Dealing with the Fathers girlfriend

Meredith - posted on 05/29/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have visitation with my 10 year old son. The father has been with his girlfriend for 8 years and has 2 more children. Recently my son has been calling the girlfriend mommy and it gets confusing. I keep correction him is that wrong? Plus the father won't talk to me about anything to do with our son, I have to deal with the girlfriend? It's driving me crazy...what should I do?

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LIndsay - posted on 05/29/2009

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Dad should be your point of contact for your son. I'm not surprised its driving you crazy. As far as your son calling her Mommy, then I would probably not dismiss it outright - whilst you dont approve - your son probably doesnt realise how much it might hurt you. Maybe suggest she becomes Mommy 2? If his father does not want to discuss anything about your son, then I would suggest to him that he is indirectly giving you carte blanche to make all choices and decisions. By not wanting to discuss it, he is shutting himself out from his sons future.

I have both sides of this - my son is 10 and visits his father and the 3 kids he has with new g/f and I am also a stepmum to my partners 2 kids!

Kelly - posted on 05/29/2009

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Wow, that is a hard situation. You should really be able to deal with the Dad on this. You two are his parents and no matter what he should be both of your priority. It may be a good idea to do a name association....Mom = you Mommy =her or the other way around talk to your son and see what he suggests. I am sure that he does not understand why this is such a big deal but once you explain it, he may be able to come up with a great solution!

LIndsay - posted on 05/29/2009

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Dad should be your point of contact for your son. I'm not surprised its driving you crazy. As far as your son calling her Mommy, then I would probably not dismiss it outright - whilst you dont approve - your son probably doesnt realise how much it might hurt you. Maybe suggest she becomes Mommy 2? If his father does not want to discuss anything about your son, then I would suggest to him that he is indirectly giving you carte blanche to make all choices and decisions. By not wanting to discuss it, he is shutting himself out from his sons future.

I have both sides of this - my son is 10 and visits his father and the 3 kids he has with new g/f and I am also a stepmum to my partners 2 kids!

Glisell - posted on 05/29/2009

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Hey Meredith,



I know you don't know me but I have 2 children. My daughter is 14yrs. old and has seen her father every other weekend since she was 2yrs. old. He and I are both remarried and he's been married to his wife for about 5yrs. or so. I know it's hard at first, but as long as she treats my daughter with love & respect, I decided a long time ago not to get hung up on titles. She knows I'm her mother and I know that I'm her mother, I wouldn't mind if she called her mom over there ( I don't know if she does). I respect my ex's wife and her role in my daughter's life. I do deal with her and she picks up my daughter many times. She's seems really nice and is apart of my daughter's life. I'm happy at least that he's married and that my daughter is not dealing with being around a girlfriend that changes every month. I hope this has helped you see the situation in a new light. Take Care & Good Luck.



Glisell

Michelle - posted on 05/29/2009

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I did the same thing when I was a child (but I was younger), and the doctor told my mom just to "let it go" because I would grow out of it, and I did. When your old enough, you know who your mom is and who isn't. Being 10 though, he could be just trying to fit in when he hears his other siblings calling her "mom". Or she could be telling him, "Just call me mom." Either way, don't add fuel to the fire! Your ex's gf of 8 years is not going to be "on your side" to making your life easier. Deep down inside EVERYONE knows WHO'S DA MOM! :) Hope this helps.

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