Daughter Molested at nursery

Charmaine - posted on 05/26/2010 ( 83 moms have responded )

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My daughter came home today telling us that a 4yr old boy pulled her pants down and then his own and told her to cuddle his penis. I went back to speak with the head, but she only said that she would have a meeting with his mother and inform me what the outcome would be in 2 days. My problem is, I do not trust them to take my daughter back. They wanted a month notice, but surely they can not expect me to leave her for another month with this happening(undersupervision). What do I do?

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Sherri - posted on 05/26/2010

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I am sorry sounds pretty innocent to me. I think you are making this an enormous big deal. Although I think it shouldn't happen AGAIN by any means. A meeting with the school and possibly more supervision of the other child seem to be in order. It also sounds like supervision needs to be stepped up.

However, if you do decide to pull your daughter and you signed a contract you are obligated to pay that full month that you would have paid if you gave notice. You under law have no way around that sorry.

Charlie - posted on 05/28/2010

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Charmain please refrain from using all caps , it is considered yelling .



I am more than happy to let this thread continue but perhaps we need a 24 hour cooling off period .



Loureen .

Moderator .

Kelly - posted on 05/27/2010

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I think without additional information we are creating a visual that could be way over-stated. We only have the mother's account who is understandably shaken up and will be emotionally charged. If she feels uncomfortable with the facility, agreed, she should leave immediately. I would never stay where I feel I cannot trust. But with the limited info we have and no true accounts from others who spoke to all children involved and are with these chidren day in & day out, I think it is incredibly hard to judge. I would take the word of a teacher or day care tender on what is true children's behavior at this age vs my belief since I am only parent of 1 and friends of few. Hopefully, the director got to the bottom of this and herself/himself got the boy's parent involved and is addressing this or if she/he too felt a bit concerned, involved services beyond his/her means. But some of the immediate reactions I'm hearing seem a bit too much when we truly don't know the full story and we are giving her advice. The best advice I feel we should be giving her is to use her instinct on her decision to stay or leave, hopefully not allow this to impact future trust of others who watch our children for at some time school, etc., requires us to have faith in others, and lastly, leave it to the people who know and understand what is "normal" or not, to take further action. Gosh, hope the mother of this boy isn't reading this for if it IS a simple misunderstanding, I'd be crushed thinking my son is a monster.

Charlie - posted on 05/27/2010

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I have been a teacher where something similar has happened except it was a girl doing it to a boy .
kids are exploring for the most part at that age , they dont see as sharing exploration in those areas as anything wrong because its not sexual to them , it feels good but it doesn't have the same connotations , there are so many other warning signs that a child has been interfered with that teachers are made aware of its a combination of things that are tell tale signs and not just what we perceive as a sexual act on its own .

I think before labeling this boy as a molester you should find out their intention of the "game " what seemed like sexual act to us at the time turned out to be an innocent game , both of which children were very upset at not knowing or comprehending why everyone was upset because to them it was JUST a game and not sexual .

Its so important to find out motive first before you put such a horrendous label on a little boy , im sorry your daughter was apart of that but for the most part children only have innocent intentions .

Katherine - posted on 05/26/2010

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We had a similar happening at my daughters preschool and the same thing happened---the mom pulled the child out. I don't know if she still paid for the rest of the year or not, but I am sure there are clauses. In never went in front of the board....which I was on.....

It really isn't the child's fault, at that age they are exploring. Can't blame the parent really either. Ever have your kid come home and say something completely off the wall and wonder where they got it from? Same concept. It's the AGE. Take a step back and THINK about it before you go crucifying people...just my opinion and humble too.

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Charmaine - posted on 05/28/2010

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I CAN HONESTLY TELL YOU I NEVER PLAYED DOCTOR DOCTOR, YES, AND INFACT, IF IT IS OK FOR YOU THAT SOME KID WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO CUDDLE HIS PENIS AND TOUCH HER PRIVATE PARTS, SHAME ON YOU... I DO NOT ALLOW THIS BEHAVIOUR AND THAT IS WHY MY DAUGHTER HAD THE TRUST AND COURAGE TO COME AND INFORM US OF THIS.

