custody

Christine - posted on 08/31/2010

I work for a law firm and deal mainly in matrimonials and family law. It may depend upon what state you live in and their laws regarding this plus it would depend on any court papers you have, whether you were married to the noncustodial parent or went to family court to put on record what the noncustodial parent can and cannot do. I would say that yes, that parent can but that parent must also notify the other parent of what he/she is doing. The primary custodial parent has the primary rights and the one to make such decisions. In this case, if it's a matter of the bill, make that person pay for it, even if uninsured medical costs are split pro rata. I hope this helped. God Bless

Lisa - posted on 08/31/2010

All hospitals will only treat life threatening illnesses or injuries without parental or guardian consent. If both parents are busy someone else can take them but a hospital or Dr. will not treat without consent. By law they can't. Consent can be a phone call or a note saying that you allow the person to make medical decisions a get medical treatment for your child. It doesn't matter if you agree, these laws are in place to protect the child and your rights to decide what is best for your child. For example, if you chose not to vaccinate your child for certain illnesses due to the possibility of an adverse reaction and someone decided they didn't agree with your decision and took the child in and got them vaccinated and they had an adverse reaction that lasted for the rest of their lives would that be okay?

Pamela - posted on 08/31/2010

Whether life threatening or not. The life of the child is more important then all these procedure. What if both parents are busy and unavailable to be contacted then what are you going to do?

Tobie - posted on 08/31/2010

You need to check with either your lawyer or your court documents. Very often, 'legal custody' is shared for that very reason, to allow both parents the ability to authorize necessary medical or dental care[ and physical custody is scheduled separately. If you have not gone to court, and both parents names are on the birth certificate, it should be permissible for either parent to authorize medical care. Another consideration is access to medical coverage, both parents need to have that information if both are able to give consent for care. If anyone goes to the emergency room for a 'non-emergency' visit, it may not be covered by insurance. Please check with your coverage provider.

Emerald - posted on 08/31/2010

A few questions...Sorry if you've answered them before.

Are the visits during normal Dr hours?
Is the visitation taking place in a reasonable distance from the Dr office?
Are you paying for these visits, or the insurance your paying for paying for these visits? Or is the Non-custodial parent?
Is the medicine being sent home with the child?
Are the medical forms being sent on to the pediatricians office and put into your child's record?

Lisa - posted on 08/31/2010

You do not lose legal custody of a your child because you don't want them going back and forth between houses. One parent might get physical custody so the child doesn't get bounced around but then the other parent still has legal custody and all decisions regarding the well being of the child (schooling, medical care, etc.) HAS to be made by mutual agreement between both parties. Now if the parents don't understand that and do something different then that is their problem. But legally in CA a non-custodial parent by definition is a biological parent without any legal or physical custody which means as far as decisions go they have as much right as a stranger to the child. The only reason these rights are taken away from a parent is from bad decisions (alcoholism, drug abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc.). If you used your child against the other spouse then that is emotional abuse and a bad decision that was not looking out for the best interest of the child. In all the law cases I have read in law school and have seen in court I have yet to find a parent lose legal custody without making bad decisions.

BONNIE - posted on 08/31/2010

I marvel at your assumption that non custodial parents don't have custody because they make bad decisions. No one should make blanket statements. There are many reasons for one parent having custody and not the other. With joint custody the child often becomes a way of getting even with the ex. Or worse, being bounced back and forth between houses, 1 month at mommy house one week at daddys house. An ex who over reacts in a medical situation and takes the child to the ER is certainly one who ignores possible serious problems and stays home.

BONNIE - posted on 08/31/2010

My motto is Better to take them to the ER and have it be nothing at all than to have it be something and not take them. Custodial parent or not, you tend to do what your gut tells you to do when your child is sick or hurt. It's part of being a parent, wheher yo have custody or not.

