Do children need bedtimes?

Stephanie - posted on 06/20/2012

I know exactly what you are saying about the benefit of bedtime! Unfortunately I think his little gf enjoys playing house too much so she soaks it all up and tries to get in as much time as possible with my son. Its funny, his dad never wanted anything to do with my son until this gf came into his life. Things that make you say hmmmmm.

Chelly - posted on 06/20/2012

He may find out on his own that your son needs a bedtime. He may start misbehaving during the day from lack of adequate sleep. At 3 my daughter started wanting to go to bed at 8:30 every night. Lately she's been going to sleep about 9 but that's even if I've put her to bed at 8.

Personally I have a really difficult time with schedules but since our daughter doesn't sleep until 9/9:30 I've made 8pm bedtime so that I get a break and time with husband before I go to bed. She will read or sing or talk to her toys for an hour before finally closing her eyes. Maybe your husband doesn't know about his benefit of bedtime? Perhaps you could even mention it to the obnoxious girlfriend that if she gets the boy to bed then she has your ex to herself ;)

Kristen - posted on 06/20/2012

When I was a kid, this was my situation as well. Im not sure if it effected anything for my mom when I was that age, but I do know that I have fond memories of being at dads house and getting to stay up late, eat junk, and do all the things my mom wouldn't let me do. As I got older, it barely effected my sleeping patterns as I was old enough to know I have to stay in bed either way and fall asleep. Also I would like to say that it did not negatively effect my behavior at home, provided my mom was clear about explaining to me why things were different in each house (such as, your dad has more money to take you all those places because I care for you all week, You get to stay up late because neither of you have to be up for school or work, going to dads is special and im glad you have a good time, but we have to keep a schedule here so you can succeed in school and and so on) The number one thing is to never put your child in the middle or say bad things about your ex in front of him. If you have a decent relationship with your ex and can calmly come up with COMPROMISES when issues arise then great. If not, then ignore it and move on.



So I guess what I am saying is a few missed hours of sleep is the least of your worries in trying to raise a well adjusted kid with an ex.

Michelle - posted on 06/20/2012

i have 2 girls...a 7 year old and a 4 year old....and have always had bedtimes and naps. my oldest doesn't nap anymore, but my youngest still does. They are getting harder to do now, but i try because they are happier kids and i'm a less stressed parent when they aren't so grumpy.

Stephanie - posted on 06/20/2012

You know that would probably be beneficial but unfortunately he lives 3 hours away so it is hard to plan things like this with him. I had him come and visit his preschool a couple months ago when he started and I was planning on going out to dinner with him and my son but last minute he decided to bring his girlfriend along (who I do not get along with) anyway... I just don't want that situation to happen again. She seems to think she belongs in every single thing that is happening in our son's life even though she herself is only 18! I have a fiancé who will be my son's stepfather in a little less than a year and he doesn't even involve himself in my son's life as much as this girl does. I really wish I could do something such as taking him to the wellness checkup with just me and my ex but I could see his girlfriend prodding in and inviting herself. It really makes me upset that she can't just let him do his "father thing" alone.

Maureen - posted on 06/20/2012

Any thoughts on having the dad bring your son to his next wellness exam? Maybe not argue abou it for now if he won't listen. How stressful for you! If possible a few days before appointment ask your ex if he would discuss some developmental questions that you have different thoughts on. Is there any way to discuss with your ex that your son loves time with
Him even of there are no gifts, no parties and he has rules?

Brenda - posted on 06/20/2012

Just follow through with your routine while your son is in your home. You cant control what goes on in his fathers home. If you try he will just laugh in your face. Eventually the father will understand why a 3 year old needs a bedtime/nap time routine. I go through this all the time when my twins go visit their father. They have been visiting him ever since they were 2 yrs old and are 11 now.

Krista - posted on 06/20/2012

I dont' blame you at all for being annoyed. "Disneyland" dads piss me off, because they always try to make the mom look like the bad guy. Unfortunately, there's not a darned thing you can do about it. Once your kid is in school, that may change -- if that schedule is interfering with your kid's performance at school, then you may be able to get his dad and yourself into a meeting with the school, and THEY can help set him straight.

Sharon - posted on 06/20/2012

I'm not in the same position as you but I do believe that children need a routine and a bedtime. I understand your frustration but as others have said you can't control what goes on in your child's dads house. All you can do is your best which is what you are doing. Keep your routine when your child is with u and get back into it as soon as you can when he gets back from his dads. Once he starts school it should settle down kids are tired after a full week of school. Try not to worry and keep your head up you are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world without an instruction manual.

Sharon - posted on 06/20/2012

I'm not in the same position as you but I do believe that children need a routine and a bedtime. I understand your frustration but as others have said you can't control what goes on in your child's dads house. All you can do is your best which is what you are doing. Keep your routine when your child is with u and get back into it as soon as you can when he gets back from his dads. Once he starts school it should settle down kids are tired after a full week of school. Try not to worry and keep your head up you are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world without an instruction manual.

Jodi - posted on 06/20/2012

Well, only you can control how his dad makes you feel. Don't let his words get to you. There is nothing wrong with sticking to a schedule if that is what works for your son. If it is only every other weekend, just keep doing what you are doing, remain strict with your schedule in your house if that's what is best for you guys, understand it could take him a few days to get back into routine when he gets back from dad's house, and he WILL eventually get used to it. I would suggest you don't talk to his father about what his schedule should be if he has no interest, it is just pointless (this is where the idea that dad thinks you are wrong, because you tried to tell him what you would like, I'm assuming). Just do your end of it the way that works for you, and the rest, well, it may be painful for a while, but it will get better, I promise.

Stephanie - posted on 06/20/2012

Jodi, I try my hardest to try and stick to a schedule. I just wanted some advice on how I can go about trying to keep my schedule..... I understand that I can't do anything about it. I feel like most of these responses are just bitching at me about being upset about it..... I just needed a little encouragement.. His dad is so manipulative that he was making me feel like I am parenting wrong by giving him a bed time. Just wanted to see and hear about other people that might have the same problem. Oh and I don't know what is so hard with giving a child a schedule. SMH

Lisamarie - posted on 06/20/2012

Yes, all children need a bedtime to maintain their normal routines the next day. My son is a little terror after he has a bad or late night!

Jodi - posted on 06/20/2012

Stephanie, my ex used to let my son stay up until all hours when he was younger (he's now 15, so it isn't such a big deal, but I still have a bedtime for him). But it was only one night, so I got used to expecting him home grumpy and tired. I established a REALLY strict bedtime routine in my house, and then I made sure he was returned by 5pm and I had his dinner ready for him, stuck to the regular bedtime routine, just made it happen earlier, and made sure he had early nights for a couple of days. Yes, it took him a couple of days to settle back in, but the routine really helped. After a few months of this he adjusted so much better.

Rachael - posted on 06/19/2012

it won't kill or otherwise seriously harm your son to not have a bedtime 1 night every other week so i would say if you have explained to him why you have a bedtime for your son and he still chooses not to, it's not something to freak out about. i know that when my son goes to his dad's house, he stays up an hour or two later than I let him stay up and he eats a bit more junk foo, but he is safe so i'm going to pick my battles

Stephanie - posted on 06/19/2012

I know there isn't anything I can do. It just frustrates me that I have told him how the schedule affects him at my home and at preschool but his dad doesn't even care. Also I had no trouble with putting my son to sleep when he wasn't visiting his dad. My son would go to bed when I asked and would sleep in his bed. Now I'm lucky if he only comes out of his room twice before FINALLY going to bed and he refuses to sleep in his bed at my place because "daddy broke my bed. " just frustrated. I don't want this "lifestyle" to be difficult on my son. Also im afraid his dad is trying to be a "Disneyland dad" :( *sigh* #singlemomproblems.

Dove - posted on 06/19/2012

I definitely do think a 3 year old needs a bedtime, but there's really nothing you can do about it at his dad's house. My kids have a different schedule when they are with their father. It wouldn't work for ME, but they do fine and adjust within a day or two of coming home back to the schedule over here.

Jodi - posted on 06/19/2012

This isn't something you can control, unfortunately.

Yes, children need bedtimes, but he is 3, so it's not like it is affecting school. My kids had flexible sleep times at that age, and really only developed true routines just before they started school. And yes, I had an ex who used to let our son stay up all hours, and it would take me a couple of days to get him back into routine. I just sucked it up.

So basically, it doesn't matter what you think, you can't control the rules in the other parents' house. I'm not saying you are wrong, because you're not. But it's not your place to control the other parent's behaviour and rules.