again between 9 and 12 months, and then other developments throughout toddlerhood), which is not thoroughly discussed. Babies at different ages have different sleep cycles. I am not saying that one should expect a baby to sleep 12 hours uninterrupted, but to understand the clinical significance of each sleep stage at a given age must be considered if you consider your opinion to be 'backed up scientifically'. What does Dr Sears say when this 'natural parenting' fails: use a prescription choral hydrate to knock out your child! DRUGS!? I though the idea was to help the child sleep? Drugs do nothing to help a natural sleep cycle, in fact they impede normal sleep and REM sleep. There is more to health sleep habits than not having a child wake at night or feed at night.
The LLL page concludes that there isn't a definitive answer to end sleep problems, and that attendance to your child's needs is fundamental. It is suggested to try gentle methods. They do not say where to draw the line on this. If a mother is changing the child, feeding the child as needed (on demand), providing exposure to natural light, providing the baby with age appropriate exercise, etc where do we consider that the child has been neglected if cry it out methods do NOT state explicitly that you should never attend to your babies cries, but this method is recommending that you should attend to your babies cries and be in tune with the child's need to be fed, cared for, changed, etc which parallels the sentiment of the LLLI article but in a slightly different perspective.
The No Cry Sleep solution is more about integrating your child's needs with your need for your child to sleep. It is a beautiful theory that works for some babies, but not all babies. From my personal experience my daughter did not take a pacifier, and did not accept the gentle removal of my nipple from her mouth. It made her cry despirately, despite my best efforts. If you remove the only method the child has to calm him or herself with of course they may cry! Is it then also the recommendation that a mother should never sleep at the mercy of her child for fear of the child crying? Do parents honestly believe that their child will escape childhood without crying? What amount of crying is acceptable? Not giving a child candy, etc will this also scar my child for life? I hope sincerely that this method works for moms out there though as it has a nice theory, but babies do cry. It is a parent's job to figure out what the cry means (feed her, change her, hold her or not to do something) and respond in a way they feel is appropriate. If a child later in life has a tantrum and there is no way to stop the tantrum aside from giving in to the demand of the child what stance do we then take? A child/baby learns from action and response. Would you tell a mother not to go pee as her child is crying? Would you tell a mother whose child cries a lot not to take a shower to relax to return in a short interval to be a better mother for having taken a shower? What amount of crying is acceptable to those who disagree with cry it out sleep solutions? In what circumstances it it acceptable for a child to cry?
As for Parenting Freedom I do not wish to comment. Although myself a christian I think that people can separate religion from this issue, as that could spark an awful discussion that is not necessary at this point. These two issues could be separated for a clearer exchange of ideas.

Avi - posted on 08/30/2009

I read your blog, Osnat, its is very funny. :) Last night (second night) he cried for 1 hour 15 mins again, only to quiet down when I go in to pat him. He did decide to stay quiet after that time. This crying seems to be only in the middle of the nigth for the last few days. He has been easy to settle for naps and easy to settle after his bath and feed and story at 7:30. Hopefully tonight a little less crying and more sleeping.

Jamie - posted on 08/30/2009

If it is making you cry too, why are you still doing it? Sounds like your heart is telling you it's not right for you.

Jamie - posted on 08/30/2009

There is no research on long term effects except this... http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages... which is enough for me. Heres more good info http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou... . I've never done it. I could never stomach it. I hate crying, so why would I force it on my child? I have many friends who have done it and have to do it over and over and over again. It's not a one-time solution. There children still have sleep issues. It will not make everything go away. I would strongly urge you to try another solution. Here are some great tips...

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct05p204a.h...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100...
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0...
http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-out/

Marcie - posted on 08/30/2009

PS sorry to hear about the separation anxiety, which I'm sure doesn't help the situation of going to sleep by himself.

