Do ur husbands help w late night feedings if they work and ur a stay at home mom

Suzan - posted on 06/28/2010 ( 143 moms have responded )

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My husband works a lot and I'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids!!! My newborn wakes up a lot during the night where I practically get no sleep!!! God forbid my husband would help!!! Is that fair to me????

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Ashley - posted on 06/28/2010

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my fiancee always gets up at night with the baby at night and he had to go to school in the morning .. I may be told off for this but i think its just as fair as you having to get up .. what i mean is that no matter how you look at it you both have a job to get up for in the morning ... he just gets "paid" for it but you have to take care of children in the morning and just because you dont get the pay check doesnt mean you job is easy .. I am so sick of hearing these moms and other people say because you choose to be a stay at home mom means you have to do all the work with the baby that children are just our job .. well they arent just ours the man did help if he didnt want to raise children he shouldnt have helped make them because honestly just giving the family money is not being a parent ! sorry for my rant...

Mikka - posted on 07/01/2010

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Okay, I have to add another thing to this......

ladies, really calling other people ignorant, saying other people just dont understand - the people you are referring to are ALSO moms!!!! So how are they ignorant? How do they not understand? I realize that this is a touchy subject, but lets keep the conversation ADULT!!!

The other thing I would like to say...... to EVERY mom who has posted onhere that they would get a sperm donor if they want help? What do you think your husband is doing by paying ALL the bills? I was a single mom for a bit with my first - and here is your reality, yeah, I could do it all by myself, but i worked 50 hours per week. How do you think you would be able to stay at home without him? You couldnt! And what would your husband think if he read what you posted. Yes, working is easier. Yes, staying at home is a never-ending hard job.... but it is a lot more rewarding than the job your husband has to go to everyday to support you, your family, and your LUXURY of staying home woth the kids. APPRECIATE IT. And if you want things to be more "modern" you try being away from your kids all day at a thankless job while he stays home.

Janet - posted on 07/01/2010

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You chose to have 3 kids and as stated earlier: you must of had some indication of your husband's parenting style with the 1st two kids??? Was he up with the 1st two kids at night and super helpful about taking them so you could get some time off?? If he was, then I can see why you might expect him to help out with # 3. If he wasn't as helpful with 1st two then why the heck are you expecting him to be any different with # 3??

Everyone is different. I breastfeed at night and wouldn't expect my husband to get up to help breastfeed?? Guess if you give bottles, he could do that...but again: what was he like with the 1st two?? People don't change unless they want to. Unless he forced you into baby # 3, you should be well aware of his parenting by now!!
We are the only generation where father's have been so involved in care of children. My mother had no help from anyone with me or my older 2 brothers. Her parents were sick and she looked after 3 small kids and her parents til they died(back in the 60's) on her own.
Most men in my father's generation(and before) didn't help at home. My father-in-law is still perplexed when my husband does dishes!
Basically, you seem to have a difference in parenting expectations from your husband which likely won't get better the more kids you have.

Medic - posted on 06/28/2010

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I am a stay at home mom NOT a maid/slave/house keeper/chef. This house is just as much his as mine and the kids are just as much his. I don't give a flying fling that he works 8 hours a day that is 1/3 of my 24 hour day so his happy ass can help. The "he needs his sleep so he can work" is a bunch of bull if you ask me because I have to work all day and stay awake and not kill the kids so I need and deserve just as much sleep....Thank GOD my husband agrees and needs even less sleep than I do so when the army allows him to be home I get a full 10 hours sleep easy.

Mikka - posted on 07/01/2010

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Yes. I am a stay at home mom of two, and my husband does not do the middle of the night feedings, he does not change diapers, he does not do any of the "work" involved with the baby. Why? Because he works REALLY hard all day to allow me the privelage of staying home with the kids. Yes, its hard work taking care of the kids, and yes its exhausting..... but I am still lucky to be able to do it rather than going to work and leaving the kids in someone elses hands all day. Keep in mind that although you are working your butt off all day with those kids - you also get all the wonderful lil moments and triumphs, your husband misses all those moments working all day. And really, if he is the sole income for 5 mouths.... do you really want him going to work exhausted?

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Suzan - posted on 07/31/2010

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Thank u ladies so much for all your help!!!! Every mom has different situations but in mine my husband could of helped if he wanted to!!!! I have adjusted and my son sleeps a little more now thank god!!! He is the best thing in my life!!!! I could of used some help and still could!!!! But if my husband doesn't want to that is a choice he is loosing on!!!! Thank u all again!!!

