Daughter getting up from the naughty spot for 10 hours?

Vissarion - posted on 12/24/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Only answer this question if you're familiar with Supernanny's techniques and can provide a Supernanny answer.

My daughter is 4. We do use Jo's techniques. We have a reward chart to reward good behavior and we have a naughty spot for when she doesn't listen. We use the "stay in bed technique" to get her to stay in bed. We place her back in bed without speaking to her. When we go to public places, (i.e. store, restaurant), we tell her what behavior we expect from her before entering and we use the naughty spot if she misbehaves inside there.

Today, a little before 9:00 AM, my daughter hit my wife. My wife got down to her level and gave her a warning. "You do not hit mommy. If you hit again, you are going to the naughty spot." My daughter hit her again so she placed her on the naughty spot for 4 minutes and explained to her why she was placed on the naughty spot. "(Insert name), you are on the naughty spot because you hit me when I asked you to stop. You will stay here for 4 minutes." My daughter keeps up and up. She screamed, scratched and made a mess. It is now 7:00 PM and my daughter is still getting up. The most I have seen a child on the show get up for 3 hours. Any advice on getting her to stay on the naughty spot for 4 minutes?

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Dove - posted on 02/01/2013

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I totally don't agree with the 10 hour time out, but not on the memory part Gwen. My almost 5 year old can tell you stories from things that happened 2 years ago with perfect memory... No doubt any 'average' four year old can remember their 'crime' only 10 hours later. ;)

Gwen - posted on 02/01/2013

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That's insane! She is only 4 years old and she can't even remember what she did by that time!! Can you imagine if someone tried for 10 hours to make YOU sit in the same spot, and dragged you back every time you tried to move?? As adults, we'd be completely hysterical by that point!! Obviously, what you are doing IS NOT working. You aren't teaching her anything other than how to have a power struggle.

Bobbi Jean - posted on 02/01/2013

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You may have to modify it. Nothing is one size fits all. Ten hours is much too long. An important thing to remember is that you are punishing your child for something she did and a choice she made. You are not punishing her as a person. (You love her--but not what she did. Although it is hard to remember when you are angry, it is an important distinction.)

Suggestions:

1. Try a timer set so she can see it. Turn it back untl she can complete her four minutes quietly.

2. My grand-niece--6 years old has horrible tantrums and melt downs. At a family gathering, my nephew was out of the room with his other daughter and she had a fit. She kicked my sister in law (her grandmother) in the shin when she tried to talk to my grand niece. At my sister-law's request, I helped out. What finally worked was this: I picked my niece up, put her beside me on the couch, banded my arm around her and told her that she would sit there with me until she calmed down. Then we would begin the time out. I did not talk to her until she calmed down and her time out was over.--This works for some children.

3. I found ten alternatives to time outs at this site: http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com/2011... If you use the same thing over and over again, some children plot counter measures. It is best to mix it up a bit.

4. I also recommend the book, "Parenting With Love and Logic."

Mommy - posted on 01/16/2013

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My question is, if she has been up and down from the naughty spot fot 10 hours, when did she go to the bathroom and eat?

Starr - posted on 01/09/2013

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My little one is only 2 1/2 and we've been using the time out for almost a year now. (Our doctor recommended it a early for us because she was such a climber that I couldn't even go to the restroom without her endangering herself). Because she is so young she is never expected to actually stay in one spot necessarily, what we do is put her in a room by herself and basically ignore her until the time is up. She can scream, kick whatever it doesn't matter. Normally I use our tv room (tv off of course), it has a baby gate so she can't get out on her own. I start off putting her on the couch but most of the time she gets up and goes to the gate and screams until her time is up, I completely ignore her, no eye contact at all. When her time is up I calmly and nicely ask her to calm down and then I explain to her on her level why she is there. Are you following Jo's method to the T? Meaning, not talking to her or giving her any attention besides placing her back in the spot each time? You daughter obviously isn't going to stay in one spot, I would choose something else for timeout such as the bathroom. My older girls used to get their timeouts in the bathroom when they were your daughters age and older, it was boring and didn't confine then to one "spot" exactly since I could never get them to stay. This may sound mean and I"m sure I'll get some backlash but when I first started this I would just hold the door shut to keep em from coming out for the designated time (1 min per year of age). They learned real quick that the bathroom was no fun. Especially as they got older, if I'd have sent then to their room it wouldn't be punishment they would just play and that's not the idea. You might wind up with a few messes (my middle one would make one hell of a mess out of anger) but at least your not dealing with it for 10 hours. If we were out, we'd go to the nearest restroom or car and sit in there (me with then obviously). Honestly at 4, if my daughter hit me that would result in an automatic time out, no warning. Hitting a parent is completely unacceptable and I would not give her another opportunity to try it again.

