Cry-It-Out... Cruel or Not?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Veronica - posted on 06/20/2011
My daughter was about 7 months when I asked this question. I wanted to come back and kind of post an update. She is 2 now and we have successfully breastfed and co-slept up to this point (and beyond, no doubt). She's a great sleeper. She goes to bed around 7 or 8 within about 10-15 minutes of snuggling. I don't feel like that's excessive. She sleeps in her own crib (turned into a sidecar with the drop-down side removed and next to our bed). Once she's asleep, I join my huband for a movie and we go to bed when we please. She sleeps until about 4 am, but as soon as she reaches out for me and sees I'm there she falls immediately back to sleep until 6 when we all get up. I don't think any parent would be upset about this situation with a two year old. She's a great kid, rarely has tantrums, communicates well, and is a dream to be around. I can, without a doubt, contribute this to being there when she needs me and answering ALL of her needs. Including her need to sometimes just be held. I don't think using Cry-it-out has any super-negative effects. I just want more for my child's self esteem and I want her to always know I will be here for her no matter what. There's no way this form of parenting can make a child self-centered or cry more. My daughter cries far less than her CIO peers and she's becoming independent on her own terms and in line with what is normal. I highly respect all the mom's who take the little extra effort to be responsive. ♥
Joanna - posted on 05/25/2013
The thing is everybody's baby is different and you know your baby best and that is the beauty of it. You are going to do what is best for them. No matter what anyone else tells you. Only you know.
We had to do Cry It Out for our son. He was waking every 2 hours and unable to go back to bed without at least 20-30 minutes of nursing, rocking etc. I was a zombie. I've wrote about our CIO journey on my blog www.growinglittleones.com
We recently switched a little bit on which CIO method we used (Extinction method vs check and console method) to adjust to what is right for our son as he grows older.
Cruel! Just because there is nothing "wrong" with your baby doesnt mean he/she doesnt need you. Your baby needs to feel secure and loved. That wont happen by crying alone in a crib. your baby cant remember you leaving and coming back, when they are crying alone they just know that right now mom isnt here. Rock your baby kiss her snuggle her let her know you are there. This doesnt spoil her it reassures her, gives her confidence and makes her feel safe. Time goes by too fast. There are plenty of things later in life that will make her cry, so dont be the first.
Kelly - posted on 02/02/2010
I never thought i could do it either but when i had exhausted all other options because my son wouldn't sleep during his naps i broke down and let him cry. It was the hardest thing i have ever done. I cried right along with him while sitting outside his bedroom door. Only one week later we were finally back on track and he is sleeping so much better because of it. It hasn't affected our bonding one bit. He still snuggles up close we have the best of times rolling around together on our living room floor.
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Maribel - posted on 05/08/2012
In all honesty I feel like a 2 yr old still waking up in the middle of the night to cuddle isnt really what people are looking for BE THE PARENT stand your ground and put a stop to it because I would not like to have a 2 yr old in my bed every night it just doesnt sound convincing. Where do parents have time for "alone time" if you know what I mean? By that age a bed time should be set and they should beable to sleep THE WHOLE NIGHT My 7 month old son doesn't even wake up in the middle of the night! So I believe crying out method is ok as long as your child is fed and changed let them cry last time I check they don't cry blood I'm not saying to let them do it hours at a time but little by little they will Learn and by 2 goodnight means goodnight not ill meet you at midnight
Maribel - posted on 05/08/2012
For all these OLDER parents that don't have to deal with a crying baby 24/7 anymore I don't think it's cruel at all. My 7 months old son won't sleep unless I rock him and can not stand to be by him self for 5 minutes. Which means unless his father is around or he's asleep I get no break I can't use the bathroom can't Cook can't do nothing because "babies need to be held
All the time" THAT'S REDICULOUS let's step back into reality! everyone needs a little bit of time to them selves and with my son only taking cat naps here and there time for my self doesn't come often! I suggest Let them cry if they r fed ,changed and still crying then what do I always have to hold him? NO that's insane I don't believe a baby should be left crying for a long time but they need to Learn some how right? Personally I fear my son being to depRendent in life because this habbit Carries on if I don't teach him how to stop now when will he ever? I'm not trying to rock him to sleep at 2 yrs I feel like the crying method is the ONLY WAY TO FIX THIS. I suggest to go about this 5min at a time And each time u choose the crying method continue on adding 5 more minutes. Let's face it we are in year 2012 moms want to beable to go back to work put their kids in daycare and not worry! & for all you moms who believe that a baby should have control over you rather you over them (as a parent should) I can only imagine how spoiled her/she will be in just a couple of years most likely stomping their feets crying over a toy they can't have THIS HABBIT CARRYS ON STOP IT EARLY! I thank god for having such a lovely man by my side to help with no problems because I would be insane by now
Angharad - posted on 05/06/2012
I've never done CIO with my daughter. She's two, and yeah, her sleep habits have often been challenging, but now when it's bed time she gets her blankie, find her dad and sister to kiss them goodnight, and tells me she wants to go to bed. I still give her a bed-time breastfeed, but at least half the time she goes into her cot still awake (if she's awake she waves goodbye to me and says 'nigh-nigh, see you soon'). She often wakes at about midnight, so we sit a have a cuddle in her bedroom, and she's back asleep in about ten minutes. Don't believe the books/baby gurus with a vested, money-making interest in telling that crying it out is the only way to make your child grow up 'properly'. My girl seems to be doing just fine.
