controlling grandparents

Helen - posted on 07/14/2013 ( 174 moms have responded )

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I am a mum to twin 8 year old boys. I work full time and my mum and dad look after my children whilst my partner and i work and have done since the boys were 9 months old. Problem being they are too controlling they dictate to my partner and i what we should and shouldnt be doing this even goes as far as to where we choose to holiday. If once every couple of months i have a night out with work colleagues whilst my partner stays at home with the children my parents tell me how disgraceful i am not to want to spend every spare minute with my kids edpecially as i work full time. Its causing problems between my partner and i too as hes getting fed up of the constant interfering. Ive tried talking to them but they cannot see that they are in the wrong and it usually ends up in an argument. I feel trapped and dont know what to do as i cant afford to give up work and dont want to either as i love my job. I cant afford a child minder either.yesterday my partner stood up to my parents and now they say he isnt welcome in their house and they will never speak to him again. Feeling totally fed up and unhappy. Has anyone got a similar problem andhow are you coping with it.

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Sarah - posted on 07/16/2013

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I had a similar situation with my mother. I tried EVERYTHING to attempt to communicate with her that she needed to let me be the parent. She also watched my son while I worked full time and went to school. I eventually had to bite the bullet and find other forms of care for my son while I work. I had to make some changes financially to cover the difference but we are all happier because of it. I finally have a parental relationship with my child, a better relationship with my partner and ultimately my son has a better relationship with my mother because she can now take on the full time role as a grandparent and not a caregiver. I also stopped communicating non-essential information. This way I am left to make my own decisions and parent the way I see fit. They can't comment on what they don't know about. It was a tough move at first emotionally and financially but it has been a little over a year now and all parties involved are doing just fine. Good luck to you, this is a tough one.

Denise - posted on 07/16/2013

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Whoa. Your parents are completely out of line. My mom used to babysit my kids when they were younger, but I paid her (she needed the money) so she didn't have as much "leverage" in trying to boss me around. She has tried overstepping a few times, and finally I had to tell her that she doesn't have to AGREE with my parenting, but she needs to RESPECT it if we were going to have a normal, healthy relationship. I had to tell her that if she couldn't respect me, and if she felt a need to tell my kids that she thinks I'm too harsh (or whatever), I would have no other choice but to limit the amount of time they spend with her. She was angry at first, but things are much better now because I stood my ground. She had her chance to be a parent when we were kids, and now it's MY turn. Same goes for you - your parents had their turn. If they wanted complete control over more kids, they should have had their own.

CarrieCogswell - posted on 07/16/2013

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As a Grandparent who has taken care of my Grandson on a daily basis for 12 years while my son works, maybe I can give you another perspective. First, how do your parents know when you are going out with your friends and leaving your partner with the children? It may be better to keep your home life separate and not tell them what you do outside of work if it upsets them. Also, as Grandparents, it feels like we are raising our Grandkids as much as we have them and it's our second chance at parenting. We often feel we didn't spend enough time with our kids and as we got older, we find out that was really what we should have found more important so maybe your parents are trying to inflict these feelings to you. I don't mind watching my Grandson while my son works, but I don't like being taken advantage of either so I think it's only respectful that I know what times he will drop him off and pick him up. I am older but I also have a life of my own, I have done this before and although I don't mind helping out, I don't like being taken advantage of either. I found myself getting frustrated and more critical of him when I thought I was being taken advantage of. I didn't appreciate him calling to say he was getting a haircut, going to get groceries, shopping or going out, as I did all of these things with my kids so don't understand why he can't. Take a step back and look at yourself and make sure you aren't using them too much. Have your partner apologize and don't tell them things you know will upset them.

Danelle - posted on 07/16/2013

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You need to find another source of child care. Clearly this has gone on far too long and if your parents are not allowing your partner into their home they should not be caring for his children. If you both are working you should be able to afford some kind of day care or before/after school care, or perhaps you could keep working but cut back on your hours so that you could take care of them after school. Your relationship with your partner and the family unit you have with him and you sons is worth the sacrifice.

Joy - posted on 07/16/2013

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Yes, I've been there, done that, got the tshirt and the divorce. There is an excellent book on the topic ... "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. Your parents are huge boundary violators and need to stop. Put the partner first, kids second, everything else third, etc...

