Do we have a 4th child?

April - posted on 01/07/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Trying to decide if we should add to our family. We have 3 children, 8, almost 6 and almost 3. My husband does not want another but I have always wanted 4. This is a very hard decision, what do I do?

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Linda - posted on 01/09/2010

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I just had my 4th son 8 weeks ago, and its been easier than I thought I wouldnt trade anything. As long as people take care of their kids number is not a issue.

Athena - posted on 01/08/2010

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FIrst of all, it is a decision that should be agreed by both of you. However, when it comes down to it, your husband has the most say so. After all, you can't get yourself pregnant. It take a man to do it. Also most of the financial burden will rest on his shoulders. You're young. You may for quite sometime regret not having another, but by the time you are in your 40s, a lot changes. I have four and wanted another (5th) so bad. I mentioned it to my husband and he didn't want another child. He felt financially and physically we had our hands full already. Now, I am glad I didn't have another child. I have grandchildren instead.

Jess - posted on 01/07/2010

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Im having the same discussion with my partner and were only up to baby number 1.... I want 3 more ! Just because he says no doesn't mean thats the final answer. I have put my opinion forward and because this is a relationship my opinions matter too. I appreciate my partners side in this but my family won't be complete till I get all 4 of my kiddies !

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Andrea - posted on 03/14/2013

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I am recently remarried my husband has no kids I would like to give him one I have 3 from my first marriage I was just wondering if its easier to conceive once you have had more than 2 kids ? I can't seem to find this on the Internet

Nicola - posted on 01/09/2010

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it is an issue you can't compromise on. you either have another or you don't. a serious coversation needs to be had along with some considerations of the massive change that a fourth child will bring, you can't drive a regular car with four kids for family outings meaning you will need a larger more costly vehicle, and of course all of the other financial considerations.

April - posted on 01/08/2010

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I should finish my story...he left it up to me but I don't want to say no and then in 2 years regret but I don't want to make this decision alone. We both have good jobs with job security, Me in physical therapy and him in law enforcement so that is not an issue. I don't want my last children much farther apart due to age difference. My brother is 13 yrs younger and I don't have a real relationship with him due to the age difference.

Sharon - posted on 01/07/2010

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its not a decision. the decision is done. your husband said no.

It could be stated "this is difficult argument" but its not a decision, thats already been made.

3 seems like a decent compromise, but if you really want 4, then you need to get your husband to admit the possibility of a potential fourth child.

good luck with that. My husband was set on 3 also (he has a son from a previous marriage) I pointed out why should he get what he wants and I have to settle for second choice? I wanted 3 kids. As we had all boys - he did admit he wouldn't mind a little girl. but it wasn't a decision he came to right away.

I probably brought it up once every 3 months for 3/4 of a year.

Joann - posted on 01/07/2010

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First off can you afford another child at this time??? unemployment is up...medical expenses... daily expenses for yourself & family. Now ask yourself how you would feel if your husband pressured you into something you didn't want in the first place?? (there's no turning back when it involves a child.... you can't return, exchange them) you want more children he doesn't...it will cause undue stress on your family unit...I agree with Joanna wait 6mths to a year & discuss it again if your husband still feels the same let it rest....(your blessed some women can't have any)... be happy w/ three.

Firebird - posted on 01/07/2010

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If your husband doesn't want another one then really, there isn't a lot you can do. You can't force the man to get you pregnant after all. Well you could, but that would be cruel. All you can do really is gently try to persuade him to change his mind. Maybe he'll feel differently in a year. You don't want to push him into it though because that will likely cause nothing but problems.

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