Marcie - posted on 08/30/2009

It was so difficult as a mother to go through this. I imagined crying and not having a perfect baby, but I also imagined that holding my baby and singing to her would stop her from crying...didn't work like that. Ella was amazing and a beautiful baby, but she was never easily soothed. It was difficult but we did the strict cry it out as she cried very hard and didn't slow down even when we came in the room to reassure her. She slowed slightly with my husband as she probably didn't expect him to feed her. She cried continually no matter if we came in, patted, picked up, etc. The only time she stopped crying was when I breastfed her and laid down with her. Colic was done at this point so we knew she was ok. I was beside myself as my husband and I had argued about even trying cry it out a few days before I gave in and decided that we needed to change, then to decide the even harder route of cry it out. It was a bit overwhelming with controlled crying to sit there and pat her while she was crying knowing that it would soon be time to leave the room and let her work herself up again. I think that overall it was actually slightly easier not to stand there and watch her cry, of course easier from a selfish standpoint. We left the door open and heard all of it. Ella had no sleep habits at this point (nap or night time). We decided I would read two little books, we would both say goodnight to her, I would nurse her and then put her down. I was a bit overtired so I had the bad habit of nursing her to sleep with me on the couch during the day too. We decided to commit to it together and concentrate on night time sleep first and not change everything all at once, then change naps once night sleep was 'fixed'. She cried for an average hour for a couple weeks. The first couple times were about an hour and a half. They were difficult but these were the first times I was able to eat a meal without her attached to my breast! It was slowly decreasing each night though. The fact that the time was decreasing was slowly encouraging too. They say that this type of training shouldn't start before 4 months as the sleep patterns aren't developed enough to support any type of crying solution (CIO or controlled crying). Night time with strict cry it out has no time limit on crying periods, that you shouldn't enter the room unless you think the baby needs a change (poop which you can usually smell from the door). Then if the baby wakes in the middle of the night you can go to him to feed him and then promptly put him back to bed. She only cried a couple times after a 3 am feeding then went back to the bed without tears. The real hurdle for us was the initial putting her to sleep by herself. In the beginning months it was the opposite, but that was a less mature sleep pattern at work (at 4 months the sleep patterns of the brain begin to mature). Then after we tackled night time sleep daytime naps got better. There wasn't nearly as much crying for day time naps. The cry it out method that I was aware of though said that day time crying shouldn't go on for more than an hour; at that point you go to the baby comfort, feed and play until the next time the baby is tired and ready for a nap. It was also written that night sleep can have a big influence on day nap establishment. One thing that became clear was that Ella would now rub her eyes when she was ready to sleep, and the stuff I read said to follow her sleep cues. It was hard with the colic as she cried despirately all the time (no distinction between types of cries) with no eye rubbing and endless nursing. I was initially cynical about cry it out until I was in this situation. I don't particularly blame anyone who thinks it is awful, as it seems awful.All I know is that Ella is one of the most sociable and happy babies we know. If we hadn't done it and done it consistently she'd still be a grump and me a zombie. The book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child is long but covers all kinds of sleep problems and solutions (cry it out, controlled crying, etc). The studies take into account the temperment of the child as well. Speaking of bedtime it is time for a bath, story, and bedtime! Chat with you soon!

Osnat - posted on 08/30/2009

That's what I think about it http://maaslife.blogspot.com/2009/07/con...

Avi - posted on 08/30/2009

He has also been having lots of separation anxiety during the day. Today he has been especially clingy onto me. Even my husband cannot sooth him. I can't even go and have a shower without screaming. I donno if its because of the crying that we have done, or if he is just not used to my husband looking after him. I dunno if controlled crying for my 9 month old isn't working because we are at the peak of separation anxiety or what....

Avi - posted on 08/30/2009

Thanx for the contributions. Again, I appreciate some mums believe CIO is wrong but I hope this discussion is for sharing the experiences, rather than telling other mums off for doing this.



Marcie, when you let Ella cry it out, how long did she cry for? How many nights did it take for it to work?



I don't know if he is now smarter at 9 months compared to last time at 6 months, but this time, when I leave the room, the cries doesn't seem to slow down at all. He would cry all of the 7 mins interval that I leave room. (I do maximum 7 mins, rather than 10 that I am suppose to, I think its long enough). He would only slow down when I pat him. Then he would start the same intensity scream again. I know he is not really distressed crying, he is only yelling for attention.I do find it very difficult to not go in all together. ATM, he has been crying for almost 1 hour, this is the second night of strictly controlled crying for my 9 month old.

Tara - posted on 08/30/2009

I definitely agree with Marcie - you do your child and yourself absolutely no good if you are a walking zombie from lack of sleep - you are actually more dangerous to your child and yourself if you are not functional because you haven't been sleeping. As for responding to your child every time they cry or act up you learn very quickly when your child is crying from fear, hurt, anger, etc. If they are crying just because they are angry then you would react differently than if they were crying because of fear/hurt, etc. It will not hurt them to learn that they will not get their way if they are doing something that is wrong or dangerous.

As for people saying it will harm your relationship with your children... I don't really believe that is true, although in some cases that may be how it seems to a person. My daughter never reacted poorly or negatively to CIO and now she says "night-night mama" and runs to lay down for her nap, or says "night-night" and asks for her blanket and her "baby" at night-time and is nothing but smiles for both her father and I whether we are laying her down or getting her up. In the end everyone has to choose what works for them and their children.

. - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Marcie:

I am sorry for those that cannot imagine a situation in which you could walk out of the room and feel any degree of ok for letting a child cry, as not everything works for everyone. I was breastfeeding 19 times a day, not because she was hungry, but because that was the only thing that soothed my daughter. At night I would wake to her crying and lift the blanket and be surprised that she wasn't attached to my breast (one of the few clear memories I have of this period). In addition to colic she had reflux which was probably not helped by the constant nursing, but she would scream if I didn't let her nurse. She would nurse to sleep but wake the instant I put her in the bassinet, only to nurse some more and fall asleep in my arms and wake again as soon as we moved. I then moved to co sleeping which destroyed what little sleep I was getting, frustrated my husband (as he could see how much of a zombie I was) and made her hate her bassinet. I'm glad that she didn't want a pacifier to soothe, but I didn't feel like no one sleeping was an answer to help us. My husbadn helped walk her around for an hour and changed her diaper so I could get my hour of sleep every night that i could be sure to get. For my personal situation letting her cry was the only thing that worked as the controlled crying made her cry more, longer, and had no results. There are a small percentage of babies (those with the most difficult colic and personalities) for which controlled crying will not get results (if you read the scientific studies). It depends on the child and on your consistency as a parent. When we reach he terrible twos and tantrums she might cry again in the future when she doesn't get everything her way, especially the things that are dangerous for her that she won't understand. I won't feel like a bad mom for saying no or for not letting her run in the middle of the street and having her cry then. There are a few moms out there who have no other options in a difficult situation and I wanted to share my experience. I know how horrible it sounds for those of you who disagree, but it is easy to say what you think is right when you have an easier child. However hard it was at the time, my daughter smiles every morning and doesn't hate her crib and doesn't cry when I put her down. She still occasionally wakes once a night at which time I promptly respond and feed her, and feed on demand nursing throughout the day (whenever she wants). Letting her cry when I put her to bed initally doesn't mean that I never respond to her day or night. For those moms out there for whom nothing else works I just want to say that you're not a bad mom for taking the last resort to sleep and sanity. It the end consistency with whatever you do is the real key to success, whatever method you choose.

Wow! I really feel for you and what you had to go through!

My son was never breastfeed but bottlefeed (due to severly inverted nipples). There was a period of a few months where he would wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to go back to sleep. I would hold him until he was asleep and put him back into his cot. The second his head touched the mattress, he was awake again and crying. I then found that I had to hold him until he was in a deep sleep- that took hours as he would wake him self up to make sure I was still holding him. He became reliant on me to do that so he go to sleep.

