custody for infants?

Shellie - posted on 01/13/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I am going through a divorce and my son is only 6 months old. Anyone been through this? Anyone know how custody is decided for infants in adams county colorado?

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Kenya - posted on 01/14/2009

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Just wanted to say I understand how you feel.  My ex-husband and I seperated when I was only 9 weeks pregnant and my daughter was 10 months when our divorce was finalized in June of "08".  Your situation may not be this easy but I just prayed and when I filed papers, I put what I wanted...sole legal and physical custody.  To my surprise, he didn't argue and signed the papers.  Later on he had second thoughts but he had already signed and filed them, so the judge granted me both with reasonable visitation (on my terms).  If you stay positive, pray and do what's best for your child, it will work out...stay encouraged and take things a day at a time.

Amber - posted on 01/18/2009

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I went through this with my son in Douglas County. It was now almost ten years ago now but... He was originally granted 2-2 hour visits per week which took place in my home. These gradually increased over time, and we slowly, and I am talking over a period of years increased the time. It was not until he was almost five that we began overnights. The original schedule was set by the judge and then left to us to determine when my son was ready for more time. Like I said it was many years ago, but hopefully is still the way it is handled in your case!

Dawn - posted on 01/18/2009

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My youngest son was an infant when my ex and I went through our divorce. We don't live in Colorado, but I can relay my experience. In Indiana there are no overnights for infants, unless it is ok with the mother (usually the primary custody holder) and the infant tolerates it well. My ex was allowed only a day at a time, never two in a row. I did allow a few overnights, but my son tolerated it and we had 2 other boys that were there with him. While he was nursing the visitation hours given by the court was less than the visitation granted once he stopped nursing. Just stay strong and remember that most of the time judges know that infants need mom. My ex always said he was going to fight for custody, but when push came to shove he didn't want the responsibility of being a full time single parent to an infant. Keep your head up and think positive.

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Evelyn - posted on 11/23/2012

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I have a friend that had two young ones when she divorced one was just a year old and the other new born. SHe was breastfeeding. But she got full custody because he had asked her to abort both times, he did not want them, and he only used them to make himself look good. IN the end she got it set that he could not take the youngest on over nights until she was over 18 months and he had to come visit for a few hours on Sunday with her between feedings to be able to see her. It can be set up for the best of the child...if you are breast feeding and its a constant the judge is not going to force overnights.

Keri - posted on 01/20/2009

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oh yeah,i remembered something else. if you can, get an attorney that specializes in child custody. have one that knows all the nuances of child custody laws. other poster was correct, in some states they will not allow overnight visits til infant is at least 1. i'd check in your area for that one. no matter how alone you feel right now, know that God is there with you and he will get you thru this.

Keri - posted on 01/20/2009

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well i didn't go thru this in colorado but i did in indiana. as someone said, LOG EVERYTHING!!!!! log what your baby was wearing when picked up by you, log if the baby had a bath... also get a voice recorder!!!! check to see if it is legal to record conversations in your state. if it is, it is a VITAL piece of equipment. it will help you in court when it comes to the "he said, she said". keep the recorder on you at all times. get a microphone you can attach inside your clothing for face to face confrontations. also have a phone attachment that will attach to your cell phone. it REALLY helped me in court when my ex tried to claim all sorts of things that were not true and he was caught saying very bad things that insured i got SOLE custody. keep a journal, one with conversations, and dates and so forth. if you can prove at all that he has had no part in upbringing so far, you might be able to limit visitation or at least insure you get custody. i will post more as i think of it. good luck to you.

Judy - posted on 01/19/2009

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I went through this as well in the state of PA.  Definitely get a lawyer.  Log everything.  It isn't an easy road.  Even now, when my child is 8 years old.  Hang in there.  And I don't know who initiated the divorce.  But it sounds like you both are not going to get back together.  Think about the now and think about the future for both you and your child.  Take care of yourself. 

Sheri - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi, This is really just my opinion and don't need comment. Just some food for thought.



I have 6 kids. Been through divorce when my oldest was 4 mos. Divorce is a horrible thing and everyone will pay in many ways for a VERY very long time. Is there ANY way you could work it out? I recommend "His Needs, Her Needs" to everyone. Dr. Harley is the bomb when it comes to marriages. His theory is this, when we date, we are nice to each other because we are trying to earn positive (points) in our love bank (heart). When we are married we seem to forget that we need to keep adding points and not let it get in the negative, that is when we don't care no more & affairs happen, divorce, etc... This is a simple explanation: When it comes to "needs" men have theres and women have theres. There are 10 primary ones like looks, sexy, money, feelings, talking, time, etc...order of importance. so what's important to her is not as important to him. But once we realize what we need to do to fulfill our spouses needs, we will gain positive points, saving our marriage. It might seem to late but marriages have been saved. People fall in love and can fall back into love, it takes work. So does a marriage. Divorce will take a lifetime and be very painful.