Cecilia - posted on 12/30/2012

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It sounds like she can't calm herself. Maybe give her a time out without a naughty spot. Basically what i would call a break. Don't allow her to watch tv or play with her toys but allow her to roam a bit. Tell her when she finishes time out she can get her things back. Allowing her to calm down without you in her face trying to put her back might be all she needs.

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2012

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If it is taking 10 hours to get her to sit in the naughty spot, then the technique is not working. I agree with Ariana, you need other techniques that are more effective for your daughter. Not all children respond the same way to this particular technique.

Ariana - posted on 12/27/2012

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I don't think they kept her there for 10 hours, she refused to stay still for 10 hours.

Either way if that happens then it's obviously not working. Did you actually finish the naught spot?

I would say if after an hour of not going on the naught spot put her in her room to calm down. Even if that means locking the door. Which sounds awful, but the naughty chair has obviously turned into a control issue. It's a 'I lose if I give in' situation. Going to her room to calm down is different.

Sometimes kids need different techniques. Does supernanny's technique work? Sure it does. But if it's overused (you use it for bedtime, grocery stores, at home) it's used all the time for everything, she may just think, 'if I can beat them at this they'll give up and have nothing on me!'. She's stretching her little 4 year old muscles.

You need MORE tools in your toolbox, if she won't sit on time-out maybe she needs a day with no tv. Maybe she needs to go to her room to calm down and once she's calm she can come down and apologize. Until she apologizes there's no toys/tv/privilages etc. Every situation may need a different approach.

I use time-out for situations that are out of my control (using bad words) but if I can find some other natural consequence (if you throw/misues these toys they're taken away, if you don't clean the toys up you can't play with anything until you're ready, if you scream for things you get ignored until you calm down, if you freak out at the park we get taken home etc.). You may need to take control of other things that can get taken away, at age 4 she IS old enough to understand some mild consequences. Like having tv taken away, or other little privilages.

Like I said, after a certain amount of time on the naughty chair I would put her in her room and tell her she can come down when she's calmer and apologizes. Then it's up to HER when she's ready. If her room is full of great fun things (I hope she doesn't have a tv or anything in her room!) then take them out and put them somewhere else, a play room or make a section of play in the living room.

I would also use time-out when it's necessary but do not overuse it, find other tools if your duaghter is acting out, natural consequences.

Plus make sure you are using the time-out properly. Are you talking to your daughter? Are you showing how frustrated you are? Did she have to clean everything up when she was done? Did you ultimately make her stay on the naughty spot? Like I said, after a certain amount of time I'd put her in her room and tell her to come down when she's calm. Or tell her if she does NOT go on her naughty spot you are going to be taking away all privilages for the day, no tv, no toys, no anything, until she does so willingly. Meaning if she decides to get up and wander around, sure, but she's not allowed to play with anything, she's not allowed to watch tv, she's not allowed outside, you aren't going to talk to her, or play with her or anything, until she willingly goes on the spot like you had asked.

I would definitely work on finding other tools so naughty spot isn't over used, but once you put her on the naughty spot you have to finish it somehow, or else she knows she'll be able to yell and scream enough for the next time.

Evelyn - posted on 12/25/2012

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I am most familiar with Super Nanny Jo and her techniques. Why ten hours? You can not expect a child to sit somewhere like that for more than 4 minutes at a time with some time in between. IT seems to me that this time out thing is not working for her. She needs something else. Have you tried taking toys away? Have you tried taking tv time away? Have you tried leaving the place you go to when she does this and take her home? Have you tried anything else that I have not put here? I think it is time to not watch or use the super nanny things anymore.

Dove - posted on 12/24/2012

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If it took TEN HOURS.... I don't think that's a good fit for your child. Perhaps some cool off/alone time in her room would work better.

Lacye - posted on 12/24/2012

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Even 3 hours is way too long to keep a child in the corner or naughty spot. She should have been taken out way before then. Sometimes when they act like that, they are wanting the attention, and even though I like Supernanny, that crap just does not always work! If she had continued to act that way, I would have sent her to her room for a while or a swat on the butt.

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