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Nora - posted on 07/23/2013

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according to this Siobhan woman she had a piece of paper to say that shes clever (we dont know it doesnt really matter anyway you dont need to go on a course to be a mum). however its strange its not obvious to her that its not very clever for one to carry on ranting on a 'mums forum' relating to a touchy subject like this.

im sure most of us have been there or at least knew somebody at some point in our lives, to have similar issues either with your own parents or the in-laws being controlling etc...

Helen is just an anonymous person who just felt like penning her frustrations down on here, and hopefully get some intelligent response back from somebody (qualified or not) - not degraded & humiliated just because she chose to work,

We are all adults we all make our own decisions..being a mum to one can be quite hard, imagine being a working mum to twins and also have a partner....
Anyway thats besides the point...this poor woman is feeling bad already that shes in this situation (based on her decision to carry on working and lucky enough to being able to leave her children with her parents) its perfectly normal, peace of mind that a family member is around to help babysit, whether she pays or doesnt, again thats none of anyone's business (its between her and her family)....but people change all the time....and just because she doesnt have to look after cancer stricken family members or gone through hardships doesnt mean its ok to put her down. i think she knows the answer by now, so come on...Everyones unique....lets leave it, be sensible. walk away...its already a big bad world out there, dont make it worse..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/22/2013

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Siobhan "Oh and as for my comments she posted this up for comments. So that is my comments to wake people up before it's too late. If you choose to share your business expect a comment back."

This does NOT include personal attacks. You have single handedly had this post locked to further comments due to your name calling and verbal attacks. Next time, take mod and admins warnings seriously.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~


ETA~~I don't know how people are still commenting after locking this thread, but I will be deleting every post after mine from here on out.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Tanya she put up about her mum and dad and was horrible about them. Can you actually read. Does her mum and dad know about these nasty words said about them.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Helen is complaining about her parents yet they have looked after her kids since year dot. This is the issue she is ungrateful! I don't know what your going on about I was trying to explain about the rearing of twin boys. This is the issue. Everybody can write a book about their lives but the issue is spoilt behaviour.

Tanya - posted on 07/22/2013

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Siobhan, would you like me to post my comments about what i think of your mother and the childhood you endured?...I think not, it would not be helpful to you ...when you post maybe you could try to stop the name calling and maybe offer some helpful advice...after all that is what she was asking for.

Kathy - posted on 07/22/2013

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I am 39. I had my first child at 21 and second at 33. I was 19 when i married and had an instant family of three stepsons ages 9, 8, and 5. When i was 25, my dad died of a heart attack. At 28, my sister lost her kids and went to prison. So, I had 2 more kids age 8 and 4 to raise. So please dont lecture me about hard lives and sacrifices. Now I'm 39 with a grandbaby I'm raising. I too put myself through school and had a career which i gave up when i had my second child. This was a choice just like Helen has made her choice.
Age has nothing to do with the maturity level we are at in our life or the social skills we have.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Oh and as for my comments she posted this up for comments. So that is my comments to wake people up before it's too late. If you choose to share your business expect a comment back.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Help from grandparents since babies and twins upto age 8 they are miracle workers. God bless them for being so amazing! God help the adult parent who never looked after them! Anyone idiot can go to work!

Kathy - posted on 07/22/2013

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I did read all the post. This whole thread before i posted. So many people have attacked her. Some have said thing that like move out which tell me that they have not. From your very first post you seemed judgemental of her. I agree her last post ask you those things, but look at all these post as a whole. It was one post to you she had over 100 posted at her and a lot are negative without reading the others. I have not my mom but i have lost my dad. When i did, my mom moved several states away so when i had my second child i didnt have the support i had with my first one. You have had some great losses and trails in your life.

Tanya - posted on 07/22/2013

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You are out of line . your comments are mean and unjust, maybe you should just remain quite as you cannot see anyone else point of view.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Oh Kathy plus I am in my thirties and had my two children in my twenties. Same age!! As I say this spoilt generation need to have endured real problems like myself then they would appreciate grandparents help. Sounds like only child spoilt syndrome from both of you.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Kathy did you read her comment. She implied I was on benefits because I choose to look after my children and we survive on one wage. So as she was so presumptuous I explained I am indeed not on benefits. Did you also read her implying I was unhappy as I had a sister with leukemia cancer and helped my mum with her twin sons. So if someone attacks me when I have all along tried to make her wake up. Get your facts right first dear!

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Kathy did you read her comment. She implied I was on benefits because I choose to look after my children and we survive on one wage. So as she was so presumptuous I explained I am indeed not on benefits. Did you also read her implying I was unhappy as I had a sister with leukemia cancer and helped my mum with her twin sons. So if someone attacks me when I have all along tried to make her wake up. Get your facts right first dear!

