Daycare trouble

Zubeida - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My almost 3 year old has been looked after by my mother in law since he was 6 months old. He has been in daycare now for the last two weeks but acts up each morning. He did it when we dropped him off at my in laws place each morning as well. I have no idea what to do and it rips my heart out when he screams and shouts not to be at the daycare. When we fetch him though then he cannot stop talking about it and talks about going back but come the morning then it's a different story. Please help me understand what's happening.

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Peta - posted on 01/27/2010

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hi i work in child care and we see this every day it called separation anxiety and all children have it the best thing to do is not stress he may grow out of it he may not when dropping him off talk about what a wonderful day he's going have painting pasting riding bike digging in the sand pit with he's friends remind him that you will be coming back for him also and i can't stress this enough always say goodbye give him a kiss and a cuddle tell him that we're going to work you love him have a great day take him to his carer and then leave just make sure that you have sign in your son in and put his bag away before saying goodbye. i do understand what you feel like my son does the same thing for us and i work at he's kinder lol i hope this has helped hope this go well remember it could take a couple of week until he's settles down

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Sally - posted on 01/27/2010

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Please please please don't sneak out and leave him without saying goodbye.



That will only make him cling to you more because he will be scared that as soon as he is distracted for a moment you will leave (which you will!) I would recommend that you make sure you're not rushing in the morning as he will pick up on any stress from you, and let him take something special in to remind him of you during the day - a laminated photo that he can carry or keep in his bag and go to when he needs to is good, or a CD of music you listen to at home may also work - talk to his teachers in advance to make sure they know why you are doing this. With a CD, your drop-off routine could include taking him to a teacher, you say goodbye, and they go and put on the CD together as you go.



Include him in the routine of putting his bag away, getting drink bottle out, signing him in etc, so that he knows what to expect each morning. And make sure that when you say goodbye you can just leave, without having to stop anywhere he can see you.



My sister-in-law used to give her boys a kiss in the palm of their hand for them to "look after" until she collected them. (Obviously they can "put the kiss in their pocket" lol they don't have to keep their hand closed all day!) It worked well for them.



I'm a preschool teacher and have worked in childcare for about 14 years - I'm very lucky that my parents are able to look after my 17 month old while I work, but have used the techiques above with lots of my preschoolers. It will improve over time, as long as they know they can trust you to say goodbye (and therefore trust you when you say you'll come back) and as they develop a relationship with their teachers.



Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2010

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wut i think you should do is get there in earlier in the morning to drop him off and stay with him and have him show you wut he does during the day his favorite toy for example in the daycare. Then have one of the teachers finish to play with him not to destract him but have someone else to play with and then tell him your going to go and be back and if you work closer to the daycare go there on your lunch break(do not let him see you) a lot of daycares have the one way windows and u can watch him and see his progress as well as ask his teachers/ directors how he is doing and how long he does cry for if he does cry. I used to work in the daycare systems and even though it breaks your heart you should make sure the teachers are doing their job and comforting him after you leave. Please let me know wut happens

Susanna - posted on 01/27/2010

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Just take it easy, it is really hard and 99% of us mothers have to go through this. Our hearts go out to you. I have even gone back to the car and cried. Just remeber he will learn that it is ok to go to daycare! Good luck:)

Sadie - posted on 01/27/2010

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i also work in childcare and he will grow out of it... it is called seperation anxiety....

Zubeida - posted on 01/27/2010

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Hi there

Thank you for your comments and it does help. It is a bit difficult to leave him and sneak out as he watches my every move and even as we get closer to the daycare he starts to act up saying he does not want to go. He sleeps for more than 8 hours each night. I think it is separation anxiety and I wish I could be there with him. He knows that when we drop him off we will be fetching him but he refuses to understand. I don't think he cries for very long after we leave but it's still heart wrenching. I wake him very gently and he gets up fine, but immediately says that he will not be going to daycare. The staff says that he is still shy and watches the other kids but afterwards will join in. I guess he just needs to settle in. WE HAVE EVEN TRIED BRIBERY...Nothing works!

LORENA - posted on 01/27/2010

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IT CAN BE MANY THINGS, BUT HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS. CAN IT BE HIS SLEEPING PATTERNS? LIKE DOES HE GET ENOUGH SLEEP? ARE YOU STRESSED WHEN GETTING EVERYTHING READY IN THE MORNING AND MAYBE HE SENSES IT? UMM IS THERE SOMETHING OR SOMEONE THAT WATCHES HIM IN THE MORNING @ DAYCARE THAT HES JUST NOT COMFORTABLE WITH? MAYBE HIS DIET? HE CAN BE GETTING STOMACH ACHE FROM LAST NITES DINNER? WELL THOSE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS. THINK ABOUT IT AND RE-EVALUATE UR ROUTINES OR THOUGHTS AND LET US KNOW. BECAUSE YOU SAY HE TALKS A LOT ABOUT THE SCHOOL AND CANT WAIT TO GO BACK BUT YET ITS HARD FOR HIM IN THE MORNINGS TO GET DROPPED OFF. IT ALSO CAN BE SEPARATION ANXIETY FROM WHEN YOU LEAVE HIM...????

Chloe - posted on 01/27/2010

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he's just upset because you're leaving him there and you're going elsewhere, and he's so happy when you pick him up because he's had a great day, he'll settle down soon enough... my trick was to sneak out without my daughter noticing i'm was leaving, i found if i stood there waving and saying bye she would get upset, but if i snuck out while she was distracted by toys or another kid i'd leave her be.... hopefully this tatic works for you =)

Alisha - posted on 01/27/2010

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maybe he enjoy's being there but he wants you to be there with him..alot of kids are like that they just want to be by there mom's and dad's...maybe when you leave for now on you should not let him see you leaving .i know it's hard but it works.believe me after you leave all those times before and he cry's most likely after about 5mins of you leaving he stops actting up and stop's crying .i have a 11yr old and he use to do the same stuff when he was little.your baby will be okay..

Susanna - posted on 01/27/2010

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Hi this is called the attachment stage in his development. He will grow out of it in time. With this stage you are his primary attachment, untill he develops a secondary attachment at daycare. Previously his secondary attachment was probebly your mother.

He will be just fine. Hang in there mum this is all normal chlid behaviour... cheers :)

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