Do I have to put the father on my baby's birth certificate?

Alexa - posted on 03/15/2012 ( 217 moms have responded )

2

0

0

My baby's dad is a complete loser. Hehasnt tried to contact me about my expectant baby in like four months, but I know he will rear his ugly head at some point. Until then, do I have to put his name on the birth certificate? And if I don't, he will have to prove paternity before he can try for any custody right? I want to be prepared with strong defenses just in case.



His mom has tried to tell me to be civil, but he didn't cheat on her.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

217 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 03/26/2012

1

0

0

Alexa--- in the state of NV you do not have to put his name even if you are married, on that same note you can't go after child support without a paternity test and once you open that can of worms he has rights to visitation. My daughter is 7; I did not place his name on her birth certificate; he has tried to pop up twice since she was born. Everytime I tell him as long as he's changed and can be consistant I don't mind him being present, I've given him the benefit of the doubt. Each time he is consistant for about 5 days. I don't receive child support and my daughter knows about him. He too is a druggie. But the thing that pisses me off and you probably feel the same, is when people say "well you knew how he was before" and I didn't. I truly thought he quit, he hid it well. But good luck and hang in there. Do what's best for your child.

Claire - posted on 03/26/2012

164

24

2

If you're not married you cannot put him on the certificate. He would have to be there. But you can still go after him for support. And the court can subpoena you to make you give the baby's dna

Pamela - posted on 03/26/2012

25

34

1

I have read a lot of the responses here and well I was in the same boat over 3 yrs ago. My sons father wanted every right when he talked to me but when he talked to everyone else the baby wasn't his. I did not add him (Im in WI) and due to abuse in the relationship that was documented I didnt have to tell him where I was (he was in CA - I picked up and moved 2000 miles away to get away) Now he is sitting in prison for his drug dealing and bs. I kept the door open with strict instructions that any contact would be on my terms. I was in control. I sought paternity once he was in prison only because if he was to die then my son would get SSI benefits. He did not fight it. I kept open lines of communication when it wasn't nasty with his family. My son is 2.5 and he just barely met his paternal grandma. Take it day by day but don't worry about it. But if he is leading a questionable life that would put your child in danger - you have the right to protect your child while keeping the lines open. Forget about the cheating it sucks, mine cheated on me with a 18yro whore next door, so I can relate. Take it day by day dont stress now the baby isnt even here and you dont want to increase her stress levels worrying about something that hasnt happened yet.

Kelli - posted on 03/26/2012

1

5

0

You do not have to put his name on the birth certificate unless you are married and even then I don't think that you HAVE TOO. He will have to prove paternity before he can go for any thing. In fact he has no rights until paternity is proved. Not that I am condoning it but especially if he is abusive I wouldn't let him have the baby until a judge says so. Also if he is wanting a paternity test let him make you do it because then it will be free of charge to you. I have been through all this before so I know about all this but that has been 13 years ago so somethings may have changed but I really doubt they have changed too much. Hope this helps.

Tammy - posted on 03/26/2012

7

13

0

I live in MN and I have 2 children and their dad is not the brightest bulb on the tree but he is on the bc of both children and he only gets to see the children 4 days a month but just cuz he is on the bc doesnt give him any rights to the children. Just look into the laws in your state because in the state of MN if the parents were never married then the mother has all rights and if you agree to parenting time and he dont bring the baby back on time you can call the cops and he will get charged with kidnapping. If he dont step upto the plate and be a dad dont force him cuz he will be the one sitting around someday wondering. Dont go through a big hassle of trying to make him be a dad. Being a single parent can be hard at times but you get to be in all of her first sreps and first words all the wonderful things and he is just going to wonder someday and all he is going to have is the what if's be strong for yourself and your baby

Chantale - posted on 03/26/2012

7

7

0

You dont have to but for legal reasons you should. If he passes away suddenly your child will have benefits or for child support reasons.

