dinnertime stand off

Kristi - posted on 11/15/2008

I have a picky eater. My oldest ate anything and everything that you gave her but my youngest will eat something one day but not want to eat it the next day.



The best thing that I have found is just don't stress out about and definately dont offer something different to eat. You dont want to set it up where she knows that if she doesnt eat it, she will get something else.



Children won't starve. Just keep offering things to them and one day they will surprise you and eat it. My youngest went through a phase where she wouldnt eat any vegetables. She would eat just a bite and then she was done.



Then one day, I made her some chicken noodle soup and she ate it all including the peas and carrots I put in it. I was in total shock!



The thing that you need to remember is that children are different with their nutritional needs than adults are. We need a certain amount of calories, vitamins and minerals per day where as with kids its more like a weekly requirement. Thats why one day your kid will eat everything in sight and the next day she will only pick off her plate and not eat very much. (I was told this by a dr)



Food aversions are totally normal. Just dont set it up where it ends up being a power struggle. Kids just love power struggles and will end up taking advantage of it. And definately dont get frustrated when she doesnt want to eat something. I have thrown away alot of food but persistance really does pay off. My youngest is now eating vegetables again. She ate handfuls of Edamame the other day to my surprise because she used to just push it around the plate.

Melissa - posted on 11/15/2008

Thank you all for your input. I should mention that I am the nutrition nazi - we eat only whole foods (would do more organic if we could afford it), fresh fruits and veggies, and whole grain breads (although she won't eat most WG pastas - we now buy the Smart Taste which is fortified). No artificial sweeteners, nothing processed, nothing with nitrites, no artificial "fats," etc. It has always been that way - I am very knowledgeable about fitness and nutrition. This is purely a power thing with her - yesterday we were at a restaurant and she even refused to taste ice cream because she did not recognize what it was!
I know that a big part of our problem is that we do not sit down to dinner as a family. My husband is a chef and works most evenings, and we live in an apartment that is too small for a proper table, so I usually sit down in a chair across from her high chair and serve myself some of what I am giving her so that she can see me eating it.
The first time I made brown rice for her and put peas in it, she devoured it. The second time, 2 bites, the third, she refused it altogether. I am at my wits end - I feel like I just need to show her that she cannot call the shots that way. At this point I am not even trying "new" foods, but rather just trying to keep the ones I know she likes in the queue.
I think that I will continue to let her make the choice to skip meals if she wants to, until she gets frustrated with going to bed hungry. I definitely don't force-feed her - I just let her make the choice. The difference tonight was, that I did not eventually give in and offer something else, like oatmeal or a sandwich, just to fill her tummy.
Can't wait to have a house with a kitchen table where we can make a formal event of it, but at this point that is a couple years out for us.
I will keep checking in for more thoughts - all of your input and support is appreciated!

Kristine - posted on 11/15/2008

I've done it with my 2 1/2 year old, but mostly only when I'm pms'ing! That's when my patience is on edge. My daughter's just like yours, the greatest eater, and then it narrowed to pizza, chicken, carrots, apples & waffles. At my wits end I spoke with alot of other parents and my pediatrician who all say there's no forcing the child and she'll grow out of it, to keep offering the food but let them decide what they want. Try not to let it get to you, give her vitamins in her water/juice and believe me, she won't starve! Good luck!

Maria - posted on 11/15/2008

My daughter can be that way too. I fix her a plate of what everyone else is eating, and if she doesn't eat it, she can go hungry. I ignore her and eventually she eats. If you don't want to throw food away, feed her in a tupperware bowl, put the lid on, and give it to her later when she says she's hungry. I think patience is the key - just be calm and eventually she will realize that you are not a short order cook but she won't feel like food = conflict.

Justine - posted on 11/15/2008

Hi Melissa!
I am by no means an expert (first time mother of a 20 month old here), but from what I've read (and been told) turning picky during toddlerhood is completely normal. I would not advise forcing her to eat anything. How many people do you know who developed serious aversions to vegetables that they, in adulthood, will never eat again simply because they were forced to do so as a child?

Are you giving her whole grain pasta? Because if you aren't I can't urge you strongly enough to start RIGHT NOW. White bread and pasta don't have nearly the same nutritional content as whole grain! Plus, the body quickly turns the simple carbohydrates of regular pasta and white bread into sugar giving the same effect on the bloodstream as if you were feeding her cookies. This doesn't happen with whole grains.

Have you tried giving vegetables raw? My daughter often chows down on raw veggies, which surprised me (it was my husbands idea to give her raw zucchini sticks, peeled broccoli hearts, red bell pepper, jicama, etc). You could also try gradually increasing the amount of fruit you give her until she can tolerate more of it.

Then there are the tricks my mom taught me: you can chop finely and add in tiny amounts of vegetables to her favorite foods, like oatmeal (and I mean tiny little bits), to sneak in what you can without her noticing.

Remember that you set the example. If you make a fuss over what she eats, then she will think it's a big deal. If you shrug off her refusing something then she doesn't get paid off for not eating.

One thing I've noticed with my toddler. She thinks whatever I've got on my plate and am eating must be yummy. She will often refuse something at her lunch, then when I am eating will happily scarf handfuls of it from my plate. Sometimes she does go for days not eating much of anything but pasta with butter, then she'll switch and eat nothing but cucumber and grapes.

I hope I've been helpful. Best of luck to you! With these little ones, we sure need it! How did our species ever survive in the wild?

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2008

Yes, and if my son doesnt eat it, then I take it away. And tell him that he isnt going to get anything eles, and then I have him sit there and wait till my husband and I are done. I talk to to my husband and say WOW this is REALLY good, dont you think so. And then I ask my son, would you like to try some of mommy's food and most the times he will take it from me or my husbands. And then I say, you know what you are eatting the SAME thing we are would you like to have you OWN dish back... And most of the times he will eat it then, And sometimes he really doesnt want to eat at all.. But you will have that with a 2 year old..... I hope this might me helpful... Good luck with whatever you try...

Marie - posted on 11/15/2008

My step-son who was 6 when I got with his Dad use to be a very picky eater. He never ate anything I cooked so we were always making 2 meals. He even ate spagetti with cheese whiz cuz he hated sauce. I finally got fed up and his Dad and I set a new rule for the house ... when we cook supper you have to at least try it before you are able to say you don't like it, if you really don't like it fine. Well he is now 17 and there is not a food he doesn't like. It took time but no more picky eater, we have 7 kids in our house and are now trying this concept for the second time with our 4th youngest who likes to say he hates everything these days.

Molly - posted on 11/15/2008

My son is 2 1/2 and if it were up to him he would live off of hotdogs and tater tots. Dinner time is definitely a struggle. I always make him a plate of what we are having and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't eat it. His pediatrician told me it's simple...when they get hungry enough they will eat. On these evenings when he refuses to eat with us, before he goes to bed I will offer him a Nutrigrain cereal bar and he always eats it..sometimes 2 of them. It may not be much but at least he will have something in his stomach as he goes to sleep. That way he won't wake up in the middle of the night starving. It may not be a solution, but it works for us! Good luck!