Disciplining other peoples kids.

Nicole - posted on 06/08/2010

We were packing up the sandpit toys at playgroup yesterday, when a little boys threw a fistfull of sand at me. I got down on his level and spoke calmly to him about not throwing sand etc.. he then threw another handful of sand at a little girl. I took him by the hand, and took him to his mum and told her what happened, and let her deal with the punishment. I understand that he was frustrated, and why he did it, but don't condone his actions, and either did his mother. His mum and I spoke later about this, and she thanked me for handleing it like I did.

Malaika - posted on 06/08/2010

This very issue is a reason children don't respect authority now. They think their parent can shield them from all reprisals. I would have definitely yelle dto keep her from injuring my child and also to impart to her the seriousness of her actions. When an injury is at stake its not the time for calm, quiet talk. If her mom was mad I would have pointed out that she should have been watching her child. As for other public places where you are not familiar with the child I would want to speak to an adult.

Ines - posted on 06/08/2010

I don't think you were out of line. But I think your friend was because some people have to teach there kids how to act and teach them what is right from wrong.. If my son does something wrong my friend yells at him and if her kids do something wrong I yell at them but that just the way our friendship works and not everyone is the same.

Wendy - posted on 06/08/2010

Thats an instinct reaction to prevent a tragic painful injury! NOT a discipline issue, your friend is wrong, if it where the other way around she would of been HAPPY you prevented your daughter from slamming her daughters in the door!
In public it depends...I think most parents are concious and will say something before I do if they see it, but I don't see a problem in telling other children hey guys, lets all be respectful today and have a good time, no pushing...!
Afterall it takes a "tribe to raise a child"...

Angela - posted on 06/08/2010

I go by a very strict rule at my house. "Its my home and all children who enter must adhere to my rules" I use a one warning system and after a child has been told once by myself they go in time out for the amount of minutes of their age in years. I have on occasion had to raise my voice to my best friends 4 year old because she was putting my daughter in harms way. But my friend and I understand each other and always discuss what happened with her daughter afterward. I always make sure there is a open line of communication when it comes to disciplining other peoples children that way an understanding is always there!

Jenny - posted on 06/08/2010

You are the adult, the child is the child, period. If he or she is doing something that puts anyone's child, including yours, in danger of being injured then you have every right to try to stop it.

Berina - posted on 06/08/2010

If she is your friend, and she and her daughter are visiting you - I suppose you do not have to yell at her daughter. Just quickly yell at the child - Stop, Do not bang her fingers on the door. Whenever you have young children visiting, tell them your house rules. Keep them occupied with something meaningful to play and make sure they play around you so that you can keep an eye on them. This way you can control each situation and stop them from unnecssary harm. Friends will tell their children to behave when they come to my house - otherwise, I will not hesitate to scold (not yell) them. My scolding will mean a good lecture talk on why one needs to be a well behaved child.

If I am out in public and some other kids push my kids on purpose, then I will certainly give the child off a piece of mind immediately and normally, the child parents would apologize profusely. I am a typical Asian so I normally do not bother what others think of me when I someone else annoys me.

Skye - posted on 06/08/2010

it is a fine line but i feel that if you yelled to get her attention away from the act she was about to do it is fine.
i have had children in my home that have gone to bite my children (biting is my pet hate) so when my friends come round i always informed them of this. my children know that if they bite they dont get bitten back smacked yelled at etc. they will get a small amount of HOT ENGLISH MUSTARD on their tongue and put in time out for one minute for each yr of their age.
i have followed through with this on one of my friends children and she's happy i done so as now he has stopped bitting.
i think you should explain to you friend what had happened and let her know your not going to let her child injure yours and vis versa

Brianna - posted on 06/08/2010

Sometimes you yell before you realize you're yelling. It's an impulse that keeps your child safe. I've done it to complete strangers and was yelled at by mom's, But I don't care- What? am I supposed to let my kid get hurt? Or do I deal with the other mom after I take my child out of harms way? I'll take my chances and deal with the mom- as long as my kid is safe!

