Crying it out, and then taking a very short nap!

Jodi - posted on 10/28/2009

I'm with Carol on this one. Try using a sling. I am mother of 2 plus step-mother of 2, and had 3 other children and 2 businesses to run around after when I had my youngest, so I know how difficult it can be to make sure everyone gets what they need. I personally still would never have let my very young baby cry for that long. While I have no problems with allowing an older baby (around 6 months, depends on the baby) to CIO or sleep train (I have done it with my kids), this is too young, and if it hasn't worked in 6 weeks, it is obviously not working, and is only stressing both of you. You need a different solution. I used a sling sometimes with my daughter when she was that age if she was fussy and wouldn't sleep during the day, and I was able to get after school snacks, help with homework, do my work, housework etc.



You could also try a bouncer! My kids both loved their bouncers at that age. I could move it from room to room with them in it while I got on with what needed to be done, and chat to them, so they knew I was there. More often than not, they would fall asleep in it and I'd just leave them asleep where they were :)

Johnny - posted on 10/28/2009

Why don't you try putting him in sling? That way you can get things done, look after your preschooler and still hold him close. Even the strongest CIO proponents are opposed to children under 6 months being left to CIO. There are easier ways to handle this, for you and for your son. Hearing him cry for that long can not be good for you either. It sounds like perhaps your post-partum may be clouding your assessment of the situation. Your posts suggest that you are quite overwhelmed, have you talked to anyone about this?

Jenifer - posted on 10/28/2009

Negative feedback? I'm not really sure which posts you're referring to - most of the responses to your question seem extraordinarily polite, especially considering that you're talking about having left a 6 week old to cry for up to an hour. If you think people were being negative to you original post, perhaps internet forums are not the place for you.

?? - posted on 10/28/2009

If you weren't prepared to be able to give your newborn all the cuddle time they need, you are the one was naive and I would say borderline irresponsbile to be having another child. Your preschooler IS just as important and your NEWBORN deserves to have his mother there to cuddle him for half an hour, an hour even TWO hours if they need it. I can't believe you would be so negative to imply that a mother of one child wouldn't understand THAT simple detail. If you are unable to provide your child WHO IS ONLY 3 MONTHS OLD every need that they have, then it is YOU who is lacking and not the people replying in regards to the fact that your 3 month old NEEDS you and you are unwilling to give them the time they need, that you gave your other child. Please. Grow up.

Nicole - posted on 10/28/2009

Wow, I can't believe all the negative feedback. I forgot how controversial CIO is. This is my third child and I know how to sooth and rock him, and I have tried everyday. He does not enjoy being held when he is tired. He pops his head up and fusses. I have rocked him to sleep and held him and tried everything I can to give him the love he needs but the very moment I put him down anywhere he wakes up and cries. The more I give in and pick him the crankier he gets through out the day because he is so tired. Having a six year old in school and preschooler does not allow me the opportunity to hold him for an hour while he sleeps cause I have to drive to school and pick up. Plus take care of my preschooler, and help her with her daily needs which are just as important as his. It actually makes me laugh at the naive responses from first time moms who can't possibly imagine what it is like to have more than one child who's needs and wants are just as important as baby number three. You can't just ignore them while you cuddle and rock your baby for an endless amount hours because he is not a self soother. I soothed my first baby and never let her CIO ever, but I had the time because I only had her to take care of. With every child I find less time to love my baby the way I did my first. I wish I could dote on him the way he deserves, but life is not always idyllic. I will definitely cut down the time he cries, and try again later to see if he is just not tired enough. Thanks for all the advice!

Kristin - posted on 10/28/2009

wow your babe is crying alot.... I had times when she wasnt sleeping well and short naps and i learned to add rice to her bottles it fills them up and then they sleep more. also baby could be experiencing gas pains ... babys form of communication is crying they are telling you hey im not happy and fix it please cause I cant..

Erin - posted on 10/28/2009

Well firstly, and most significantly, CIO should not be used on a baby under 6 months old. I would imagine that's the biggest part of your problem - your baby is simply too young for this kind of sleep-training. And secondly, even if he was older, after 6 weeks of little to no success it would be time to give up and find another solution anyway.

Letting such a young baby cry for that amount of time is harsh. He is crying because he lacks the ability to put himself to sleep, and he's not going to learn that through crying for up to an hour, several times a day, only to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. How does that teach him anything except that his emotional needs don't matter? I get so sick of reading posts of mothers saying.. "he was fed, changed and warm - he was fine". A baby's need for comfort should be of the same priority as these other needs, and by letting such a young baby cry you are not tending to his emotional wellbeing.

Kelly - posted on 10/28/2009

My son sounds exactly like yours and at 3 months I thought I was going to lose my mind. I tried the CIO method once and he cried for over an hour and never went to sleep. After that I realized that all babies are different and what works for some may not work at all for me. I was afraid all the rocking, bouncing, singing him to sleep would spoil him to the point that he would never become a "normal" baby. My baby boy was diagnosed with silent reflux around this time and we modified things slightly and things gradually got better. (Check out the symptoms if you haven't already.) Instead of trying to force him to nap in his crib we would build a little nest for him on the floor of softer pillows and blankets like he was being held. (We only did this during the day when he was being supervised.) He never napped long - usually only 30 mins tops. But he would transition to this easier than going from my arms to a cold, flat crib. We also made a long coil out of a beach towel and shaped it into an oval directly on his crib mattress and then covered it with the crib sheet. This made a hammock that nestled him snugly but kept him on his back. He seemed to be so much more comfortable at night with not so much rolling around and fighting sleep. I did get a sling and he would nap on me or if I laid down with him, but I found it to get heavy after a while and you can only do so much while wearing it. Now my son is 6 months old and he's still not a great napper but he does go down on schedule 3 times per day and today he napped for an hour and a half, which is the longest he has ever napped!!! I was thrilled!! Also, try getting into the habit of starting the napping process (rock, sing, whatever) at the same time everyday. But once you figure out the right times for him stick to them and eventually he will know what that time of day means. I also stayed on the go when my son was like this b/c he would nap in his carseat or while in department stores, etc. So needless to say I shopped A LOT!! But once I started to implement a schedule I forced myself to stay home and not go anywhere during the day for one week to try and get a routine started. It paid off.

Kirra - posted on 10/28/2009

I have twins and my little girl is the same. I have found that a small top up before a nap has started to help.

Charlie - posted on 10/28/2009

CIO is not recommended for children under 6 months of age and even after they are six months of age and you can use CIO , twenty to sixty minutes is *far too long .

Since this is what you have chosen to do ( CIO ) here is what i suggest.

Create a bedtime routine that works for your family. Pick a bedtime, and 2 or 3 things to do with your baby before bedtime. Some ideas: give him a bath, read the same story, sing the same song, play the same (quiet) game.

Then, while your baby is still awake, put him in bed. Pat and comfort your baby as he tosses and turns in his crib, but don't pick him up or give him a bottle. Then, leave the room.

Check on him in regular intervals (10-15mins) if he cries , pat and comfort him while he's still in his crib.

On the other hand you could try lying down with him in your bed and reading a story , patting him to sleep or singing him a song its a great bonding experience !
Do that until he drifts off to sleep or just before he drifts off put him in his own cot and continue to pat him until he is completely out .
It doesnt take long at all and once you have established that routine he will recognize that its bedtime , the last method is what i do with my son , i love lying with him reading to him and singing to him .

Hang in there Nicole .

Angela - posted on 10/28/2009

I have the same problem. From the time my daughter was 3 weeks old, she didn't sleep much in the day and would cry for 30 to 45 minutes, up to an hour some days. She fought sleep at night. She's 7 months old now. She takes 2 20 minute naps a day. She still cries all day. She wants me to hold her all day. She cries in the car, taking baths, getting dressed. Pretty much the only time she doesn't cry is when we go places like Target. I just make sure she's safe, dry, fed and let her scream. After all this time, I pretty much tune it out for an hour or so at a time. Eventually, it just doesn't bother you anymore. I still have my days though.

Marcy - posted on 10/28/2009

Nicole-

Please, I beg you, pick you kiddo up and give him lots of love. That is a really long time to let a child CIO and he is probably falling asleep for that breif period of time due to exhaustion. Can you put him in a stroller or in a backpack and take him for a walk? I don't think that letting him CIO is helping with your depression. Being a mom is really hard and if you are having medical issues on top of it I can only imagine your stress level must be through the roof. Take a deep breath, relax and hold your son. he is crying for you.

Anar - posted on 10/28/2009

Cuddle and rock... 6 weeks is too long of a time to try things out... clearly it's not working... every child is different... for a 3 month old , this is too much to take... get a baby cradle/swing or just rock him to sleep... he will learn to sleep on his own once he grow up a lil.. I have a 3 month old myself.. n have been trying to put him to his bed when he's semi sleepy.. works somtimes.. doesn't other times!

Cathralynn - posted on 10/28/2009

I think babies need a lil help in the beginning. I have used cio myself but after six mo and after I knew my daughter already knew how to put herself to sleep. It was just a matter of her just knowing a shedule and that now it was time for naps. I recommend as another poster said a sling. My daughter was more comfortable when I wore her and I could still get things done. This way she still got her much needed naps and was a better sleeper at night. We worked on a napping routine in a crib after six mo.



Another thought. My daughter sometimes napped in her swing, if you need a break and that works. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 10/28/2009

I understand your frustration and post-partpartum...i had a little of that myself (this was my first baby). my son was colicy for a few weeks and i let him cry it out about 4 times, and after that i have found that rocking him or singing works great. babies seem to respond to your voice very well, and it is very soothing, so i would try laying with him and singing so that he can hear you, smell you and feel you next to him, once he is asleep move him to his baby bed or where-ever he sleeps. also i don't know how you feel about pacifiers but those seem to work also, the sucking sensation soothes baby. this may take a week to catch on, but once he has his routine it will be a lot less frustrating than hearing him cry. i hope this works and things get better, you are good mom so don't give up :-)

Allison - posted on 10/28/2009

My son usually naps for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. I used to rock him to sleep before the naps but it was taking way too long. Now I read to him for 5 -10 minutes and put him in his crib sometimes he cries weakly a bit (2 minutes) and sometimes he doesn't. When he cries really hard I know from experience he will cry for 30 minutes +, I figure he is not ready to nap yet and try again in an hour.

Jenifer - posted on 10/28/2009

Doesn't sound like the crying it out is working for you - he's simply too young. Have you considered getting a baby carrier, so that he can nap snuggled up to you and still give you the freedom to attend to your older children? Maybe a Moby wrap or a ring sling?

Janelle - posted on 10/28/2009

oh my goodness! your poor baby.. crying for up to 60 minutes without his mama????????? How can you do this to him? My babe has never cried for more than a couple minutes without me. The goal is not get your child to self soothe, you are only going to hurt them. I have breastfed my 9 mo old son to sleep since he was born, and spent many hours with him in a wrap on me, I could never even think to let him suffer. Please reconsider !

Jennefer - posted on 10/28/2009

Nicole-
I suggest the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Maybe crying it out doesn't work for your little boy. Pantley talks about how resisting sleep and short naps can contribute to poor sleep at night. I hope this helps. Do you have someone you can ask to help you and give you some support, maybe just a break? I know how it feels to ask for help, but sometimes people just don't know what to do for you unless you suggest something. Please try to do something nice for yourself that will make you feel better.

Minnie - posted on 10/28/2009

And you are still trying this because....it works?



Why not just cuddle/rock/snuggle him off to sleep- make with the happiness and love and let him actually enjoy falling asleep?



One day he's going to declare himself too big to have momma snuggle and hug him.



On a side note, even most of the diehard CIO propoents will tell you to not use it on an infant under six months. That's dangerous.