Rosie - posted on 06/17/2011
leaving your child to wail for hours? cruel and out of the question for me. letting them cry for a few minutes and then going in and checking in on them, to help them learn how to sleep? perfect, fabulous, and wonderful for the child, IMO. my children cried less during the time i would do this than they would've if i tried holding and rocking them. i'm glad i helped my children learn to sleep better, they were more rested, and so was i. i see nothing wrong with what i described.
Merry - posted on 06/17/2011
Out of the question for me. I will breastfeed my two year old back to sleep if he calls for me in the night. Although he will cry out in his sleep, and that I obviously don't need to do anything, butim always here if he needs me
Lissa - posted on 06/17/2011
What I did was put them down and just stand beside the cot for a few minutes to see if they settled. If not I would rub their back/belly without talking or making eye contact. Then when they settled I would take a step or two away and just stand there with my back to them. If they started getting upset again I would go back to rubbing belly/back again for a few minutes then stepping away again. When they were completely settled I left the room. This took a few weeks but I felt it was a good compromise, I didn't want to leave them to CIO but I also didn't think rocking them to sleep or lying with them every night was a good idea either.
I'm not entirely sure when I did it, it was a few years ago now but I think around 9 months old.
Kirsten - posted on 06/17/2011
Honestly after looking at the question and reading the article I realize that everyone is missing the most important point. How well do you know your baby's cry? If you know if your baby is being grumpy, or is hurt, or hungry, or wet, you should know their cry. Those mothers who let their baby "cry it out" when they put them to bed at night, probably know that their baby is being grumpy and cranky, and the only reason they are crying is because they just need to cry. My daughter does that. My husband and I have a rule of thumb we follow, if she doesnt stop crying by 20 minutes, we go into her room, pick her up, burp her, feed her, check her diaper. Usually its usually something that can be fixed easily and she'll go right to sleep after. Most of the time she just falls right asleep, crying or no. Its her way of venting that shes tired. But your right also. You cannot spoil a baby. However, if you constantly hold your child, rocking them to sleep, there is a big chance of them getting used to being in your arms when they go to sleep, and then when they're two or three, four, five... when does it stop? When you just want them in their beds, so you can go downstairs, or into the living room and unwind, do you really want to spend 10-20 minutes rocking them to sleep? My niece was like that. And eventually she got smart and realized that Mommy, Daddy, or Aunties would stay if she stayed awake. Everytime she'd close her eyes, and we'd try to put her down, and she'd start to cry, so someone would pick her up and try again.. It was an endless cycle. Its all a matter of doing it appropriately. It is NOT wrong to let them cry themselves to sleep. But I dont reccommend putting them down for 2 hours letting them cry. 20 minutes, and then check whats wrong. Then again, thats just my opinion.