Shelly - posted on 06/08/2010

I would say you are not out of line. I often find that out in a public place the mothers are no where to be found. So if another child pushes or makes fun of another child I will say something to the child and if the mother is around I will still do this. It is not ok to hit or hurt people. I think this is a lesson children need to learn.

Sara - posted on 06/08/2010

If the parent doesn't discipline I would definitely say something. I don't think twice! But if I see that the parent is handling it appropriately then I will tend to my daughter and separate them. It is extremely annoying and very rude when the parent doesn't do anything. People need to start teaching respect very early. I hope this helps.

Sarah - posted on 06/08/2010

There is this one kid in my sons class at school and he is always bugging my son about something (his clothes, shoes, anything). Yesterday this kid was teasing my son because he still has training wheels on his bike (he's only 5yrs old), so anyways the kid was saying "I don't have training wheels on my bike" and I could see that it was upsetting my son, so I turned around to this kid and said "I don't care if you have training wheels or not. You are always picking on my son, and you need to stop it". So, I don't know if I should have kept my mouth shut or not, but sometimes it's hard. As parents we want to protect our kids and I think that sometimes we speak before we think. As for what happened with your friend and her daughter, if you think that you were right in correcting her, then you were, just maybe don't yell next time.:)

Tiffany - posted on 06/08/2010

Very touchy situation. I personally would have been upset if you yelled at my child. However, I do think it is acceptable to discipline without yelling.

Dianne M. - posted on 06/08/2010

In the situation you describe, you were exactly right - stopping an injury is no time to discuss who is going to discipline, it's time to stop the potentially dangerous action. I would do the same if a child were about to walk into the street - I would stop them first, then explain to the parent later.

When I worked as a lifeguard, I often had to discipline other people's children before they hurt themselves or someone else. I did so unapologetically, and if the parent had a challenge with it, I explained myself calmly, and if they were still upset, I simply ignored them. I'm not going to let ANY child get hurt because someone wants to follow protocol.

That said, if this child continues to exhibit this kind of behavior around your child, it's time to pull the parent to the side and tell them in no uncertain terms that you will NOT allow your child to be hurt in ANY way, and if they don't like that, then don't bring their child over until they learn to control themselves. That's how bullies get started - no one says anything until after the action is over. The mom was wrong to yell at you - a calm discussion would have been better and would not have shown the child that Mama is going to champion them even when they are wrong. Heaven forbid that child pushes someone who fights back and then the original child is injured!

In public areas, definately talk to the parent and the child if possible. The parent first, if they are nearby, but if not, you can ask the child where they are (fairly non-threatening question, delivered in as normal a tone as possible) and then talk to the parent.

Shauna - posted on 06/08/2010

PS: I wouldn't recommend yelling though. Disciplining a child and yelling are two different things. Yelling really does no good, besides making you feel like you feel better. But think of every time you got yelled at, how long did you last before you tuned them out. Talking is a much better option. It may not feel as good but you are getting the point across.

Shauna - posted on 06/08/2010

Its the old Indian adage. It takes a village to raise a child. I would expect that any parent I come across would stop my child from doing bad things, as much as I would stop their children from creating problems. The fact is, you cant be there all the time for you child, and they cant go unchecked when your attention is diverted.

Dawn - posted on 06/08/2010

I think if it was a matter of yelling to stop the other child from causing harm, or if something harmful is about to happen its fine.
In public situations if a child is doing something to my child I usually give the parent a chance to say something to their child (they usually do especially if they see that I'm watching) or I take my son out of the situation. An I don't encourage hitting, but I do believe my son has the right to defend himself if he needs to and I tell him so.

Stephanie - posted on 06/08/2010

I don't think you were out of line at all. If someone was going to hurt my child, I would have yelled NO or STOP for sure. If a child is misbehaving but not effecting my child I prob wouldn't say anything, but if they are going to hurt my child I will do it to protect her. If the child and parent are at my home, I'd make sure to tell the parent if the child is doing something that is not ok. They may not care about it at their home, but they should respect your rules/requests!

