Discipline for infants???

CHRISTINA - posted on 04/08/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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My Babies are turning one next week, and they are already starting to act like spoiled bratz. They will throw themselves to the floor and kick whenever we dont give them something they want. How can we discipline them, how can we teach a baby?

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Michelle - posted on 04/12/2009

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Babies understand us long before experts say they do. If you've been paying attention to them you know this to be true.



You need to say no and mean it, if you cave in you'll never regain that ground. I use to pop my son on the diaper it made a noise while not hurting combined with a stern look on my face let him know I ment what I said. Only thing that was hurt were his feelings.                 



Michael had a tantrum in the grocery store ONCE when I got down on his level looked into his eyes and said"This you'll never do again." He got a swat on the top of his  thigh. The sting worked. He never did it again. Public spots are where they might think it's safe to throw a fit since others are around. If they get away with it you're doomed.



Never strike a child in anger! only when faced with open defiance. Stay in control and always let them know how much you love them.



Being firm at the beginning 6 to 7 yrs. lays the solid base. If you are strict at the beginning it will be so much easier when they grow up. You'll be able to lighten up.



I have three boys aged 24, 21, and 6 hahahaha All are well behaved and productive people. The oldest is in D.C.,designs sets for theaters, the second is in NYC an actor, and the third is in 1st grade.



Hope this helps!



Love



Michelle

Emily - posted on 04/09/2009

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Since toddlers struggle to communicate their intense emotions even those proficient in language will have a tantrum. I really don't mind my kids expressing their emotions. Tantrums don't really bother me- whining gets me though! When they were little and threw a tantrum I acknowledged the emotion, the reason for the emotion, and explained my position. Example, "I see you are very upset because you want that lolipop but lolipops are bad for your teeth and have too much sugar. Sorry but I won't buy you the lollipop." If it escelates or is really loud to begin with I have been known to leave my shopping cart in the middle of the store, take the child to a grassy area of the parking lot where she can blow off some steam for a minute or two, tell her we are going home because I can't pay for groceries and deal with her screaming at the same time. If it happens at home I do the same thing let her know I understand that she feels frustrated but she can't have her way right now for whatever reason and move her to a safe location while going about my business. My older daughter never threw a lot of tantrums, my younger daughter throws them more but still infrequently so I could be lucky. Like I said, I hate whining,. WHen they whine I just tell them I don't understand whining and when they are finished they can come back and talk to me in a normal voice.



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Tamara - posted on 04/09/2009

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At this age, the best you can do is redirect, even it means doing it a million times. I've got a little tantrum tosser too. I find that a lot of them are because she doesn't have the skill do to something she really really wants to do. So I just hold her during the tantrum, comfort her and than all is well again.

Kimberly - posted on 04/09/2009

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We have two children, a teenager and a pre-teen. I know this advice may be inconvenient at times, but it only takes a couple of events... if our children started to throw a tantrum in public where they could not be ignored, we warned them that if they wanted to stay they would need to stop. If they didn't stop we simply picked them up and walked out as quickly and calmly as possible and went home. I have left a cart of groceries sitting in an isle. (I did let a cashier know) We typically found that it turned out best for everyone because then we weren't all stressed and cranky because if they were going to mis-behave we would not have enjoyed what we were doing anyway. If it was someplace we had to stay then we would sit in the car with the child until they could calm down and return to the activity. They both learned very quickly that throwing a temper tantrum did NOT get them what they wanted and they would miss out on something. Our son still remembers missing dinner out and all of us coming home and having soup and sandwiches instead.

Sonia - posted on 04/09/2009

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Every parent goes through the OH MY GOD what am i gunna do phase... my daughter was 7 months the first time( and last time) i gave her pow pow ( light smack) on the leg and the cry that came out of her was heartbreaking... it made me realize that i was frustrated with her and it wasnt fair to her she was tired and hungry and didnt want to be dressed... now I make sure to take a deep breathe when she begins her fussin hurry dressin her and pick her up hug her and go on about our day but we arent given a handbook at the hospital lol my parents disciplined me with hiting and it took me that first time to realize it wasnt for me ... our babes are a product of us and if we hit them how are we gunna have a face to tell them u cant hit your sister when ur frustrated??.. So there are a million ways to discipline hiting is definately not the answer.... until thier bigger than you lol

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please ignore the lady who said to smack your child.. that is totally wrong.. especially at such a young age... that would just be so heartbreaking and cruel... also i think that if you was to try the timeout as some people have suggested then do the timeout if you are in the shops and do not wait till you are home because once you get home baby will have forgotten what he getting timed out for... will just lead to more bad behavior and confusion.. maybe the best way to go about it is redirecting attention...ignoring is good but only for a certain length of time.. it can make baby feel unloved and uncared for... just a few minutes then get down to babys level.. tell to stop then ignore for minutes again and repeat xx

Tiffany - posted on 04/09/2009

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My baby is now 18m and i have really strugled with this issue, I am now reading the book Sheparding a child heart, some very good advice! I purchased it @ Amazon Pretty Cheap! Good Luck!