Kathy - posted on 07/22/2013

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Siobhan you speak to Helen with such disgust. Your education does not make you better or worse than anyone else on here. I know lots of people with education but no social skills. I wonder if you speak to people in your life like you do on here.
Helen is in a bad situation. Lets look at it from her view. Eight years ago as a young couple her and her partner were starting off (mid 20's) with a set of twins. Her parents offered to help them with daycare. I am pretty sure it was a God send to an overwhelmed new mom. As the years went on, the grandmother became more involved and lines got blurred. From what i gather now the grandparents care for the kids afterschool and holidays until the parents get off work and the parents don't ask them to watch them on weekends or on days they are off. Also, she has issue with how her parents treat her partner. The parents are inserting themselves into places of an adult childs life where it doesn't belong. Unless there is abuse or some sort of unhealthy harm we as parents have to learn to let go or we may loose any kind of relationship. I don't see it as spoiled i see a women torn, a women hurt.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Helen I have put myself through university and I am a fully qualified designer darling. I have worked for the biggest publishing companies in the world and worked for myself for ten years. Sorry to blow your bubble but I have never received any benefits. Isn't it funny how quick you were to judge though. I have always worked since I was 16 and had four jobs on the go to get me through uni. Do you have a degree...oh no you don't need one doing your job. I have chosen to get less work so I am there for my kids...period. So jealously is from your part darling not mine. As for helping my mum due to my sister having cancer she is now dead. Yes I helped because I wanted too my mum never put on me. I was a decent grateful human being wanting to help. I love my mum more than life itself. I am lucky to be awakened as a child. To quickly make such an assumption as you did thinking I was on benefits shows your lack of education and immaturity.

Diane - posted on 07/22/2013

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Helen, I've already posted, and perhaps too harshly, so for that I am sorry. Obviously you are doing the best you can with the decisions you've made, and I do think you children benefit in the long run by these short years with gramma and grampa. You are the one taking the heat. It sounds like gramma has poor communication skills, and that after trying to sit down and talk with her without kids and hubby present, perhaps you'll just have to back off and realize maybe with her skill sets she is doing her best as well. Maybe asking her to not be critical in front of the kids for starters, and saying her piece alone with you, allowing you to respond in a quiet rational way secondly. Tell her antagonism isn't good for the children, but you'd be happy to discuss her concerns peacefully without them present, and not fight about it. Gosh, you are in a difficult place. Hang in there. The kids will only be small for a short while, and God bless.

Tanya - posted on 07/22/2013

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Punishing the grandparents then black mailing them wont sovle the problem it will just make it worse.

Hazel - posted on 07/22/2013

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Dear Helen, This is a thorny problem and not one that will get solved easily. My advice would be get the children into daycare after school right now, starting today with the help of the headteacher at your school. Then, when your parents have had time to cool down .... oh, I've just realised you're probably still on holiday, your schools start in late August/early September. Oh dear! It would be great if you could take them away from your parents right now, even if not for ever. Just make it clear to your parents you can and will find alternative arrangements. If the boys have good friends speak to those parents and see if they'll have them for two weeks or so. Then work out a contract with your parents (if they want them back). I'm sure they will be the ones to back down because you hold the trump cards: the grandsons. You should not have to be emotionally blackmailed at this level. Hugs, Granny Hazel

Rachael - posted on 07/22/2013

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Helen after reading your update I feel ashamed of myself for being so judgmental. I have family friends that are taken advantage of as free staff almost 7 days a week. Not an excuse but I fear that I reacted poorly and jumped the gun and for that I apologize. I to believe teaching kids to work for what you want is one of life's most important lessons.
In regards to your parents acting/treating you poorly in front of you may just be crossing the line of respect and maybe a big dose of tough love is required.... Take care and good luck xx

Helen - posted on 07/22/2013

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Siobhan smith I too feel sorry for you. I think you feel resentful as you were unfortunately denied your own childhood because of a cruel world of illness that should never be. Also helping to raise two babies when you were just a child yourself you were forced to grow up before your time. Im sorry you lost a sibling to cancer it should never be. Im not trying to buy my childrens love, but im guessing trying to educate you about working when you dont have any work ethics would be a waste of time. One day in another lifetime you too may realise the importance of a healthy balance of work and home life. As you are so critical of my situation im feeling quite critical of yours. Do you survive on just one wage or are you drawing funds from the state too? This post is not attacking you.

Siobhan - posted on 07/22/2013

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Helen your children have the nice things because you work. You have just answered your own questions. You have excess money, you could survive on one wage. As your spoilt you don't. Children need love and care not MATERIAL THINGS! Oh well maybe you will get to come back to earth in another life and realise materialistic rubbish for children is unimportant. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR KIDS AS YOU THINK GIVING THEM NICE THINGS IS THE ANSWER. YOU CAN'T BUY LOVE HONEY!!!!!!

Nadina - posted on 07/22/2013

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I have parents that do the same thing to my sister.... at the end of the day you are the parent to these kids and basically the only way to stop this interfering is to look for alternative care for your kids or put up with it... two choices and and both are hard...

Helen - posted on 07/22/2013

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Hi heres is an update for you all. Im 32 my Husband is 33 years old, I do have a place of my own, I dont feel im taking advantage because ive tried to change my situation scores of times and each time i even suggest reducing their childcare they go beserk and a huge row erupts. Im a manager of travel agency, to the lady that commented and asked have you ever offered to pay for them to holiday the answer is yes i have as this is very do-able given the job i have....their answer no i wouldnt go anywhere without the children. My original post said i cannot afoord to GIVE UP work, Im sensitive to my childrens needs as to how they would now feel going to a childminder (although at this point i may have no choice) a week has passed by and my parents have refused to speak to me or my husband. Infront of my children when my parents are around i try to act normal...my mother on the other hand does not. So this is a little more of an insight. Jobs arent easy to come by here in the uk and in the middle of a recession. I believe (maybe im wrong) but by working im educating my children the importance of earning a living. Ive never been work shy in my entire life and thats something im proud of. My children have the nice things they do because i work. Because i work does not mean i dont love or care for my children. The time not spent with them is mostly during school hours and school holidays. The answer of change your job isnt quite so easy when there are 5 million out of work in the UK. In sn ideal situation i would have a job where i only worked school hours of course i would.
Now to answer the lady that commented i must have had a poor education and thats why i need to work full time? No i had a good education and manage a travel agency I would be interested to know what it is you do for a living and whether you think its ok to live off the state when im perfectly able to work?

Siobhan - posted on 07/21/2013

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In answer to helen commenting on my post earlier. You just need to wake up girl and realise like the majority of spoilt children who get help from mummy and daddy that YOU are very lucky. I am near your age with similar aged children. I grew up with a very ill sister all my child life plus my twin boy brothers were 12 years younger than me. I did everything to help my mum from age 7. Feeding twin boys, dealing with sickness, shopping and carrying bags home. I was a child and wanted to help I was never askedeven as a small child I knew right from wrong. YOU clearly don't as I said before YOU need to wake up. Your kids in a few years won't even want to be around you so enjoy them now. Your parents deserve a break darling not you. You are very immature so it seems as you keep throwing your toys out the pram maybe you should be at nursery.

Rachael - posted on 07/21/2013

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Tracey I'm sorry to be rude and single out your opinion but your comment made me gasp! Just simply earn more? Or get a new partner that's wealthy??!! Marry or set up house for money? I hope it was a tongue and cheek comment I really do!

I have four kids with special needs and I HAD to stay home to be their carer - I wanted to be a stay at home mum anyway. It took a good few years to get in a good routine with everything but specifically here talking about finances etc, it took time to get a good mojo to figure out how to pay the day to day living bills, food, clothing etc - no extras . Now, touch wood, I seem to have the budget worked out that we even have room for some extras for US - not only the kids lol! Forgot what that's like!!!
As for relationship, my husband works big shift work hours, but once a week we have date night. We are both fitness and healthy living minded, so date night is our 'cheat meal' night. We cuddle up on the couch, watch something on the box or just talk, whilst he has his chocolate and I have my red lollies lol cheap but I love it :) no baby sitter needed its after they're in bed !
I'm sure the thought of cutting back or handing out more money is extremely daunting - but you CAN do it - and you will feel really good once you have YOUR family sorted your way :) c

Kerre - posted on 07/21/2013

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I say run as fast as you can away from these people - they are your children - you need to find another sitter before you lose what's left of your mind.

Jeannie - posted on 07/21/2013

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Lee Smith: It's bad enough when parents use the children to manipulate each other, but now you suggest the children be used punitively to bully the grandparents when mom doesn't get her own way. Just to be sure, these decisions should be made keeping in mind on what is best for the children. Can you really justify denying children access to the grandparents who have been the main caregivers for many years. Now whom is the controlling one?

Lynnette - posted on 07/21/2013

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My mom watches my children while I work and she puts me on the guilt trips as well. Not to that extent though. I do pay her to watch them, but she is cheaper than a day care or after school program. I would look into one of you staying at home if after school programs are too expensive. Depending on how much money you make there are times it is more expensive to work than it is to stay at home. Having a personal nanny is going to be much more expensive than going to an after school program. I get the feeling we live in different countries so I don't know if you have the same programs there as I have here. One of you working for the school is a good option many moms to here so they keep the same hours as their kids.

This is always hard. It's never fun to rely heavily on family. I hope you get it figured out so everyone is happy

Kimberly - posted on 07/21/2013

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Have you thought about your partner giving up his job and staying home with the kids? By figuring out the costs of working versus the amount of money earned, you can figure out what lifestyle changes you need to make to live within a single income household. It is nice to have your parents to care for your children, but they are spending more time with your children than you are. (Assuming you and your partner work 8 hours a day plus commuting time) I stayed home with my disabled child from the age of 6 and have just now started working part-time now that he is 19. We had to give up "toys" like new cars and vacations, but the investment in our child is worth it. Best of luck

Cindy Marie - posted on 07/21/2013

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Helen, I can understand where you're coming from, wanting to be more in control of your sons' lives and all...after all, YOU are the parent. And talking to your parents may be difficult because they have seniority over you. Look at it from their side; maybe they are getting tired of being taken advantage of too. Maybe it's time to either fork over the money for daycare (they're in school during the winter, so it shouldn't be too bad) or quit your job and raise your sons yourself. Put the ball in your court...you are the mom...start acting like one and take control of your kids and let your parents have their lives back.

Dayna - posted on 07/21/2013

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You're parents are doing you a favour. What is it with selfish people these days you want to save money from childcare but expect robots to look after your children? Suck it up & either pay someone to look after them or accept that your parents have opinion on raising children and lots of other things. They should be enjoying these years not looking after your children - how about you think about that.

Dayna - posted on 07/21/2013

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You're parents are doing you a favour. What is it with selfish people these days you want to save money from childcare but expect robots to look after your children? Suck it up & either pay someone to look after them or accept that your parents have opinion on raising children and lots of other things. They should be enjoying these years not looking after your children - how about you think about that.

Dayna - posted on 07/21/2013

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You're parents are doing you a favour. What is it with selfish people these days you want to save money from childcare but expect robots to look after your children? Suck it up & either pay someone to look after them or accept that your parents have opinion on raising children and lots of other things. They should be enjoying these years not looking after your children - how about you think about that.

Tracy - posted on 07/21/2013

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Get a place with your partner and one extra room for a live-in childcare person. Maybe it's true you are not spending enough time with your kids, maybe you are. But if your parents are in the right, admit it. If they are not, make more money to pay a minder or get a richer partner or something. Do something to be in more control of your own life. That's what I had to do many years back.

Gemma - posted on 07/21/2013

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Siobhan
Helen has spoken to her parents about other arrangements re child minding and they didn't take it so well in fact they went "beserk" at the mention of not being able to look after the kids.
You can't win with this woman, she wants the kids, she wants the weekends, she wants the holidays and she wants the partner to disappear (as she obviously can't control him) It sounds more like controlling, controlling, controlling, controlling than take, take, take, take.

Lee - posted on 07/21/2013

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You are really in a crappy situation. Since this has gone on for so long then it's going to be hard to change their behaviour. maybe just tell them that you appreciate their help but they are your children as you will have the final decision. You could even go as far as telling them that if they don't respect your decision, they will not be able to see the kids. I know it's tit for tat but by giving them an unreasonable ultimatum they might see how silly their comment is by not allowing your husband in their house! Good luck.

Lee - posted on 07/21/2013

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You are really in a crappy situation. Since this has gone on for so long then it's going to be hard to change their behaviour. maybe just tell them that you appreciate their help but they are your children as you will have the final decision. You could even go as far as telling them that if they don't respect your decision, they will not be able to see the kids. I know it's tit for tat but by giving them an unreasonable ultimatum they might see how silly their comment is by not allowing your husband in their house! Good luck.

Jody - posted on 07/21/2013

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Hey guys. There is a lot we do not know so we should only give advice based on what we are told by Helen. For example, we do not know her job, how old anybody is except the twins,if partner is husband , what happened before the twins were born, circumstances that put twins in care of grandparents, what country they live in, city or country, how far away does Helen live from parents. Just advise based on what is known, not assumed.

Siobhan - posted on 07/21/2013

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You should re read the grandparents have looked after the children since they were babies. If people want their mothers and fathers to do their job then they have every right to speak. Take take take take!

Iza - posted on 07/21/2013

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my parents were like this.. we made sure to outline the things that were important to us, the rules.. it is important to create boundaries and if they cannot abide by them cut them off for a while.. i was in a similar situation.. the fact that your partner is no longer allowed in their home shows they have no respect for your relationship or your decisions as a parent.. i hate to say it, but you cannot have the life you want without sacrificing something.. if you want to continue to have your job and someone to watch your kids for free then you must endure their contrary ways.. if you cannot deal with it, then the job must go.. there is no easy decision here now that it has come to a head.. good luck.. and if you pray, may i suggest praying about it.. it still won't be any easier, i know that for a fact, but you might find clarity as to what you need to do..

Gemma - posted on 07/21/2013

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I think some of you should re read Helen's post from 3 days ago to get a better insight into the behaviour she is dealing with in regards to her Mother.
The issue here is obvious... a controlling mother who only has one way of doing things... her way.

Jeannie - posted on 07/21/2013

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Easy. Stay home and raise your own kids. Until then, you have to take the good with the bad. I would love to hear their side of this story. But when you have people suggesting to you that you don't spend enough time with your children, perhaps you should listen. You have children that you can't afford to support, probably because you were too self centered to get an education or a skill needed to be economically secure and now your poor parents have to pay the price by parenting again because you 'love your job'. Grow up. You sound very ungrateful to me. You should be thanking your lucky stars that your folks are caring for your children. Did you ever think about sending them on holiday? I thought not!!!

Joyce - posted on 07/21/2013

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Hi Jody you are spot on. We as moms, grandparents, aunts, and etc have to help each other. Your sharing is such a great idea. Most importantly you are absolutely right about the rules. And that the grandparents probably think the kids are theirs cause they have cared for them for so long.

It would be good also for the grandparents to take a holiday without the boys so they can have a break and have time for each other as well. They need to have their own life.

Jody - posted on 07/21/2013

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ok. I would suggest that you sit down with your parents and outline the rules for the children so that you are both on the same page and the children are not confused. I am sure the grandparents feel like the boys are "theirs" since they have spent so much time with them from 9 months on so they may not be receptive to that unless you ask for "ther help" in parenting the boys.

If that doesn't work, you may have to explain to the children that these are the rules when they are with you.

You have outlined the situation fairly well. Now outline your options. The Medicare Mom (granny raising 2 grandchildren)

Joyce - posted on 07/21/2013

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Im a mom of 5 and have 15 grandchildren.

My suggestion is to simply set boundaries. It will take some time as the grandparents have been allowed to come to the point they are now.. I have a concern that the boys are getting mixed signals as to what you and your partner say are the house rules. Then what the grandparents rules are for the children.

With that said Thanking them for taking care of the we ones is also appropriate.

My daughter is a single mom, my grandkids do attend childcare after school and during the summer break they are in childcare all day. The childcare they have here has financial programs that she qualifies. Im not sure where you are. That maybe an option for you to checkout in your local area.

Good luck. and God Bless you

Lisa - posted on 07/21/2013

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I have this same problem sometimes, although to a lesser extent. Maybe if you and partner keep a tight lip about plans, they won't have anything to gripe about. If you or your partner want to go out for an evening with a friend/colleague once in a while (and there is nothing wrong with that), then whichever of you is picking the kids up from the grandparents' house can just use the excuse, "Oh, so-and-so [insert name here] is just running late." It's pretty much true. You'll be running late getting home, because you have plans.

If it gets to the point where they become relentless about wanting to know your plans and showing disapproval all of the time, you might have to resort to finding another sitter, even if only temporarily, not as a threat tactic, but as a "needing relief from the constant needling and criticism" tactic.

Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 07/21/2013

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At the age of 9 the kids would be in school full time and likely need supervision after school or after school and extracurricular activities which would be approx 10-15 hrs a week. Confusion set in when the topic of your vacation destination became a hot topic with the grandparents - skip to the can't afford child care issue and you lost me! Free child care, vacations and the choice to keep the job you love instead of changing jobs to accommodate needs of the children.....doesn't sound like an impossible situation to fix. Make the necessary changes & sacrifices to achieve the results you would like for your family and live within the limits all resources.

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