Shan - posted on 06/08/2010

LOL Monica i so agree with you. As for my daughter and any other child around me i do correct a potential hazardous situation! If i see a child about to cause harm to my child or my child about to cause harm to another i immediately jump in. If the other parent is there i give them an opportunity to correct their child but i rightfully correct mine as well. I tell people's children all the time (in the grocery store, mall, wal-mart) to stop or sit down. I am the mommy police but in public there are so many dangers with allowing your child to run around that i would rather a parent be mad at me than loose their child.

Temika - posted on 06/08/2010

im questioning the friendship level you have cause friends know that the other person wont do anything to harm their child so for her to yell at you means she doesnt trust your judgement on disipline

Kate - posted on 06/08/2010

I have a high maintenance child, so I'm always involved. I try to use a little humor and anticipate problems before someone gets hurt. I like to address whole groups - "Hey guys, we need to move your bball game back so the little kids can still play without getting mowed down!" OR -- "Yikes, you silly kids, no throwing sand - you'll all be crying when it gets in your eyes!"

Dawn - posted on 06/08/2010

Well I feel you did right, as some parents don't watch or see what their child is up too,,I raised 6 kids myself and I always had other kids in my house at the same time and I disciplined them as well,,kids do have to listen and if the parent is a good parent they should be watching their children as well,,not expect someone else to watch them when they are there...

Romayn - posted on 06/08/2010

You were not out of line. The parent was out of line for yelling at you. You did it out of reflex to prevent a situation which makes it an understandable moment and you could have explained that to the child later. She yelled at you out of anger.
You tell the child immediately and then you tell the parent (who is where by the way?) If parents don't teach their children 1st others will. There is no protecting them from life. Life includes upsetting people when we hurt or offend them.

Tanasha - posted on 06/08/2010

I think in that situation, if you were about to see it happen and were to far away to intervene physically (i.e. catch the door before it could close on your child's fingers) than no, raising your voice to get the other child's attention in order to prevent an injury was well within your means. I think your friend perhaps overreacted a little, especially if she didn't see what was about to happen. This is of course assuming this sort of thing doesn't happen a lot.
As for other rude and pushy children.. well, tbh, my daughter is a little moose lol and I am proud of her for it. She knows how to play nice and loves to take turns, and share, etc. When we go to play at the park, sometimes there are little bullies there who try to push her out of the way to go up stairs first, or down the slide, etc. She doesn't let herself get pushed around for too long though. I think sometimes children need to learn how to deal with situations like that on their own, and as long as it doesn't turn into a total knock-down, drag-out, rolling on the ground fight, it is ok for a child to defend themselves, such as my daughter did when this little boy kept pulling her away from the ladder to the slide. She finally had enough and turned around and swatted (not throwing an actual punch or anything, but more or less like the way you would swat at an annoying insect) at him with a little growl thrown in for emphasis. Both the mother and I were watching this unfold, seeming of the same accord to wait and see what happens. (Although admittedly at first the other mother was texting on her phone while the little boy ran around trying to be a bully). When my daughter stopped to defend herself, the whole situation changed. The mother called her son over, corrected him, and I did the same with my daughter. Then both kids played together for a good half hour before it was time to leave.
I am much the same way as my daughter, so I am assuming this sort of thing is genetic. I was picked on a lot in elementary school and bullied and when the teachers, principal, etc wouldn't step in when I did the right thing and spoke of it first, then I had no choice but to turn around and defend myself.
But I do think a parent should be notified, especially if they seem otherwise distracted if their child is being overly rude/bullying, etc. That way if something as the aforementioned scene happens between the two children, then the parents are less likely to get into an argument as well.

