Dealing with a control freak

Leann - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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How do I deal with an ex-husband that is a control freak and has turned my kids, 9 and 13, against me?

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Chaya - posted on 02/09/2013

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I have had custody of my daughter since she was 10 months old although her dad didn't leave me for years after that. My ex is such a control freak that he'd crash my car because he doesn't want me driving, although I needed a car for work. He wanted to know where I was, when I was there, who was I with, how many miles did I put on "his" car, why? it went on. I wasn't allowed to take my daughter to the park on sunny days. I finally had to tell him to step off.
I worked in a music store, my job often required me to go to thrift stores looking for instruments, to schools, and run assorted errands for my boss.
You can reinforce to your children that controling anyone is not a healthy mind.

Ariana - posted on 02/05/2013

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Do you have visitation with these children? You should be able to have set times for the children to come over and a visitation schedule. If not is there a way for you to go to court to get this?

Maybe you could get a mediator to speak with you and your ex? You could find a mediator and then ask your ex if he would see the mediator with you. I would try to be very calm about it and just say that you know there have been a lot of issues going on and you really want to work it out between the two of you and want to be able to see the kids. A mediator can make it so you get to say what you want and what your concerns are and he can also get his viewpoints out but there is a person who isn't on anyones side there to help resolve the issues. The main issue would be visitation and having the kids come over. If the mediation works you could use that to set up a visitation schedule that you both agree on instead of having to go through a court etc.

You might also try to get councelling set up with you and your children if they are having issues with this change (or being turned against you). If it's up to them whether they can see you or not you could just tell them you know there have been some issues and you would like to go into some family councelling to try and sort whatever feelings/issues are coming up. Maybe they do have real concerns you don't realize, and even if it's all from your ex at least it will get talked about and hopefully resolved.

You really do need to get proper visitation set up so that the kids can't just not come over. At least where I am I'm almost certain children under the age of 12 MUST follow their visitation, not sure about the older kids but even then I'm fairly sure they're supposed to.

Beth - posted on 02/05/2013

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Nothing angers a man more than if you sleep with one of his friends or one of his brothers

Leann - posted on 02/05/2013

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My ex-husband is so mad that he has lost control of me that he has been using the kids to control me. He sets their moods towards me. An example is that I have been dating a man and we are now engaged which really upset my ex-husband so now my kids wont come over to my house. They had been visiting regularly and having a great time with this new man in my life and myself until this change in my relationship. My problem is I know they really like the new man but my ex-husband does not so turns them on me for this reason. Does this make sense?

Ariana - posted on 02/05/2013

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What exactly has he done to turn your kids against you and how is he being a control freak? We'd need more information to give you proper advice.

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