Danielle - posted on 06/17/2011
I do not agree with CIO. As a mother I feel that my job is to tend to my baby at all times of the day or even night. I feel that there are better ways to teach your child to self soothe, yes it may take longer to teach them then the CIO method, but it is not emotionally draining on either person. Elizabeth Pantley wrote a book titled "The No-Cry Sleep Method" She offers great advice and tips on how to slowly teach your child how to self soothe and to sleep through the night. Also lets remember that sleeping 5 consecutive hours is considered sleeping through the night for a baby. I think that many parents put their needs before their chidren with the CIO method.
As for the parents who say how good you feel after a cry it out session you are crazy! The baby falls asleep because they are completely and utterly exhausted from crying! How can that be healthy??
When you teach your child to swim you do not just throw them into a pool and say "They have to learn on their own." You teach them in steps, learning to sleep on their own is the same. You need to teach them in steps. If you are against the CIO method but need ideas I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book.
Erica - posted on 06/15/2011
I have an amazing bond with my son. He has had some minor health issues and all of the doctors have commented on our bond. That being said I have had no problem letting him cry it out. When he had a cold I didn't allow him to simply because he wasn't feeling well. I let him cry for a few mins if he starts to cry to hard then I will go in, however he usually just goes back to sleep. It doesn't hurt for him to cry and he knows that I love him.
Briana - posted on 06/15/2011
I think that it is shocking and selfish parenting, but that is just me. I have never let my little ones cry, my daughter used to have crying time and she woould cry for about an hour non stop every night at the same time. I knew it wouldn't stop no matter what but i would just hold her and we would go through it together. Some days being hair raising. Imagine it this way, you are upset and have to get something out or need to be close and the only person in the world that should be there for you just walks away and closes the door. But parenting is different for everybody and it is a far more explosive topic than religion an politics. so who can judge.
Jolene - posted on 02/01/2010
I realize I just posted at the first of Jan, but I wanted to share this, I have a new infant at my home in child care. He is rocked to sleep or put to sleep for the most part at home. I have been letting him CIO to take his naps, (6 months old). Just to explain to those who think it is cruel, he for the past 2 weeks has been laying down and just falling to sleep with hardly a whimper. His mom is so impressed with how he has been sleeping here. She is trying to do the same thing at home. It really does work but you have to be able to let them CIO. If you are not one who can stand to listen to them cry it will seem cruel. But there is nothing wrong with the child. They just aren't getting the reaction they want, (for you to pick them up) It works every time and the longest it has ever taken for a child in my day care is 2 weeks.
Just for those who think it might ruin your bond with your child. My children are 22, 20, 18, 16, 13. I have a great relationship with all 5 of them. I have had over 125 children go through my day care in 24 years of business. NOT ONE child has brain damage, caused by CIO, many are parents themselves now, many were/are academic scholars, earning many academic awards, the 5 in kindergarten at this time are the top students in their respective classes. I know it never hurt them to CIO. They are all wonderful kids/adults. But CIO will only work if it is something you are willing to try.
BTW my sisters had a preemie and while visiting the NICU to visit there were a few preemies screaming it out. The nurse told my sister it helps to strengthen their lungs. That was 26 years ago.
Tanya - posted on 01/30/2010
I used CIO for my son at around 9mths to get him to sleep through the night. I had PND/PPD, if I wanted to get better then he needed to learn to sleep through the night, this process took 4 nights. I have friends who also went to their kids, and mostly these kids took until 2-3yrs old to sleep through the night, that is a lot of sleep deprivation for everyone. Sleep deprivation has a lot of potential to be damaging to child development.
I reasoned that if I am a responsive, caring, warm & loving mum during the day, I would not be doing damage over the long term, by leaving him to cry in the middle of the night. I believe that it is really important for babies & children to learn to sleep, so you need to find a method that works with your parenting style.
Also leaving a baby when they are unsettled because you are at breaking point is far better than potentially hurting your baby. Most mums will put themselves thru hell for they children, but everyone has their limit. I had to do this several times during the initial 3 months, getting help when you are low is vital.
Ashley - posted on 01/30/2010
You have people that say it's horrible, it's neglect of your child, even. Now - they then turn around and say to let your child cry for anywhere from 30 seconds to 1 minute before picking them up. Weird, eh?
If I was making a bottle, I let my daughter cry. I didn't pick her up. I'm making her bottle, I know it's that time, she's fine. I can still see her.
I find that parents who picked up their child every time they even whimpered, later grew to be just spoiled 'brats' that whined over everything, and became even more 'dramatic' if their parents were not IMMEDIATELY to their 'rescue.'
If my daughter is 'crying' (I can tell it's fake!) and throwing a fit, absolutely she gets ignored! If she's crying because she doesn't want to go to bed, or wants candy or whatever -- basically actually crying because she didn't get away, yes she is ignored. She cries, gets it out, then it's done. (She's 3 now.)
When she was smaller, under a year, I wouldn't immediately jump up, unless it was a certain cry where you KNEW something was wrong. I wouldn't let her cry longer than 2 minutes. Many times, within those 2 minutes, she was fine. For example, she'd lose her bink - start crying, and in less than a minute she had got it back into her mouth on her own. Or, I'd be in the process of peeing - she'd start crying. Well, I wasn't going to stop going to run and see what was wrong! (Wow, that sounds horrible wording it like that.. not meant that way at all!!!) It never hurt her at all. Excercise for her lungs! She has had 3 different peds, (one moved out of state, the second one we moved and so he was out of way for us, now we're still with her third one) and EACH of them has told me that it is safe for her, that it's also helpful to the parents to figure out their each distinctive cry, can help them develop independence (like the bink story I stated.) and can be good for them, as they grow older - that it doesn't damage any bond.
A very good friend of mine (the mother and father of spoken child are separated) would bring his son over to my house to have me help with him. His mother was anti-c.i.o and the child (I love him dearly but..) was a complete bear! He didn't sleep good at night, or through his naps. She was also a co-sleeper. It was very very stressful, and very clear that it was making this child suffer & just completely miserable! He was 2 years old, if his cup was empty it was empty tears to the point he would vomit because of the situation.
It is all, a personal belief & experience issue. Some are for - some are against. I don't judge those that are against, but wish to have respect for you that if my daughter is just beginning to whimper you don't make rude comments to me, or rush to immediately pick her up -- and I will equally give you the respect of not letting your child cry it out.
*So there can be no ill feelings -- this is not made to offend anyone. I KNOW that not all anti-c.i.o children are whiny, brats, have a hard time, etc. etc. I have just had personal experience where I have seen and 'worked with' children that do suffer from their parent(s) decisions against it.
Jolene - posted on 01/07/2010
I run an in home day care and I get all 12 toddlers/children (ages 12 months - 5 years) to sleep at the same time at nap time with NO crying, but I do lay infants down at nap time and they cry themselves to sleep. (It takes just a few minutes) Now before you jump to conclusions, know that they are ONLY ever in the crib at nap times, (twice a day) they do not play in there or sit in there. They learn at a very early age by 6 months that it is nap time. My newest infant is now out of the crib and naps on the mats, but by 6 - 9 months old she would just lay right down when I put her in the crib. She knew it was time to sleep.
By the way, I probably never would have tried this myself, except when I started my 1st infant at day care, the mother asked me how it was going after the 1st two weeks of watching her new baby. I said fine.....except..... I can not get her to stay asleep, I get her to sleep but when I lay her down she wakes up in 5 minutes. She said OH I forgot to tell you that I just lay her down and let her cry. My Pediatrician told me to do that if I wanted to go back to work rested after I had her. I was SURPRISED and skeptical but thought ok I will give it a try. Worked like a charm and I have been doing that ever since. 24 years and counting.
Helen - posted on 01/07/2010
i let both my kids CIO. i did it shortly before their first birthdays, they are both happy, healthy kids. i think part of the reason so many people are against CIO is because it sounds alot harsher than it actually is! you are not leaving your baby to cry themselves to sleep, you are teaching them that mummy hasnt gone anywhere but will not come running everytime they start crying! if anything i think it strengthens the bond between mother and child because it teaches them that mummy will return. i kept returning to my son and daughter but i lengthened the time before going back in. it took 3 days before they were goin to bed without crying! i have a stronger bond with my kids than anything i ever had before and although it was hard at the time i dont think i would of coped with them in my bed all the time! before i let my daughter CIO she was clingy and dependent on me all the time, to the point where i couldnt spend any quality time with just my son and that ment he obviously wasnt gettin the time and attention he needed, within a week of letting her CIO i was able to go to the bathroom, cook with 2 hands and spend an hour or so playing with my son. i would recommend it to anyone as long as they do it properly!
Sara - posted on 01/07/2010
Oh, and please don't take my post as snippy, I really wasn't trying to be...I just think that CIO in conjunction with loving and attentive parenting is not cruel, and it has worked great for my family. I just think there's a lot of misinformation out there about it.
Sara - posted on 01/07/2010
Yes, it can be cruel and damaging: http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/12/cryi...
However, it's better to leave a child to cry by himself than to pick him up and shake him or otherwise harm him.
I think it's important to set the record straight here...make a decision based on what you want to do, not BS that people spread all over the internet.
The work of big name researchers and clinicians comes hand-in-hand with the anti-cry it out stance. For example, UCLA researcher Dr. Allan Schore is often cited as showing that stress hormones like cortisol, released during intense crying, damage nerve cells in the brain, leading to unhealthy attachments and psychological disorders. He demonstrates that a repeated pattern of unmet needs disrupts a child's stress-regulating systems and can alter the way her limbic structures process emotion.
But Schore's research is actually about how trauma, chronic neglect, or abuse affects a small person. No doubt, if ignoring distress were your every day parenting philosophy this would apply, but sleep training against the background of caring, responsive parenting, does not. In fact, this is the case with a lot of sources opposing the cry it out method — the claims of brain, personality, and attachment damage come from research conducted with grossly neglected children (some studies use data from Child Protective Services cases) not healthy children with loving parents who let them cry for an isolated timeframe.
Another well-respected source that makes the rounds on the Internet is a list of studies put together by Dr. Sears that conclude crying it out is dangerous. There are too many to explain each here, but for example, one states that infants who cry excessively have a higher incidence of ADHD, antisocial behavior, and poor school performance. When you look at the original study, though, the crying clearly has nothing to do with sleep training. The study shows that extra fussiness and subsequent crying (regardless of what parents do in response) might be a symptom of an underlying problem that could come up later in life. Sears quoted another study as showing that crying early on makes a child fussy and emotionally unbalanced. Again, the actual study says that babies who already cry a lot might be showing early signs that they are slower to develop emotional control. None of the Sears studies listed shows negative consequences as a result of a structured sleep training program.
A Harvard study often surfaces in this debate to show that CIO is bad for baby. This is not actually an original research paper, but an opinion paper based mostly on anthropological studies of parenting practices. It describes how U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones. It does not have any data about sleep training.
While there is not difinitive studies published stating that CIO is good for your baby, there are also no studies proving it is "damaging". In the studies that support the idea that babies who are allowed to"cry it out" will later have development problems, the researchersmerely research how CRYING affects a child later in life-- in other words, they assume that a baby who "cries it out" will spend more of her infancy crying than a baby that is comforted when she cries. However, as Richard Ferber and many "cry it out" experts detail, the point of using the CIO method is to stop your baby from crying in the future. Babies who are comforted when they cry will continue to cry any time they feel like it and want their parents to comfort them, so
in the end they may cry more than babies under the CIO method, resulting in more developmental damage. I could not find a double-blind, controlled study that said that the CIO method caused more damage than the attachment method.
The bottom line is that It's a personal parenting choice, plain and simple. You don't need to make moms feel like they are being cruel or feel guilty for making a choice that they feel is right for them.
Erin - posted on 01/07/2010
I agree with Jane. Not until after 6 months and at that early age not more than 10 or 15 min once everything else has been ruled out, CIO worked for us though. As another poster said, you can tell if its "real" crying or just trying to manipulate you. Its crazy how often you see toddlers that just turn on the water works for no reason and their parents jump, I would find that exhausting! I refuse to be controlled by my child especially in the toddler years, they have to learn who's the parent and how to communicate/express their feelings and frustrations, crying doesn't work on me.
Chelsea - posted on 01/07/2010
That's terrifying! Cry it out, is this regarding just infants going to sleep? Now does this apply to toddlers and the horrific tantrums they can sometimes throw? I did not let my son start crying it out until he was almost two, and it was because of the tantrums he began to throw. Does it cause brain damage to allow them to cry out a tantrum? And if so, how does a parent avoid caving into something she was trying to implement in the first place?
Chelsea - posted on 01/07/2010
I do not think that it is cruel whatsoever. Now, stick your child in a dark room to just cry cry cry (especially if it is not bed-time) and that would be cruel. As a single parent though I have found that I have to hold a very firm foot. I try to be consistent with everything I do and if he is going to throw a tantrum over something he knows he shouldn't be doing, or just to get attention in a negative way, I definitely let him cry it out.
Blackwood - posted on 01/07/2010
I think you can kinda tell when your baby is "testing" you, my doc says eventually often parents let their child cry it out. I on the other hand am not ready to do that just yet. My son is only 5 months old and I'm sure if he's crying, he's crying for a reason, even if that reason is reasurrance that his mommy is there. I have had a hard time with my son sleeping in his crib, we now do nap times only and I do have to pick him up and rock him too sleep sometimes cuz he will start to wail. Sometimes he kinda moans himself too sleep if he is over tired. Best of luck.
Shawn - posted on 01/07/2010
Unfortunately at some point you have to let them. I never did with my son and now he is 2 years old and has some of the biggest temper tantrums that I have ever seen because that is how he controls the situation. I know it is very hard to let your child cry and not comfort them but I do think that there is a time that they need to learn to comfort themselves, I have no idea when a good age to do that would be though.
im with jane as long as the baby is old enough but i think 7 months then yes no longer then 15 mins wont hurt but if you have a newborn with colic an you have been tending to for hours an hours then yes by all mean put the baby in a safe place an take a break for a few when my son was 8 months old he always started wanting to sleep with an i loved to sleep woth him but it was every now an then (since the day he came hom from the hospital i always layed him down in his crib for nap an bed although sometimes i did co sleep with him but for some reason he wanted to do it everyday all day when he turned 8 months an i was not on it so his doc told me that i could let him cry it out for no longer then 15 mins an thats what i did it took 8 days but then we were back to normal, an it did not ruin are bond at ALL he is still a mamas boy to this day an even past all that babies need to cry sometimes its good for them spoiled babies are no fun just like sppoiled toddlers are no fun
September - posted on 01/07/2010
I don't personally agree with the technique but that's just me. I rocked our son to sleep until he was 6 months old (I loved the cuddle time!). Once he hit 6 months he no longer wanted me to rock him so I would just put him in his crib and call it a night. He's always been very easy on Momma :) I consider myself very lucky!
Tara - posted on 01/07/2010
Good luck later on Amber it takes time and you only did it once my son did the same thing and age does make a difference i would say after 6months is fine, it doesnt seem like your taking the time to find out what he can really deal with on his own and i promise it will only get harder if you try he will get better unless there is an underlying medical issue.
Shelby - posted on 01/07/2010
when my daughter started to cry to get her way is when i started letting her cry it out (which was around 15 months). i knew she was tired, i knew i had nothing to offer her to help her get to sleep (i'd tried it all! she just wanted to fight sleep). so i let her cry it out. after only a few days she started sleeping SO much better! now she sleeps 14 hours a night without crying for me (if she does, then i KNOW there's something WRONG) and is always well rested.
i think it was harder on me than it was on her to let her cry!
and i couldn't have even attempted it before she was a year old.
(i wanted to add that with my daughter it was more of a "holler it out" also! lol... if she started getting truly upset i would go and shush her and lay her down and rub her back a bit, but NOT pick her up or talk to her... just letting her know i was around but it was time for her to sleep)
Jane - posted on 01/07/2010
It depends on age & what a mom's definition of crying it out means. I think my definition is different then some mom's; if the baby is under 6 months then no way I couldn't do it. After that (I have a 9 month old) then 10-15 minutes when going down for a nap or bed. If he's really screaming then not even that long. If a mom has a baby with colic & she needs a break for 10 minutes w/ some ear plugs in then that's ok too. Some mom's let their babies scream for a couple hours, I could never do that.
Teresa - posted on 01/07/2010
I know that it pulls at your heartstrings but I am trying it with my 17month old and it is fine...we have an unbelievable bond and he has never cried longer than 8 minutes before he gives up...my other children I never did it with and they would throw the worst tantrums cause they knew I would always pick them up, it killed me the 1st time but when he stopped crying after 5 minutes I was like...WOW!
Tara - posted on 01/07/2010
It wont ruin your bond i promise you that. Im more worried that you will have difficulties with disipline as she becomes a toddler. I know its hard to let her cry it out it hurts all moms to let their children cry through their frustrations we love them and want to protect them but at times it needs to be done. I will tell you from personal experience working as a child caregiver for years now and mother of a 4yr old boy if you let her cry it out sometimes and only the times she needs it you both will benifit greatly. She will learn to self soothe and will not cry as often. I have learned the only times my son needed to cry himself out was when he was excessively tired and rocking him did not help it was hard but after a few weeks he calmed down not completely stopped but drastically cut down and he was happier and would not get freaked out by everything. I know quite a few mothers who wont let their children cry it out and EVERY one of their children has an anxiety problem; whether it be excessive crying over any little disruptence to their norm or attachment issues be it to a parent or an inanamite objects. She will be ok with the change if you have the courage to follow through. My son came out just fine from crying out and yours will be too.
Jesyca - posted on 01/07/2010
I think that from the moment our baby is born...they are a guilt trip. Suddenly we are second guessing ourselves and in the process lose our common sense. Babies are an addition to the family we all hoped to have, but they do not come with instructions. In the most basic form, common sense is all it takes to raise your child in a healthy and loving environment.
Lisa - posted on 01/07/2010
In my opinion, it depends on the age. And I agree that it is indeed a control issue. I had great results with my daughter when she was about 1 & 1/2. She absolutely would not sleep in her bed...I had tried everything else. She was not sleeping and I was not sleeping. It was the HARDEST thing I have ever done...it's your child and they know that you will come running when they cry. I think that when they have some sort of communication skills and understanding if you are strong enough to do it, go for it. It's entirely up to the mom...and all circumstances vary.
i tried to do this just yesterday for the first time while putting him down for a nap.... ten minutes into it he was snuffling and had snot5 running down his face so bad... ughh it took me three hours to calm him down by rocking and holding him and he was so clingy that entire day and night.... if i would have listen to my gut and just rocked him in the first place we both would have had our nap... NEVER EVER AGAIN will i put him in the crib and close the door... it sucks crying yourself to sleep ive done it and wouldnt wish that on ANY baby
Stephanie - posted on 01/07/2010
I REFUSED as well, I think babies under 1 or so lack the communication skills and crying can be a release but that doesnt mean I am gonna use the cry it out to deal with the issue. There were many nights where my daughter would just cry, she was around the 6 month age..as much as I was frustrated, I would just sit in the recliner and rock. I know in my heart that it was right for me to do it that way. I feel like I should treat her as I want to be treated, if I am upset and crying I dont want someone to walk away and leave me alone, I want a hug...lol...
I also think it is rediculous that plp let there babies that are new born cry to sleep at night, I mean hello they cry for basic needs not because they are minipulating you.
At some point yes kids cry and they should be taught how to deal with it. Depending on their age should navigate what they can do... when I worked with afterschool kiddos we would let them go sit off in a quiet room or give them something constructive to do, color or go dribble a ball.
I am sure this post will get lots on interesting responses...you do what is right for you and dont worry what others tell you. If it feel right to you, then that is all that matters.
Jesyca - posted on 01/07/2010
It is a true challenge to leave your baby crying; however, it is much bigger challenge to be at his/her disposal for things like 'need to cry'. Your child learns as you raise him/her. Crying is the only language they know, but with time comes the necessity to do things that need get done. Make sure that it is not you who needs the attachment more than your little girl.
Hannah - posted on 01/07/2010
im finding that if i give in to my daughters crying when nothing is wrong i lose more control. she ends up pushing more and more coz she knows il give in, so iv started letting her cry it out, we have a great bond and she knows i love her dearly but i refuse to let her control me, im the parent and i dont think i should let her get her own way because she throws a tantrum.however when she has finished her tantrum i try and talk to her, shes nearly 3 now and understands alot more and she asks or tells me when something is wrong. iv never let her go to sleep crying though,
Melissa - posted on 01/07/2010
I do not like to do it, but sometimes if there is nothing wrong with him I will just until I am finished whatever it is I am doing. Of course it upsets me, but I find I am bonding fine with my three month old son and they do say that a little crying makes the lungs go stronger. I cuddle with him a lot but I do not want him to be clingy, then I would never get anything done at all.
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