crying it out vs. cosleeping

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Nadine - posted on 10/11/2009

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I put the baby in his crib after he's asleep, and if he wakes then He's in with us for the night... I feel cruel jest letting him cry.

Vicky - posted on 10/10/2009

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depends on the situation. how old your little one is, how their temperament is. my son was fine if i was just in his room. my girls like when i lay in bed with them. if you start co sleeping, it's a hard habit to break. my friend had a 5 year old that still sleeps with her. try a pacifier or a small amount of water.

Ada - posted on 10/10/2009

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With my first I co slept for 12 months and then tried letting her cry it out. I enjoyed co sleeping but it got to a point were I wasnt getting the rest I needed. She got used to it in one - two weeks and then went off to sleep without crying anyhow.



I am currently co sleeping with my second who is 8 months. I occasionally let her winge for a few minutes and then give her , her dummy and she puts herself off to sleep. I prefer to co sleep because I love the extra cuddles.



Do what is best for you. :)

Adriana - posted on 10/10/2009

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Co-sleeping....Every animal sleeps with their baby...why not us? Even though it's so controversial you have to think for yourself and what fits for your lifestyle. Many other cultures believe in co-sleeping.

Erinn - posted on 10/10/2009

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My oldest daughter had an issue with her sinuses when she was 1, she would make this slight noise in the middle of the night that only my husband could hear... than she would throw up due to the build up of mucus. She would stay asleep through the hole thing... so we where forced to let her sleep next to us. It was a small burden than but a big burden now, she is now 6 and still tries to sleep in our bed. She has a hard time getting herself back to sleep without help and she will say anything to get into our bed.

Fighting with a 6yr old is not fun at 2 in the morning.

My other daughter can't sleep with us, she must be contained for her safety. She rolls so much that she rolled right off the end of our bed and hit the floor.

plus than my 6yr old uses it against me.



There is a difference between fussing and crying. And letting your child cry it out comes into play months or even years after their born. If you start out right you won't have to do either. But just to let you know that letting your child cry it out does no harm to them. But all children are different. A person who believes in co-sleeping says if you don't your children will be distant, but they co-slept with all their children. There is more then one way to do it right. If your child is safe, fed, and not ill... but waking up alot at night and needs you to constantly sooth them back to sleep... try it. And in all honesty the first night will be the hardest and take the longest, even going on for over an hour. Your child is not thinking that you don't love them and they will not disown you. The next night will get better and better every night after that. Give it a week, if you can stick to your guns and try not to let the guilt run you over, you will be amazed what can happen in just 7 days. Trust me it's not easy listening to your child cry for a long time. But there are compromises to this whole situation. Use a bassinet and have it next to your bed, this way you can touch your infant if they need a little soothing. Feed your infant a full bottle and than lay them down to sleep. To acomplish this you may have to wake them by putting them down for a minute, I change my son's diaper in the middle of his feedings to wake him up. Burping them properly can ensure a restful sleep, using gas drops can help with the stuborn kids who for some silly reason don't like to burp. also remember to lay them down when their asleep. It might make YOU feel good to constantly snuggle with your little one, but some children will learn to wake when you want to put them down later. Remember sometimes your going to have to get things done while they sleep and if they need to feel you all the time in order to sleep it will make getting things done very hard. And if you still need to have your child close by when they are too big for the bassinet make room for a crib, or even a pack and play works too and takes up less space. If they cry and you still want to get them go ahead. You will be amazed by the compromises you can make in any situation. Don't forget each child is different too what works for one may not work for another. Please also remember what might be good for you may not be in your childs best intrest in the long run.

Michele - posted on 10/10/2009

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My friends tell me to just put her in her bed and let her cry but I dont like the idea of letting my daughter who is almost 22 months cry it out. She does just fine with sleeping with me on the couch. I started sleeping on the couch when my feet started to swell up, it was easier to prop my feet up. She will climb on the couch with me fall asleep and then i put her in her now toddler bed and she will sleep the rest of the night there.