What would make it worse was my sd would come to stay every second weekend and one day during the week everysecond week (we would drop her off to preschool the next day), and when she was here, he refused to sleep. We would put him down around 7.30pm only for him to wakeup again at 11.30pm and would put up a fight until 3am then finally go back to sleep. We live in a two bedroom over 60's unit so they share a room. He wasn't hungry as he was always given bottles etc and clean nappy.

He also refuses to have a nap during the day.

So I rang Plunket for advise and they recommended controlled crying. It was bloody hard but after three nights (we did it on a week that sd wasn't staying) it stopped. My son is now 14months.

We have had sd stay here since may-june. During this time that she has stayed, our son, has only slept through 3 nights (excluding last night), those nights he slept throgh, sd has woken due to nightmares.

Marcie - posted on 08/30/2009

I am sorry for those that cannot imagine a situation in which you could walk out of the room and feel any degree of ok for letting a child cry, as not everything works for everyone. I was breastfeeding 19 times a day, not because she was hungry, but because that was the only thing that soothed my daughter. At night I would wake to her crying and lift the blanket and be surprised that she wasn't attached to my breast (one of the few clear memories I have of this period). In addition to colic she had reflux which was probably not helped by the constant nursing, but she would scream if I didn't let her nurse. She would nurse to sleep but wake the instant I put her in the bassinet, only to nurse some more and fall asleep in my arms and wake again as soon as we moved. I then moved to co sleeping which destroyed what little sleep I was getting, frustrated my husband (as he could see how much of a zombie I was) and made her hate her bassinet. I'm glad that she didn't want a pacifier to soothe, but I didn't feel like no one sleeping was an answer to help us. My husbadn helped walk her around for an hour and changed her diaper so I could get my hour of sleep every night that i could be sure to get. For my personal situation letting her cry was the only thing that worked as the controlled crying made her cry more, longer, and had no results. There are a small percentage of babies (those with the most difficult colic and personalities) for which controlled crying will not get results (if you read the scientific studies). It depends on the child and on your consistency as a parent. When we reach he terrible twos and tantrums she might cry again in the future when she doesn't get everything her way, especially the things that are dangerous for her that she won't understand. I won't feel like a bad mom for saying no or for not letting her run in the middle of the street and having her cry then. There are a few moms out there who have no other options in a difficult situation and I wanted to share my experience. I know how horrible it sounds for those of you who disagree, but it is easy to say what you think is right when you have an easier child. However hard it was at the time, my daughter smiles every morning and doesn't hate her crib and doesn't cry when I put her down. She still occasionally wakes once a night at which time I promptly respond and feed her, and feed on demand nursing throughout the day (whenever she wants). Letting her cry when I put her to bed initally doesn't mean that I never respond to her day or night. For those moms out there for whom nothing else works I just want to say that you're not a bad mom for taking the last resort to sleep and sanity. It the end consistency with whatever you do is the real key to success, whatever method you choose.

Tara - posted on 08/30/2009

It IS really tough. I have had crying episodes listening to my daughter (even for a few seconds) but consistency is really key for anything like this - same with tantrums - she would cry if told "no", but both my husband and I were really consistent and she stopped doing it. Now if we tell her NO and it makes her angry she'll slap the table or the couch to let us know she's angry, but will do as she is told :)

I do have to say I have found being consistent to be more difficult while pregnant because I'm all hormonal and emotional, but consistency is everything regardless of what you are trying to do - potty training, teaching them boundaries ("no you may not stick the electrical cord in your mouth" or "we don't bite people" for example), teaching them that night-time is for sleeping. etc. You will definitely find that interruptions in routine (teething, sickness, travel) will affect things, but if you are (and have been) consistent, your baby will fall back into their regular routine more quickly each time.

. - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Stacey:

i wasnt saying it was i meant to put a question mark at the end of what i said sorry for the confusion

Thats okay, I just happened to take it another way. I do appologies for making assumptions

Stacey - posted on 08/30/2009

i wasnt saying it was i meant to put a question mark at the end of what i said sorry for the confusion

. - posted on 08/30/2009

CIO is not child abuse! I have had Plunket (post natal care here in New Zealand) tell me it is not child abuse!