Tracey - posted on 05/28/2010

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Eldris, once a case has been reported to social services they will stay on the case, it doesn't matter if the boy changes school.

Therese - posted on 05/28/2010

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that little boy should be taken out of that nursery, what if its not only your daughter that experiences this thing he does? it is normal for a mom like you to OVER-REACT, my goodness... she's too young to experience this harassment from a little boy...
and our daughter is so precious, we don't want anyone to touch her as much as possible. i also have my only daughter. and i don't know what i'm capable of doing if this happens to my daughter, God forbid...

Amanda - posted on 05/27/2010

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hi charmaine,if that happened to my girl,id be a bit upset too,The way they brushed you off sounds like they really dont care,i mean she must have been unsupervised,I hope they do the right thing by you and let you leave.A month seems a bit long.

Ralitsa - posted on 05/27/2010

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I really understand your concern and believe intuition does matter. At the other hand I feel we, as parents, have to be really careful how we interpret a behavior and what do we say to our children about the world around. I am concerned about the easiness that such heavy words are used (molestation, abuse) and am worried that both the boy and your little girl could be condemned for life with the labels "victim" and "perpetrator", if you do not place additional care in the situation. If your daughter feels sacred and violated that matters for sure. If she is willing to share with you, that is great and will be the main reason to feel she is safe. Keep things in perspective, tho. The society nowadays goes overboard with the issues of violence and sex, and very innocent situations are willingly turned into big disasters. Talk to her and have an open mind - is she scared, is she confused, is she curious? Take care of her experience and make sure to explain to her with as less judgment as possible the important themes - privacy, exploration, saying no and asking for help if she does not feel right, etc. I don't really feel you can blame the child care about not preventing that from happening - its not possible to have all children watched at all times. What sounds iffy to me is not telling you about the incident (if they knew) and their reaction to the matter afterwards. If they are not willing to engage into dealing with the consequences of what is happening in their care center, I will not trust them for taking care of my child any further!

Sophie - posted on 05/27/2010

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I couldnt believe it when i read this,its shocking..Your not over reacting your acting how any mother would.Hearing that your own daughter has had these things happen to her while being in nursery,the place you leave her to be safe while your at work is just appalling.If you feel unsettled about leaving her there then take her out.It may have only been something minor this time but what if the cuddling turns into something abit more??is it worth taking the risk??It should have been pulled up with the head instantly and resolved as quick as possible,and why wasnt they as concerned about this as you are??makes you wonder who is running the nursery and whether they should be or not....Do whatever you think is right for your daughter,your the only one who knows her well and knows what will be right for her.At her age she will find new friends just as quick so moving her to a different nursery wont be so bad,could even benefit her.Good luck

Patricia - posted on 05/27/2010

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yes kids are curious. yes they will ask to see things. but asking to see body parts and asking to "cuddle" a body part is two different things. no the workers can't see and hear everything at all times but when something that happened to a child is brought to their attention both sets of parents should be called. the child should not be the one to have to bring it to his/her parents attention. by the administrater not calling the mother it seems as if she was hoping the mother would not find out. as for sarah holly saying maybe the boy saw a similar action between his parents and thought it was acceptable......well i would hope all parents take precautions so their children never see " similar actions". TAKE HER OUT! a contract is signed not only by you but by the officials at the daycare also. you signed agreeing to pay for them to assure the safety and well being of your child. they offered those services. they did not provide the services you paid for so they are in fault also. tell them you are going to report the incident to the proper authorities and the better business bureau and childrens services. when they start losing other children because their parents are concerned for their children they will not be able to stay open. as far as the publicity, your child is only four years old and her name can not be used by the media without your permission. therefore, to insure her privacy, your name cannot be printed. tell the media if any names other than the daycares name is printed you will sue. falling down on the playground is a far cry from a child being the victim of gross sexual imposition. that is what happened to your daughter! no one wants to see this boy "crucified". he needs help to understand that his behavior is not acceptable. the reason for this behavior needs to be found out. maybe it is due to something he seen or heard from someone. maybe it is because of something worse. your daughter needs help to understand what happened was not her fault and to never let anyone except you or her doctor see or touch her in any way. tell her in what manner a doctor is allowed to touch her and if he does anything different to tell you immediately. the boy needs help in understanding that no matter what he might have seen or heard from someone, that such behavior is not acceptable at school, home, friends homes, etc. do not let this drop! if not for your daughter, for the boy. if his behavior is not corrected some young girl could pay for it later on. maybe not. but if it did happen, you would blame yourself for not doing something to possibly prevent his future actions.