I just love the feeling of having her curled up next to me, i even got to see her laughing in her sleep a couple of times that was so cool to be able to see that. Sometimes i think she has nightmares and when she is sleeping next to me i can just take my hand and pat her on her leg and tell her its ok and she goes right back to sleep.

Leanne - posted on 10/10/2009

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I had both my babies in bassinettes in our bedroom for the first few months. I would not sleep with them in our bed as it is my understanding that this is pretty dangerous. I am sure that there are safe methods of co sleeping but I have not looked into these as my own theory is if you are going to start a routine when and how do you stop it. To me I couldnt imagine cosleeping with a toddler and trying to change such a routine.

My first baby was a great sleeper from day one. Unfortunately at about 4 months everything went pear shaped. She was impossible to get to sleep and would continually wake during the night. We tried everything...rocking, feeding, driving in the car etc... nothing seemed to work and the result was a very tired and unhappy baby and very tired, unhappy and stressed mother. Up until this point i was against the idea of "Controlled Crying" (i think this is an Australian method). Out of desperation I bought a book called Silent Nights a lot of the content can be viewed at www.silentnights.org .The author talks about how the baby needs to learn to put themselves to sleep rather than you put them to sleep. This made a lot of sense to me. Although I really did not want to leave my baby to cry, using the method in this book her sleep problems were solved within 24 hours! We have had a couple of minor hiccups a long the way and as soon as we went back to the techniques in the book problem solved straight away. What became apparnet to me was that if i was trying to use other methods to get her to sleep she was actually crying more than when we were doing "controlled crying".

I would not use these methods for a young baby who needs regualry feeding, comfort etc... but only if your were having problems in getting your little one to sleep...as we were.

In this book there are excellent tips for routines for newborns (that do not involve crying) which we have followed with our second daughter. She has just turned two..has two naps of 2-3 hours a day and 11 hours at night. All our friends think she is amazing as she tells us as soon as she is tired and wants to go to bed. 99% of the time she goes to bed with no fuss. I wish I had those tips with my firstborn.

Brenda - posted on 10/10/2009

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We have co-slept from an early age. DD still sleeps with us most nights. Sometimes she likes to sleep in her own bed and sleeps till about 4-5am and then comes into our bed. I noticed that when sleeping with us her breathing slows to our rate of breathing so I think that there is some merit in co-sleeping but wouldn't judge others how they put LOs to bed. I did put my daughter in her room to begin with when she was a newborn but I would always go to her when she cried or was stirring for feed. It got too cold in her room so thats when I decided to bring her into our room. I love co-sleeping with her but also I don't stop her from sleeping in her room when she wants.

[deleted account]

Quoting Katrina:



Quoting jodie:

my babygirl is now 15 months & has slept with me ever since she out grew her bassinet. she has a beautiful room of her own with a beautiful cot but shes terrified of sleeping in there. i have tried some numerous times for her to sleep in her cot & couldnt cope with letting her work herself up to a state of shaking & sobbing, which on one occasion lasted 50 mins of non stop crying! im not happy with myself for letting her co-sleep with me but if she feels safe & secure with mummy, well, then im content.





May I suggset that you have the option to sleep in her room when she feels this insecurity..she will get to used to it more easily...I have a mattress on the floor of my son´s room where we play,cuddle and sometimes sleep...usually he sleeps the whole night alone in his bed in his room...this other option works when it is needed....and sleeping has been fine since the move to his own room at age of 2.






i actually layed beside her cot (once only though) & it seemed to have angered/upset her even more knowing that i was right there & not picking her up. i dnt have much persistance in putting her in her cot. i think whats working at moment is ok for now. hopefully when shes alittle older she will understand that she has to sleep in her own bed!

