Dealing with depression

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2009 ( 62 moms have responded )

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I am dealing with depression since i had my son but i have hiden it from everyone because I am ashamed. I only break down and cry once everyone is sleeping and the lights are off. I am breast feeding and don't want to stop just so i can go on medication. I feel so alone but have to hold it all together because i am a full time mother. is there anyone out there with suggestions?

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Don't be ashamed! You definitely need to talk to someone though, and get help. Even having a friend to talk to will help get some of the feelings out. Medication can be helpful but it is only part of the big picture when it comes to dealing with depression, and you can't live in misery both for your sake and the sake of your family. I think the biggest tool to combating depression is you and your drive to get better.



I grew up with a mother with extreme problems with depression, and she still suffers to this day. It was very difficult as a child because I didn't know what was going on with her when she was crying or sleeping all the time. She never made the attempt to get better, and now that I am grown and have a child of my own, I know I never want to end up like her. When I started experiencing problems with depression years ago, I sought help right away and used my will power and the support of people who loved me to make the change.



The change starts with you. Just remember that you are not alone, there are people who love you and need you and will stick by you no matter what. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, it doesn't make you a weaker person, on the contrary it takes more courage to take the leap to towards getting better than it does to hide it. Take it from a person who has been there, and also who has seen it happen to many people I love. You can do it!

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2009

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thank you all so much for your words and for caring, i never thought it would happen to me. I mean don't get me wrong my child is my pride and joy, but when I am not with him I am suffering. I needed to hear that I wasn't alone and you guys have made me feel so much better by telling me. Thank you. My husband doesn't understand and he keeps telling me to just stop crying and it will go away. Thank you all for responding to me.

Susan - posted on 01/28/2009

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I suffered from depression & isolation for the months immediately after each of my kids were born. I saw each day as a black hole with nothing to fill it.  I kept this to myself thinking that I would snap out of it ,but when it got too difficult to bear I made some changes.



I started TALKING about it.



As a result I began ACCEPTING HELP when it was offered.



I got OUT OF THE HOUSE every day. Solitary confinement is no good. Go to the library, sit in the park with a book, push the stroller around the block, go food shopping. Don't be shy about talking to other moms you meet, that's how I made friends.



I also joined a local MOTHER'S SUPPORT GROUP,  I was so desperate for companionship that I didn't care about my normal insecurities.  This was my pick-up line: 'Hello my name is Susan, would you like to get together with our kids for coffee next Tuesday?'  It worked.



Admitting that being a stay-at-home mom was very lonely & mentally un-stimulating was also a big step in changing my outlook.  I was so wrapped up in being perfectly happy at home that I lost sight of being honest with myself.  Once I acknowledged how things really were, I could figure out what I didn't like.  Once I knew what I didn't like, I knew what to change.  I didn't need medication, I needed a support system.  Fresh air & something to look forward worked miracles for me.



Don't be ashamed, Michelle. We all need help. We all get depressed. Reach out to someone in your life & let them know.  Let us know too.  We all care, that's why we wrote.



 

Diane - posted on 01/28/2009

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Dont be ashamed about it,it is perfectly normal.I went through the same feelings after I had my son.The sooner you get a grasp of it the better.The fact that your talking here and wanting to do something about it is the first step.I had PPD 6 months after my son was born.Talk to your doc and see a therapist I did and it made a world of difference.

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2009

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I do not have personal experience with this, but I am a mom and I'm in the medical field.

There is noting to be ashamed about. Period. If you do not tell your doctor you are doing yourself and everyone who loves you a diservice. YOU are TOO valuable and too wonderful to handle this alone. The fact that you put it out here is a fantastic first step... take the next one and call your doctor. Keep Smiling.... you are loved and lovely.

User - posted on 01/28/2009

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Honey, there's nothing wrong at all with what you're going through.  It's perfectly normal.  I have had 4 children, and with each child it came back.  With 4 kids and twins being the youngest, you'd better believe I needed help!  I have taken meds off an on since then. Think of all the people with diabetes, and high cholesterol.  They have to take meds too.  I've suffered from bipolar disorder since I was a teenager and I'm 44 now.  I never got any help until after my kids were born, and wasn't correctly diagnosed until a couple of months ago.  The medication has helped me to lead a normal life.  What a blessing modern medicine can be!  And no one needs to know about it except your closest family members and your doctor.  :) 



Let us know how you're doing!



 

Christine - posted on 01/28/2009

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I agree with these other mommies. You've already taken a first important step. You are telling someone: us. You have to take care of yourself before you can be a mommy. The same thing happened to me and because I didn't tell it really snowballed. Get some relatives to help you out with your son and start to do some things that make you feel good. You can also join play groups, which at this age are for the mommies anyway. You'll start to connect that way too. If there are no formal groups to join, you can go to a park, or Gymboree type place and meet others and start gathering. Like the others have said, do tell your Dr.

Erica - posted on 01/28/2009

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Oh my goodness, you need to talk to someone RIGHT NOW. It will only get worss. Don't be ashamed. You need to be there for your baby and husband. The meds will help. You will feel like a whole new mom. Please go to your doctor make an appt right away.

Diane - posted on 01/28/2009

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Hey sweetie.  You realy need to talk to someone.  Sometimes just talking helps.  By posting today you have taken the first step.  You should ask someone to help you out a bit.  Get Grandma to take him once a week so you can have some you time.  When I had my son almost 5 years ago, I got depressed.  I never told anyone till after I felt better.  But I remember feeling some pretty scary things.  You say you are feeling alone?  Go find a group in your area for mothers.  I am sure you could even talk to a mom there that has had similar feelings.  You could go see your doctor to see what he/she has to say about it.  You ultimatly make the final decisions in your life and for your body.  So if the doctor dosen't give you something you want maybe go see a herbalist,  or chinese medice.  Try something different.  Pamper yourself once a day.  But the biggest thing that I personaly think will help you is talking about it to someone.  Take care of yourself sweetie.

Rebecca - posted on 01/28/2009

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What ur going thru is TOTALLY normal. Are you hiding it cause you feel like ur family or friends wont understand? If so that is totally not cool of them. There ARE meds you can take while pregnant and or breastfeeding. Just remember that the better you feel, the better mom you can be!!! If you're a full time mom, you've got to be able to hold it together! I've suffered from depression since my teenage yrs and i'm 30 now. My Xhusband used to harp that i take depression meds, and it would totally piss me off. All i know is that my brain isnt making the chemicals that i need to help me not cry all the damn time, and be sad most of the day, and i AM 100% better taking my meds. You can be better too! Talk to your dr. and if they try to dismiss what or how ur feeling, get another dr!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Deven - posted on 01/28/2009

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I don't have much time to really respond, but I went on Lexapro with my first while BF. I did not do extensive research, but my ob/gyn thought it was safe enough to prescribe. The best thing to do is finally admit it and talk to someone! Mine was only post-partum depression, so I was able to carefully wean myself off the medication after my hormones got a bit more normal. You can do this--just don't wait thinking it'll get better on its own.

Angel - posted on 01/28/2009

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You can't hide it. Talk to your doctor, there are probably ways of dealiing with depression without taking medication. Also there are probably medications you can take and continue to breastfeed. Depression can get very serious. There is something called postpartum psychosis, which is obviously the worst case senerio but it can get really bad. You need to do some reseach on postpartum depression and talk your doctor about it.

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