Patricia - posted on 03/26/2012

2

0

1

I don't know where you live, but in New York you don't have a choice really. You can not put a father's name on a birth certificate unless he is present at the hospital and signs an acknowledgment of paternity. If he is not there, and/or does not sign, his name will not be put on the BC. This seems like common sense to me or else a woman could claim that anyone was her father's child, like a celebrity or someone who has no relationship with them.

If not done at the hospital, the father and mother could sign this document after the fact and you can mail it it to the state to have his name added to the BC and reissued.

But yes, if he wants to challenge you for custody/visitation/parental rights later on, and you do not want to facilitate that, he would have to have a paternity test done before he would be considered.

Becky - posted on 03/26/2012

15

15

0

Just because you don't put his name on the birth certificate doesn't mean she will deny her child the right to know the father people. She stated in her state she cannot put him on the birth certificate if he's not there. Perhaps the father will turn himself around once he's out of jail, perhaps not. She has lots of time to watch and wait and see how he is. She can take her time so she can make the right decision.

Nicole - posted on 03/26/2012

27

0

1

My thoughts on this are that you should put his name on the birth certificate, because it is a public record and even if he has nothing to do with your little one it is important to have the record for historical purposes. You of course shouldn't give your child his last name.



I do think that if you really don't want him around, you should petition the court to have him relinquish his rights. Usually, they publish something in the paper requesting his presence and if he doesn't contact the court within the designated amount of time (I believe it is 30 days in MT). All of his rights are taken away.

Kornelia - posted on 03/26/2012

1

0

0

You don't have too but at some point your baby will grow up and want to know who their father is. Trust me, for your own sake don't try to hide that from your child. You will regret it one day.

Becky - posted on 03/26/2012

15

15

0

You do not have to put his name on the birth certificate. If you do he will have complete parental rights. If you do not put him on the birth certificate he would have to demand and pay for a paternity test. Once the paternity tests come back only then could he try for custody. Make sure you keep a journal or records of when or if he has any contact with you. The longer he stays out of your life the better it is for you. If he is that much of a loser, don't have any contact with him at all. I hope your family and friends will help you through your pregnancy and be a support group for you. If not, there are support groups out there for you. Good luck and stay strong for your baby.

Ann - posted on 03/26/2012

11

0

0

I just read down through further posts... disregard my earlier post, lol. I'd have attorney contact him to see if he will sign away rights to your child too! The cheating part has to do with you, not your child (although, I do agree it says something about the persons character & ethics!) but legally, infidelity doesn't matter. Him hitting you, especially while you're pregnant, & dealing drugs is bad news! You definitely don't want your child in that environment! Has he been arrested &/or gone to jail for dealing in the past? If so, it would be a lot easier to either get visitation denied or it at least have to be supervised. (an anonymous tip so he gets caught?)



as for his mother, bring the baby to see her & stay, or allow her to come see them at your house so you can make sure your ex isn't around too.



the county we live in has a legal service that offers a sliding scale on fees based on income. If attorney's fees are a concern, I'd check to see if there is anything similar where you live...

Erin - posted on 03/26/2012

11

5

0

@Brandi I'm sorry that this has happened to you and the guy sounds like a creep. With that being said, it doesn't change the fact that you made a baby with him and he is the bio dad of your child. Leaving someone off a piece of paper does not mean that the situation does not exist- he still fathered your child. I think every person deserves to know the parentage and ancestry of their parents- whether or not the person is a complete a-hole is irrelevant. Just my opinion- no offense intended. I hope everything works out for you:)

Klarissa - posted on 03/26/2012

235

31

87

Alexa,

It is your decision whether or not you want to put your child's father's name on the birth certfiticate, in my situation it was different in the case that he left me when I was three months pregnant and then decided to not be on the certificate until paternity was proven, even though he knew that our daughter was his. it is a tough situation either way, but know whatever decision you make you are doing what is best for the child. I will pray for you regarding this and wish you the best of luck.