Lisa - posted on 08/31/2010

Jenn, I must disagree. ANY other care giver would not be allowed to take a minor child to the ER for treatment without consent from the guardian or custodial parent. The only reason this was allowed was because they fell through a loophole. If it was something that could have been treated at a peds office then the custodial parent should have been notified and then a decision made. Non-custodial parents (legal and physical custody) are not allowed the right to do that BECAUSE they make bad decisions. My ex would give a sick child whatever meds he had around the house without appropriate dosage or conflicts in medications, etc. That is the reason why the OTHER parent needs to be notified. IF we were given the rest of the situation then you might be able to say "well the well being of the child was the non-custodial parent's concern" but we don't have that information. So don't assume. ANy other care giver would have called and said "Your child is sick or hurt" unless it was an emergency and then they would call asap and the ER wouldn't treat without consent anyway.

Lisa - posted on 08/31/2010

Here is the rub. Technically a non-custodial parent can only obtain emergency medical treatment and the custodial parent should be notified ASAP. The problem is if the child was taken to the ER the non-custodial parent will probably argue that it WAS an emergency. If the non-custodial parent took the child to the local hospital you can have your custody orders put into their medical file so that your child will ONLY be treated for emergencies without your consent and the hospital will notify you. You will probably need to have a copy of the court order stating custody for the file. You can take the non-custodial parent to court and have them pay the ER fees since it was a non-emergency but typically it isn't worth it unless the amount is huge and unnecessary. If they went for stitches or something like that the courts will probably side with the non-custodial parent. If it was something that could easily be diagnosed and was during pediatric business hours then you might have a case. The thing to remember is that the non-custodial parent doesn't have custody for a reason (it isn't easy to lose custody), usually it is because they make lousy decisions. SO assume they will continue to make lousy decisions like this. What you need to do is set clear boundaries. Look at this situation and if the issue is contact then have your attorney send them a letter notifying them that is they do it again this is what will happen. If the issue is the extra expense then take them to family law court and ask the judge to make them pay the full amount of the expenses because they were unnecessary and shouldn't have been incurred. Good Luck

Emily - posted on 08/31/2010

I get what all of you are saying to Erica, but it doesn't sound like the child needed any care. She is in the house with the custodial parent, she cares for that child everyday. I doubt she doesn't care about his/her well-being. If it were an emergency, then by all means, take the child and CALL. But it wasn't an emergency and that mother lost in a joint custody battle, there has to be a good reason when a judge takes the kids from their mom. Any other situation I would agree with all of you, but I think Erica is facing something totally different than the child's physical health.

Tara - posted on 08/31/2010

The person that had the child in their custody at the time has an obligation to take care of that child.

Emily - posted on 08/31/2010

I'm the "step" mom like you, I would definitely call on the way TO the er, emergency or not, there's no way I would wait til after. If they were so concerned, they would have called immediately. And it sounds like this has happened before. She's racking up the medical bills just to stick it to you, she's got to take the little bit of control that she does have and run with it.

I would call hospital administration, my kids babysitter had to have a letter signed by me saying that I would let them choose emergent care, but I'm in NY.

Tara - posted on 08/31/2010

I cannot believe how petty this is, sounds like you just sit and look for whatever technicality you can. The mother did absolutely nothing to hurt the child, the child was in no danger being taken to hospital and bottom absolutely no harm done just a technicality in custody agreement. Just something for you to bitch about and put the mother down some more!

Lalia - posted on 08/31/2010

I am a non custodial parent. I believe that if you feel/or the other parent feels they need to take your child(ren) to seek medical attention, it should not matter as to notifying immediately, or even seeking permission to have the child(ren) treated.. I recently had my son for a three week visit and took him into see the doctor and to the dentist. He needed immunizations and also had a medical condition that was non- life threatening, but still needed treatment. The dentist office my son needed a filling. I think it wrong of the custodial parent to try to take the rights to care medically/or any other fashion of a child away from the other parent unless serious and proven due cause.In Oregon where my custody is, there is no joint custody, no matter if the documents say so, there is only the custodial and non custodial. This means that one of the parents is the "winner" and one is the "loser". It is a sad situation. I am in a custody "battle" right now, and I have found "loop holes". The non custodial parent has a catch 52, contradicting the custodial parents rights to say yay or nay. I as the non, have the right to do and parent the way that I am entitled to when my child is in my custody. Therefore if my child needs medical attention I am going to seek it regaurdless if I confer with the other party. It would be a hard argument in court and also seen as "petty" on the custodial parents part to be peeved or in some cases (like mine) horribly distraught that the other parent sought medical attention. I told the father of my child in a letter that I hand delivered to him after my vacation time was over that I had our son treated and seen. I got a e-mail back stating that my son had horrible dental wear on his teeth and that the other parent was "concearned" that I was not listening to the dentist. It is petty things like this that I believe is not in the child's best interest and should not be a factor in custody cases.

Melissa - posted on 08/31/2010

You know in a nut shell Step Parents (good step parents) are given bad reps. I have been married for 9 years with two stepsons (which call me mom) and didn't call me mom until my daughter was born three years ago. The BM has not stepped up to the plate to take care of them for 9 years. Oh she has been a pain in the neck and can't stand the fact that I am with her ex. But I have been more of a mother then she would ever be! She abandoned them in their early age so she didn't bond with them, I did! I have taken them to the Dr's, and all their appointment while my husband works his ass off while she just sits around and doesn't even help with taking care of them. Do we have a support order, YEAP! 15,000 in arears! But the state let her get away with it, We figure can't get blood from a turnip right! We have managed to do things without her and we don't even know where she lives. Oh don't get me wrong she has tried to get custody but the courts won't give it to her, and she has supervise visit which is not going so well. I also work and I have stepped up when she was never around! I would never change a thing either! She missed out on alot of precious years due to her selfishness! This women don't care about noone unless they got a big wallet! And really this is the only reason she has tried for custody is because of child support! Erica we are never gonna get the approval of caring for their kids or the thank you! I would of been grateful for you even caring to take her to the Er. Now if you didn't that would be another story that would of turned you into a monster! You know what I mean! Keep taking care of the kids and the mother should understand that you are a part of her life and she better be thankful that you are not the type that shunns the stepkids!

Sandra - posted on 08/31/2010

I do not think the non-custodial parent should do anything like that unless they have talked to the custodial parent and gotten an ok. Or if they have written consent from the custodial parent. That is why they have custody. They make the choices and take care of all that for the child. I could see it if the child was injured and in need of medical attention and they could not get a hold of the custodial parent until later on.
I do not think it is petty. It is important to have ground rules in a divorce.

Melissa - posted on 08/31/2010

My husband has two boys by his ex-wife and he got custody due to medical neglect! He has full custody since 2002 and I have been the mother figure! I have taken care of the medical visits and everything that the BM was supposed to help with! She refuses to take responsibilty when it comes to child support and anything that constitutes money, so now we don't even bother trying to get a hold of her because all she is about is drama! We don't even know were she is anyway! I know what you are going through and you don't even get the thank you for taking care of their responsibilty, but the thing is I like it this why because the boys and I have bonded though the years and now that my husband have a little girl together it is great!

Aubrey - posted on 08/31/2010

yes they can because they are still a parent. but just out of respect you should have been notified. I guess it would depend on how your custody agreement is worded too.

Kris - posted on 08/31/2010

It is not necessary to notify anyone if seeking medical treatment. Courteous yes, but not a requirement. Learned through experience.

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

a parent should and can take a child to the dr/er if and when they think it nessicary just as any caretaker can i send notes with my parents everytime they take my children out of town so the er can treat them if need be i understand your frustration with haveing to cover the bills but if you chose to make a big stink about this now when she has the child in the future and something more serious happens she might be hesitant to take the child to the dr/er and that could result in serious complications or death i think i would let this slide have the father talk to her and explain next time to contact you first but i really wouldt make a big stink about it for your childs safetys sake

Nancy - posted on 08/31/2010

It depends on the law where you live and the court orders. Non-custodial does not necessarily limit the right to seek medical care.

Kerri - posted on 08/31/2010

I haven't read ALL the responses, but I just wanted to say, why is it an issue if the child gets looked at at the ER or the drs office? At least the other parent cared enough to take them to a Doctor. This sounds more like an issue of control that anything else to me, I could be wrong though. As for Birth Mother having no say in whether the kids call you their Mom, that sounds very rude. Unless she is a truely unfit Mother. If my husband and I ever broke up and he got a new woman my kids would NOT be calling her Mom.

Susan - posted on 08/31/2010

I'M SORRY BUT SHE IS THE BIRTH MOM RIGHT? So unless the courts took her children away do to abuse or neglect what RIGHT do you have stepping on her toes, she is the MOTHER. You pissed me off when you said she didn't have a say in HER children calling you mommy, wow your really know how to step on peoples toes here. Your only concern is that the CHILDRENS MOMMY took power away from you. It has nothing to do with the CHILD's health but everything to do with the ER BILL. Get over it and back down and let the PARENTS of this child handle it. You sound like the type that over steps there bounderies, leave it to the CHILDS PARENTS.

Lynn - posted on 08/31/2010

As a birth mother who has been both a non-custodial parent and the custodial parent, I do think all of this is petty. If you all do not have health insurance for the child that concern should be addressed first. Get insurance the difference between a doctor visit copay and an ER copay is not that much. Who ever is caring for the child should do what they think is in the child's best interest. The doctor ordered x-rays so he must have thought there was a need. When I was the non-custodial parent I was NEVER notified if my child was injured or sick. I think that regardless of the custody arrangement, both parents need to be informed regardlesss of who has full custody.

Francetta - posted on 08/31/2010

In most states any parent can take the child to the ER, if there is something wrong with the child and the parent custodial or non doesn't have the child cared for then they end up in jail for child endangerment, he probably should have contacted you ahead of time, but you can't blame him for being cautious.

Christy - posted on 08/31/2010

Yes, the non custodial parent can take a child to the ER without your consent. The ER just wants a parent there the question of custody is not addressed.

Shannon - posted on 08/31/2010

I think if she took her to the ER she needs to responsible for the bill. ESPECIALLY since it is going to be a big bill!

Pamela - posted on 08/31/2010

Id just be grateful that they were responsible enough to get the child looked after regardless of where they went at least they can be trusted to look after the child

Mandy - posted on 08/31/2010

yes a non custodial parent can take a child to ER, if you believe something was very wrong you have every right to take the child to ER, do you have joint custody or legal rights to the child?

Barbara - posted on 08/31/2010

Sounds like Dad did not keep you informed while you were married about things and this is your way of attempting him to tow the line in your divorce. Not gonna work. He should advise you he had to take the child to be seen and call you while he's enroute to the hospital. Can you make him do it? Not likely, but you can get a copy of the medical report and share it with your Dr. Don't keep fighting a fight..let him be a father and a responsible father seeks medical help.

Cherie - posted on 08/31/2010

We have a saying "Choose the mountain you wish to die on" and for me this would not be that mountain. There must have been some reasonable grounds for concern in the ER for the doctor to order an xray and waiting to the next day when fractures are possible can increase the delay in appropriate treatment. Perhaps it would be helpful to separate your concerns about the BM and her non compliance in some areas and try to focus on the childs needs in this particular situation. Being in this situation is always going to be stressful for you all - be kind to each other.

Margaret - posted on 08/30/2010

Maybe the real question is, Is your husband as upset as you appear to be? Are you sure she didn't try to contact him and are you sure they don't have an agreement between the two of them? Sounds to me like the BM may feel the need to always cover her back because there seems to be a lot of hostility. As many people have stated here, the important thing is the child was taken care of and hopefully is fine.

Gina - posted on 08/30/2010

I worked in er registration and we had to get consent over the phone from any parent or care taker that wasn't a legal guardian. You can also have a note saying that the custodial parent or legal guardian gives consent in case of an emergency when the child is in your care. This is also exceptable. I hope this helps. If have any more questions let me know .

Sonya - posted on 08/30/2010

Do you have joint custody? If so I believe they can... Actually I would rather my spouse was careful and safe instead of my being sorry later on. Is this actually about the ER bill? If so I believe the parent that signs the paperwork is the parent responsible for any payment! If you don't have insurance contact the hospital, they all have programs to help with various financial situations. Good Luck! I am so happy my own children are grown and I am done with the custody issues!!!

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2010

I think it is up to the judgement of the parent. If the parent thinks it is necessary, then go, better safe then sorry. If the person is a legal parent, whos name is on the birth certificate, then they have every right to take the child to the ER if they deem it necessary

Michelle - posted on 08/30/2010

It dose depend if the other parent paniced.But from experience they should of called. They have not wanted you to worry. But to your Question yes they can if they feel it is nessasary.

Tammy - posted on 08/29/2010

If she's anything like my SK's BM, the kids go to the doctor at least once a month for any little minor thing! So I understand your aggravation.

Elexis - posted on 08/29/2010

I think ya she should have called but you may be overreacting. If my son was somewhere and hurt his arm and it kept hurting i would want them to rush him in. what if something had happened and she didnt do anything. Then you would be even more mad. i think taking legal action is a little unnecessary. im sure she didnt do it to spite you but just for the welfare of the child.

Jenn - posted on 08/29/2010

In my situation, we have joint custody and I have legal residence. While my ex only takes our son once every 5-6 weeks (by his own choice) he still has the legal right to make decisions for him while he's in his care. I would just be happy that he was thinking about my child's well-being.

Kathy - posted on 08/29/2010

I think out of respect for the other parent he should have called no matter if the child was taken to the Dr. or ER and she/he should do the same. This way both parties are kept informed of the childs health.

Bobbi - posted on 08/29/2010

At least in Michigan, the short answer is yes. Both parents normally have legal custody and one is granted physical custody. The fact that it was not an emergency, should be discussed with the other parent, but it is within his/her rights to have the child seen by a doctor.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2010

Yes you can. I found out that you only have to notify the other parent if it is a life threatening decision.

Joy - posted on 08/28/2010

I can understand this situation. While I had custody, my childrens' dad would take them to the ER at the drop of a hat - trying to prove me an unfit mother. It should be in the court order under what circumstances the non-custodial should be allowed to seek treatment without prior consent of the custodial parent. Also, the hospital should not assume that the "mother" has custody. Maybe you should notify the legal department of the hospitals around you of the situation so they'd know not to treat without your consent first.

Megan - posted on 08/28/2010

they can take them to the er and if its life threating then they have to see him but for any other reasons then they have to have a parents signature, what we did was have a letter noterized(im the worst speller) and we gave it to each cargiver with a copy of our insurance so they can be seen.

Shelley - posted on 08/28/2010

you should have been notified asap, and not after the fact. The parent with custody should always be notidfied, then decisions made. If they can not be reached than proceed o what is best.

LaJuan - posted on 08/28/2010

If it were my child, and if the parents have an agreeable working relationship, I would give the noncustodial parent a note, signed by me, dated and notarized, to be renewed on an annual basis, giving specific instructions, should the child need emergency (or any other medical care), as to where the child is to be taken and that the custodial parent be notified immediately, therefore avoiding any delay in an emergency in getting the child treated. This is about the child, not the parents.

Kimberley - posted on 08/28/2010

I also agree with Jenn, a non-custodial parent loves their child just as much as the one who has custody. In retrospect, it was a non-emergency, but better safe than sorry. This kind of pettiness will end up damaging your children.

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2010

nope the bill is the non custodial parents resposibilty

Steph - posted on 08/28/2010

I believe hospital policy is; if a procedure is called for, they may wish to contact. If emergency, not necessary if either parent is present.