Daughter cries and babbles about babies all night.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2013

I am engaged but he is not her father, though she thinks he is. I was left alone in my first trimester and I was totally cool with being a single mom. I met my fiancee on ChristianMingle.com while I still pregnant (girls from church suggested I do it so I wouldn't be alone forever.) I waited til my daughter was a month old to start dating him and he has been great ever since. She loves him to death and would never suspect he is not her father, I don't know how to explain it to her in the future that her dad was a druggie and tricked me into thinking we were going to get married, and then I got pregnant and he said "well you better get an abortion or I'm leaving," so I helped him out the door and said "fine by me I love my unborn child more than I could ever love you." That was the last time I ever saw him but he made sure to help make my pregnancy Hell.

I'm sorry you went through that with dating. I know men can be mentally abusive. Sometimes my fiancee feels mentally abusive toward me, but he is working so hard on it and he loves and cares for my daughter so much that it can be excused sometimes. I have really bad depression so I can be hard to deal with and understand sometimes, and to me he is being mentally abusive when he tells me I have loaded the dishwasher wrong or I have done something not quite right in the house.... I guess it's not mental abuse if my mom tells me the same things. Anyway, bottom line I am trying to keep her around good loving people. But I can see how my rough pregnancy made her a kind of nervous, anxious child.

Holly - posted on 02/19/2013

I don't know, i looked back and tried to find if you said you had a husband... if not... I will give you a warning... most men don't understand children like this... I had the WORST time dating (my children's father is no where in the picture) . This was a VERY hard task to accomplish. I dated a man who i thought was WONDERFUL, i introduced him to my kids after a while... and they took to him well.... after a while he turned into a HORRIBLE man... He was emotionally abusive ESP to my youngest.... which REALLY made it hard for her to cope... we tried counseling together.... I am lucky to find who i have now... and I DEFINITELY don't take it for granted... just make sure if you have to date... protect your baby... and if you have a husband... make sure he remembers that this problem your daughter has comes with a LOT of stress for EVERYONE involved... patience and understanding is CRUCIAL!

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2013

Thanks for this conversation. You're very helpful. It sounds like you have learned how to be a parent that is attentive to your child's needs and you understand her very well. I want to be this kind of parent. I think kids can always recover if they have people on their side. It is just a little scary to think about the force a little tiny human being can be.

Holly - posted on 02/19/2013

my daughter is doing ok right now, but her "things" come in spells, only when something "triggers" them. and about the medication thing... ugh, my daughter is obessed with taking her temperature... (she is in 3rd grade now) she will search for the thermometer any time she feels just not quite right... she will pull out the step stool and SEARCH the medicine cabinet until she can find it... and then she ends up losing it. the best thing i can do for my child is keep a schedule, and try to loosely follow it... as long as no BIG changes happen, she is ok. She is ok with suprise outtings such as the museum or a carnival... but other things, ugh.... she is a perfectionist, which helps with school, she is in the GT class and makes straight A's... she can't stand not doing well on school work... so she makes sure to listen well to all the directions.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2013

Oh yeah and she is obsessed with taking medicine, she gets really excited any time I bring out tylonel, stomach drops, anti biotics, cough medicine, steroid drops (all of these things are prescribed because she has frequent respiratory issues and get pneumonia a lot) but she LOVES taking it and looks around for it when she has been off the meds for a couple of weeks.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2013

WOW!!! OMG. That's how my fiancee is!!!! I am a little like that too, but not to a dangerous degree I don't think. My daughter IS like that though. She cries when I change her out of her princess night gown, I have to tell her her clothes ARE princess and show her what is "princessy" about them. She wants to brush her teeth and hair constantly. Her teacher's told me that aside from feeling compelled to help with the babies in the infant room, she also tears up her coloring pages and projects if she thinks they aren't good enough and she doesn't like any help being fed, she will throw her food if you try to feed her. I can't imagine how much worse it can get, but from what you said it can get pretty extreme.

How is your daughter now? What does your older daughter think about this?

I had a really stressful pregnancy... which could also be the problem. I was on bed rest but still trying to work from home and I was scared to death of child birth so I had a lot of panic attacks over thinking about it.

Holly - posted on 02/19/2013

I forgot to mention, the REAL trigger that sent us to the psychologist was her tic that she developed... she did this weird thing where she would breath in really deep, like she was trying to catch her breath, but only one really deep breath, every 30 seconds or so... at first i was worried and took her to the doctor, worried that something was phyiscally wrong... but the doctor did a chest xray and pulminary tests, and told me NOTHING was abnormal, and that she reccomended a child psychologist, i was not suprised and i thanked her SO much. We have been only a few times (probably about 4-5 times) I let the Dr. know that i do not wish to have her ever take medication (I am a bit of a naturalist) but i do want her to have someone to talk to, and work through some of these issues

Holly - posted on 02/19/2013

My youngest daughter started young with some of her behavior problems (I wouldn't really label them as PROBLEMS, because they were bad behaviors) but she had night terrors at a young age, she told me once when she was about 2 she had a dream that her sister had an ant body... and she tells me she rarely has good dreams... then it escalated to when she was in kindergarten she would only wear 2 outfits (which looked identical) and would FREAK OUT if i attempted to make her change, my sister thought it was that she was being bad, but it was actually a panic attack (at the age of 5). then about 1st grade, she had to make sure her silver wear would not touch the table because then it was dirty and you needed to wash her silverwear with soap and water, 2nd grade she couldn't touch anything that was clean with chemicals, and i couldn't either at this point she washed her hands excessively and they were often times red and swollen from this. at this point i started taking her to see a psychologist... I felt the need to share this with you... so that you can see how things start out as controlable issues, such as the night terrors and the only two outfits were ok to where (she counted and had over 100 outfits in her closet, but could only wear 2) and silverwear not touching the table, to things that were just out of control, washing the hands too often and not touching doors at the mall because she saw someone clean them with windex

Elizabeth - posted on 02/19/2013

I agree with you, Holly. I have a minor in psychology and have only taken one child psychology class, no enough to explain this behavior. I feel like she first had a sleep disorder, night terrors perhaps and then her baby obsession came second and she just kind of combined the two.

I also thought maybe it was because she is talking in her sleep and her vocab is limited to "mommy, daddy, baby," but this isn't true... she says at least ten other words; and last night when I checked on her she was sitting up in her crib with a baby doll in each arm and she was rocking them and shushing them!!!! I kid you not. Her regular play has become nonstop behavior.

Holly - posted on 02/19/2013

I think that Child psychologists are used ENOUGH! I think that ALL children can benefit from seeing one... your baby IS a bit young... I don't know how well she can communicate... but you could research different child psychologists and see if you can find any that deal with toddlers. THIS would be a good thing!