Carleen - posted on 03/26/2012

7

43

0

Someday, he may become a better person. My daughter's father wasn't put on hers at first. I later had to jump through hoops to get any help. When going to school and needing ADC, they insisted upon me taking him to court anyway. They wanted him to pay child support (which they received while paying me). In the end, it was best for my child. I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I was in the same position. I had kicked him to the curb before finding out I was having her. He eventually realized what mistakes he made and became part of her life, though he was never an "every other weekend" dad.



If you don't let him have a chance to be a dad, the child will be mad at you, not him. You are just keeping him out of the loop because he hurt you. That is understandable, but also immature and spiteful. You can't keep him away unless he is a bad dad. You should give him a chance (and his family) to know this child. My daughter eventually realized on her own, what kind of person he was. I didn't have to bad mouth him.



Your child is entitled to the support, and if anything happens to him, the social security and a portion of any thing of value. You never know. He could win the lottery. It's a crap shoot, but don't regret.

Claire - posted on 03/26/2012

42

26

5

if you are in England you only have to put his name on the birth certificate if you were married to him. if you are not married to him he has to be present at the registration of you childs birth to be on the certificate. my youngests father is not on his birth certificate as he didnt want to be present at the birth registration. My ex chose to stop seeing our son when he was age 2, his choice not to be on the birth certificate has made my life easier because i can make choices for our son without having to consult him. My ex and myself have a private arrangement set up with reguards maintenance, so there is no problem there. I would have loved for him to have stayed in contact with our son, but it was his choice. My son is now nearly 4 and would love to know his dad, it breaks my heart that i cant provide him with something he wants so much!

Ann - posted on 03/26/2012

11

0

0

I'm not sure about other states, but in Florida YOU can't put his name on the birth certificate unless you're married... he would have to be at the hospital to sign...



on a different note, I know it's really hard! but try to put your personal feelings for him aside. What is going to be in the best interest of your child? My now ex-husband moved in with another woman when our son was 4 months old. I was devastated at the time (but have now met and married the perfect man for me, so us splitting worked out for the best). Our son is now 11, & my ex is a wonderful, loving father. After time we actually managed to be civil to each other & be able to discuss our son with out fighting, lol.



Remember, what is in your childs best interest? If your ex is a loser because he's sitting around drinking &/or doing drugs all day & can't hold a job, that's a different story...



also, there is a national divorce support group www.divorcecare.org that has 12 week long support group/classes. Mostly held at are churches, but non-denominational. each week covers a different topic. some emotional, some practical (finances & budgeting)

Kirsty - posted on 03/26/2012

4

6

0

when i had my daughter i dident put here father on the birth certificate but that was 16 years ago she had my last name and i never keeped anything from her from she knows where she came from and she knows his name but she has never seen him and he has never seen her and i do receive child maintenance

Norma - posted on 03/26/2012

7

5

0

Bring your problem in prayer to the Lord. Ask His guidance and direction. And pray for the father

for there's nothing impossible with God. God bless!

Amy - posted on 03/25/2012

5

9

0

YES!!!! When your child is in your care you can make a judgment to not let the father be involved. How ever you do not have the rite to delete the other half of your child, As people we all need to know where we came from. If you take that away from your child they WILL resent you. Best of luck. And yes, it makes it much harder to get child support.

Dominique - posted on 03/25/2012

1

11

0

I was in exactly the same space 14 years ago, except I was a teen mom, alone and totally confused. I don't know why, but my gut told me to leave the space blank where it said 'father's details.' My daughter's 14 years old and he still hasn't bothered with support or even a call to wish her on her birthday. A few days ago it was confirmed that not adding his details was the best decision I could've made! I applied for my daughter's visa and passport and it required his permission; I panicked because I knew I wouldn't be able to get hold of him! But you know what?! Because his name doesn't appear on her birth certificate I have sole custody! So I don't need to consult him on anything seeing as how he doesn't want to be involved in her life! I can't tell you how greatful I am that the Universe confirmed that that was the best decision for everyone involved. So my advise to you? Go with your gut and don't look back. Whatever you decide, trust that you've made the best decision. No regrets.

