Death in the family

Jennifer - posted on 10/15/2012

i have just lost my mom a month ago, and it is just the most difficult event to come to grips with.the loss. My mom was in South Africa, and I had to make an emergency trip out there, as she was ill in the beginning of September, and there was a little window of hope. Well, I arrived to spend my last 4 and a half days with her. It feels like my anchor in life has gone, and I can't cncentrate. I am physically exhausted, can't eat, and all everyone says is keep strong - huh??? hello my best person in my life has gone forever. In addition to that my dad is so devasted over in Africa, that it is a worry for me too.



I wish I knew what to say to you - but it is overwhelming, the hurt, the pain and the void in your life. I know this was in 2009, a loss is still a loss - and I don't believe we ever completely heal, but we do reach some sort of acceptance.



Sorry for your loss

Ginger - posted on 08/21/2009

im me if you ever need to talk

Ginger - posted on 08/21/2009

Oh Kim, my heart hurts for you. I got the call at work when my dad died unexpectedly two years ago. My knees buckled and I couldn't breathe. My security blanket was gone. I remember being angry that he didn't wait for me to say goodbye. I can smile now but I couldn't then. You, too, will one day smile. I know that it doesn't seem possible but you will. But for right now take your time to feel your feelings. No feelings are wrong. Let the tears flow. Let the heaviness wash over you. Talk incessantly about her to anyone who'll listen. Just remember to come back from those feelings. Don't let it take your life over. Set aside a certain time to grieve so you can still live.
I put together some photos of my dad on the computer. I would look at the photos, listen to Michael Buble on my headphones (loudly to shut out the world), and cry. Heavy, deep cries. But, I only let myself do this for about an hour each day. Then as I started to heal I only needed to do it a few times each week, then each month. Now, not so often. I do still allow myself time to grieve when the emotions come back. But for the most part, I feel my dad in the evening breeze and it calms me. Maybe you can find your mom in the sunset or a shooting star or the laugh of a baby.
I wish I could give you a hug and take away your pain. You are in my heart. Much love.

Karen - posted on 08/18/2009

sorry to hear of your loss,but may l say its not a loss to have someone as dear as that in your life,l lost my brother 1 year ago suddenly it was so hard specially for my mom,each day is very different,had anxiety attacks was rushed up to docters,the funeral didnt affect me as l kept me mom strong and others but the next day well difficuilt,you will feel quilty laughing eating etc.but then as time passes you relise you live to enjoy your time and share your thoughts with that person,l have things around me of my bro l talk to him,he would want me to do all this,he came to me in a dream it was lovely,whether it was real all not it gave me peace,l dont need to stand at his grave and weep because l feel he looks over us,when things happen l can laugh or cry and say ooh bro,it takes time and it cannot be rushed,you will always have a hole,somethink missing,but time does heal,you were blessed and will remember happy times and will remember and one day smile and laugh again about your mom.have faith an talk when needed hunny,it helps,all my love and thoughts are with you,doesnt matter were l am holiday seaside l take my bro with me an share things with him in my thoughts,it sounds daft but l feel if his looking down he shares my journey of my life and my kids and friends,xx

Joanne - posted on 08/18/2009

Hi Kim just to say iam so sorry to hear about your loss.Share how you are feeling.Try on hold and remember the good times you had with your mum.I hope you will be back together with her one day if there is a heaven.I lost my beloved Dad it was very sad and totally unfair.It is four years on and i still miss him and love him everyday.Do something to remember her by.Do you still have your Dad? make a memory book about her,talk about her.I like to think they are not far away.They are still close watching over us.Big hugs.E-mail anytime or talk on line through facebook.Joxx

Michelle - posted on 08/12/2009

Kim, My deepest sympathies are extended to you. All I can say is look to Jesus for your comfort. He will comfort and strengthen you, ask and he will give you direction. Take time with your family and remember everything good , In time you will be able to cope. Being at a loss to cope is very normal. It is part of the grieving process. It is hard to lose a parent. It's ok to show whatever emotion you need to. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and remember God loves you. He desires to comfort you. Trust him, he is there for you. Love In Christ Michelle

Bobbi Jo - posted on 08/12/2009

Only time will heal all wounds! It will be 20yrs this Oct that my dad died the day before my 8th b-day. My Grandfather died 5 days before my wedding and my step-father, who was a father to me for over 15yrs died a few months before my yougest daughter was born. I learned at a very young age that death is inevitable and we will one day leave this earth. I just enjoy every minute that God grants me and cherish all the wonderful and not so wonderful memories that I was givin with my loved ones. I was in the room when my grandfather and my step-father took their last breaths and as hard as those days were I was given so many wonderful times that I will always be able to carry with me! I too am the "strong one" of the family which can also be a burden. People expect you to be able to handle it, but you too need time to grieve. Take each day as slowly as "you" need to, there is no time frame for ever getting over the lose of a loved one! I read a lengthy eulogy at my step-dad's funeral because I knew my mom wanted it and because i was the only one of 9 kids that thought i could truely do it. I was 8m pregnant and I did it for myself and my daughter who would never be able to sit in her Papa's lap. Writing my feelings down has helped me throug the years and turning to God if you so chose can be very rewarding! Best of luck to you in your grieving process and so sorry for your lose, just remember all the wonderful times with her!!

Kathy - posted on 08/12/2009

Kim, I am so sorry to hear your mom has passed away. I had the same unexpected experience in December 1995. My mother had a Pulmonary Artery Rupture and died very quickly. She was going to babysit my small children that day so I could go Christmas shopping. I had just talked to her the previous evening. She was my mother, my best friend, and so close to myself and my family. It was the worst! I thought I would never recover! But with the help of God, he gave me and my family the strength and comfort we needed to go on! He also gave us the hope and knowing that we will see my mother again someday in Heaven, because she was saved through Jesus Christ as well. At that point we realized that we were grieving for ourselves. Because she was in a better place! Where there is no tears, no sorrow, no pain, and no illness. She lived a wonderful, long life (Never long enough for those left behind); She was happy. And it was her time to go. I'd give anything to have her back, but you have to go on. Especially for your children and your husband and yourself. Time will make it easier. And your mother will live on in your heart! I promise! Once again, I am so sorry for your loss!

Libby - posted on 08/12/2009

I've come to realize with all the deaths around me over the last several years that death is a fact of life. Everybody is going to die. So, how you deal with that is going to be what counts. Of course it would be so easy to crawl in a hole and hide. I could've easily done that after my daughter was stillborn in December. But I needed to keep moving forward with my life. The worst grief I've ever felt was 2 months ago when my best friend's 2 children and mother were murdered by her ex-husband. There have been some pretty depressing days from all of that. But if she has the courage to keep moving forward then I have to have the courage to help her. Grief is a very complicated thing. Hopefully you will find what helps you cope and keep living your life.

Karen - posted on 08/12/2009

I lived half a mile from my grandma all my life... was VERY close to her. On my 18th birthday, my uncle calls and tells me with no emotion at all, that she died the night before. The next thing I remember is screaming at my dad's secretary to get him on the phone... and then my boyfriend picking me up off the floor. From that point on, my world crumbled... I dropped out of school with only 5 months to go... started doing anything just to not feel or think. Less than two years later, I found out I was pregnant which wasn't exactly planned, or ideal... and a month later, found out my dad had brain cancer. I felt like I was in a tail spin and couldn't stop the inevitable crash at the end. I can remember so much anger, so many questions... even thinking that my dad was dying because I had gotten pregnant... because of all I had done since my grandma died.

My son is now 10... and I know that he was given to me as a gift to get me tout of that tailspin. He forced me to grieve so that I could be a mom. It wasn't easy. I still cry every year on my birthday... almost 13 years later... as well as my dad's birthday and the anniversary of his death (also my nieces bday). I cry for what I have lost by not having them with me, and because I am so happy I had the times with them that I did.

Lydia - posted on 08/12/2009

Its been an odd year - I have cried for the deaths of 2 family members an the last 2 months and 5 over the past year. I have come to the conclusion that there is a congregation of angels happening in the heavens ready for the next evolution in the world! My heart goes out to you - I dread the day I lose either of my parents! Just remember you dont have to go through it by yourself - you have your family and friends - and if needed you can talk to a professional grief counsellor which can also help. x x x

Annie - posted on 08/12/2009

I lost my 20 year old kid 12/30/08 and I'm still loosing it! Every minute of everyday is a challenge just to keep a rational train of thought. Now what do I do about this...

Annie - posted on 08/12/2009

It sounds harsh, but you just have to grieve. I mean you have to let it hurt. We try so hard not to hurt, but the grieving actually is a healthy process..If we don't grieve, we can become ill, mentally and physically. I've been there young lady and It SSSSUUUXXXXX. tt never goes away, but it does get easier. ALWAYS remember what she would want for you. She wanted you to be Happy or Sad and unable to function? Let that drive you through the pain.

Alice - posted on 08/12/2009

Kim, so sorry for your lost, there are no words that takes away the pain, I was 17 when my mother died , then 5mts. my sister inlaw, 3 years my dad, have lost 2nieces,brother inlaw then 2 years ago my hubsand at the age of 46. But we all deal with it different, I look at it if they are sick, it is not fair for us to want them to live for us, it is so different, when it is quick. I miss them all, I try to think there was a reason why they were choosen to go , but they will never be gone from my heart, Like you , you will cry, get mad, screem, all that is ok,because you are hurting, just remember the happy times, and take your time, because only you will know when you have made peace with yourself. My heart goes out to you.

Dorillia - posted on 08/12/2009

Hi,Kim mine condolances to you,I got the same phone 31/2 months ago about mine father,he was everything for me ,it seems that mine life stoped right there.I recently (3wks)ago took control again of mine life.This could happen because of accepting that where he (she) is now he (she)is better off.I cried and prayed a lot.Try talking about the things she did and how great/good she was.I did and it is helping.you would never forget her but you can peace with the fact that she gone,but will watch on your shoulders.have a nice day.

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2009

I am not the most religious person in the world, but I lost my nephew who was like my son. The thing I thought of most was God needed him more than I did, so He took him home. Today is his birthday, and the hurt still hasn't gotten any easier. My heart is with you.

Sharon - posted on 08/11/2009

I wanted to say that if you aren't getting the support you need from your family - a grief counselor should be your next call. Or a grief support group.



Again - I'm really sorry for your loss.

Ramona - posted on 08/11/2009

The only encouragement that I can suggest is that if you have a relationship with Jesus you can ask Him to help you get through. He will give you the strength to get through. I Pray that God with Bless and strengthen you.

Toni - posted on 08/11/2009

yeah lost my mom when I was 17 had to help raise a 1 yr old bro, 13 yr old sister,2 bros 1 older and 1 younger .we got through it by talking to each other and her friends loads of crying as well. it doesn't get easier but you learn to cope .Never had her when we got married or had our kids but I know she would be proud of us we have our falling outs with each other but are always there for each other no matter what and when our dad died 4 yrs ago we carried each other again I miss them both so much and still cry I get jealous of my friends and cousins who do mother and daughter things, so i make a special effort with my mother in law (who i love dearly) and my 2 daughters

take care of yourself and know she is always with u

Sandra - posted on 08/11/2009

I lost my mom 13 years ago...got the phone call and just went numb.. I was serving in the military and lived 15 hours away from my parents and did not get home often... The pain does get easier but you will never not miss your mom... I still to this day pick up the phone to call my mom..... I will always miss my mom but she is always with me.... and yours is with you as well... in your memories, in your family, in your heart.... my prayers are with you during this time..

Kim - posted on 08/11/2009

thank you for your support. it's been very rough, it been hard getting support from those that i have been giving support to all these years. i am the strong one in the family and today as been especially troubling for me.

Joyce - posted on 08/11/2009

I am in a similar situation. two and half years ago my daughter was killed in an automobile accident coming home from work. She was only 18. It is something very hard to work thru and you can only pray and take one day at a time. Dont let anyone rush you to get rid of memories of the one that you love and miss. So sorry for your loss I will pray for you and your family

Stephanie - posted on 08/09/2009

KIm - I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through similar situations -- received phone calls when my Mom and Grandmother passed away -- the grief is almost unbearable. The best thing to do is be with people you trust and love! You have to let the pain out...don't keep it in....and try to remember happy memories that make you smile...and remember a Mom and Grandma are the best angels that anyone can have!

Sharon - posted on 08/09/2009

I don't have any words of wisdom hun. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't like thinking of the day that your situation will be mine.



{{{ hugs }}}