Lisa - posted on 05/27/2010

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Do what is right for your lil girl and for you i wouldnt feel good if my girls or my boy were in this situation id hate to think what you are feeling. You doneed to report it to child youth and family this little boy may need the help to be safe its sad that there are child abusers who are out there and they use words such as what she has stated the little boys said to her the abuser does this to make the child feel as tho they aren't doing anything wrong. but as everybody has said the little boy is only young he is doing what he knows poor kids my heart sunk when i read this. I hope your little girl is not scarred from this experience which no child should ever have to endure. I wish you luck but remember a mum knows in her heart what is best for her child nobody can tell you your over reacting this is wrong your not shes your baby your protecting her keep doing it.

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Money should not matter if you are worried about your daughter's well being. Take her out if you feel that she is not safe there. I am hoping that the school looks into the little boy's home life. If the family takes him out and/or the school takes him out, he may fall in the cracks. He may be experiencing abuse at home.

Jen - posted on 05/27/2010

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Omg im sorry that your poor lil girl had to go through that..
About 6 yrs ago, my son had the same problem with another boy would you believe, he was around 2 ish and told me that he pulled his pants down and his own and turned him around..
I was horrified and went to the director immediately and was also worried as what was going on in his home life.
They went to the parents and thank goodness that the parents took this boy out of care.. I also wanted to know why and how this happened as they should of been supervised, apparently they were in a tunnel...
I would put in a official complaint in writting, as they do have to act on it more than just word of mouth, especially to the head of your child care center, surely they would have to put your circumstance infront of policy???
Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 05/27/2010

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I couldn't imagine how you feel as a mother with this happening!! I stay at home with my son so that I don't have to put him in daycare for this exact porpose. I don't trust anyone. it's been hard financially, but I refuse!! Go to the news about it, or at least threaten to!! that is neglegt (sorry for the spelling) if you threatn them with it maybe they will let you out of your contract or whatever easily?! and if not and you do go to the new and they do a story on it, others will know not to go there. either way i wouldn't pay them! let them take you to court if they will....it'll all come out and look badly on them!! A mothers instincts are the best recorse we have! trust it and go with it No Matter What!!!!!!! protect your children who don't have a voice!! good luck!

Lakisha - posted on 05/27/2010

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I WOULD NOT TAKE HER BACK. IN ORDER FOR THE BOY YO GET THAT FAR, THEY WAS NOT BEING WATHCED CAREFULLY.

Cynthia - posted on 05/27/2010

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I'm sorry... so sorry to hear this about your baby girl. If this was me no I would not bring her back I do not care about no month notices they are crazy a job ask for a two weeks notices before you leave so who are they to tell you, you have to leave her there for a month to only have this happen to her again. sweetie do not put your child in harms way for nobody. we as parents are to protect our children. wow i'm still in shock now the babies are sexual active before we never had to worrie about our babies thinking about sex. this is so scary. i'm going to keep you and child in my prayers. you keep your head up and prayerful and please do not send her back to that center. take care & God bless

Adrianna - posted on 05/27/2010

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YOU ARE YOUR CHILD ADVOCATE. PRESS THE ISSUE WITH EVERYBODY. GO TO THE AUTHORITIES AND REPORT THE NURSERY. IT'S UNACCEPABLR EVEN FROM A FOUR YEAR OLD. IT'S TEACHING HIM HE CAN DO STUFF LIKE THAT AND GET AWAY WITH IT. IF HE WAS OLDER AND DID THAT IT WOULD BE UNACCEPTABLE TO THOSE WHO ARE SAYING ITS NO BIG DEAL.

Nichole - posted on 05/27/2010

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so on that note i think what you did was well within the bounds of a well thought out reaction! It is always good to stand behind your children and do what you have to to protect them but it should always be handled in a calm cool collected and well thought out way!

Nichole - posted on 05/27/2010

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I definately think that if you are not comfortable taking her back there because you don't trust the supervision then by all means do not take her back!!! However as mothers I think some of us tend to think the worst in a situation! I understand that you are not mad at the boy, because he probably doesn't know any better, but some 4 year olds are pretty honory and do things they know are wrong to get a rise out of people! I would also like to say that it is a possibility that he got this from home, but don't assume that it was because he was touched or forced to touch someone else! What about the possibility that, like many kids(fortunately not mine) he walked in on his parents making love. They could have used the excuse(however warped this is) that they were "cuddling". He saw them enjoying themselves and thought he would give it a try! In that case he needs to be taught about appropriate touch!!!

Corrine - posted on 05/27/2010

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i would never send my child back personally take her out check out a different child care or home care let the other parents know what happened ask questions if their child has been acting or doing something they normally wouldn't do call the police and children's aid society they will check into the situation and if something is also happening to the child that did this to your child than they can help on both ends in preventing something like this ever from happening again! the child care place is responsible for your children you sign papers there for a reason sue them for doing nothing about this or having any compassion for the situation i'm so sorry your daughter had to go through that ever in her life just let her know it wasn't her fault and you still love her no matter what and your so proud of her for telling you this most kids now a day don't say nothing to there parents and go on living there life like it was there fault and there parents would blame them for what a person did to them and they should be ashamed show her lots of love she loves and trust you to tell you this you'll become really close!

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Ok I'm going to say some of the same things others have said, and also my own thoughts. 1stly it's true this little boy doesnt understand his actions and is not to blame- BUT it's concerning the way he's worded this, as an ex-Police Officer it sounds to me like the language adult abusers use to justify their actions to a child victim- i.e- he may be repeating what someone else does to him and that IMO is one of the biggest issues here- by reporting this you are saving not only yr daughter but possibly this poor little boy from things that shouldnt be happening to them. At the very least he has seen or heard something he should have and that needs to be addressed.

As far as the childcare centre goes I guess they have to follow their policies for reporting this kind of incident BUT I dont agree they have the right to force you to pay if the appropriate care is not being given- and they must agree that it isnt if they have advised you to report it to CPS. Again I would speak to them reasonably about it and if they force the issue I would engage a lawyer and also see what the local media had to say about it. I'm sure the other parents of the centre would have an opinion about it

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OMG! I would freak out. Your daughter is 4, even if your daughter was 16, no one wants to know a boy told her to do that. I wouldn't trust them either. It would scare me to let my child go back there. Where did the little boy learn that?

Diann - posted on 05/27/2010

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There is a difference between natural curiosity (you show me yours/I'll show you mine) and "cuddling" inappropriate. Even if it was just let's play show and tell 4 is not too young to start teaching there are some things that are private. At the daycare I work at today 3 almost 4 yr old boy was on the playground showing his underwear by trying to pull his pants down. One of the teachers brought him in to sit with the director for 10 minutes while the rest finished playground time and she talked to him about there are some things private. That center sounded a little too unconcerned and unsupervised. It can't to call your local licensing and share your concerns.

Anna - posted on 05/27/2010

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There is a MASSIVE difference between normal child exploratory play and inappropriate behavior that may hint at a deeper underlying problem. Yes, young children and curious and explore themselves physically at that age (i.e. doctor or house or any other number of games). That isn't what's being called into question. What's disturbing is that this little boy was (reportedly) so aggressive in his "exploration" as to forcibly pull the girl's pants down and then use language that a four year old ideally shouldn't understand. His behavior, and the subsequent reaction/handling of the situation by the daycare center, are both completely inappropriate and should be treated as such. Of course no one should criminalize the boy, as he very likely wouldn't understand the scope and depth of what he did, but if there is an underlying problem influencing his behavior, that absolutely needs to be brought to light and addressed, along with the preventive and disciplinary practices of those charged with his and all the other children's care.

Donna - posted on 05/27/2010

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Leave without notice, immediately! I would also report this to your state licensing agency for the facility. Be prepared to fight in court if needed to avoid the center holding you legally responsible for paying for that time you are leaving without notice.