Wanda - posted on 03/25/2012

19

11

0

As every state is different in their requirements in order to best protect the child, it is best that you consult an attorney and explain everything so that they can best advise you on how to provide the best protection for you and your daughter.



As far as his family is concerned, discuss that with the attorney as well so that you are covered on that aspect as well.



I wish you all the best in this and I pray to God that this will all work out for the best for you and the little angel you have coming soon! :)

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2012

5

90

0

You don't have to put his name on the birth certificate at all. He won't have to prove paternity to go for custody, but if you didn't live together a year before or a year after birth he isn't a legal guardian. Keep a journal with times he has made contact, and it is up to you if you allow him to see baby after birth. You don't even need to make contact to tell him baby is born.

Terri - posted on 03/25/2012

1

0

0

No you do not! My daughter did not put her son's father's name on anything for the same reasons. Good luck to you - hold tight and be strong!

Rachel - posted on 03/25/2012

25

142

3

No you don't. If he's being an ASS then your better off in the long run if his names NOT on the Birth Certificate. In Louisiana where I live it's really not that hard to get Chiild Support as long as you know the Baby's Daddy's basic info.



Where he currently lives, his current phone number that sort of thing. By the way honey, if he's being an ASS now it will only get worse after the baby. Put your big girl panties on and prepare to ride this one out.

Brandi - posted on 03/25/2012

11

2

1

my daughters dad's name is not her her birth certificate and she has my last name not his and i got child support from him for my daughter just fine they told him that he could get supervised visits but he said no way he did not think so but that was the only way since he threatened me and her both that he could see her i had to have a restraining order against him because he threatened me and her both i have a new guy now and he cares about me and my daughter both and i am so greatfull to have him

Brandi - posted on 03/25/2012

11

2

1

@Erin Bennett even if he threatened to kill me and my child and threatened to hurt me and steal her and sale her that is why my daughter's dad name is not on hers and will never be he did not want to be in her life or mine we are way better off without him i have found me a guy that cares about me and my daughter both and i am greatfull for that

Elizabeth - posted on 03/25/2012

178

8

0

If you don't put him on it when the baby is born. To had him later you have to prove he is the parent. He has to be on their for you to put in for child support. And the only way he can get custody is if you give it to him or he can prove you an unfit mother. And in the end you have to think about the child no mater how hurt you are. You don't want to give you child any reason, or the father any ammo, to think it was you who kept them from their father. Not that their father didn't want anything to do with them.

I've been their, done this with my oldest three. I was married to mine, and he called his girl friend from the hospital room when I had our youngest! And wondered why I kicked him out my room.

I never thought of not putting him on the birth certificate. Because I wouldn't do that. He is their father, no mater how sorry he is. And they have a right to know. But I never lied to them about anything. But I never gave more info then what was asked. That way I didn't talk bad about him anymore then I had too. In the end it is all about the child.

Lorelie - posted on 03/25/2012

2

23

0

Hello,

Sometimes we make decision out of spite and angry with the person . His mom is right, be civil and I understand it was you who got cheated on. However, you are a mom now and the best thing you can do is to act like one. You can just leave the birth certificate blank on the paternal part but be very careful how you deal with this matter. If your sure dont want him to be part of your child life then that will be for you to decide. However, if you are planning to get support and he denies its his child then it will be harder and you will be ending paying the price for it. You and him will have to pay lots of money to do the dna testing, changing bc , and unneccesary time consuming. You should think what is best for your baby .Also, think farder from now, would you want to see your own birthcertificate with no father name on it? Do not make your decission in regards to this because the fathers is no good, what he does and what he had done but make your decession to what is right and what is best for the child. You can not change who he is but you can start showing your child what is rigth and wrong. My bc dont have a father on it and I tell you from my own experience, it had cost me more problem because if anycase he dies before your child turn 21 he would not be in tittle of the benefits and if he does have insurance it will be harder to prove he is the daddy in any case no dna was do important doc . More important the bc will be the only linck of your child from his father and the great great parentals side. One day he will thank you for putting the fathers. There are so much you need to prove if your bc is blank and it is hard to get those info if the father is distance from the beginning but if his name is on the bc it will be easier. At this moment, you feel that he doesnt deserve to be a father or he didnt want the child but think outside the box, it will benefit you and your child if you do put his name on the bc but you dont have to put his last name to be in the childs name because it will work out better for you and much easier for you and the child .

Stacy - posted on 03/25/2012

4

16

0

heck no! if he cant be there for the birth, then he is not worthy of having his name on the birth certificate. its his loss. once a cheater always a cheater. put your name on the birth certificate. move on.

Donna - posted on 03/25/2012

71

40

0

Um, find yourself a good lawyer and get your mom to help you. Check to see if there is free legal aid and ask them what to do about your situation or use a paralegal, as they usually won't charge you anything, or very little. Good luck.

Ellie - posted on 03/25/2012

2

8

0

My daughter's biological father is not in the picture, and my current husband has always been Dad to her. I told her when she was very young that she used to have another daddy who loved her very much, but he wasn't ready to be a daddy. I told her that we didn't get along, and it was too hard for him to stay. She is now 8 and sometimes asks me heartbreaking questions like "I wonder if he misses me" or "Does he love me" and I always say "Of course honey, and maybe when you are older you will get to meet him" Whether or not any of this is true is besides the point, I want her to feel like she was conceived in love and not feel bad because the person who helped create her was an abusive jerk who walked out on us. I think you should tell your child the partial truth, but never say their father didn't love them. Telling a kid that half of what created them is bad could lead to all sorts of hurt for the child.

Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2012

2

3

0

Me personally have similar situation I didn't put him on there and they still did the paternity test and child support. So depends on what you want to do.

Melissa - posted on 03/25/2012

3

14

0

It is best to have him sign the birth certificate now. It will be easier to obtain a child support order and also, God forbid something happens to him, you won't have to fight to receive SSI for your child. I hope you situation changes though because it is NO fun for you or child to have a deadbeat man in your lives.

I Love My Kids - posted on 03/25/2012

10

3

0

I would say that if u are going to go after him for child support then yes but he will also have to do a paternity test with that so I don't know if there is a point I would ask the legal system and make sure that wouldn't hurt u getting child support without his name on the birth certificate. Hope this helps

Rita - posted on 03/25/2012

37

59

2

Each State law is different, you'll have to check with the court circuit system of where you live. Where I'm originally from (if you're not married when the child is born) to the father, the first step in establishing child-support is to determine paternity . . . I think you'd have to be a horrible mother to lose custody of your child (no worries in that department). That's your baby . . . as the old adage goes, 'Mama's baby papa's maybe!' Keep your head up! Start at your circuit courts for help; good luck.

Erin - posted on 03/25/2012

11

5

0

I would put the father's name on the birth certificate because the child deserves to know who his parents are. It doesn't have anything to to with custody or the fact that he cheated. Kids deserve to know where they come from, even if it is from a deadbeat.

JerryLynn - posted on 03/25/2012

2

12

0

You don't have to put him on the birth certificate and yes he would have to prove paternity later should he want visitation etc. However as someone mentioned you won't get child support without it so what you have to decide is what is best for your child and if you really want the child support.



If it was just him cheating on you I honestly don't think that's a reason to keep him completely away from the child. If he would be bad for or a danger to the child that would be one thing. Sorry just my opinion.

Lori - posted on 03/25/2012

103

21

1

I think it depends on where you live. One of my in-laws that lived in North Carolina, his wife had a baby by another man (of another race) when they were separated. My in-laws name was stated as the father since they were still married. He had to go and prove he wasn't the father in order to get his name off of the certificate. Also, one of my brothers got a girl pregnant and she didn't put his name on the certificate (because he was separated but still married to his wife) but the state, also NC, somehow figured out he was the Father and has since gone after him for child support. I would look into it before it is too late. Good luck.

Jami - posted on 03/25/2012

2

20

0

No you don't have to put his name on the birth certificate. When my son was born the hospital asked if I knew who the dad was and I told them and they said if he's not there to confirm it they can't put his name on it! My son's dad is also a LOSER and only calls once a month if that! Sorry to hear that your baby's daddy is a loser too but don't worry about it you will do just fine and so will your baby! Just male sure the baby know that you love him or her no matter what happens between you and the dad! That's the most important ting for a kid to know is that they are loved and that its not their fault the other parent isn't available!

Amanda - posted on 03/25/2012

3

14

0

You don't have to put the father on the certificate. In Kansas even if the father is on the certificate he isn't considered the father until he admits it or a paternity test is done. It shouldn't make child support any different on getting it because even if you put him on it and he denied a paternity test would be issued. My sons father isn't on his certificate I just left it blank.

Veroushka - posted on 03/25/2012

13

17

1

You don't have to put his name on the birth certificate. And in most states the father has to sign that its ok to have his name on it. And in most states, to get child support he has to acknowledge paternity in court regardless of what's on the birth certificate. But if you ever wanted to fly out of the country you would need the father's permission if his name is on the birth certificate. But just keep in mind that if you don't list a name, they more then likely put "unknown" and that's something to ponder on whether or not you want your child to know that or think of any doubt in that matter. Good luck!

Angela - posted on 03/25/2012

7

1

0

He was exactly who you wanted at the time you got pregnant. Yes, put his name on the birth certificate for your baby. One day, the kid will grow up and be proud of you for doing the right thing. Personally, my mom & dad divorced, mom remarried, step-dad adopted me and my brothers. Court told her to tear up and get rid of the original birth certificates. She kept them. When the time was right, we met our dad again. I respect her for giving us a chance to know him and acknowleging him as our dad. For many years, I did not know. I'm glad to know, for better or worse.

Jamie - posted on 03/25/2012

8

16

1

I can tell you about my experience. My child's father didn't want anything to do with her. He left me when I was 8 weeks pregnant for another woman. After I had the baby I didn't put him on the bc. However because I was receiving foodstamps and medical it automatically went to childsupport recovery. He of course denied being the father and we had to do a DNA test. Came back he was the father and the state issued a new bc with his name on it. I didn't request it and neither did he.

When it comes down to it, unless he's a drug addict they will give him some visitation IF he takes it to court. You'll need to act civil in court if it comes down to that.

I know your hurting because he cheated but when it comes down to it. You two made a beautiful child and if he wants to visit his child he should be able to. As long as he's not a danger to the child. Try and be civil for the child's benefit.

I am so sorry your going through all of this and if you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. I've been through it.

Kim - posted on 03/25/2012

4

7

0

Please please please dont put him on there the second a fathers name is put on the birth certificate he has the same rights to the child as the mother even if he doesnt see the child and you have no contact details its your responsibility according to court to try to include him. Also please make sure the child has your surname because if he is like you say he wont spend time with the child and when the child gets older it wont know where its last name comes from and the situation can get very upsetting for a child.

Christine - posted on 03/25/2012

35

3

0

In Texas, I think the Father on the B.C. probably does have instant rights. Most of Texas laws instantly favor Men, so I would just assume that to be the case and leave him off the B.C.

Shaina - posted on 03/25/2012

36

0

0

NO!!!! I had the same case. Now, i live in tx and im sure things can vary state to state, but in my case he is not on the birth cirtificate, but i did not have to prove payernity unless he wanted proof, which he did, and HE had to pay for that, all thecourt fees, all the filing fees, and even though he wants no visitation rights hes still obligated to pay child support. Hope things go smoothly in your case. Oh and it helps so much if you ever have to get your kid a passport if hes not on the cirtificate you can do it alone :)

Charlotte - posted on 03/25/2012

3

9

0

Definately do not put his name on the paper work. This will create trouble down the road. If you should meet someone special and he wants to adopt the baby, this "father" will not have say in the matter if his name is not there. Maybe you would like to move to another town or state some day. This "father" will not be able to ruin your plans. It sounds like he would like to mess with things just to cause misry. DO NOT put his name on the documentation. Save yourself a headache or more!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms