Cops at my door?

Kimberly - posted on 07/16/2011

Thank you for the recommendation to the computer game, "Journey to the Wild Divine" !! Found it. Created by Deepak Chopra, one of my heroes. Thanks again :)

Ronda - posted on 07/16/2011

Take her to the doc or a child psychologist for documentation purposes as well as helpiong her, that way you have some proof of her behavior. Good luck

Jenn - posted on 07/16/2011

Spanking is a short term physical punishment, not discipline or in any way correcting the behavior. It merely causes a disruption from the real issue rather than teaching the child anything. I should know. And because I do, I choose not to spank my children and they are very well-behaved, well-mannered and happy kids. A strict parent does not have to be a spanking one.

Sal - posted on 07/16/2011

ohhh don't take the door off.....the only person i know who lost a door was pregnant by 17 and in gaol by 30...don;t do it !!!! it seems like a bad omen to me!

Karen - posted on 07/16/2011

I have two kids and they are extremely well-behaved. My daughter, now ten, just got home from kids camp. When she was picked up, everyone raved about how good she was. Spanking is not harmful to a child, when needed. It is not the answer for everything, but there IS a time and place for it. It will not scar her for life. I was spanked as a child also and it was not the only punishment I endured, but probably the most effective for me. I agree to a point that this is normal behavior for a child, but at her age it is a little overboard. My son is seven and he knows better than to act like that. It would not be tolerated in my house. Do I enjoy spanking my kids? No, but I have enjoyed reaping the benefits of my children knowing their boundaries.



One more thing, I absolutely cannot stand for parents to use the cops as a threat. My step-brother's mother did this to him his entire life. He was terrified of cops. They are the good guys. They don't take kids out of a home unless it is necessary. Please don't make your child afraid of them.

Good luck Kyle.

Laura - posted on 07/16/2011

omg! just read some of the replies! this behaviour is perfectly normal for a seven year old! i very much doubt she has ADHD or ADD as she is fine in public, a smack as someone suggested is NOT the answer and will only make u feel bad and her feel worse! reward charts and the like are good as long as you keep doing them, the best way is ignor bad behaviour and praise good behaviour! if shes having a tantrum u go somewhere else in the house, she will soon realise that shes not getting a reaction, and always keep calm!
from a mum of 3 who works in a preschool

Melanie - posted on 07/16/2011

Is this everyday or once in a while? My 6 year old son (almost 7) acts exactly the same way on days that he has not had enough sleep, which is usually once a week. He will become very rude, screaming, stomping, throwing, etc. I always put him in his room, always by force (grabbing him and carrying him), I just put him on his bed and close the door. I do lock the door and tell him that when he calms down he can come out. He will kick and scream for about five minutes,then I let him out and he's fine after that, he ends up going to bed early on those days. I live in a two family house and I've never had any problems, if they can hear everything I'm sure they can hear what happens before you put her in her room.

Karen - posted on 07/16/2011

Whip her butt! There is a time and place for it...

Veronica - posted on 07/16/2011

As some people have said, it might be about consistency. Do you and her dad have issues agreeing on punishments, rewards, how she should act, etc.? Are there times when maybe he's more firm and you feel guilty about punishments and she sees it, or vice versa? It might be that she's trying to see what she can get away with. If she's not doing it at school, it sound like it might be a factor. She knows she can't do it in school, but seems to think it's okay at home. It isn't to say that you're not doing anything right--we ALL do it, at some point. I'd say to get her and dad together for a meeting, talking about what's expected, the rewards and punishments when those goals aren't reached or if she disobeys, etc. If she knows you're both in agreement (heck, get the grandparents and others in on it!), she'll feel less 'safe' in misbehaving. Just a thought! Good luck. :)