As for the devastating effects of divorce, first the child. I don't need to mention what they are I am sure everyone knows. But as for the parents, it is a lifetime relationship with the other person whether you like it or not as long as the child is in someone's home and each wants to be apart of that child's life, you will BOTH be in each others life. As for the money, it is possibly a million over a life time, court, visitation, travel, counseling, health bills, etc...the effects on both parents health will be effected. And it goes on and on....divorce is a horrible thing when there is a child involved.



The child will have to go back and forth, never having continuity, never having the solid family life that some of his friends have. He will have to choose at some point where he wants to spend summers, vacations, holidays, etc...And the child will be in the custody of future girlfriends and boyfriends, or new spouses. Do you trust another with your child?



I dated my best friend, so I thought. We worked together. I thought he was a nice guy. He was a police officer also. I know it is a tough job being a police officer. But I know there is a high rate of many problems such a violence, alcohol, abuse, infidelity, health problems, etc...mine had most of these issues. Thank goodness we did not have a child together and I am sad to say that my children were expose to this monster until I could get away.



My current husband of 10+ years is in the Military, we have worked hard to keep our family together. Our children have to go through divorce even though we are a family, they have to say goodbye to their siblings when they go to visit their father for holidays, vacations and they have to put up with all the issues that go along with visitation and agreements or disagreements. And your new spouse also has to put up a lot more than we should ask of them. I can go on and on about the things that a child from prior marriage feels about the new parent in regards to discipline and rules.



I do want to say before I get hate mail, that I would not expect anyone to tolerate abuse. I agree that if there is abuse that people should get out. But if there is truly abuse than that person should not get visitation or custody.



These are just my thoughts and experiences. Not the same for others, I am sure. Some future relationships can work out good. I worked for social services and district attorneys office for 10 years. My experience professional and personal are not good. I do not think that divorce is an option when it comes to a divorce with children involved. People can make it work if it is important enough and what isn't more important than a child's life. We owe it to them since we brought them into this world.   

Marj - posted on 01/18/2009

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I too went through divorce with a baby. The courts in Michigan favored the mom because she was young and breast fed. Visitation time increased as she got older. the first couple of years were hell (giving your child up on birthdays and holidays is hell..it still is!). My daughter is 9 now and we have a formal visitation order for every Thursday and every other week-end. Thankfully we have choosen to live 2 miles apart and have both moved on with our lives. We now share a more relaxed custody and coparent our daughter. My daughter is doing great and I totally believe it is because we parent together. Her dad is very active in her life. We let our issues go to take care of our child. I believe she is healthier because of that. Take a deep breath...it all works out in the end! By the way...my ex is a cop too and had an affair. He is married to her now. YUCK!

Nicola - posted on 01/18/2009

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Quoting Shellie:

custody for infants?

I am going through a divorce and my son is only 6 months old. Anyone been through this? Anyone know how custody is decided for infants in adams county colorado?



i have been through this fairly recently, mine is a long story but in the end its whats best for the kids that matter, you have to do what is best for your child,  my son had to go to councling due to the break up he was in a bad way but you know what we all got through it, and hes doing so much better, i do think it would have been better if it happened when they were younger x

Melissa - posted on 01/17/2009

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I have not been through a divorce myself.  However, I have supported my husband going for custody of his two girls.  The bottom line is, be there for the child.  Give the child the best environment possible.  Documenting everything is never a bad idea.  Good luck!

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I don't know but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I wish you all the best for you and your baby in the future!

Nikki - posted on 01/14/2009

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I haven't been through a divorce myself but my experience and advice come from having a step-daughter and having worked for the courts in PA.  No matter the circumstance, do your best to keep terms as good as they can be between parents - this will make a tremendous difference in your life - you will be in contact with this man for the rest of your life and your child will thank you if you have set a good example and encouraged a healthy relationship no matter the circumstances.  There is no magic answer for custody and there is no guarantee that mothers get the children.  Having worked for the courts, I can tell you I've seen an overwhelming amount of fathers with their children. As a mother, I can understand your point of view and would like to think that most courts would keep an infant with the mother on overnights until a certain age.  Maybe you, your husband and lawyers can work out an agreement w/o having to go to court.  Be flexible, be good of heart and always put your child first.  Best of luck.