Valeria - posted on 10/10/2009

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Co-sleeping. And it feels so good to have your little baby right next to you. To me crying it out is cruel, I could not do it.

Saffah - posted on 10/10/2009

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I got a kind of half and half method from my midwife - advice was to leave the room for one minute. if s/he's still crying go in and give comfort for one minute or until the baby stops crying and their breathing returns to normal. repeat this again and again until either the baby is asleep or not crying. I did this with my little girl and the first few nights were ROUGH! it took up to 3 hours! but after a week, she would settle instantly as long as i gave her a dummy. I always go in to her every 5-15 minutes even now that shes 20months old. (note that for under 6 months the baby should always sleep in the same room as the parents. when under 6 months, i always cuddled my lil one off to sleep).

Carolyn - posted on 10/10/2009

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To piggy-back what someone else posted, yes risks increase with child in bed... you have to know yourself! If you or your husnad are drinkers, smoke, do drugs or are heavy sleepers, don't put baby in bed with you! Put baby in basinet near your bed. Majority of deaths from co-sleeping are from the categories I just mentioned.



There is evidence that co-sleeping DOES prevent SIDS, to whomever doubted that. There was a study that showed that co-cleeping, in the broad sense of the word (in the same room sleeping) helps the babies heart beat stay regular. I hope I'm saying this correctly. it's the proximity of the mother... nearby, and that's why the baby doesn't actually have to be IN the bed. I used to help my son when he was an infant and crying by breathing regularly and deeply while holding him, and he would slow down and then be calm.



On another note, cribs are not necessarily the safest places in the world either. Many babies die in cribs every year from product malfuntion, people putting blankets in there, being sick and the parent not knowing, baby not breathing and parent not knowing,



Whether a mom is sitting in her bed or or an easy chair, she needs to be careful not to fall asleep while breastfeeding, especially if she is large-chested as I have heard of sad cases where the infant was suffocated and the mom didn't realize since she had fallen asleep.

Minnie - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting andrea:

co sleeping is wrong i know too many baby's that have died this way just because there mum and dad are so lazy to sit with them in there own room to help them get to sleep

if my little girl cry's i leave her for 5 min and if she still crying i go in and see whats wrong sometimes she just needs to know that i am still there and i kiss and a little culd is all she needs

if you want to KILL your kid then go a head co sleep



I suppose then there is nothing to the fact that countries where bedsharing is the norm all-around don't even have a name for SIDS it's so rare.



 



They don't call it 'crib-death' for nothing.

Minnie - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting Nick:



Quoting tara:

Co-sleeping. Never crying it out. Its not good at all. Co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. Id go for a secure sleeper that sits in the bed with you. remember our babies cry for a reason.
They need us and you cannot deny them that. You can never spoil a baby with love, ever. The only reason why people feel CIO works is because after a certain amount of time the child becomes disconnected. They do not self-soothe contrary to popular belief.
There is a thread on this is if you would like to check it out.

http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/th...





Co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS..??!!  That has to be the most dangerous piece of misinformation I've heard in a while.  It's like saying "unprotected sex protects against HIV".






 






 






For your education:



 



http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

Carolyn - posted on 10/10/2009

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My son was born in Los Angeles and although we ended up having a C-section, I had been planning to have an underwater birth at a birthing center.



In fact, I had only seen midwives up to the point of going into labor.(My blood pressure got too high so I had to go to the hospital.)



In this midwife atmostphere, it was taught that co-sleeping not only prevented sids but also ultimately created children who later were MORE independedent and confident and happy. That's why I chose co-sleeping. My son has turned out to be happy, self-confident and affectionate child.



Co-sleeping means in the same bed, or in a small bed attached to the parents bed, or sleeping in a basinet near the mother. If you are not comfortable with your child actually in your bed, having a basinet near the bed gives the same benefits to the baby.



The child senses the nearness of the mother, and quick response when the child wakes in the night. The child hears the mother's breathing and it helps regulate the child's breathing.

Nick - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting tara:

Co-sleeping. Never crying it out. Its not good at all. Co-sleeping actually reduces the risk of SIDS. Id go for a secure sleeper that sits in the bed with you. remember our babies cry for a reason.
They need us and you cannot deny them that. You can never spoil a baby with love, ever. The only reason why people feel CIO works is because after a certain amount of time the child becomes disconnected. They do not self-soothe contrary to popular belief.
There is a thread on this is if you would like to check it out.

http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/th...


Co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS..??!!  That has to be the most dangerous piece of misinformation I've heard in a while.  It's like saying "unprotected sex protects against HIV".



 



While there are situations at higher risk (smokers, more than one other person in the bed) the chances of an exhausted mother smothering her newborn without realizing are too high.  The baby who was next to our son in the NICU died the day they were discharged...when his mother slept with him and smothered him.



 



What about the middle ground of responding to their cries, then returning them to their own bed?  CIO and co-sleeping are not the only two options.  Now we have two happy, self-soothing, well adjusted kids who put themselves to sleep.



 



The American Academy of Pediatrics (my husband is a pediatrician) recognizes that the safest sleep environment is: back-sleeping, non-smoking, different-bed same-room.

Audrey - posted on 10/10/2009

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I say use what works best for you. After having a baby, your philosophy may completely change on what will work for you. I couldn't handle my daughter crying it out.... she can cry a whole lot longer than 10 minutes even when exhausted. I however do not go running the moment I hear her whimpering in her crib because she usually goes back to sleep.

Julia - posted on 10/10/2009

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I am not a fan of co-sleeping OR crying it out...are there any other options??? My 6 month old slept through the night from 3 months to 5 1/2 months and now its back to up 2 - 3 times per night - HELP

Diana - posted on 10/10/2009

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Co-Sleeping!!! I coulld never do the whole CIO thing...who can sleep through your baby screaming in another room?..Our baby is about to be 1 yr old, and sleeps great through the night, not only does she sleep but so do we. As for those parrents trying to "make" another baby, be creative and spice things up somewhere else besides the bed!

Diana - posted on 10/10/2009

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Co-Sleeping!!! I coulld never do the whole CIO thing...who can sleep through your baby screaming in another room?..Our baby is about to be 1 yr old, and sleeps great through the night, not only does she sleep but so do we. As for those parrents trying to "make" another baby, be creative and spice things up somewhere else besides the bed!

Meagan - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting Ginny:

both of my children were allowed to cry for 15 minutes before I would go back into their rooms and reevaluate the situation. 99.9% of the time they were sleeping by the 15 minutes. These were the guidelines that were given by their pediatricians because if we cater to their every whimper they won't learn to soothe themselves.


My son is the same way.  After about 10 minutes he's asleep.   We've had more issues with him waking in the night than falling asleep.

Amanda - posted on 10/10/2009

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it's up to you! i did it but only if they wanted to. and now my kids are 2 &3 and 6 years of age and now the only time they want to sleep with me/. is if they are sick witch is ok with me. cause it's not like i am going to sleep good wondering how they are feeling how high is there temp. so it work for me! good luck.

Lori - posted on 10/10/2009

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Co-sleep. Have since day one, and my child sleeps like a rock. So do I and so does my husband. For me to function as a full-time working mom, everyone getting a good night's sleep is paramount. As long as Mom and Dad are happy (esp. Mom, frankly), kids will generally also be happy, I've found. So, whatever works!

Katrina - posted on 10/10/2009

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Quoting jodie:

my babygirl is now 15 months & has slept with me ever since she out grew her bassinet. she has a beautiful room of her own with a beautiful cot but shes terrified of sleeping in there. i have tried some numerous times for her to sleep in her cot & couldnt cope with letting her work herself up to a state of shaking & sobbing, which on one occasion lasted 50 mins of non stop crying! im not happy with myself for letting her co-sleep with me but if she feels safe & secure with mummy, well, then im content.


May I suggset that you have the option to sleep in her room when she feels this insecurity..she will get to used to it more easily...I have a mattress on the floor of my son´s room where we play,cuddle and sometimes sleep...usually he sleeps the whole night alone in his bed in his room...this other option works when it is needed....and sleeping has been fine since the move to his own room at age of 2.

[deleted account]

my babygirl is now 15 months & has slept with me ever since she out grew her bassinet. she has a beautiful room of her own with a beautiful cot but shes terrified of sleeping in there. i have tried some numerous times for her to sleep in her cot & couldnt cope with letting her work herself up to a state of shaking & sobbing, which on one occasion lasted 50 mins of non stop crying! im not happy with myself for letting her co-sleep with me but if she feels safe & secure with mummy, well, then im content.

[deleted account]

my babygirl is now 15 months & has slept with me ever since she out grew her bassinet. she has a beautiful room of her own with a beautiful cot but shes terrified of sleeping in there. i have tried some numerous times for her to sleep in her cot & couldnt cope with letting her work herself up to a state of shaking & sobbing, which on one occasion lasted 50 mins of non stop crying! im not happy with myself for letting her co-sleep with me but if she feels safe & secure with mummy, well, then im content.

[deleted account]

my babygirl is now 15 months & has slept with me ever since she out grew her bassinet. she has a beautiful room of her own with a beautiful cot but shes terrified of sleeping in there. i have tried some numerous times for her to sleep in her cot & couldnt cope with letting her work herself up to a state of shaking & sobbing, which on one occasion lasted 50 mins of non stop crying! im not happy with myself for letting her co-sleep with me but if she feels safe & secure with mummy, well, then im content.

Katrina - posted on 10/10/2009

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The reason babies cry less and less as the nights go by is not because they get used to it, but because they give up hope. That is not a lesson I would want to teach to my child at such a tender age....it stays with them for life.Also a breastfeeding mother needs her child near her to do it successfully and with less stress for her. Baby does not need to be in the same bed the whole night, just the same room. Would you allow your baby to cry ifhe were hungry to that sometimes food is not available?

Kim - posted on 10/10/2009

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I would never even think of co-sleeping with my son when he was a baby - way too dangerous for him. When our son started having separation anxiety from me and had us up 5 times a night for a while, we let him cry it out. The first night it took him 15 minutes to fall asleep(which was agonizing listening to), the second night 10 minutes, the third night 5 minutes, and the fourth night he slept through the night, realizing that he could do it on his own and didn't need me there in order to fall back asleep.

Kristin - posted on 10/10/2009

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I am a co-sleeper all the way. It works for us. I couldn't stand to let her cry. She is close and that is good for both of us. It makes it so much easier to feed in the middle of the night. And I'm much more rested come morning.

Marie - posted on 10/10/2009

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when my son was born he had his own crib in our room and from day 1 he actually prefered it if i tryed to put him in our bed he would cry until he was put back into his crib. when he did cry i always gave him 5 min crying time at first to see if he would sleep if he didn't i'd check his nappy and make sure he wasn't hungry and as he got older i let him cry for 10mins and so on, he liked a cuddle in the morning and would then have an hour sleeping in our bed then but he was never one to want to sleep with us in bed during the night, i put this down to the fact that he had jundice when he was born and had to stay under the lights for a week in the hospital so i couldn't get him out alot to soth him to sleep he had to do it him self, i know have a very happy 18 month old who is happy to sleep in his own bed with no problems. i think what i am saying is i'm glad i didn't have to choose between cio and co sleep as i wouldn't of been able to just let him scream himself to sleep nor woul i of been comfortoble in him sleeping with us as i would of been afraid of hurting him in my sleep.

[deleted account]

i'm such a light sleeper that on the third night our baby went into her room, which was right next to ours ( was sad to do it but i couldn't sleep with her in the same room as me!), she adjusted instantly and i could still hear her suck on her hand in the night when she wanted feeding...so no crying! and by 6 weeks she was sleeping the whole night and has been great since, every wee while the pattern changes and she might wake but generally no problems :)

i think you have to do what is best for you and your baby, if you're like me then cosleeping isn't an option, and you just need to figure out what will work for you, there are aspects of 'crying it out' which can help you and the child, it really depends on the experience the two of you are having, just have confidence that you know/will know when things are working or not! i am not a hard hearted mother by any means i go to my child whenever she needs me, but i had to do what worked for me, and now that she is almost six months i feel what i have done in regards to sleep has worked brilliantly!

Katrina - posted on 10/10/2009

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We are there for our childrean all day...we dress them (to assure they are not cold or hot), feed them (to make sure they eat the proper foods and quantities), play with them (keep them interested, stimulated and learning about life)......and then when it is dark and scary we expect them to be by themselves....???? If you really think about it, crying it out goes against natural nuturing instinct. A child should be near its parents. My son breastfed until 18 months of age and slept in our room, partly in our bed, partly in his...at age of 2 he easliy went to sleep through the WHOLE NIGHT in his own bed in his own room...he knows I was there for him in the past, he trusts that if he needs me I will be there again or he can come to me...nights are just fine now...and no one had to cry!

Heather - posted on 10/09/2009

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My husband and I co-sleep with both our kids, ages 3 & 1. The 3 yr old now has her own bed, next to ours and baby is fully in bed with us. We've found that sharing sleep with our children a very sweet, joyful aspect of parenting, in spite of baby's frequent night wakings-he's still nursing. We're sleep deprived, and have gotten 'used' to being kicked, slapped and headbutted, yet seeing his eyes open in the morning with his goofy grin saying MAMA PAPA! and giving us sloppy toddler kisses makesit worthwhile. They're only little once, and it goes by very quick, so we want to savour these cuddle moments while our kids still want to cuddle.

As for the whole intimacy with your partner, whoever said the bedroom is the only place to get your groove on?

Yasmin - posted on 10/09/2009

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even though my kids are pretty much grown now, cosleeping worked for me and it was not hard getting them into their own beds later...I loved it

Naomi - posted on 10/09/2009

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At first I was opposed to the CIO technique and was letting my daughter sleep with us when she was 3-5 mos old), but then I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (Dr. Mark Weisbluth). This book is awesome and totally changed my perspective on sleep training. It took about 3 days/nights of crying (5-30 min) at bedtime and naps (each time with the cry-time getting shorter) and now I am proud to say that I have a daughter (now 20mos) who goes down for her naps and bedtime on a regular schedule with no resistance whatsoever. Listening to the crying was heartbreaking at the time, but I just kept telling myself how important it was for her to learn to soothe herself to sleep. As a mom, you have to prepare yourself for times when your child will cry and scream, but you have to be tough because you are doing whats best for them. When she would cry at bedtime, I used to think to myself... "shes crying because I won't let her ride a motorcycle or because I won't let her smoke/drink/date some old perv when shes a teenager/etc... be tough, Mama!". Sleep is such an important thing for their health (and ours!)... it is your job to be the strong one! You can do it... and you will both be so much happier when you do! :)

Ginny - posted on 10/09/2009

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both of my children were allowed to cry for 15 minutes before I would go back into their rooms and reevaluate the situation. 99.9% of the time they were sleeping by the 15 minutes. These were the guidelines that were given by their pediatricians because if we cater to their every whimper they won't learn to soothe themselves.

Tracy - posted on 10/09/2009

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i love cosleeping!!! kids are forced to grow up so fast these days,why not enjoy the closeness while you can:)

Ginger - posted on 10/09/2009

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I co-slept with all my kids even after losing one to SIDS. I have been told that co-sleeping increases that risk because of the possibility of smothering or the baby getting wrapped up in the bedding. No matter where they slept, my children had no problem bonding with us and they're just fine.

