defiant 3 year old

Margie - posted on 01/21/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My 3 ½ year old is extremely defiant how do I fix that and why is she acting this way?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

9 Comments

View replies by

Jana - posted on 01/21/2009

253

11

23

I just read an article in Parents magazine, http://www.parents.com/toddlers/developm...



It gave an insight to toddles/preschoolers.  My daughter is only 17 months old so I don;t have the defiant thing going on yet, but from listening to my friends talking about their children, some of their stories fit with the stories in the article.  Hope reading it helps a little.  Good luck and I'm sure I'll be in your spot in 1 1/2 years :(

User - posted on 01/21/2009

1

0

0

My first child was a perfect two year old and was so difficult at three.  I worried that would become his personality.  It lasted more than six months of daily fights over the routine activities of life.  I was afraid to go any where with him, his father couldn't do anything for him without him going into a tirade, and no amount of positive or negative reinforcement seemed to make a difference.  He is now the most wonderful eight year old and we are now dealing with the "threes" with our second son.  This child is even more extreme, but I now how have the benefit of experience.  I know this is a stage and he will be fine.  I know that if I do the same thing I did with my first son, my second child will be a great big kid too.  My advice, consistency, firmness, provide consistent expectations on how many chances they have to do the right thing and then quickly and consistently follow through on consequences.  I find that hardest, but most important.  I always want to give my child the chance to do the right thing and sometime in doing so I feed into the behavior by allowing it to continue while I am waiting for them to decide to do the right thing.  I actually find the behavior to end, when I am firm with the limit.  I still make mistakes all the time, but I'm learning.  Patience, Patience, Patience.

[deleted account]

oh and i have found that 3 is a very hard age for any kid so hang in there it does get better!!!

[deleted account]

consistence is the key... she is probably just testing the limits and seeing what she can get away with.. and make sure that you explain everything that is going on in her life.. like where you are going and why and what you are going to do when you get there and stuff like that. It might make her feel like she has more comfortable and more willing to cooperate. hope that helps.. remember we are raising adults not kids.. so lets treat them as such...

Susie - posted on 01/21/2009

3

27

0

My daughter is just 5 and very head strong, she want to do most things herself and if it dosen't go her way all hell breaks loose. Try to look for signs that she's about to exploed when things don't go her way and try to disract her with questons she can answer, like "What did you do yesturday after lunch, would you like to do that again?". Disraction before the tantrum or naughty behaviour will make her foget what she was doing. Always praise good behaviour no matter how little and if you can ignore bad behaviour. Good Luck.

User - posted on 01/21/2009

5

17

1

I think that the coment on re-enforcing the positive behavior worked the best for me.  Like stated below they all go threw it and the all grow out of it.  When I over expressed how happy I was that she was being good, and didn't acknowledge the bad behavior with that same expression, she knew that mom wasn't happy (also on top of the one minute per year time out).  She eventually took pride in being a good BIG girl.  Now that she is six, I hardly have any issues of her not listening to me or acting up... It gets so much better.

Suzanne - posted on 01/21/2009

19

14

4

She's probably going through the terrible twos now. My daughter did that, and occassionally still does. I've learnt that 3 year olds are head strong and will push the boundaries to see what they can get away with. Set the rules, the punishment for breaking the rules (sitting on the naughty mat for 2 -5 minutes really made a difference for my daughter) and then make her apologise for what she did wrong when the punishment is finished. Never make the punishment last too long because a kid will forget why they are being punished after a little while.

Janet - posted on 01/21/2009

4

9

1

Terrible 2's into the terrible 3's.  LOL.  Positive reinforcement is key.  She is expressing her independence.  Time out is good..one minute per year ....and be consistant.  She is testing boundries.  I used a sticker chart  in order to catch my son being good.

[deleted account]

She may be feeling a need for control...she's at the age where she wants to make choices. You might try to give her choices (only 2 or 3) such as "would you like to wear the pink shirt or the purple shirt today" etc.. Hope that helps out a little. They do outgrow it most of the time....then they become teenagers & it starts all over again, but with better vocabulary & more eloquent gestures!! lol

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms