Divorce- how do you explain it to your 4 year old and 1 year old?

Delia - posted on 02/09/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am currently seprating from my husband, how do i explain to my 4 and 1 year old daughters that mommy and daddy are not going to live together anymore?

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Lesley - posted on 02/15/2010

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What ever works for you and your ex partner as long as they are in caring loving evironments....if there is a time where they want to see him or vice versa and it isnt convenient have some pre planned activities for them like craft activities, go out for a milkshake. If having trouble settling at night time you can use ideas like daddy buys a soft to as a gift for them to have at night for security .My daughter was a little older she had a song that i had for her on cd it was a mother daughter one so if she missed me she could play it and know i was always going to be there .She still has it 6 yrs later!. Its hard for parents to be away from children in this situation. Support each other through a hard time.I wish i had this advice given to me a long time ago. stay strong and keep safe

Delia - posted on 02/10/2010

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If they want to see him everyday should i let them, or should i try and stay firm so that they understand that during the week they live with mommy adn on weekends and holidays they live with daddy?

Lesley - posted on 02/10/2010

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I dont think at that age they need big explanations for anything big ppl things are for big ppl.The saying that children would rather live in 2 happy homes rather than one miserable one.....never fight or argue in front of them and never speak badly of each other in front over them....over time as they get older then maybe more questions can happen. At this age they just need to feel ok not live on bad vibes .Just because you cant live together shouldnt mean they cant live with both of you without feeling like a prize.Not that i assume you are like this in any way its just my thoughts from experience...good luck!

Nancy - posted on 02/10/2010

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My husband left when I had a 3 yr old and 1 yr old and one on the way. It is ok to say daddy loves you to them all the time. Never talk bad about him in front of them, let them figure out their own feelings about the situation. If you try to say bad things, they will hate you in the end, I never did that i am greatful I didn't. It is ok to say we can't live in the same house right now because we are fighting and we don'[t get along. But remind them IT IS NOT THEIR fault and has nothing to do with them. There are also some great child councellors out there if she acts out because of the situation. My three yr. old did. Tell Dad if he doesn't visit he will really hurt those babies deeply, so he better step up to the plate and be there for everything like normal. I will keep you in my prayers. sorry to see a marriage end so soon. Maybe mommy and daddy can get marriage councelling?

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