Teresa - posted on 07/10/2010

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Being a Mom to 3 kids is harder than working in an office. In fact, it is more stressful and can greatly affect our health. My husband helped me when our children were babies requiring nights feeds. And he enjoyed it. In fact men should really take part in this growing up period of your children because these times are memorable.

Heidi - posted on 07/07/2010

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I haven't had my second baby yet (any day now) but I told my husband that I expect him to help with the night time feedings. He helped create this baby, he can go through the pains of having a new born. He's not happy or to pleased about this. But as a new mother and recovering from giving birth to a full gestated baby, I think asking for some help is not being selfish or demanding. No new mom is a machine!! And it is harder when you have other children to look after too!! You can only ask so much from friends and family but you should be able to rely on your husband, that is what he is for!! (and vise versa) and by the way being a stay at home mom is a full time job!! you have the kids to look after, the cooking, cleaning, pets (if any), and the groceries. If he doesn't realize this stop vacuuming for a few days and let the dishes slide a day...he'll notice you need the help, round the house or with the feeds!!

Jesseca - posted on 07/06/2010

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My husband and I worked out a routine where he will get my 1month old for the last feed of the early morning and brings her to me in bed to feed so I don't have to get up. He then gets ready for work and if we are fed by the time he leaves he changes her and puts her back in her cot or the rocker if she is awake. This gives me a bit of respite and will hopefully work when I return to work. We both get stuck into the bathing and dinner of an evening too so we can both sit down together after. Maybe suggest that to your husband?

Alfreda - posted on 07/06/2010

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Suzan, have you tried asking for help in specific times when you know it is not too much of a hardship on him? I specificially asked my husband to do the midnight feed since that was around when he went to bed. He would stay up a tad longer to wait for the baby to eat, then at night I would get up the instant I heard the baby cry so she would not wake my husband. On Saturday morning he would get up at 5am with the baby so I could sleep in and then I would get up at 5am with the baby on Sunday so he could sleep in. His major concern was he was unable to go back to sleep if he was awoken in the early morning. I on the other hand, could sleep sitting up with the baby attached to my breast. He wouldn't let me bring the baby to bed, so I would take her in the other room. He hated it since he thought it would spoil the baby, but aside from a few snide comments he kept it to himself. Honestly, sleeping while nursing really saved me from exhaustion. Do you nurse? Have you tried taking the baby to bed?

My husband would also take the baby when he got home from work so I could have a shower. He complained, especially if I dropped the baby in his lap the instant he walked in the door, but heck, if I need a break I know I have to fight for it. If I don't he will walk all over me.

As for him expecting intimacy. Tell him you are too tired. That is not something you should be doing just for his sake. You can't possibly be in the mood to be amourous if you are that exhuasted. My husband tried to wake me up a couple of times for sex and I damb near bit his head off. I swear he probably thought he needed an exercism. I was feverish because my milk was coming in and shivering so bad I dropped the alarm clock when I tried to turn it off. At one point I had to ask my husband to bring me the baby because I was scared to drop her. In hindsight, after talking to several other nursing mothers, I probably had an infection like mastitis. It seemed to clear itself up anyway though.

Our real problem came when I went back to work and had to tell him that now I was not going to do everything. He says, I know, I know, you have said that already many times, although it didn't change the fact that I still do almost everything, including mowing the lawn and cleaning the pool half the time. So the comment from the grandmother about how women don't mow the lawn and men don't handle the babies, that surely has changed. Most women I know mow the lawn once in a while, install floor tiles, paint, install baseboard, work full time, clean the house and do most of the child care. It really isn't fair. I guess we asked for women's lib, now we just need to complete the process by getting men to take on some of the 'women's' work too, rather than just taking on their work in addition to ours.

I certainly thought long and hard about having a second child. I wasn't sure I wanted another at all after being exhausted from the first one, but we had decided to have two children because we thought only children were spoiled. It took us a year to get pregnant with the first one, so he wanted to start trying when the first one was 1. I didn't want them three years apart since my sister and I were three years apart and she wanted my mom to take me back to the hospital. It just seems a really jealous age to me. He didn't want them to far apart since he was 10 years younger than his brother and hated it since he felt like an only child and was lonely. He lived in the country and there were no other kids around. I finally reluctantly agreed and wouldn't have it any other way since I absolutely adore my children. My husband on the other hand, well, he still comes in useful once in a while. It has really put a strain on our relationship, but there are other issues there as well.

If your relationship is strong in every other aspect, perhaps just do your best, ask for help when you need it, insist on help, try and work around his schedule and be considerate that he is working, and just deal with his grumblings. If he will help when asked, even reluctantly, eventually he will get used to it and it will get better. The night feeds don't last forever. You got through it with two other children already. Perhaps everything seems overwhelming now since you are so sleep deprived and that makes everything difficult to deal with. See how it goes in the next few months and before you know it, your baby will be sleeping longer. How old is your baby anyway? If they are still waking up every three hours by 6 months, maybe you can start to train them to sleep longer by not feeding until 4 hours apart, then 5 hours etc. I know this goes against the feed on demand, but honestly my pediatrician told me to cut off nursing at 6 months so she would eat her breakfast anyway, so it can't be that bad. You need to sleep too, and the baby will be thankful for a happy mommy, rather than an exhausted mother. Being too exhausted also puts you at risk for depression or violence.

Erika - posted on 07/06/2010

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No, it's not fair. I now work less than 19 hrs a week and have most of the responsibility for our daughter and the household. My husband stayed home with her for 2.5 months so I could finish out my school year (I'm a teacher). When he went back to work we discussed what weekly and daily chores he would be responsible for. Staying home with her really gave him an understanding of what "it" took. Don't get me wrong, prior to him staying home, he did help out and would do what I asked, but now he had a first hand experience of the whole thing. I recommend you speak with your husband. Just be honest.

Alfreda - posted on 07/05/2010

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Wow you are lucky Linda. That is my personality too, to carry everything on my shoulders and hope that people will notice I am overworked and lend a helping hand. I expect my husband to notice I am doing everything, appreciate that I am trying to take on everything, and maybe want to help.

My husband will go on reading his book or playing his computer games while I try and cook dinner, do the dishes and have both kids hanging on to my legs crying because they want up. He will not notice. I had to learn to ask for help before I snap. If I ask him for help, nicely, which means before I get bitchy from him not helping, then he usually will help without complaining. Often it means disussing it at night when the kids are in bed, and we need to come up with a schedule so he can contribute to the chores. For instance, when I bathe the kids before bed, he does the dishes. I get up in the morning and leave for work before everybody gets up. He will get the kids up and dressed and take them to daycare. I can then get off early and be at the daycare when they are waking up from their nap so I actually get to spend some time with them. He is suppose to mow the lawn and clean the pool. but I usually end up helping since I feel guilty having fun playing with the kids when he is working. He tries to take the kids out of the house to the park or something on the weekend so I can clean the house. If I am home, they want me, even if he tries to take them away to play. If they see me or hear me, they want me.

When I was on mat leave, I did all the chores and all the cooking, and most of the childcare, but if I got too tired, such as when the baby was up ever three hours and I could feel myself unable to function from lack of sleep, I asked for help, and he took the midnight feed. He never would have offered to help.

Different men have different personalities for this. Linda's needs to be left alone and he will come and help on his own if he feels gratitude and respect, mine needs to be told and will grumble about the new chore until it becomes routine and he is used to it. Plus he needs to be reminded now and then that this is his chore or he will start slacking. He even once asked me to make out a chore chart, like you would for a teenager. I asked him if he needed stickers too? Men can be such children.

Good luck working out a solution that works for your family.

Linda - posted on 07/05/2010

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Late night feedings don't last forever and now as I look back I cherish those quiet times alone with my baby. I was a stay at home mom by choice, I had 9 kids and breastfed all of them up to a year or more. My husband worked long hours so I could stay at home and enjoy our children! To be an effective man on the job and WANT to come home to wife and kids, I let him have his sleep. My babies were often up every 2 - 3 hours in their first year, but I took naps with them during the day. I would put all my children (newborn and toddlers) in the bed with me at naptime and would read stories to them while breastfeeding. then I would go to sleep while they were all sleeping. I made the room child proof, had a few toys on the floor and locked the bedroom door so they would not wander out if they woke up while I was asleep. Yes, it is hard and sleep is a luxury your body often craves, but it WILL pass, and it is not worth scarring your relationship with your husband. Your husband will be a better dad when it is HIS idea and not yours. Resentfulness causes a breakdown while gratitude builds bridges in a relationship. Men need gratitude and respect shown to them, I found in my marriage to give him his space meant later,, on his own initiative, he helped me a lot!! Not with the night feedings but playing with the other children, putting them to bed, reading them stories as I encouraged "Daddy time!" Having children is not a situation of "fairness" but of perspective and having the freedom to be home and not have to work away from your kids.

Ashley - posted on 07/03/2010

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I think it's fair he goes out to work and you stay home with the kids I think it's only right for you to wake up with the baby...On his off days I think he should help out with night feedings and help as much as he can.

Alfreda - posted on 07/03/2010

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With the first I pumped a lot so he would feed her a bottle around 12, and I would do the rest since he was working and I was only working part time during her nap times at home. That gave me around 6 hours sleep in a stretch though. I would go to bed at 8pm and sleep until around 3am. With the second, I did everything as she did not take a bottle, but I was not working at all, so I would take a nap when she slept, and I could also take her in bed with me on the couch, or in the guest room and sleep while I nursed. He would get up for the older one though, although she usually slept through the night. With the second it continued until I went back to work, and since I was still nursing at night, and didn't want him to tell me to stop, I just continued to do the night feedings. I began to fall asleep at work when she was 13 months, so I cut off the night feeds, then she began to sleep through the night. By this point she was only waking up twice at night. The oldest I cut off the night feeds at 6 months, and I would just put the soother back in her mouth. Alternating was easy then, because he could get up and put the soother back in as easily as I could. Cutting off the night feeds was on the recommendation of our pediatrician since she she was resisting solids. Her last feed would be at midnight.

Kristian - posted on 07/03/2010

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my husband is a law enforcment officer and is constantly changing shifts and evne tho i am a stay at home mom he still gets up some in the night so that i can get some sleep so that i am not tired during the day when i am home alone. he says "he's my son and i should get up with him too." he will even stay up with him when he's being fussy so that i can sleep so no that is not fair to you he should at least if anything on his nights off take care of him/her so that you can get some rest. you do all the house work and take care of the kids so he should help you at night.

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2010

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I'm a SAHM of a 2 yr old and a 9 month old. My husband is a shift worker and works between 8 and 16 hr days/afternoons and nights and works most days off so is rarely home. We moved to a new area (yes it was our choice) away from his nearest family, so I have no-one I can ask for help to mind my kids while I catch up on sleep. Its hard but you either have to ask outside friends and family for help or suck it up and deal with it

Nicole - posted on 07/02/2010

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Wow. I can't even believe alot of the things said on here! I stay home with my three kids during the day and work evenings/ weekends. Being a SAHM in no way shape or form is easy. It's a personal choice, granted, but it is a hard JOB. Very rewarding and great...but very tiring. When our twins were born, my husband would occasionally get up. He is a very sound sleeper and never would hear them. (idk how he didn't! lol) It drove me nuts, but I was nursing so what are you going to do. We still argue about it sometimes. Our twins are almost three and they still don't sleep through the night! Nine times out of ten (or more lol) I get up with them. Yeah, in the Am I get to sleep a little later because he leaves for work so early. But, it's hard not having solid sleep. I don't think it's fair that your husband doesn't get up with the baby, but I know where you're coming from! Sometimes you talk these things to death with men, they just don't get it. I wish I had some magic fix to help you...hang in there. Hopefully, your baby will sleep through the night early than my three have. :-)

Suzanne - posted on 07/02/2010

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My husband always did the first feeding and I would do the second. My son would wake up at 1 and 4 am when he was an infant. Also if I was having any problem getting my son down during my feeding time, my husband would always come in and help. We do not consider parenting one persons job versus another. We parent as a team always.

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Are you suggesting you don't work a lot? Is he? Perhaps suggest to him, every few nights he needs to take a feeding. The way my hubby and I worked it is. After breastfeeding is done. 9 months, it was his turn to get up. If he wanted to get sleep it was his turn to ween him off of night time feedings. Parenting takes 2 parents. Motherhood is the hardest job anyone can ever have. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Blessings

Jamie - posted on 07/02/2010

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I am a stay home mom too and feel like it is MY responsibility to get up with my children, but I don't feel that it is FAIR!! Your husband should definetly help you out especially if you are super tired! I'm not going to get into this anymore because I am so sick or this site being all about argueing women... But you have a right to be helped out, its not fair to your other children that you are tired, I know how this feels and it takes away from them!! GOOD LUCK!!

Karen - posted on 07/02/2010

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My husband works a lot too, we have a 7 week old girl, our first. From day one my husband has been helping. He is the one that gets up at night to check on her, change her, brings her to me for feedings,... He says this way I get some rest because I spend all day taking care of her, and this way he gets to take care of her as well! My husband is such a sweetheart!

Brandy - posted on 07/02/2010

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Me and my husband traded off every other nite he worked full time and i was at home but he knew i needed a break to also it gave him bonding time with his children. My kids are now 6 and 11 but he still gets up with them if they are sick or have a nightmare. He is a very good dad and i think it is the reason why they are so close to their dad they know they can count on him. Tell your husband this maybe he will think about it again nothing is more important than your children.

Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2010

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Let's try not to exaggerate here, people. I don't think anyone is suggesting that she do EVERYTHING singlehandedly. Nor are we suggesting that she should never get any "me time." Try to keep things in perspective: most kids only get up during the night an exhausting amount of times for a couple of months...and then they start sleeping in longer stretches. It will get better and probably soon.

I definitely believe that the husband should still help with the kids when he's home and help with housework, bills, laundry, cooking, etc (whatever their setup is). But she has the privilege to be home with those kids and to not have to work (out of the home that is) whereas he has to leave his kids and work somewhere else to that she CAN be home with the kids. Because of that, I just think that she should get up with the kid during the night, because the fact remains that he has to go to work and be "with it" enough to do a good job - remember his job is on the line, hers isn't.

Maybe she could coordinate her kids' nap times or get bigger kids to "rest" in their room for a quiet time, while mom takes a break. Or maybe her husband, a friend, or other family member can give her a break during the day or the evening for some rest and "me time."

My husband does tons of things around the house and definitely helps out with baby during the evenings and weekends so I can do my own thing...but I was the one who got up during the night..and that's okay. She'll make it, we all do. It's just tough at the time. Hang in there! It'll get better soon!

Amanda - posted on 07/02/2010

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I can't believe there is an attitude standing out in some of these posts suggesting that it is a mothers duty to do everything single handedly! Babies, children and families should be just that, a FAMILY. More then one person to take on the role of parent! If you look at cultures in some other countries e.g pacific islands where babies are raised by not only the parents but aunties,uncles, cousins and grandparents. The role of the family is to look after one another!! Or in some Asian cultures where the mother stays in bed for 40 DAYS after giving birth while her mother and other family members care for her and help with the newborn. Raising children is HARD work and I can't imagine doing it solo while my husband had his weekends off. I am lucky enough to have a partner who shares getting up overnight and lets me sleep in often as well as working his working week in a construction job. I can't imagine how tired you must be with 3 little ones and barely any break. My heart goes out to you. Women should be supporting other women! This job is hard enough without feeling guitly for asking for some ME time!!!

Helen - posted on 07/02/2010

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My husband will always get up to our 2yo son if I wake him and ask for help - he wouldn't have it any other way. Our son has a sleep disorder which means he has been waking every 20 minutes overnight since he was 4 months old. In the end my sheer exhaustion was taking such a huge toll on me (I'm 5 months preg) that he said enough is enough and we take turns. Raising a family is a joint effort - no matter who earns the money.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2010

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being a stay at home mum is a 24 hr 7day a week job without pay and without "time off" my partner works but when sophie was still getting up during the night we done it turn about and at the weekend he took her for me to have a lie in! tell your husband how you feel! dont forget men arent exactly the most thoughtful breed!!

Shelagh - posted on 07/02/2010

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When my eldest was this age, my husband was working shifts, so sometimes he simply wasn't there at night anyway, and at other time he had only just got in from work, so I didn't want or expect help from him. By the time our second had arrived, he was on day work, and we worked out a system which worked well. He genuinely wouldn't hear the baby cry, so he insisted that I kick him - he would then go and pick the baby up and do any nappy changing, and bring him back to bed. I would feed him, and put him back in his cot. Teamwork.

Melissa - posted on 07/01/2010

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He should at least help from time to time and especially in the beginning while you recover. He should also help care for the older ones. Some of us have the hubby take over on Fridays and Saturday nights. And others take turns during the night so that each of them gets at least 4-6 hours of sleep. You have to find what works for the two of you. For both children I got up throughout the night (the second wouldn't take a bottle) and gave them to my husband only when I absolutely needed the sleep. For both kids they stayed in bed with me til they were 6 months and my hubby stayed in the guestroom. That way if I needed to hand them off I'd get peace and quiet. Good luck!

Debbie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I was telling my fiance about what was going on, and he asked what was wrong with that man. He said that there was no reason for him not to help at the very least on his days off. I've also got to admit that my fiance is not like alot of men nowadays. Not only would he get up when she was a baby to help with the feedings and diaper changes, he still helps with her on his days off. He also will cook, do laundry, vacuum, fix things, and clean house. He is a wonderful man, and I am so lucky to have him. My two oldest children like him better than their own father.

Amy - posted on 07/01/2010

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My daughter had to be bottle fed so I did till 3am and then he took over till he went to work at 8am. Once she hit 6 months we took turns each night so one of us got a good nights sleep but now she sleeps through the night (99% of the time). You have to find that perfect balance. My husbands reasoning was he didn't want to come home to a cranky wife and we have no family where we live so its just the two of us.

Cynthia - posted on 07/01/2010

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It takes a village to raise a child.
children whose fathers take part in feeding changing, displining, as well as playing are less likely to have problems in school, be happier, and more confident.

Fathers who get up with their children at night are true blessings, however they ARE the minority.

If you are a nursing mum, and don't mind having your young baby in your room. put your babies crib with the drop side off, up against your side of the bed, until they begin to sleep through the night without the need to nurse.
If that is going to cause rucktions, then put a single bed in your baby's room and sleep in there for the middle of the night feedings. Balancing babies needs with parental needs has always been and will always be a delicate balancing act. Only you can decide what is right for you.
The main skill of parenting is self sacrifice both by mom and by dad. some times its sleep (short term hopefully) sometimes its personal time, sometimes its television or our favourite hobby, again short term. Necessity is the mother of invention.
Ask your husband what he thinks is the best way for you to get some extra sleep so your baby can make it to adulthood? Harsh wording I know but sometimes guys don't get it until the understand the extreme repercussions of their lack of adaptability in child care!

Kristy - posted on 07/01/2010

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As far as I'm concerned ladies FAMILY is a combined effort from both parents, warranted if your partner is away for excessing hours working such as sherri's partner then yes the night feeds shouldn't be done by dad but I stick to what I said before dads should help regardless. Oh and in my relationship I do the lawns and the housework, as well as getting up at all hours of the morning from midnight onward to get my partner up and ready for work, he doesn't wake up otherwise as he sleeps so heavy, I am also the one who wakes up to the kids when they're sick and sits up with them etc. We have one car which my partner uses so I put the kids on the pram

And sometimes walk ten kms to do shopping so like I said what most of us mums do is more full on than what dads deal with at work because dads get to come home and relax we cant relax until the kids are in bed for the night and then other things have to be done. And Sherri my other thing is too, I actually got told I couldn't have kids ever, this was said by three specialists and although I wouldn't change it for the worldni love my babies more than anything, the thing is I didn't chose to be a mum at this stage of my life but I have embraced it and I gave my partner a chance to walk away and he stayed so we are in this together as parents and we combin our resourses as a family unit. He helps and he choses to do so.

Candyce - posted on 07/01/2010

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NO! you didnt make the kids by yourself! my husband work 6 days a week and he would get up any time if i needed him to! with our daughter he gave me sat nights to sleep and he stayed up with her cause i wouldnt bother him if he needed to go to work in the morning, but different story when we had our twin boys. he got up for 90% of there feedings. put your foot down girl if ya need help ask or at worse demand it!

Debbie - posted on 07/01/2010

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Let me put it this way...I have 3 kids myself. Granted you are the mother, but he is the father. It should NOT be just the mother's job to take care of the kids, I don't care if he does have a full time job. At the very least he can help out on his days off. My 3yr old's father does industrial construction, he works out of town and sometimes out of state. He works 10 hours a day, and when he's home on the weekend (as that is the only time we see him) he has ALWAYS helped with our now 3yr old. My ex-husband (the father of my oldest 2) did not think he should have to help much for the simple fact that he worked. Who cares whether or not she is a stay-at-home mother?! Being a stay-at-home mother is NOT any easier than being a working mother. I know that for a fact as I have been BOTH a working mother and a stay-at-home mother. Not everybody has the luxury of having someone (like friends, family, or even daycare/babysitter) to help with childcare. BOTH of you are the parents of that child and BOTH of you have the equal responsibility to take care of that child.
I don't like the fact that anybody has said anything negative to Suzan to even want just a little bit of help with her new baby. Also, be realistic everybody, you can't always have all of your children on the same schedule. Not only that all of you mothers should know that if you don't get your rest it is that much easier for us to get sick, and then what. We're up the creek without a paddle, because then we have to take care of the child(ren) while being sick. I've had that happen to me on numerous occasions. Try having 2 children 17 months apart and having food poison, and your husband refusing to come home to help. Suzan, girl, if you need someone to talk to or just someone to listen just send me a message. Good luck girl. I know it's hard my 3yr old was on a schedule for a while, but now she refuses to be put on one.

Angie - posted on 07/01/2010

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My opinion of being a mom...its being unselfish. Having my newborn it meant giving everything up...sleep was one of them. I chose to be a mom. It will get better...But I don't believe it is right to make your husband get up while he is working full-time. I breastfed and still am...not once has he gotten up. Of course I have had bad thoughts of kicking the crap out of him, while he was next to me snoring. Just remember it will get better and soon you will get a hang of it.

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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I'm sure it's hard...but I guess I agree with him, jmho, though. I'm sure you're tired (moms of newborns usually are), but you can take rests/naps during the day, whereas he cannot. Plus, if he doesn't perform well at his job, then he stands to get fired - which wouldn't be good for anyone involved.

I breastfeed, so it's not really a question at our house (I pretty much had to do it)...but if I were in your lucky position (not having to work) I think I would be grateful to get to "just" take care of the kids and the house.

Remember...those moments pass by so quickly. Before you know it, that baby will be sleeping through the night and you will too! Hang in there! Try to enjoy every moment, even the tough ones!

Josie - posted on 07/01/2010

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I think the mother and father BOTH need to help out with the kids, it doesn't necessarily need to be in the same areas though. Like for me and my husband, he has never gotten up with our son in the middle of the night BUT he does do a good job with keeping him entertained when I'm tired. My husband is in the military and yes he does have one of those jobs where he works 24/7 but on the off chance that he does come home he doesn't just neglect our son. I'm more of the caregiver, I pretty much do everything for our son as far as feeding him, clothing him, bathing him but my husband will play with him. Yes maybe I do more but my husband's job is a lot harder than mine and I sympathize with him. Just because he isn't doing everything I do doesn't mean that he's not doing anything for our son. He works his ass off so we could have a good life, so that we could go to Chuck E Cheese or Disneyland on the weekends and that to me means more than changing a diaper.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/01/2010

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No.... I'm not still waking to feed my 13 mo old. She's been sleeping well through the night since she was 7 weeks. I do however, wake when she's teething or sick, which happens a few nights a week every couple of weeks. She's so used to mommy in the middle of the night, it's just easier.

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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I have three kids and I always could nap. I had them set on the same schedule and my kids napped till they were 5yrs old. My 4yr old now still naps at least an hour every day. Or if you have older kids that don't nap put a child gate across the door way with a bunch of appropriate toys turn on a cartoon and snooze with them safely in the room with you. You should be able to do that especially because I would bet one is around 4 ish if not minimum of 3. So the younger two still should be napping at this point so nap when they do.

Leah - posted on 07/01/2010

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Someone said that it IS fair because she could take a nap while he's at work? Um, did you not see that she has THREE kids? I highly doubt that she can. I think that your husband definitely should help you out at night. Honestly, if you are exhausted from having to stay up with the baby and the take care of all three of them during the day, this could be bad for not only your health, but theirs as well. You guys should take turns with the baby... hopefully it won't last too long and the baby will start sleeping through the night for you... I hope your husband starts helping you.

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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Your still waking to have to feed your 13mo old in the middle of the night. My son had been sleeping through the night for 8mo's at that point. That is crazy!!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/01/2010

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My husband and I both work, and I am still BFing at 13 mo. My husband helped in the beginning, when nursing wasn't well estabilished. But honestly, ever since I stopped needing his help to keep her awake, it's been nearly 100% mommy in the middle of the night. At times, this agravates me.... but at the same time, I wouldn't be sleeping well with daddy up w/ a bottle. I'd be constantly listening for my LO to settle down and go back to bed. So in the end, both mommy and daddy would be awake for no good reason.

Perhaps you could work out a compromise. Daddy gets the 9-midnight shift, lets you get to bed early and log some shuteye before the LO starts waking up. Then you get the wee hours of the morning while he gets some sleep before work. (I used to go to bed as soon as my LO was asleep, no matter what time it was, before she slept through the night, and that was when I wasn't working.)

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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I do it everyday with three kids. It is my job and I do it everyday, all night, holidays, weekends. My husband helps when he can with things around the house, playing with them etc. However, I do not think he should have to get up at night as well as working a full time job everyday. If I am home with the kids everyday then it is my responsibility to get up with them all night too.

Cathy - posted on 07/01/2010

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No, but I'm sort of in the same boat. Hubby works a lot so I can stay home with the baby, but it would be nice on nights when he's going to be off the next day he'd get at least one late night feeding. He does help out in other ways though.

Andrea - posted on 07/01/2010

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that is YOUR situation. not everyone is a military wife and most people do not have jobs that are 24/7/365 days per year. asking anyone to be the caregiver all the time is absolutely ridiculous. i just don't understand the "that is your job, and your job alone" mentality. it is a FAMILY, not a workplace.

Pilar - posted on 07/01/2010

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Suzan, I think I have read all your posts and most of the others. I think you should follow Shannon Walsh's advice. Is it that difficult to find a babysitter in your area? Have you tried an agency? (maybe agency is not the proper word - English isn't my first language)
Also, your friends are all busy with their own kids but maybe, if they're not as exhausted as you are, they can look after your kids for an hour or two (or three, if they are really good friends) so that you can rest a bit?
I'm just trying to help, from the other side of the Atlantic Ocean!

Amber - posted on 07/01/2010

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mine never got up, still doesnt and shes 6 months. she really doesnt get up anymore, but when she does, its always me. i dont remember the last time i had a full nights sleep! god bless u for having 3 and getting up, my heart goes out to u

Amber - posted on 07/01/2010

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My compassion is that I am a military wife. My husband can leav anytime due to orders and where does that put me? As frustrated as I get with them sometimes, they are still my kids. Think of a single mom? What about a mom who nurses? Dad can't do that. Like I said a stay at home mom chooses her job, and what goes with it. And yes people with life depending jobs sometimes do work around the clock. Do you think a soldier works an 8 hour shift then gets to have uninterrupted sleep/leisure time? NO.

Suzan - posted on 07/01/2010

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Its pretty ignorant for those to say its your job!!!!!! Im a mother not the mother and father!!!! We do everything for our kids and have the right to have our partners help out!!! Being a parent isnt just making the money!!! I used to work 13 hours a day plus school and i can tell you that it is way easier than being a stay at home mom!!! i dont think i have to take my kids out of swimming lessons and etc for my husband to give me a hand once in a while!!! You should actually read all my posts before commenting and you would see that i said that i love my family i love being a mother but if every once in a blue moon my husband would give me a break, it would be great!!! I never said he should wake up every night every feeding!!! i wish i had family members to help me but i dont!!! I have been looking for a baby sitter for years but cannot find one!!! My friends are all busy with there own kids!!! Plus my son was born 3 months early and needs more special care!!! In order for me to be able to do this everyday happy and healthy i need the help of my husband!!! Thank you to all the ladies who understand me and have given back nothing but positive feedback!!!!

Andrea - posted on 07/01/2010

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also, it is not SAFE for her children to have a sleep deprived mom. people do not realize what sleep deprivation does to a new mom, especially if there are any issues with postpartum depression or anxiety. where is your compassion?

Andrea - posted on 07/01/2010

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that is her "job" during the DAY! just like he has a "job" during the DAY! why should her "job" be 24/7? how many people do you know who work outside of the home have jobs that are 24/7? it doesn't make sense that just because someone is a stay at home parent that they should have to work days AND nights.

Amber - posted on 07/01/2010

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@ Jennifer Lott then you go get a job with a pau check. You pay the bills. To those using the "sperm donor" excuse- if you are a stay at home mom- how do you afford it? My husband is miliary he works his ass off anywhere from 8-13 hrs a day and can be called in at anytime. I choose to stay home therefore I choose to take care of the kids and house. Show a little pride and stop complaining about how your husband doesn't do anything because he does. If you worked too, then yea I would agree that he should help. Until then- quite complaining or get a job.

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