Shannon - posted on 06/08/2010

In my opinion only, I think it is so important to stand up for your child when there is a bully or a child who shows no respect. frankly, when someone else corrects a child sometimes that is what it takes for the child to actually listen. I always generically say out loud watch for the little ones or one at a time! this way you still get your message out without actually rufflingto many feathers.

DonnaMae - posted on 06/08/2010

I don't think you were out of line with the girl about to smash your kids fingers, I think ,ost parents would have had a knee-jerk reaction to save their child from harm,I know in a public place things are a bit more sticky, pick your battles.

Tiffany - posted on 06/08/2010

Personally I dont care if its a friends child or a strangers child-if no one else is doing the job I will be the first to ask the child to stop throwing sand, swinging sticks around, or pushing other children. If a parent doesn't step in, I will certainly do so. And if I know the child, I will let the child know that I have no problems talking to their parent. I don't think you need to yell, unless there is so much noise and of course if you are preventing someone from getting hurt, such as fingers slammed in the door. Thats me though, I believe we all want our children to behave appropriately, and in the case of nearly hurting someone else, then hey, i would rather prevent an accident then just let it happen!

Heather - posted on 06/08/2010

My opinion is you did the right thing.

If my friends want to come here with their children, fine, but its my rules. I will dicipline your child in my home by correcting their behaviour. Not by spanking. I only spank my own child, but you better believe if there is a child in my home about to do something I dont want them to do (i.e. throw a rock, play with something my child isn't allowed to play with, or take a toy from my child when he was playing with it) I am going to tell them to stop. And if they continue I will put them in time out. You dont like it you can leave my house.

On the other hand if I am in someones house I watch my child like a hawk! I dont let them touch anything unless that person has said its ok. I do this because thats what i want others to do at my home. And if my child is out of line and they have different rules there ok thats fine we are here we will follow your rules. And feel free to get onto my child.

Janice - posted on 06/08/2010

I had this problem when mine were young and ended up thelling the other child to be careful but in language that the other parents used which was not very nice. I kept my voice down and knew that the child would not say anything to his Mother who was watching us. I also kept a smile on my face. It was difficult but it seemed to do the trick and the children eventually became friends but told not to use bad language.

Karen - posted on 06/08/2010

I believe you were correct in yelling. You were protecting your child. I firmly believe that if another child does anything against my child I will not hold back in letting that child know it. Depending on what it was that happened I will go to the childs parent (bullying issues and unsafe play). Your "friend" should hear you out and understand that something happened that needed immediate attention and you should not be yelled at for it. Talk with all your friends about it that way you are on the same page. Those kids whose parents don't allow it need to be watched more carefully as these kids quickly realize that other adults have no discipline toward them and can use it against you, especially if the patents don't pay close attention to the childs behavior (I have seen this first hand and it is a slippery slope). I have told all parents around me that it is ok to yell at my kids if they have done wrong.

Brandee - posted on 06/08/2010

I have "corrected" other people's kids and other's have "corrected" mine.. but not in a manner of yelling.. Just a calm, firm voice.. For instance this past weekend a lady let her 4 kids sit alone in the cry room with my son and me.. The oldest girl began to spank her little sister for not staying in a chair.. I told her "Please do not hit her again" and the issue was dropped.. Once I was with my husband and his friend.. His friend had his 4 year old son with him.. The boy was running crazy through the store and ignoring his dad, so I stepped in and told the boy "If you don't stop running, then you will have to walk by me and hold the stroller".. The running stopped and the boys dad was in shock.. I was uncomfortable, but glad his dad was not mad at me.. I expect my kids to be disciplined appropriately at other peoples homes if they disrespect the rules.

Rachael - posted on 06/08/2010

I can't believe that people are saying to give the parents a minute to pay attention. At the park in the hypothetical situation, okay, talk to the parents politely. But when a child is half a second from slamming my child's hand in a door, you better believe I'm going to raise my voice to get the kid's attention. Put yourself in that position: she's just about to get her fingers crunched, you say politely in a calm voice, "sweety, don't do that". Halfway through your sentence, your daughter is already screaming in pain. Yeah, lets all let our children bully each other around. Lazy parents think it's "just kids being kids" when they hurt each other, and that sounds like your friend. You did the right thing, no doubt in my mind!