I informed a nurse who I was asking advise about CIO to, about these threads, and she assured me that if it was in any way damaging children then by no means would they recommend this.



I do believe the OP was asking for support-was she not?

Stacey - posted on 08/30/2009

so i had a friend who tried this controlled crying method just to have childrens aid show up on her doorstep and tell her it was a form of child abuse she had only let her child cry for half an hour?

Kym - posted on 08/30/2009

i too dont agree with shutting the door and letting the baby cry itself too sleep..

Kym - posted on 08/30/2009

hi my husband and i were too soft to try controlled crying, but we wish we had since now my son is 2.5 yrs old and we have to lay with him to go to sleep and have been doing this from day 1. sometimes I will be in his room for 1-2hrs...and it does my head in. the other bad habbit we did with him was drive him around in the day to get too sleep, another mistake...so i am pregnant again and we will do controlled crying. your intervals sound good, but i coulnt stand him crying for 1.5hrs.

all the best

Marcie - posted on 08/30/2009

Everyone has what they consider to be 'right and wrong'. Whatever method you chose the most important thing is consistency. If you go back and forth between on demand parenting, controlled crying, and cry it out you can be assured that the baby will be confused and unsettled. Don't do anything that you can't follow through on consistently.I know moms who have chosen to be on demand all night and sleep with their children who have children who are emotionally insecure and don't sleep well and have disturbed sleep at 12 years old, but that their other children sleep perfectly following the exact same parenting style and approach used with both children! Unfortunately how our children sleep is a part of their personality that we cannot control. As for the thought that a child gives up on you as a parent that it your interpretation of the situation. How is it that a child gives up on the mother when they wake with a smile and string of babbling and sleep perfectly after sleep training? It is a personal interpretation for everyone (yet somehow a very judgemental interpretation).

. - posted on 08/30/2009

Quoting Delicia:

Eventually they will give up on you...

The OP was asking for support!

Anita - posted on 08/30/2009

hi zowie..controlled crying is a form or crying it out....there are differnt variations to it...some say let the baby cry until they fall asleep, others would go in at 5min intervals, 10 min intervals 15min or longer....doing controlled crying i ver heartbreaking becos som variations doesnt even allow u o comfort your baby:(



Anyways..not all babies are the same..and some methods work well and others dont...but if i do have more kids i would not use this methd ever...not a very good feeling...

Anita - posted on 08/30/2009

depending on the childs age there are 3 methods u use either on its own or a combination of two or all three..

1.shhh / pat method

2.pu / pd (pick up / put down)

3. wi / wo (walk in / walk out)



There are lil steps you take when u do these methods...when you do start u dn actualy leave the room..u would sit by the bed and take further steps twards the door until, eventually your out the door...if you havent don Controlled crying on ur child b4 u try the wi/wo method it s actually easier...if you've read "the babywhisprer" you will cme across this method...

Stacey - posted on 08/30/2009

I also tried controlled crying even though I didn't like the idea (i was desperate), but I couldn't commit to it, he would just work himself up so much & it was very stressful. What I reccommend is that you get your hands on a book, I used 'Save our sleep' by Tizzie Hall, but there are others around that may have the same principles. It explains how to teach your child to self-settle, it does involve some letting your baby cry, but different to control crying. It also explains the different things that affect sleep and suggests routines which really do assist in helping your baby sleep. I tried this method with my son when he was about 10 months, and waking every 2 hrs through the night. Within a few days, a week at the most, he was putting himself to sleep within around 5 mins or less (at 7pm) and sleeping through til 7am. He was also putting himself to sleep for 2 naps during the day. I also found that once he was sleeping better, he was a MUCH happier baby, and the routines take a lot of the guess work out of your day.

Lydia - posted on 08/30/2009

I've had to use it occassionally - but it only works until the next thing unsettles her (teething/illness/growth spurt). Once she finds her routine she is fine again but when its broken I used the intermitent visits (though if shes REALLY upset I pick her up until she settles) but on thoseinconsolable occassions (where she just isnt interested in being comforted) then I just let her CIO - fortunately I have only ever had to do this a couple of times! However if she is still going after about 20 minutes I stick her in her chair in front of the TV and try again once she settles. Good Luck to you.

Delicia - posted on 08/30/2009

Eventually they will give up on you...

Marcie - posted on 08/30/2009

Controlled crying by the research takes longer and is lasts for less time. It can be disrupted by inconsistency and changes (i.e. teething, travel, sickness). It requires a lot of work and consistency to be carried through. I read a lot on sleep patterns in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It is a good book, but long (as it covers the spectrum of children's sleep through adolescence). It is hard to do, as it is one of the most difficult things to hear your child cry. Ella had colic and woke frequently during the night. Even after colic she wanted to wake and eat a little and suck to soothe herself. With colic we had a hard time reading her knowing when she was sleepy versus hungry. I was losing so much sleep as she couldn't soothe herself at all. To be honest controlled crying made her cry longer and harder when we were in the room and didn't pick her up. She wouldn't take a pacifier and didn't know how to soothe herself without sucking at the breast for a while. It sounds cruel but we did the cry it out solution, which also took time (over an hour at the beginning then down to 20 minutes, then occasionally a few minutes not every night, now no crying at all). I know that most of the moms that read this will think that I am absolutely cruel and heartless, but it worked for us. She wakes with a smile every morning and babbling away to herself, and gives me a big lick (her baby kiss) when I go to pick her up now. Now she sleeps like an angel (not always as long as we would like sometimes as she was up at 5 and 630 in the morning a lot, but she sleeps much better overall and doesn't cry at all when I put her down for the night or naps). I would highly suggest Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child to anyone (if you have time to read it), and then decide which method fits you and your baby, as not everyone feels the same or that every technique works the same for everyone. Speak of the devil she just woke from a nap now! Good luck and happy reading!

Tracie - posted on 08/29/2009

when my son was 8 months we decided to do the use the controlled crying method and i couldn't stand it! so my husband would send me out of the house, to run any errands that i could and would let our son cry it out. he'd check on him every 10 minutes for an hour then only go back in the room if our son sounded like he was getting worked up enough to make himself sick, i.e. excessive snotty sounding cry. it only took a week and he's slept like a rock for the last five years. we did the same with our daughter, except i stayed home and helped out. it took almost a month for her to settle down into a night time routine and she still sleeps with her door cracked open, but it worked! i think that if you can figure out a way to stick it out through the fussing, that this method is well worth it...

Avi - posted on 08/29/2009

Controlled crying is a form of cry it out. Except, I do go in. I put him down, then I pat him until he calms down. If he is frantic, and would not calm down, I would leave also. I then leave for 2 mins, then go in and pat his back and tell him its time to sleep, night night. Then I would leave for 4 mins. Then 6, 8 and 10 mins etc. Sometimes he falls asleep after he calms down when i pat him, sometimes he cries until he falls asleep. That's controlled crying.

Zowie - posted on 08/29/2009

im sorry but i dont know what you mean by controlled crying... is that when you just let your baby cry till they fall asleep... ?

Lindsay - posted on 08/29/2009

I always gave them 15 minutes and set the timer so I wouldn't go in there before. If they are still crying when the timer went off, I'd go in and rub their back until they calmed down and walk back out and reset the timer. My kids were usually asleep within the first five minutes so I didn't have to go in and soothe too much but the few times we did, we would just go in and calm them down and repeat as much as necessary. Good luck using controlled crying for your 9 month old and I hope things get easier for you and your little one! =)

Avi - posted on 08/29/2009

Please elaborate on pu/pd and wi/wo methods.

Anita - posted on 08/29/2009

I tried controlled on my lil one before he was one and it backfired on us..it relly depends on the baby bcos it doesnt always work...and I believe it also depends on he age of the child too...at around 13mths we decided to do pu/pd and wi/wo method which worked wonders for us and we only allowed our little one to cry for no more than 20 seconds ...it does take time but in thelong run he wil sleep better and doesnt feel as if he's lef alone or doing on his own....

Avi - posted on 08/29/2009

Thanx. I will persist. I tell you, this does not get any easier at all, even though I have done it before and have succeeded. I had a crying episode listening to my baby cry yesterday. I will have to keep telling myself to keep going.

Tara - posted on 08/29/2009

The controlled crying worked for us. My daughter took the longer crying path, but it stopped after a couple of nights, as long as we were consistent with the intervals and made sure she was fed, dry, comforted, etc. She only cried for lengthy intervals when we first did the controlled crying, now she'll sometimes fuss a minute or two but goes right to sleep. We did the CIO when she was 11 months as nothing else had worked for us up to that point, and she's 17 months now and has slept beautifully for us since then unless she's sick.

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2009

p.s. Crying doesn't hurt them

Jodi - posted on 08/29/2009

It usually works. Just hang in there. Sometimes it can take up to a week of sleepless nights but it is usually worth it in the long run. Better than months without sleep!

Tomii - posted on 08/29/2009

I did a little bit of the controlled crying or letting my daughter cry it out, and it seems to work. I started out with 15 minutes and would just set my watch, sometimes I would let her cry for as long as 45 min, but not really longer than that. My thoughts were always that she wasn't tired enough or hadn't had enough cuddling so I would try again in a half hour or hour. Now though, at 16 months, I can lay her down and she will suck her thumb and just look at me as I leave the room. But, we also have a short routine, diaper change, put on PJs, read a book, and say prayers, after that she gives me kisses and goes right down. But, we used to kiss four or five stuffed animals and lay them in her crib first which helped her know that it was ok to go to sleep. Good luck!

Mallory - posted on 08/31/2009

I have utilized the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Weisbluth. He is an advocate for CIO and explains why (better than I can). We have had to do this a couple times with my 7.5 month old. He will be in pain from teething or a growth spurt and we get in the habit of night waking and consoling again. My ultimate rule though is to know he is fed, no poop in diaper and not sick or teething. When we have done CIO in the past (at bedtime) I ensured he was sleepy, did our bedtime routine, put him in bed and shut the door. It only made my son more upset if I went in and rubbed his back. He stands up in his bed now, but after about three nights at bedtime and during the night we were back to an easy bedtime routine and sleeping through the night. My other advice for controlled crying with your 9 month old is consistency.

Avi - posted on 08/30/2009

He has also been having lots of separation anxiety during the day. Today he has been especially clingy onto me. Even my husband cannot sooth him. I can't even go and have a shower without screaming. I donno if its because of the crying that we have done, or if he is just not used to my husband looking after him. I dunno if controlled crying for my 9 month old isn't working because we are at the peak of separation anxiety or what....

Avi - posted on 08/30/2009

Thanx for the contributions. Again, I appreciate some mums believe CIO is wrong but I hope this discussion is for sharing the experiences, rather than telling other mums off for doing this.



Marcie, when you let Ella cry it out, how long did she cry for? How many nights did it take for it to work?



I don't know if he is now smarter at 9 months compared to last time at 6 months, but this time, when I leave the room, the cries doesn't seem to slow down at all. He would cry all of the 7 mins interval that I leave room. (I do maximum 7 mins, rather than 10 that I am suppose to, I think its long enough). He would only slow down when I pat him. Then he would start the same intensity scream again. I know he is not really distressed crying, he is only yelling for attention.I do find it very difficult to not go in all together. ATM, he has been crying for almost 1 hour, this is the second night of strictly controlled crying for my 9 month old.

Lindsay - posted on 08/29/2009

I always gave them 15 minutes and set the timer so I wouldn't go in there before. If they are still crying when the timer went off, I'd go in and rub their back until they calmed down and walk back out and reset the timer. My kids were usually asleep within the first five minutes so I didn't have to go in and soothe too much but the few times we did, we would just go in and calm them down and repeat as much as necessary. Good luck using controlled crying for your 9 month old and I hope things get easier for you and your little one! =)