I agree that this young boy must be suffering the same experience somewhere. Where else would a child that age learn that?

Report this and both children can be helped.

Amy - posted on 05/27/2010

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I would call Child Protective Services. Chances are this boy is being abused by someone he knows (adult). Do the right thing and have the authorities look into it and make sure no other children are being hurt.

Elena - posted on 05/27/2010

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I would take my daughter out Immediately!!!! I would not leave her another month!!!

Lisa Marie - posted on 05/27/2010

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The situation is really yours to decide. if you truly believe that what happened is real you need to inform child services of your area. whether it was "innocent" or not is not for you or anyone else to decide. It is the job of child protection to decide if this boy is being abused at home, etc. and for anyone to say its no big deal, is the reasons why there are so many children being molested in our society. As a mom you have a responsibility to your children and everyone elses to notify the proper channels of this situation. It may turn out to be nothing, and it may turn out to be a huge hidden secret this boy will suffer mentally for because everyone else just nods it off as being childish behavior. to those who say its no big deal would you think that if it was your child? No you wouldnt, but it wouldnt happen to you......would it? As for the months notice child services will take care of that too people go on the internet and pull up proper child behavior in regards to sexual curiousity.. you will find that it is NOT normal for a child of four to say those things the line is not that fuzzy people....AND we are the parents ????

Kelina - posted on 05/27/2010

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I think you did good taking your daughter out. From what I've read that you've put on here there was three different children involved and they didn't notiofy any of the parents which would be a big red flag for me that something was wrong with the daycare. Not being able to keep track of any one child is different than not being able to keep track of three. I agree with not overreacting when talking to your kids and make sure she knows that when she's as old as you and married then things like that will be ok(only if you feel comfortable that she'll understand that) but right now only doctor can see those things and tell her you're proud of her for telling you. Good job!

Cami - posted on 05/27/2010

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all I have to say is HELL NO!! Don't let these people on here tell you that you're overreacting!! Same thing happened to my nephew who is now 10 years old, only the little girl put her mouth on his penis. Bad thing is, he remembers it. Turns out the little girl was being molested by her stepfather and she was only doing to my nephew what her stepfather made her do to him. We have an obligation to our own children, take care of your daughter and let the other parents handle their little boy. The same thing may be happening to him at home, you never know. As a child, I was taught to keep my hands to myself and that other people were to do the same. I think we need to go back to that frame of mind and forget this "curiosity" and "exploring" crap that everyone thinks is okay. There's only one word for it and that's PERVERSION!! I know this is probably going to piss a lot of people off but I don't care!! I am so sick of everyone saying "It's okay, they are just curious, they'll grow out of it" BULL!! I say get your baby out of there if the daycare isn't going to do anything more about it. Forget the money, some things matter more. Good luck!

Kelly - posted on 05/27/2010

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I have to agree with the commenter about expecting the daycare worker to hear every comment or see every action taking place. Kids are loud and energetic ... getting a room full of them or an outdoor play area, they're all over the place doing their own thing. "Cuddle" my penis does sound odd, but I can't imagine a 4 year old meaning much more than "touch it". And not in a sexual connotation. I think the daycare's downfall is that they did not bring it to the parent's attention before the child did (if they assumably knew that it took place). I would agree that they should show concern and compassion, but too, I would expect them to get the boy's side of the story. I feel all this alarmist behavior with the continued questioning of the children involved and bringing in social services will only cement in these children's minds that our private parts are horrible things and the opposite sex is out to violate you, etc. I think these undertones can certainly show up in both the boy's and girl's sexual confidence and perception years down the line. You've made the boy out to be a sexual deviant and the girl think that boys are horrible. It's one thing to lose trust in the daycare's tenders, and another to make it seem like some molestation scene happened and no one reacted.

Josie - posted on 05/27/2010

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I would honestly be pissed if my son's daycare let this happen or even if they allowed my son to do this to another little girl. That is unacceptable in my opinion. It should not have gotten far enough for the little boy to be able to pull down her pants. I would find another daycare if I were you. Now I'm gonna go home and talk to my own son about his private parts and make sure he doesn't ever do this to another little girl.

Pam - posted on 05/27/2010

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The most important thing is your daughter safety. Ask for another class. If there isn't one I would pull her out. I don't think there's a judge who would blame you.

Krista - posted on 05/27/2010

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I'm very proud of your little girl for telling you what happened. I goes to show that it is never to early to talk to our children about where people should and shouldn't be touching them or looking at them.

Teresa - posted on 05/27/2010

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I agree with Sherri...I have 3 boys and 1 girl and all have been in daycare/preschool at some point and time and have had the same type of incident with 2 of them. Kids are curious at that age, doesn't mean he's a "molester", come on..that's almost ridiculous. He's exploring his sexuality which all kids do, boys are just more open about it.
Basically, when this happened the head of the preschool, which happened to be my Mother's oldest friend and someone I trusted with all my heart, called me and asked to speak with me that evening. She told me in full detail what happened, what child it was, etc. She didn't hide anything from me. She apologized and asked if I wanted to speak with the other child's parent(s), told her no, I would address this with my child at home in private...which I did. At this age, you must handle carefully but firmly and let them know that this is not appropriate behavior.
If you still feel uncomfortable with the location, change...contract or no contract they won't fight you on this. Bottom line is, could happen anywhere at this age and they need to be completely supervised at all times. Yelling "rape or molestation" only worsens your child's perception of what actually happened. Can you honestly tell me you never played "doctor" when you were younger...I think most of us have at some point in time.

Alyssa - posted on 05/27/2010

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Sounds like the boy might be molested at home! kids dont come up with "cuddle my penis" on their own!

Andrea - posted on 05/27/2010

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You can't expect the daycare to know what each child is saying at every moment of every day. Each worker probably is responsible for 8 children so if they are attending to another child, they may not hear what a child is saying. I think getting all these agencies involved is going a bit overboard. This sounds like a 4 year old boy just being curious.

Angela - posted on 05/27/2010

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Hi Charmaine - Sounds like you've dealt with this with grace and due diligence. I just wanted to add something from experience...Although you didn't mention (that I saw) your daughter's age, it's usually pretty clear when a child is being curious and when it's due to something inappropriately taught. My family dealt with molestation when I was very young and there were several red flags. I'm in the US and not sure of your system over there, but it sounds to me like if it was inappropriate, you should be proud that you not only protected your daughter, but also other children and the little boy himself. There is no excuse for molestation and your actions may have prevented or stopped a cycle of abuse. If this turns out to be a child's imagination needing correction, than lessons learned and thank God it wasn't abuse. I just don't think it's worth the risk to not report it and commend you for being proactive. My son has never been in childcare (we had a nanny for a short time) but if my faith in someone was lost, there is no way I would entrust them with my child. Shame on the facility for not taking this more seriously and acting accordingly. Good luck to you and your family!

Patricia - posted on 05/27/2010

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tell them she will not be back if they cannot supervise the children better than that. if they bring up the fact that you did not give them enough notice tell them a notice is not going to matter once you go the authorities and an investigation ensues. once it is made public, they won't have to worry about anything but trying to keep their business once childrens services get invoved. this should not be left up to the administrator and the boys mother. don't be surprised if the mom does not believe her son would do such a thing.

Chelsea - posted on 05/27/2010

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Def do not send her back there! I don't trust daycares or places I prefer keeping my two home with me. But if you don't have that option maybe a friend or family member someone you can trust. Schools now a days are awful you really can't trust anyone!

Charmaine - posted on 05/27/2010

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Tracey, Yes I am in the UK. I called the LEA this morning and they gave me the number for child services and told me to report this incident to OFSTED, I will follow your advice and contact them following the outcome of the school. The shocking thing is that the school did not inform the parents of the other girl involve. That is just so weird,

Tracey - posted on 05/27/2010

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As you mention OFSTED are you in the UK, if so and you want to make a strong complaint look up your county council on their website and go to the education page, then complain to the LEA in your area. OFSTED probably wont get involved other than to ensure the school has adequate child protection policy and that they acted according to procedure which if they spoke to the parents and social services it sounds like they did. You could try the NSPCC who take very strong action against anything viewed as child abuse.

Charmaine - posted on 05/27/2010

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Thank for all the advice and different views, I really appreciate your comments.

I have spoken to the head of the other nursery, and she advised me to call CPS, which I did. They took the names of the boy and another girl involve and they would investigate the matter. I do not know why this boy did what he did, but that is not my job to find out and judge him, I would leave this to CPS. If this was just a case of show me yours as some of you say, CPS would call it that, and it would be the end of the investigation, and should it be more, they would be able to act according to the situation.

I have not taken my daughter back, and will get feedback from the Manager tomorrow. Depending on her feedback, I will report the nursery to OFSTED. If only to ensure a safe place for the other children in the nursery. I feel let down by this private nursery, and would avoid ever taking my daughter to any nursery, even if I have to work nights and weekends.

As a parent we try to protect our children and only give what is best for them, and it is sad that some people does not feel the same. We only have 1 little girl (by choice), and me and my husband both feel that we have to act with the urgency that we did, in order to ensure her safety and sense of security and trust in us.

Angie - posted on 05/27/2010

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Ask the "head" who her supervisor is and talk with him/her. There is not excuse for children to be unsupervised for this period of time. I wouldn't take my child back there. I am not the type of person who immediately turns to lawyers but if you do not get satisfaction QUICKLY, I would call a lawyer and have him/her write a letter to the daycare explaining why you will no longer have your child in that daycare.

Caroline - posted on 05/27/2010

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Without knowing any details, there is no way of knowing exactly how serious the situation is. But it obvously needs further extensive investigation.

I agree with what Anna said, that the bottom line is that if the little girl felt violated in some way then it is a big deal. Our jobs as parents is to raise our children to be happy productive people with strong familes--and keep them safe at all cost! I'm happy to hear the girl felt comfortable coming to Mom with this issue!

Jenee - posted on 05/27/2010

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Truthfully take her out right away and find another place. I doubt they would bring up a lawsuit against you for leaving early since you had every right to leave early. I might also want to talk to someone from CPS because obviously something is going on at home. Children just don't learn that out of the blue.

[deleted account]

I think your instincts are correct, If you leave her there and this happens again she will have confusion and could cause her to loose trust in you as a parent. We need to protect our children, our kids see us doing that they will feel safe. I Would suggest you buy the book "My Body Is Private" and insist the day care providers read it to the little boy.



Show and tell is normal at this age but show and cuddle is a cry for help. The 4 year old most likely learned this behavior from another child who is older. Esp if the supervision is not all that great. It need to be traced back to the originator which is an adult in some child's life. It may not be this little boy. And there may be an older child in the center or a friend of a friend who is in a really bad situation. Hiding it Will Not help that child.



The daycare center showed an inappropriate response I do know in some states like NY the child telling a teacher would have forced the teacher to immediately place a call to Child Protective Services.



As to the bill, pay it... its a cheap price to pay to have her safe again and be sure to let the day care center know you will pay it but that you will be filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, and her regulator agency, also rate them on places like google.



Not telling you of the incident, is the issue at the heart of it.



And props to you Mom! and your daughter for telling you, you must be raising her right!

Johanna - posted on 05/27/2010

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unfortunately this does happen between young children but there is no excuse for there not to be supervision there they should have called you and told you before your child I would call the local paper and ask then to put a article in to open all the other parents eyes. johanna lipani

Nea - posted on 05/27/2010

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I think taking her out of the school was the right thing to do. I have 2 sons. 1 has ADHD and does things with out thinking. One of the things he does is touch ppl. Every one. He isn't thinking of sex. I am a stay-at-home mom (not always) so I can almost guarantee he has not been touched inappropriately.

As moms we need to follow our own instincts. Our childrens well being depend on us making decisions for them. We as moms know when some thing is wrong b4 any one else. If alarm bells are going off there is a reason. Calmly think thru the decision but ultimately go with your gut. God gave us instincts for a reason use them.

As far as the contract goes if you explain to them that your trust was broken, you feel your daughter was violated innocently or not it still happened. You feel like your daughter has had one too many accidents and after this incident enuf is enuf. Wish them well and don't pay them another cent. God bless you and your family.

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