Leah - posted on 01/14/2009

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Been there and done that...te best advice I can give you is:



DOCUMENT EVERYTHING...any conversation you have with him, any e-mailing, faxing...ANYTHING.  My divorce was final in 2004 so I'm not sure what has changed in that timeframe, but in the state of CO they don't do custody...they do parenting time and if both parents are involved in the childs life and are fit to be parents...the judge will prefer a 50/50 split...do your homework and try try try to get him to agree to your terms...even if it means being NICE!  Seriously though....one day you will be so GLAD if you have documented everything possible...it takes a lot of time, but it is so worth it.

Pati - posted on 01/13/2009

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Get a good laywer and log/document everything. Usualy the young ones go to mommy, the more you have against him the more time you should get if its a bad split. In ca the one who files first gets the advantage. Best wishes for a healthy outcome.

Melissa - posted on 01/13/2009

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I have been threw this before.  Have any questions please ask.  My kids are 7 and 4 and in 2005 my divorce was finalized when my daughter was about 1 and half years old.  Its tough I'll give you that.   But seriously I know it has been a while for me but if you need someone to talk to please feel free to contacy me.



my heart is with you.  Melissa

Dawn - posted on 01/13/2009

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Quoting Shellie:

custody for infants?

I am going through a divorce and my son is only 6 months old. Anyone been through this? Anyone know how custody is decided for infants in adams county colorado?



it does not make any diffrencs if u have the baby or about to have the baby the mother has all the rights so long as u look after the child the mother way is alwsys the wright way.so just look after ur self and it wil all fall in to place.just look at madona.ha ha keep your head up hight.

Gina - posted on 01/13/2009

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I understand. Take each day at a time...and best of luck to you as you care for that precious little one. Embrace any help you have from family and friends around you. You're in my prayers.

Shellie - posted on 01/13/2009

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Thanks, unfortunatly its not a healthy environment for a small boy and felt it was best for him but i appreciate the blessing, i could use it right now.

Gina - posted on 01/13/2009

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HI there, I don't know your situation, and what you've been through to get to this point (divorce), but I would like to recommend going to see the movie Fireproof. It is about a couple going through a divorce (there are no kids involved, though). If you are at all religious, I highly recommend it. It may change your views, or see things in a new light?



Having a little baby is stressful (we have four), I just want to say this, in case this could all be avoided. Marriage is hard work...we literally stumbled upon this movie on a 'rare' date night, and it was the best thing. We are going to get the book, The Love Dare, and will probably get the movie when it comes out on DVD...it's a great movie to help you through the tough days. Prayers and blessings to you and your family.

Shellie - posted on 01/13/2009

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Thanks that makes me feel better, after your baby was 1 how many over nights did the father get? My ex to be is a cop so he pushes me just enough to keep himself out of trouble and gets him one night a week while i am waiting for temp orders but my son doesn't handle being away from me. I know i won't lose any custody because I am a nurse and don't have any criminal backround however he wants him 3 nights a week which i will fight he is just too little. thanks for responding

Sara - posted on 01/13/2009

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I went through my divorce when my daughter was 3 and my son was 3 months old. I did live in colorado but moved back to minnesota when i left my husband so i don't know the exacte laws there. However when my son was an infant he couldn't even have him over night until he was 1 years old and then after that they let him have weekend visitations. And i'm pretty sure that unless he can prove you unfit, you would retain custody of your son. And it's pretty hard to prove a mother unfit in a divorce you would pretty much have to have a serious on going criminal record.

Heather - posted on 01/13/2009

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I know it is hard when you have a lot of "what ifs" in your head. Just remember that a baby needs mom. A lot of fathers fight for custody until they get in the courtroom and then they are fine with mom having the baby. Don't worry. Everything will work out just as you want it to. Wait and See.

Shellie - posted on 01/13/2009

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thanks, i do have a lawyer but you know they don't want to speculate what may happen. My son lives with me most of the time and we live close to my husband. He has been doing a overnight a week but my small baby isn't tolerating it well and I was hoping for some reassurance. I know mostly colorado doesn't do overnights and frequent visitation for the fathers. I guess I will just have to wait for court which is taking forever.

thanks,

shellie

Heather - posted on 01/13/2009

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My son wasn't that young, but he was only 16 months old. I don't live in Colorado so I don't know exactly how they are going to look at it. I am assuming you and your husband live in seperate homes? Where does your son live. What address does he have. (with doctors or daycare) That should make a difference. If you husband is going to fight you for full custody, keep in mind where your son lives. Who has him more days and nights of the week. The other thing I would highly recommend is getting a lawyer!

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