Karen - posted on 04/09/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )
A year and a half ago I read a "good morning darling" text on my DH phone that he left on the table. My discoveries crippled me. It wasnt just a few, there were online profiles,secret email, sexting, phone conversations that went on for a few years, the xxx pictures-the works! Before I could process anything, here comes his stalkers and tormentors because he changed his phone number. It was and still at times a nightmare for me. After hours of DH telling me he made mistakes and was sorry and the anger and blame game...we decided to work things out and rebuild our marriage. For the most part things have been good. I feel like there was alot that went under the rug, he tells me he cant remember ANY of it or the lies he told and tells me we cant live in the past... When we hear of other relationships ending and he comments on how stupid the man was, I get angry. Certain songs that he shared with the OW, that were ours- when he plays them, I get upset. There are expressions that he uses but shared with the other women that trigger me. I have several triggers. I point out to him that it bothers me and why. He says hes sorry but then forgets after a while and does or says it again. Ive gotten to the point that Im reluctant to tell him that Im hurting because its always a negative outcome- before we can resolve, theres anger. The lack of complete transparency bothers me and he thinks we are doing great and all is fine with the world. We dont talk about it at all and when I do try he gets angry, threatens to quit his job, starts feeling bad and so on. I know this is a tactic to make me stop. I feel because he didnt answer the questions- that Ive got stuck right there. Building trust back is taking time and days its difficult for me. I know I have left out a great amout of detail and I do plan to write our whole story. I just need new ways to deal get past this for now. I did go to counseling for a while but she focused on me not helping me cope.
We are in our mid to late 40's
DH is a wonderful man, caring, supportive, patient.
He is a great provider and a great dad.
He's still my love
He does have great qualities and communication about everything else in life is great.
He just got real stupid there for a while. Hes worth the fight and struggle but sometimes I feel like Im doing it alone.