Claire - posted on 06/08/2010

I felt the same way when my children were going up. In the end I would be pre empting situations, so that I could divert, or step in when needed. But as you know it's not easy to do in all situations, particularly in your case.

To raise your voice is a natural response. It offers an alert to all concerned that something has happened & prompt attention is needed.

Your daughter must have been shaken up by having her hand caught in the door. Some parents are embarrassed or feel threatened and treat such situation ...by becoming defensive! It would have been nice to have received the support from your friend at the time as it would have been a good learning experience for everyone. It also highlights thought processing in your friend's daughter.[cause & effect] This in turn opens up an opportunity for discussion.what ever the age.

Then having a break from each other is another option, with limited times & in open spaces until trust is rebuilt.

Nicole - posted on 06/08/2010

Me and my friends keep our children in line if they see my daughter doing something wrong and i don't they are more than free to holler at her to get her to stop and vice versa with their kids. No one gets mad we just call it helping and appreciate it. In public with parents i don't know it's a little different if i see a child treating my kid a way i do not like i usually just tell my daughter to play with something or someone else it's easier than getting into it with someone i don't know.

Patti - posted on 06/08/2010

Your friend was out of line to yell at you if you were simply yelling to stop her child from slamming the door on your daughter's fingers. The line is, indeed, thin; but, occasionally it is appropriate to discipline someone else's child--even a stranger's. If I see a child continually pushing other kids or cutting in line on the slide, I say something to the child so that they know they can't get away with bad behavior just because their parents either didn't see it or don't care. The fact is that some parents are content to let their kids bully other kids. It's up to the rest of us and our own kids to stand our ground and stand up to the bullies and their parents. I don't yell at other people's children--except in an emergency like the car door slamming on the fingers--but I am firm, with a no-nonsense attitude.

Cassandra - posted on 06/08/2010

I think it depends on the comfort level you have with the other person. I have several friends who have a mutual understanding with me that we discipline each other's children when we are together, as needed. There are some friends, and some relatives, whom I do not have that type of comfort with. I usually talk with the person about the discipline and exchange thoughts on what we are and are not comfortable with and expectations. Not everyone has the same behavioral expectations I do, and I have to respect that.

Melissa - posted on 06/08/2010

If danger or serious bodily harm is imminent then I would yell at my child or my friends' kid(s). And I have. If it is just bad manners or a little shoving (that seems unlikely to escalate) I might ignore it or comment on it politely.
As for kids at the park or other public place, if they lay hands (or feet, or elbows, etc.) on my child I would ask them calmly not to. Or I would suggest that my son ask them not to. He is three so I still feel the need to protect him, but he should really start to learn about conflict resolution and how to handle himself properly.
I don't usually feel a conversation with the other child's parents is necessary, but I haven't encountered any really troublesome kids yet. I may change my mind if my child were continually being bullied or attacked.

Crystal - posted on 06/08/2010

When it comes to the safety of your child I definantly DO NOT think you were out of line.

As for the other kids in public, I would probably tell the child what they did was wrong and then I walk with the child to their parents and speak to them directly and let them know what happened.If the child will not come then I would just go over to the parent.

I would also make sure my child was not playing with them.

Adrienne - posted on 06/08/2010

well you woud have to tell the kid was wrong for pushing. and to find out how you can tell the parent that their kid did something wrong. wellif you yelled aqt her daughter at some point.

Roxanne - posted on 06/08/2010

You have every right to protect your child. YOur daughter was about to get hurt and your friend, if you still consider her one, had no right to be upset with you. She is showing her child that the only person they have to listen to is her and that is where society is gone wrong. At a very young age children learn who they are to listen to and who don't count. If this person continues on this path then her child will not respond to teachers or other people that have authority.
You most definetly tell the child they are doing something wrong. Just explain that someone will get hurt if their behavior continues. How would they like it if they were the one being pushed around.
I feel we are all at fault for not stepping in when we see a child misbehaving. Our family has 4 children age of 3 born just 5 days apart and we all are there to help the others when we see someone on the receiving end. We do not expect only the parent to say something we are in this together. Our youth are our future and we all have to take responsibility for how our future will turn out!

Marlene - posted on 06/08/2010

As a mother of 7, I was often overwhelmed by keeping track of all of them at once, & when out in public, I for one, appreciated when someone else would catch one of my kids doing something dangerous or inappropriate, and nip it in the bud. I do the same. My dh, thinks it's none of my business what other kids do, he hates it when I "interfere" But I think most moms welcome the help. Of course different families have different rules, so I keep my interferences to things that obviosly nobody in their right mind would let their kids do, if they saw them doing it. Yes, I would definitly stop anyones kid from hurting themselves, another human or animal. If the behavior is questionable, I may say something like,"Are you allowed to jump on the couch at your house? We are not allowed to jump on furntiure at my house."
In the action of a door being slammed on fingers, I would remove one of the girls, so that eithewr the door didn't get slammed, or the fingers wouldn't be there when it did, then explain calmly why that was a bad idea. Of course if you're not close enough to physically intervene, I would yell out the warning, but not yell a reprimand. They pay better attention when you just talk and explain, rather than being yelled at.

Mavis - posted on 06/08/2010

If I were you I'd dump this 'friend' as she sure is no friend of yours or your children. Any parent who objects to another parent trying to protect their child from harm is to be avoided like the plague. They set a bad example to all children and no matter what your do or say will change them or unfortunately their children. The best you can do is teach your own children right from wrong and let the others know that they are not welcome until their behavour improves. Cruel; but necessary.

Meghan - posted on 06/08/2010

House rules are house rules, and common sense and courtesy are an even playing field for all. If another kid is abusive or badly behaved toward my child, I will reprimand them, even if the other parent is there. Worrying about what the other kid's parent thinks is irrelevant. If the other parent is offended, a) I probably won't get a long with them well in the future anyway, if they're a pushover for their kid, and b) I likely wouldn't want my kid playing with theirs in the future either. Problem solved. This situation can reveal a lot about the people involved and the company we keep.

Sarai - posted on 06/08/2010

I think you had every right to yell at your friend's child and your friend should have understood that you only yelled at her because of her child's actions not because you were being mean. She should put herself in your position - I don't think she would have liked it one bit if your child would have been the one to slam the door on her daughter's fingers. She needs to realize someone could have got hurt.

Melissa - posted on 06/08/2010

I am 1 in a group of mothers that go to the same Karate dojo. Our children spar together and play together. All of us at one time or another have had to yell at one of the others children to get them to stop doing something that we know their parent would not want them doing. Now with that being said if you are a stranger to the parent and child and are yelling at someone else's child that isn't good. Its one thing to yell at them to prevent them from say running into the street or if they are doing something dangerous but in a public area digression must be used. If I saw someone yelling at my child I'd probably be angry but I would ask what was going on. But then I am a responsible parent and watch my child to make sure he is doing the right thing. If you see something that's not good, its ok to speak up but not ok to YELL at a strangers child.

Ashley - posted on 06/08/2010

My friends and I have an understanding of discipline when the other one is not looking. If one of us sees something that one of our children are doing we have given each other full right to discipline the child. We are the same when it comes to how a young child is supposed to act and whats right and wrong. I would just talk to your friend and let her know you are sorry for yelling but what would she do in that situation. Our children are precious and we don't want someone to yell but we also don't like to see another child be mean to ours.

Mary - posted on 06/08/2010

Oh, I meant to add that if a parent is near, I speak to the parent about the behavior. But in lieu of a parent around, I speak to the child, and if they're old enough, I inform them that their mommy will hear about their behavior.