Tammy - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

they are gorgeous! mine is 12 months and when she misbehaves like that she gets a smack on the legs or arms, or just try not to give her attention. that is just my experience though and other then that I cant help you. i hope it all works out for you :)



rEDIRECTION AND IGNORING IS THE WAY TO GO.  If you follow the smacking advice given you'll be on here asking next year how do I stop my 2 year old from hitting me?

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I have a very headstrong little girl who loves to get her way and who, at an early age, also learned to try to "cute" her way out of trouble! She is 18 months and at around 1 year old we established the "trouble stool." Basically it is time out. Time out works because it removes the child from the situation, allowing them to decompress and restart.



Firmly tell them "no... we don't throw toys, hit, scream (whatever the issue is). It's not nice!" and put them in the spot that you have designated the trouble spot. 1 minute per year old. After the minute is up, we ask that she says sorry and have hugs and kisses. Sometimes she says sorry (more so as she is older) and usually we have hugs and kisses. Although one time, after she said sorry, I asked for my hugs and kisses and she told me "No fank yew!"  She was angry at me for putting her in time out and that was OK. That told me that she got the message!



I have noticed the smack debate starting, and I'm not getting into that. All I will say, however, is this. If your girls start to be the least big physically agressive, the smack "method" will totally backfire. You can not teach a child that it is not OK to hit you (as my girl started to do at about a year old when she became frustrated or angry) if you then smack them when you are frustrated with their behavior. It's a mixed message.



No matter what form of dicipline you decide to use, be clear in your motives (are you trying to teach a lesson or reacting out of frustration) and consistant in your actions. Sometimes it just takes a little distraction (start singing a song, reading a story, making silly faces etc.) to diffuse a meltdown.

Constance - posted on 04/08/2009

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Let them throw the fit as long its in your home.  If they try this in public pick them up and walk outside with them and talking to them the whole time.  Dont let them know you are angry or embarassed.  When you get outside sit them down and tell them you arent going to put up with this here or anywhere else and let them sit them till them decide for themselves its not gonna work.  This can work at home too but instead of going outside put them in timeout and keep them there till they decide what they are doing is wrong.



 



 



 

Derith - posted on 04/08/2009

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I let both of mine have their tantrums. Wore themselves out, and we ignored them. My oldest actually fell asleep in the middle of the room once when she was 18mo old! They still have tantrums some, but they certainly don't last as long, and happen much less frequently. I have a 3yr old and a 18mo old...

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2009

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When my daughter had fits at that age and even now at almost 3, I made her walk herself into her room and throw her fit, I wouldn't shut the door or anything, I would just tell her that when she is done with her fit, she could come out and we could talk about it. The conversation at that age pretty much includes you asking them questions to get the answers, but let them know it is wrong to throw fits but always tell them you love them too. Time out does work too, but it was hard for me at that age, because having them sit for 1 minute didn't do much.



And always remember....everything is just a stage, they grow out of everything, usually within a month or two.

Kimberly - posted on 04/08/2009

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I was smacked also but i was old enough to remember it, i surely was not an infant/toddler. to me being smacked that young well they just dont understand except why is mommy and daddy hurting me?? in my perosnal dealings with the smack theory it only made the child more aggressive and more likely to be aggressive with older/younger siblings beings they think smacking is ok..like if they hit someone and you wanna teach them thats not right by hitting them back?? what lesson are you really teaching them...for this certain feed about disciplining infants i dont think smakcing is the right answer thats all...