Cathy - posted on 07/16/2011

try not to give rewards for good behavior. good behavior should be its own reward. in real life, we are expected to have good behaviour without being rewarded for it. explain to your child that everyone has a job, daddy goes to work, mommy takes care of the children, or whatever, and the children's job is to learn to grow up and be a happy adult. part of that is learning how to take care of her belongings. sometimes young children just plain don't "get it" when you say clean up your room. what does that mean exactly? try making a collage with your child. look through magazines for pictures of what cleaning up your room looks like. sorting toys into specific groups, like blocks, puzzles, books, try having baskets or bins with a picture on each one showing what belongs in each container. then cleaning up becomes a game. and definitely have a clean up song. children respond to music universally.my favorite is sung to the tune fo fere jacques and the words are "time to clean up time to clean up, put away the toys, put away the toys, everybody helping everybody helping, all the girls and boys all the girls and boys" if i can get a class of 20 3-5 yrs olds to clean up you can get one 21 month old to clean up her own stuff. seriously, make a flow chart of some sort of chart to break the job down into steps. high five for completeing each step,. be creative. children can do just about anything, we just need to take the time to show them how.

Sue - posted on 07/16/2011

Is your daughter intentionally bother you by being loud, so the neighbors can hear? You may encourage her to be louder or just ignore her when she is being loud. If she stops getting the response from you she should stop.

Angela - posted on 07/16/2011

I think keeping your cool (I know how hard that may be) and letting her know that while she is screaming you will not talk to her. Explain to her that once she stops screaming you will talk to her about the issue but not until the screaming stops ( you can walk away from her and tell her you will come back as soon as she stops) don't forget to follow through as soon as she stops, tell her why it is important to do the things you ask. If she screams again, start the whole process over. Keep it consistent and don't give up even though it may be easier to. If you do, this behavior will keep going on. If you use time out use it effectively by explaining to her why she is in time out, set a timer for 7 minutes and after time is complete explain why she was in time out and how to avoid time out next time. If she screams and gets up, the timer starts all over again. Avoid talking to her during time out at that points she's only looking to get your attention and will talk to you to avoid punishment. Find one timeout place where she only can sit, bedrooms ate generally not a good place because they have toys to play with. Do not overuse time out or it loses effectiveness. Hope this helps! Stay strong, this does not happen over night, it does take time!

Karen - posted on 07/16/2011

It sounds to me as if there is something else going on with her. I would take her to a counseling center such as Bowen or some other public help place and see if she can talk to someone. She is only 7 so we cannot assume it is hormones. I would have her talk to someone before it is to late. :)

Jackie - posted on 07/16/2011

My daughter used to do the same thing and for a while I thought it was just her acting her age until the night cops DID show up. I was lucky that one of the cops had a child the same age and after spending a few minutes with her he recommended I take her to the pediatrician to be looked at. She didn't sleep well, never napped, and after a few tests the ped figured out that she doesn't make enough of a hormone called "melatonin". It's a naturally occurring hormone in the body that helps us sleep. She was CONSTANTLY tired and couldn't sleep properly because she doesn't make enough of this on her own. I now give her a supplement every night (and a half one during the day for a nap) and she sleeps just fine now. Perhaps your daughter might have the same problem? How does she sleep?
(And for those people who might misunderstand what I just said, I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRUG. It's a NATURAL hormone that she cannot make enough of on her own. It is recommended BY HER DOCTOR that I give it to her. It's non-habit forming and COMPLETELY SAFE.)

Leah - posted on 07/16/2011

we have a similar problem with our 5 year old son. he will scream and throw stuff and kick stuff. his Dad keeps threatening that the cops will come and take the kids away and that i will go to jail, but that is a really messed up thing to tell a kid they dont understand that. we live in a tiny condo aptmt. when the kids start getting too loud or acting up we just get them in the car in their car seats and take them for a ride. i've tried time outs, they say to make the time out where everyone is so they dont feel isolated but they can still see everyone. i tried putting him in a chair in the livingroom but he'd just scream and slide out of the chair and be uncontrollable still. he has gotten better since he started going to school but still has times when he throws his fits. we cant take them to playground without having to pick him up and carry him to car when its time to go. so we just dont take them very often anymore. i saw a parenting program on a commercial and thought about getting it but its over $100 and we cant afford it. but it help parents to think in a different way and it says it works for kids of all ages and even start it from when the kids are really young so they dont grow up learning to manipulate us or something. it says right now they learned how to get what they want and how to control us. i really want to try the program and i think it would be helpful. The Total Transformation is the name of the program if you want to look it up. also when trying to calm the kid down threatening with cops and stuff wont work they are in a state of mind where stuff like that will just make the situation worse or they just wont pay attention to it. sorry i couldnt be of any more help. just know that there are others out here going through similar situations

Cecily - posted on 07/16/2011

She is a little old to be doing this and just as a suggestion have to considered taking her for therapy, seems like she is not happy about something. Wish you luck.

Debbie - posted on 07/16/2011

If she can control her behavior when you are out she can control it at home....that leads me to believe that she is simply choosing not to be cooperative and unruly when these tantrums occur! I really believe that the Love and Logic way is most helpful with this type of personality (my 7 yr old was the same way and will try this periodically to test the water) she easily become resentful of my trying to force her to do ANYTHING...It works bc the choice is hers and so is the consequence of that choice and has made our relationship better and she will self reflect things now instead of blaming everyone else as the problem!

Adri - posted on 07/16/2011

It sounds like she is just testing the "how far can I push this?" button. I would do a 180 degree turn. If she doesn't do something after you told her to...give the consequence, which should be a priveledge lost. The first thing I would take is the door...now there isn't a power struggle with open, shutting, slamming. Your house, your rules, your door. When my daughter doesn't do what I ask, I remain calm and move on....THEN when she asks me for something...can we go to the park, can I play with playdough, ect....I say, "I would love to get out your playdough...after you clean your room." I always say...if you want mommy to listen to you...then you have to listen to mommy. It could go on for mins, hours, or days but someone has to give in...is it going to be me the mom? Or her...the child?

Sara - posted on 07/16/2011

I have a soon to be 10 year old, and had been fighting this same thing for YEARS!! Thank you for the advice!!! I NEDED it!!

Nicola - posted on 07/16/2011

All kids do this. It is normal, she is testing you - make sure you dont give in to the tantrum!! I was also worried about what my neighbours would think when my kids played up like this- i make a point of apologising after a loud tantrum and explaining to my neighbour that it was - whatever? my neighbour is understanding and usually laughs at my predicament and supports the fact that i havent given in. most people know what it is like to have kids and would probably rather have a neighbour that is doing their best to bring up their kid than.

Renee - posted on 07/16/2011

Sound like your 7 year old has you 'trained'. Take her to your neighbors (even the ones below you) and make her apologise to them for disturbing them with her tantrums (even if they say they've never heard her). Make sure you talk to the neighbors first so they know what you are doing. Most will be happy to work with you on this. Don't allow them to tell her "it's okay". Maybe this will open her eyes and possibly embarrass her. After all, she is the one pitching the fit, not you.

Eleisha - posted on 07/16/2011

I had that same trouble with my now 22 year old son. It was particularly bad one day when he got sick all over his favorite blanket and I put it in the wash. He had a fit and pretty soon, the police showed up, claiming the neighbors thought I was abusing him, I invited the cop in and offered to have him look over my son, while I explained he was sick and he started having a tantrum as soon as I threw his dirty blanket in the wash. The policeman was nice and didn't check further, saying he understood, he had kids of his own and he said he would go explain it to the neighbors. My advice is do what I did, don't impede them, but offer to let them check everything out. Explain the tantrums and hopefully, that will be enough for them. Ask them if they know of any good methods for controlling tantrums.

Denise - posted on 07/16/2011

I am no expert but maybe scaring her straight might help. When she does it again, tell her that if she doesn't stop, you will call the cops and see what advice they have for you. If she calls your bluff, call them, explain the situation and maybe they can come out and help calm the situation and she'll realize that this wasn't the best solution to get what she wants. Also, if she says don't close the door tell her that the punishment is not on her terms and when she figures out how to behave like a 7 year old things might work more to her advantage.

Good luck!!

Carolyn - posted on 07/16/2011

You may need to have your daughter evaluated by mental health. My son has ADHD, OCD, Opposition Defiant Disorder (he will do the opposite of what you tell him) plus he has anxiety problems (he lost his father almost three years ago). Mental Health counselors has helped out tremdously and he is on a schedule from the time he gets up to the time ge goes to bed. We have to stay consist with this and when he tries to do things that is not assigned to him previleages are taken away. He is expected to clean his room, take out the trash. He is alotted free time to play and family time as well. He has to show what his consequences is if he does not behave. Make sure you have eye contact with her when you speak to her and always have your daughter to repeat to you what you tell her. Ask her if she understands what you have said and what it means. It is tough at first but it works out. By the way we have schedules for summer break and for school. If she presist with having a fear of being closed in her room you may need to investigate is someone tried to close her up in a closet or room.

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2011

That definitely is NOT an ADHD behavior, I know because My son has ADHD. BUT, I will tell you what may work..Ignore her. I know it sounds crazy, but, it works with my son and daughter (who is not ADHD - age 6). A lot of times the tantrums are for attention...any kind, good or bad. If you tell her 'no' to/for something and she begins to throw a tantrum, ignore her. Continue to do what you are doing. As long as she is NOT hurting herself during the tantrum. After a (long) while they will realize the tantrum just isn't getting her what she wants. Also, once she calms down, then talk to her about why she was throwing the tantrum, the issue not the actual tantrum.

I hope you at least try this. It is hard to ignore your child, but as long as it doesn't hurt them its o.k. Also, who cares what your neighbors think, you know your not hurting your child, you are just doing the best you can as being a mom. I've gone up to moms in public places and told them, "we've all been there" when her child is being disruptive out in public and parents are looking all embarrassed because of their child's behavior.

Tara - posted on 07/16/2011

OMG My son acts like this too!!!!! We are taking him to a childs psychiatrist/behavior specialist. My dr said it could be ADHD or Autism, so you might want to talk to your dr too.

Katherine - posted on 07/16/2011

First see if there is any kind of therapy that can help, and if not get you a country home where no one else can hear her and just let her have her tantrums.

Melissa - posted on 07/16/2011

I love the book, Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict By Establishing Clear, Firm, And Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. Mackenzie.
It is a really quick read and is divided up by age so you can go back and quick reference the points geared towards your child's age.
I have also used ignoring...sometimes works. A chore chart is fantastic for us though. My son knows what his chores are and earns a star when he completes the tasks - must be done without nagging from me and on his own - and when he earns a certain number of stars he gets a reward. We have used a trip to get ice cream, a stay-up-late night, family movie night, wii time, and things like that for rewards.
My son is mostly well behaved - although he does test me when I let him - because I am consistent.
Say what you mean, mean what you say.
All actions have consequences, good and bad!
Best of luck!

Diane - posted on 07/16/2011

I have a well behaved (out in public and mostly at home) 9 year old girl. When she doesn't get her own way - same thing - screaming, stomping, yelling, and into her room she goes. She doesn't care either what the neighbours think. There are consequences to her actions - loss of a fun activity; loss of allowance; loss of an item. However, we also have started going to counselling together to help her deal with her frustration issues (no ADD or ADHD here). To me - while this looks like loss of control - it is also a form of control as they know this behaviour drives one crazy and can get us in trouble (i.e. someone thinking you are mistreating them). Life will not always let any of us get our own way and the sooner our children realize that too - the better. Try talking with your Dr. about it and getting a referral to have someone speak with your child and you (counsellor) to give her some methods for dealing with the frustration (including a stress ball to squeeze, etc.).

Evgenija - posted on 07/16/2011

I can't believe what I'm reading. Sorry moms, but has anyone heard about the old, always working spanking? How have you come to this point Kyle and not done anything to stop this the moment it began? Apparently dragging her to her room has no effect at all, so try something else. I'm serious about spanking. It needs to hurt just a little but enough to break her pride. And if she does it again, add one more. It should stop by the time you have five in a row. Once your daughter understands you are serious about not tolerating this totally unacceptable behavior she will think twice before she throws another tantrum. I totally disagree that you should IGNORE it or offer BRIBES. By this you acknowledge your weakness and inability to handle discipline. Other things you might apply as well are skipping a meal because of bad behavior (believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to do, but she won't die if she skips a meal or two!!!), banning a favorite TV show or computer game for some time, cutting pocket money (if she gets any) or simply taking away something she really loves. Just make sure you don't hit the opposite end. If you ban TV for instance, do it for two days and STICK to the plan. You can make it worse if you say 'No TV from today!" and you are not specific about it, or say 'No TV for a week" and forget about it the second day.

I have applied these principles with my two boys (10 and 8), both very dynamic and incredibly strong-willed, but believe me - if you are consistent it will all be worth the effort!

Helen - posted on 07/16/2011

When my daughter was 2-3 typical tantrum age, I understood that tantrums were not a power play as such but her coming into a world that she could control but knew little about espically the strong emotions that came along with that. When a tantrum struck rather than fight or control her I would simply sit down on the floor where ever we were and in a quite voice tell her she was going to be ok, that she was feeling angry or frustrated and that that was ok and the feeling will pass, I would then assure her that I was ready to give her cuddles when she was ready to calm herself down. This process could go on for a few minutes or at times i think for close to an hour. Never would i leave her alone or make her feel naughty or ashamed of having and showing emotion. Little miss is four now and she is very good at understanding her emotions and funnily enough mine too. I cannot remember the last time she had a tantrum. She is a very emotional child with big ups and big downs but she is fantastic at communicating and controling her feelings. Another thing i do is make sure she does play a big role in decision making this gives her a sense of being in control of her own life for after all when they are all grown up we want them to have control of their own lives dont we?? Sorry getting off track, anyway my point is that maybe what your daughter needs is your help and support at a time where she has lost control of her emotions rather than seperation and punishment.

Delores - posted on 07/16/2011

sounds like she needs to have EVERYTHING taken out of her room and do not sweat the tantrum, everybody with kids has had this happen at least once. It is a test of wills. Take EVERYTHING away and there will be nothing to pick up. Slowly give it back but only as long as she picks up and acts correctly. As she does the right things give her her stuff back SLOWLY and if she back slides take it all away again and start over. This worked with my daughter. Hope it helps.

Heidi - posted on 07/16/2011

Sounds like instead of a time out she may need a more effective punishment. If a tantrum meant that you lost your favorite toy for a week or got a couple of swats on the butt then she might think before doing it. I tell my boys...Now before you get going you better think about what's going to happen if you throw a tantrum. She knows that a tantrum is being tolerated. Each time she gets what she wants by being left in her room without having to do what you ask. Once she has a bigger consequence she'll straighten up or wish she had when she loses more of her stuff. Lose your favorite dolly this time, your favorite play makeup the next time, take the tv out of the room (if she has one) if it continues. It's inconvenient to have to store these things but they are a symbol to her that your not going to put up with it anymore. Concerning the neighbors. If you are friends with a couple of them, then ask their advice on how to handle it. It does mean that they will know your business. But it also means that they will know that the cops don't need to be called. I live in an apartment. I've been through this a few years back. After several favorite things went away that they wanted back, they straightened up. Good luck!

Regina - posted on 07/16/2011

Now this sounds like something i will and have done in the past.

Sheila - posted on 07/16/2011

I hope you are a Christian. When your daughter begins a tantrum, pray for God to bind demonic forces that may be influencing her. Then walk away and ignore her--go to the kitchen and eat!
prayer warrior

Naomi - posted on 07/16/2011

You poor thing. She has learned where all your buttons are is pushing them all the time. Kids are so clever. My advice would be to stop feeding the tatrum. She makes a fuss so that you will react. When she starts, instead of trying to remove her from the situation, remove yourself. Don't look at her, talk to her, or behave as if she's even there. Sounds harsh but she's 7, she's not going to be in any danger. Leave the room and do not react to any of it. Once she realises that you're not going to play the game, she's thenthe one who has to repair the issue with you, not the other way around. If she follows you to another room while still being awful, walk away. Only when she's calmed down should you then calmly tell her why you didn't want to talk to her (you were being naughty by shouting and crying when I asked you to do this, I didn't want to talk to you while you were being rude to me and I would like you to say sorry.) Once she has apologised then calmly repeat your request and PRAISE her to the high heavens if she complies!

The main idea is to ignore bad behaviour and praise and reward good behaviour. Mostly it works, sometimes it doesn't - don't be discuraged. Just try to have the same reaction every time so she knows you mean it.

Good luck. xxxx

Abi - posted on 07/16/2011

all kids are diferent and peep may agree with but my daughter was the same very well behaved while out best child you could ever have. everyone thought she was an angle.. at home she was hell, pure hell it was like she had no repect and hated me cos around her daddy she was lovely,, i had the screeming ,, i wont do my bed bed room .. i lost it one day and grabed a load of toys of the floor a throw them out the window she screemed but still kicking off... i emptyed her room out .. took her tv,, hi fi i had her stuff in my room for months and it didnt bother her .. i tryed rewards work for a week or so but that was it. she packed my clothes into a black bag when she was 5 told her dad she wanted a new mum.. i found its battle of the wills more then softly softly .. rewards and so forth.. u have too find the upper hand at the mo she is ruling you. she is taking every bit of attenion you have too offer she is very selfish as in she wants you too herself no matter wot (being shouted at or just the fact that u crying upset u are full on giving her attention) if you can see where i am coming from ?.. you need to wait for the next explotion change your total way of dealing with her.. instead of trying to get her to do her room.. ask her to do her room . when she starts to start smile and ok babe well you dont have to do your room but you will stay in your room (or not a load to play with your freinds) untill its done even if it takes her all week .. 2 weeks amonth its better then you getting in a state cos and soon as you show any stress she has got you, hold stong keep too it and after a while it should work my girl is now a teen and she messes up her room still but she will tidy up with out being told... if she is as stuborn as my daughter then shouting ,, threats it wont work she wont care . but if you can get the upper hand then keep her on a aleash as tight as you can untill she got message you are in charge not her could take awhile to fully get this but if you dont get some control soon she will be ruling your live hope this helps ..

Kd - posted on 07/15/2011

My son Jayden is 3yrs old and I know exactly what you are going through. Reciently he has began to exhibt simiarly behavior to your daughter. I have started a system with him and it seems to be working out. When he does something wrong such as a tantrum or screaming for no reason he sits in his time out chair. One minuet for the age of the child. If he isn't throwing a fit I get down eyelevel to him and explain to him why I put him there. If he is screaming I simply walk away. If he gets up I put him right back. Yes it gets tedious at first but eventually he gets the hint that he needs to stay there and he does. When the fit is over I again explain what he did. At the end of the time out I get back to his level again explain what he did wrong and why it is bad and then he has to give a hug and a kiss to me and apologize and then give a hug and apologize to the person who he upset/did something too. He has honestly started to behave a lot better. As for the cleaning of her room and doing chores. I tell jayden to pick up his things and he'll get a surprise. Sometimes ice cream after dinner or some candy or a trip to the park. If he refuses I take those toys put them in a plastic bag and he doesn't get them for the rest of the day! His choice. It teaches him that his behavior is his responsibility and if he does what he is told to do then he gets rewards and if he does not do as he is told then he suffers the conseqenses just like adults. A child should never have power over the parents. It is our responsibliltiy to mold them into good human beings. So take her power away and do it fast!

Lisa - posted on 07/15/2011

I disagree with the posts about rewarding children who are throwing temper tantrums. If she is supposed to clean her room and she doesn't, there is a consequence. First the negative behavior needs to be dealt with than rewards can be instituted for continued positive behavior. Starting a reward system now is just teaching her that if she throws a fit long enough, she's eventually win.

If her behavior has escalated to the point where she's become violent (throwing stuff, etc.) you should have her evaluated by her pediatrician.

Mary - posted on 07/15/2011

This is off track, but maybe you could have a sit down with your neighbors and explain to them what is happening so they understand and wont jump to any conclusions?(while you are working on resolving the tantrums with your daughter). My daughter doesn't have major tantrums so I have zero help there, but I also live in an apt complex with neighbors and you are correct, I hear their every move and sound. Anyway, Im sorry I wasnt more helpful. Hang in there mama :-)

Kyle - posted on 07/15/2011

Thanks for the info ladies. I do actually have a vido on my phone of one of her tantrums and on my computer. she does do activities, currently softball but that is a fight sometimes too even though she says she likes it. I have looked into the love and logic book and I may try that. I will also check on the 123 magic as well. Keep the ideas coming. Thanks

RENEE - posted on 07/15/2011

Oh to add, her punishment was no video games or laptop all day and she had to write me a letter why she needs to listen to me and do what I ask when I ask.

RENEE - posted on 07/15/2011

I go through the same thing, I'm happy to know I'm not alone. Best thing I've learned is to put her in her room until she chills out and once she calms down, we talk. I hope it gets better for you.

Renee
naeness@gmail.com

Jessi - posted on 07/15/2011

that is definitely not add/adhd behavior but it does sound like bipolar or hopefully just a phase. just do what you have to. i think you should definitely consider Geri's suggestion of videotaping it...with a nanny cam or something. Should the cops ever get called it would be good evidence that you are not abusing her and if the behavior is persistent and not just a phase you would have it to show her doctor and get her help. I have a friend like that who is adhd/bipolar as well as a cousin who is bipolar. you can put both of them in a public setting and they are fine but put them in a more private setting and they are the total opposite.

Geri - posted on 07/15/2011

I am not a fan of spanking,...however, if you properly and soundly spank her, I don't see her continuing. Only other recourse is secretly videotape her wild outburst and play it for the cops if they ever do show up.

Kat - posted on 07/15/2011

Honestly? I would discuss this with her pediatrician. I don't know much about ADD or ADHD or whether or not tantrums like that are a sign of her having either, but her pediatrician has been dealing with children for (presumably) many years and might be able to give you some advice as to how to curb these outbursts. Plus, it will be documented that this has been an issue of concern in your family should the police ever show up at your door.

Jessica - posted on 07/15/2011

Seriously I would take everything out of her room. Put it in storage. She can have things back once she learns to redirect her anger possitively. Does she do sports? That could be a good outlet for extra energy.

Joy - posted on 07/15/2011

Give her choices she can either pick up her toys nicely or you will pick them up & store them for 1 week ect. I hope this helps. There is a good book to read "Parenting with Love & Logic" not sure if you are in to reading but this is a wonderful book!!

Rita - posted on 07/15/2011

@Sal-I totally agree about hearing and eyesight! When my son was about 2 he had awful tantrums--plus he wasn't really talking yet--and after many ear infections, I had his hearing tested. Guess what? He had temporary hearing loss in both ears (about 50%!) due to the ear infections! Once I found this out, we decided to have the tubes put in and almost immediately after the surgery my son was a better communicator AND had fewer tantrums!
This wasn't his only issue though (he was diagnosed with high functioning autism and ADD), so using behavioral methods and sticking to them (this can be difficult!!) has really done the trick with us.
@Kyle-One thing I remember from a wise professional behavior therapists is this: "If you are going to give in eventually, better to do it right away than to wait. Waiting and then giving in just makes the tantrums more frequent!" Think of it like a slot machine...people play them because although they don't pay off each time, they do eventually pay; so people keep dropping money in them hoping for a jackpot. Kids think the same way...it worked once before, so it may work again...I just have to keep at it! :)

Anastasia - posted on 07/15/2011

A really good friend of mine had a 4 yr old who was the same way, except she didn't behave in public either! Her daughter is now a very well behaved 11 yr. old, so there is definitely hope! She would scream bloody murder "help me" and behave much as you described, which had the neighbors in the apt. complex looking strangely at her. She actually tried medicating her, but quickly decided against it because it turned her daughter into a zombie. Her daughter finally got tested through the state, for behavioral problems. She received different therapies, such as occupational therapy, speech therapy...and her behavior quickly changed. The therapy helped tremendously! I know it's hard, but I think just having supportive friends and family helps a lot. Maybe you could talk to your neighbors and explain the situtation (as much as you can without completely comprimising your privacy) and just ask them for a little understanding? Try to ask for help, some kind of behavioral therapy maybe? But, most of all, be patient with her. Hope this helped some