I think your knee-jerk reaction was just that: knee-jerk. No one wants to watch their child get hurt. I think you were completely in the right, even if you didn't mean to "yell". Yelling is a knee-jerk reaction that all parents have at some time. Your friend definitely overreacted.

Mary - posted on 06/08/2010

We go by the "family" rule. If a family member like my brother or sister sees fit to discipline my child, I take it just the same as if it were my husband disciplining. Unless I think the discipline is SO out of wack for the behavior, I encourage teaching my children that adults must be respected. Just because mommy or daddy aren't there to tell you something was wrong, doesn't mean you can get away with everything.

If it's an unrelated friend who disciplines my child, I take a more careful look at the cause for discipline and the actual punishment. Sometimes mommy and daddy don't see everything, and it's the adult's obligation to respect what other adults say happened.

We have the family rule for a reason. As a youngest child, I lived through torture with my nieces and nephews because they would misbehave and I'd walk on eggshells trying not to discipline them. I got so sick of it I swore I would never enforce that kind of pressure on another adult with my children.

Here's an interesting scenario though. This happened last night: Driving home from the grocery store, I reached a point where the road narrows to one-lane, one-way. This time, a car was driving through the wrong way (happens all the time). But there were three 7-8 year old girls standing in the middle of the lane, not moving. The car inched up a little further. The girls didn't move. One of them threw her hands up in the air and did a little dance, taunting the driver. I looked around for any parent. No one. Who has the responsibility to get the girls out of the dang road? We're complete strangers, but I think most parents would be happy if I had stopped and spoken to the girls about how dangerous it is to just stand in the middle of a road talking. Eventually the other car honked his horn at the girls, they completely freaked out and ran out of the road. Personally, I think they're lucky no one got out of the car to yell at them.

This "kids in the road" thing is a huge problem where I live. Who's responsibility is it to tell them to get out of the way? Parents are inside, seemingly uncaring of what their children are doing.

Kristin - posted on 06/08/2010

I don't have all the details but it sounds like you acted according to the situation. I have had to act quickly to prevent accidents, both with my daughter and with other children. Some parents say nothing, others voice their agreement with method used... in my view, "silence is acceptance".

I recently helped out at a friend's daughter's BD party. An outdoor bounce house was the main attraction and required constant vigilance. We were 3 adults supervising about 15 kids. It went well with no major injuries (a few kids needed to be consoled after a minor "collision"). One "incident" required I discipline one child (a 5 year old verbally threatened the BD girl's 3 year old brother in full view of a parent) - the offender's parent wasn't at the party and the child is known to have "issues" (integration aide assigned full time at school), so I dealt with it as I would if my own child behaved this way... I delivered a calm-voiced lecture regarding why bigger kids do not behave this way (i.e. bullying never acceptable). The parents of the BD kid thanked me for dealing with it, and we agreed that it wasn't serious enough to mention to the "offender's" parent. I never heard anything more about it, so have to assume that the child didn't relate the story to his parents and/or that his parents were fine with it (believe it was the former as not many 5 year olds voluntarily confess their own transgressions).

Safety is priority #1, keep up the great work!

Angela - posted on 06/07/2010

This is a tough one and takes walking a fine line. In the case of preventing harm to a child (yours or someone else's) definately intervene. If the other mom has a problem with it, you can explain why you did it and let the other mom deal with it or not. It's not OK for other parents to let their kids run amok or bully other people's children and expect others to just take it.

Your friend should not have yelled at you and should apologize. I'm guessing she would have yelled at your daughter had the situation been reversed. The "yell" of you at her daughter was probably a raised voice because intervention was needed. Unless you berated the girl and called her names afterward, what you did was completely in line and acceptable.

If personal or children's safety is not at issue, try talking to the other parent first. If you wind up losing a friendship, that's sad, but you do not have to be a 'punching bag' for a mom (or dad) who does not want to discipline their own child. Sadly, this problem is increasing.