Mel - posted on 04/08/2009

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i got smacked and i turned out ok :) not meaning any disrespect as some people dont agree at all with it

Kimberly - posted on 04/08/2009

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well you have been given some great advice, see what it is at the time causing them to meldown, such as being tired, hungry or just need a change of pace, at this age i dont feel a smack would help in anyway except that they are asking why is mommy hurting me?? i would definetly try the timeout and hope after a few times there they understand, but at 12 months there is NOWAY they understand they do wrong and you smack, all they understand is i do wrong mommy or daddy smacks and thats ATTENTION, after all they could only be wanting your attention whether it be positive or negative...in my opinion, i would always use love to discipline them after all you are their teacher and they cant learn lifes lessons without you..sorry if i make no sense but at this age i dont think a smack is such good advice, i have 3 ages 14--11 AND 5and have never used the smack theory and trust me we arent perfect but they trust me much more than my friends kids who get smacked

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2009

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At 1 they are just learning their emotions and how everything in this world works. My advice is to let them have their fit, when they are calm you can sit down and ask them how they are feeling, everything at this age is so dramatic.  But if they get a reaction out of you and you are giving into their ever want and need they will only get worse.  When possible take them to a safe place and let them scream, kick, yell, and whatever until they are done, then go talk to them.

Mel - posted on 04/08/2009

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they are gorgeous! mine is 12 months and when she misbehaves like that she gets a smack on the legs or arms, or just try not to give her attention. that is just my experience though and other then that I cant help you. i hope it all works out for you :)

Cindy - posted on 04/08/2009

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Time out always works. when you are out at the shops time out when you get home so they know for next time be good when i am out with mom or it is time out at home. it will be hard at first but it will finally work.

Anne - posted on 04/08/2009

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Hi if your babies are the babies in this picture they are beautiful. With a baby as young as yours  You will be doing more redirecting than discipline. That is not to say that you let them get their own way when they throw themselves. I have found that when a baby behaves like this it stems from not having the words to tell you what they want. Take a day or two to step back and determine what is going on when they lose it so to speak. Are they tired, or hungry and one thing is too much for them to handle? Our daughters are 25 and 20, and when they were children I had Child Care in our home so I was with them daily.  One thing I fond that helped was to encourage the children to "Use Words"  Instead of giving them a drink when they cry for it  tell them to Use Words. Then any baby sound they make that is not screaming or cry I accepted as  a word. Ex. Baby is cry and pointing to bottle/cup for a drink and you say Use your words.  Baby babbles any thing that is not a cry and you tell I like when you use your words. Yes you can have a drink.  It sounds silly but I know it works. There are times when you just need to tell them No and remove them from room to someplace out of the line of traffic but not really out of your sight. When they calm down you go and get them, hug them and go on with the day.  You will know the right way to discipline your babies just remember to always use love. some days you may have to count to ten first but I and sure you will do a good job. The very fact you are asking for advice shows you want what is best for your babies. I will be Praying for you. I hope my rambling did some help.

Nadine - posted on 04/08/2009

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Quoting CHRISTINA:

Discipline for infants???

My Babies are turning one next week, and they are already starting to act like spoiled bratz. They will throw themselves to the floor and kick whenever we dont give them something they want. How can we discipline them, how can we teach a baby?



My children are 13 months apart so i have 2 children going through their "terrible 2's" at the  moment.  What my partner and I have done is we've gotten a naughty stool or mat, and when they chuck a patty they get put on there until they calm down.  We pick them up, put them on the mat and explain to them, calmly, that once they calm down they will be allowed to come off but they've been put there for what ever reason.  After about a minute we go back and ask them if they're going to behave and if they continue to scream you explain that they have to stay there unitl they calm down.  This only took 3 goes until they realised that the quicker they calm down the quicker they can get off.  And I've found if they chuck patties in the shop, I just leave my shopping and walk out, it's a little embarrassing but my kids quickly learnt that if they misbehave at the shops they go home. I started discipling both my children this way from 12 months and have found that we have their behaviour under control now.



 



I don't know if this will work for you but it's worth a try.





 

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At that age I would firmly tell my son "no" and sit him on the floor in a time out area (the same spot all the time). He didn't necessarily stay there, but I wanted him to get use to the idea of time out and also learn that what he just did was wrong so I would consistenly pick him up and move him to that spot. After a while he learned that he had to stay there for one minute. As far as tantrums are concerned - I ignore him and never give in! Sometimes distracting him works to stop the tantrum and then he forget about what it was that he wanted.

Rebecca - posted on 04/08/2009

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I'm at that stage also. He's just turned 1 2 weeks ago and he throws tantrums by stamping his feet and screaming until his face is red! I've just begun to ignore him when he does this or just say a firm no. He sometimes gets the picture. Bit hard though when we are out.....I just give in. BUt at home if he is doing something he shouldn't we tell him a firm NO and if he does it again we move him away from the situation and if he goes back he gets a smack. It's so hard but they soon get over it and forget all about it.

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