[deleted account]

we had our baby girl who is now almost 2 years old. cosleep with us until she was 18 months old. It worked for my husband and I. but we are wanting to have our second baby and I didn't want our little girl to feel replaced by a new baby when we would have to move her out of our bed b/c there would not be enough room for all 4 of us. But I did not feel comfortable with the cry it out solution. She was a very needy baby and actually at 5 months when we brought her into our bed it seemed to help her sleep better and myself who is a nursing mom...(i could still sleep while she needed to nurse at night) but at 18 months I decided to read a book called "the sleepy lady approache" which is a gentler way to get them to sleep in there bed but not shut the door and let them cry by themselves...it's a great read and definately good advise in it. my little girl sleep well in her crib and all night long...and so does mommy=}

Ria - posted on 10/09/2009

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definitely co-sleeping! i got a few reasons why:



1. I never have to worry if our son is ok in the next room.

2. Our son instantly gets the hug he needs when he gets bad dreams and cries in the middle of the night.

3. My husband who works 12 hour shifts gets to cuddle and be with our son.

4. Our son sleeps with a happy heart!



We did try the CIO method for a week when our son was 4 months old..then again at 6 months..but he always seem to cry 'til he starts throwing up and he'd have have restless sleep and wakes up every few hours. Since co-sleeping, he sleeps 8-12 hours straight and wakes up smiling at me.



But then again, every child is different. Work what's best for you and your child. It is good to infuse discipline and dependence early on, but hey...kids under 1 don't even understand the concept of discipline yet..and it is during this critical year that your child needs you the most -- y'know, to establish trust and security with the parents. But hey, that's just me!

Krista - posted on 10/09/2009

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As hard as it is, letting your baby/child cry is the best thing for your her. She needs to be able to sleep without comfort so she can go back to sleep on her own if she wakes up in the night and It also helps her be independent. Your child depends on you for a lot of things but do you really want her to HAVE to have you to do something as basic as sleep?



I dont think you can find a doctor that would tell you to sleep with your child. One of my baby's had collic so she really got used to being held and that ended up causing her to cry her head off when I put her in her bed or when she woke up in the night. She couldnt sleep anymore without being held. Same thing for an older child, they will actually have affects as an adult from not learning to sleep on their own. They will always need some time of crutch for sleep.



When I was having that problem with my child, the doctors I talked to all said to let her cry until she quit. I said how long can I let her cry like that, they all said, as long as it takes. He said once you have made sure there wasnt something wrong with her to just go in another room, shut the door, and turn the radio up so I wouldnt hear her so loud and be tempted to go get her. He said I could go back in every 30 min or so if she was still crying to just pat her belly and tell her Mommy's here, NOT pick her up, then leave again. It was hard and it took her a week until she quit completely. But boy was it nice for she and I both. She could go to bed and sleep all night with no troubles after that.



It isn't good for you either you know. You need that time away from your child just as much as she needs that time away from you. It will be ok, I promise. It may even take several days of her crying before she stops but when she gets used to it she will stop crying and she will be a happier, more well adjusted, independent person for it.



Sometimes the best thing for our children are things that make them unhappy for a bit but it is our job to do those things and they are better for it in the long run. I feel for you honey. Its not easy being a good mother. Its easier to just let them have their way but it's not the right thing to do. I wish you the best of luck sweetie!

Meagan - posted on 10/09/2009

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wow - so many replies! I have to say that I disagree with those who say crying it out doesn't work...but there has to be a balance. If you never allow your child to cry, then how do you ever learn what his cries mean? My son has a hungry cry, a tired cry a I-don't-feel-good cry and a hold me cry. Letting my son cry it out has allowed me to get to know him and to better meet his needs. Now the balance comes when you look at his needs and my needs and come up with a solution. If I'm exhausted and my son needs to eat, then I will lay down with him to feed him so I can rest. But I do agree with another poster that it's one of my favorite things to do. I will miss laying in bed and nursing my little one. It's one of the sweetest, most tender things and it is pure joy. :)



EDIT - I also want to say that if you do sleep with your child that precautions must be made to keep the child safe. One reason I don't like to sleep with my son very often is because the way I hold him to keep him from rolling off the bed really hurts my back. If I do it too often, I'm miserable.

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It depends on what you do when you first bring them home from hospital. Yrs. ago we had small bassinets in bedroom next to my bed. Then as they get older put them in their crib with warm blankets rolled behind their backs so they don't feel all alone. It all just takes time and they'll do anything they can do to sleep with you as they get older so it gets harder the older they are. so it is just how you start it but time short crying times when you know they are fine and ready to sleep. They really should be in their own beds.

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I, at present, do not do either.

It does however annoy me when mothers accuse those mothers who use CIO, of being cold and heartless.

I've used CIO in the past, It worked and now my son sleeps through the night, and FYI I am a working mother.

SAHM and SAHD's need their rest too so that they can well rested for their child(ren) the next day. Nothing worse then looking after a continuelsy grumpy child while you have had next to no sleep. There fore makes it easier when both are well rested. Thats my opinion.



As for co sleeping- if it works for you, well great!

I only did it once, when my son was sick, I brought him into bed with us, when my partner changed his sleeping position, I would wake up and make sure that he wouldn't be in a position that could harm our son. Needles to say that didn't work for us.



If you don't use CIO, please don't attack those who do.

Lauren - posted on 10/09/2009

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SIDS and Kids (Australia) cannot endorse co-sleeping completley because its such a risky area and relys on parents co-leeping safely which they cant control. But studies have shown that co-sleeping is beneficial in many ways and providing its done safely, is a very safe option. Safely for most people is in a sleeper car at the side of the bed or in a bassinette next to the bed. Sids and Kids now recommend that babies stay in the parents room for the first 6 months to reduce the SIDS risk.

to the person who said its genetic.. what crap. if they knew what caused it there wouldnt be so many deaths every year for no reason!

Control crying in a toddler, i think this is fine if the child is aware of what 'bedtime' means - in a baby (especially a newborn) this is considered child abuse and any sleep trainer expert who endorses controlled crying will tell you that newborn babies can be damaged from having controlled crying implemented on them at sleep times. Newborns cry for a reason.. older children might not but newborns do!

I say that getting your baby into a sleep routine that involves a bedtime ritual and lots of love is a much better way to go and use Control crying as a last resort only if the child is old enough to understand the concept of 'bedtime' and never before.

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I co-slept with both of my children they are 6 and 3 now. They both sleep in there own beds now with no problems. I breastfed both of them for a year and a half. It was much easier to feed them in bed. They are both confident, happy well adjusted boys. As far as the sex went at that time, your bed is not the only place you can have it.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/09/2009

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Do not let your baby cry it out....no matter what people tell you. You just have to do what works for you. For example, I have three kids, and they've all given me the sleep troulbe. However, I realized that letting them cry it out was worst. My son would vomit in his crib, poop, and everything, and that was only twice that I tried that crying out junk. I felt so guilty I cried my eyes out. I spoke w/ his pediatrician and he told me he slept w/ his son until his son was 13 years old. What you do it, put the baby down for a little bit in the crib/play-pen, for intamacy w/ your hubby. Soon as baby starts crying, leave him/her w/ you if thats going to get you all a good nights sleep. I did it with all my kids, and still doing that w/ my 9 month old now. I have no regrets but wonderful memories of watching my babies sleep right next to me, nose to nose. They grow so so quick. I actually miss the days of cuddling like that with my first one, now 8 years old. So please take my word for it and do practice attachement parenting.....look that up too. Best of luck and many blessings.

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